Equally Cursed and Blessed
by Caer
Summary: As long as Kyou can remember, he and Yuki have been enemies, but there's more to it than that. Dark secrets lurk in the past of every Sohma and one horrible act by the accursed head of the clan will set off the beginning of finding all the answers
1. Default Chapter

As long as Kyou can remember, he and Yuki have been enemies, but there's more to it than that. Dark secrets lurk in the past of every Sohma and one horrible act by the accursed head of the clan will set off the beginning of finding all the answers  
  
Title: Equally Cursed and Blessed  
  
Authors: Caer (caerfree@tde.com) and Triste (TragedyandComedy@aol.com)  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Warnings: Yaoi, violence, angst  
  
Pairings: Eventual YukixKyou, ShigurexHatori, HaruxMomiji  
  
Status: Work in progress (part 1)  
  
Disclaimer: Nope, still not ours.  
  
~~  
  
"Hmmm, hmm, hmmm, hmm!" Momiji hummed to himself contentedly as he headed for  
  
his next class, skipping happily. Math was next and he loved that subject so  
  
much! Well, maybe he didn't love Math itself, but he loved his friends who also  
  
shared Math class with him because they were so much fun! His next class was fun  
  
too; band! He got to wear a uniform and play the tuba and march a lot! Actually,  
  
all his classes were fun and after that, he could go to the hotel and see his  
  
papa. Then he could talk with Tohru and maybe, before the day was over, she  
  
would hug him, which was the best of all. He found great comfort in having  
  
someone hold him close, even if he changed.  
  
He skipped faster as the warning bell rung. People started clearing the halls.  
  
That was when he noticed them.  
  
There were three of them and they always laughed when he passed through the  
  
courtyard for class. Sometimes they weren't there, but when they were, they  
  
always stared, snickering and pointing. Momiji was a little afraid of them.  
  
Passing through the courtyard on the way to Math was one of the worst parts of  
  
his day because he always felt sad after that, even though they never said  
  
anything to him. They were the only ones in the courtyard today too.  
  
Momiji gulped, but kept his courage. He couldn't go any other way or he'd be  
  
late for class. As he exited the door, they smiled and started walking toward  
  
him. He walked a little faster, seeing one of them smirk at him while the other  
  
one flicked a cigarette on the ground. They surrounded him and he stopped  
  
abruptly, smiling up at them nervously.  
  
"Hi friends! Can I do something for you??" He grinned broadly, trying not to  
  
be afraid. "I have to get to class though, so please be-"  
  
SMACK!  
  
One boy knocked his books out of his hands and shoved him against the wall.  
  
"Oh yeah, there's something you can do for us girlie boy."  
  
Momiji winced. "Huh?" The taller senior shoved him against the wall.  
  
"I've wanted to kick your skinny little ass ever since you came to school in  
  
that damn dress. Do you have any idea how disgusting that is?" His friends  
  
laughed.  
  
Momiji's eyes filled with tears. "But...but, it looks good on me." He started  
  
shaking, wishing that Haru, or Tohru, or anyone was out there.  
  
"My ass, you creepy little shrimp. It makes you look like a fag whore!"  
  
"A what?"  
  
A knee slammed into his stomach and he fell, gasping heavily. Someone else  
  
kicked him. They were laughing and shouting insults and he couldn't get his  
  
breath to fight, or run away, or anything, not that he had much of a chance.  
  
Kyou cursed under his breath as he headed to the library. He was in his usual  
  
bad mood thanks to that damn Yuki. The mouse had said something to piss him off  
  
like always and they'd ended up having a brief fight in the corridor. Well,  
  
rather Kyou had attempted to fight Yuki who had merely dodged his blows until  
  
one of the teachers passed by and threatened Kyou with detention if he didn't  
  
put a stop to his fighting. Kyou scowled to himself as he remembered the smug  
  
look of satisfaction on Yuki's face and he growled under his breath.  
  
He'd get him back when they were at home and Tohru was out doing her part time  
  
job. He didn't care what Shigure said about wrecking the house, he'd beat Yuki  
  
if it were the last thing he did. That thought cheered him up slightly and he  
  
quickened his pace, almost there. He slowed down however when he heard the sound  
  
of Momiji's familiar, irritating voice. Rolling his eyes, Kyou began to hurry  
  
again, having no wish to have the overenthusiastic brat chasing after him. He  
  
paused again though, frowning when he heard the tone of Momiji's voice. Momiji's  
  
voice was always annoying whiny, but Kyou had never heard the boy sounding so  
  
panicked before.  
  
Grumbling under his breath, he turned the corner to see what trouble the kid had  
  
gotten himself into this time. His eyes narrowed at the sight that met him and  
  
he yelled out a short, "Hey!"  
  
The group of boys who were standing around Momiji looked up and he saw Momiji  
  
looking like he was about to cry. He lost what was already left of his short  
  
temper and he strode up to one of the boys who was currently kicking Momiji,  
  
grabbing him by the collar and throwing him to one side. "And what do you think  
  
you're doing?" he snarled, yanking Momiji up by his arm and pulling him behind  
  
him.  
  
"What are you, the freak's little boyfriend? You'd better just go to class, or  
  
I'll wipe you all over this courtyard too, Red," the punk smirked, staring down  
  
at the blonde's little superman. The redheaded kid was an inch shorter than him,  
  
incredibly scrawny and looked like he couldn't lift his own bags, let alone  
  
fight. He wouldn't be a problem. Actually, he would just add to the fun. He  
  
reached forward and grabbed the kid by the collar.  
  
To say he was surprised was an understatement, as he found himself, crashing  
  
headfirst into one of the stone tables behind him. How in the hell had that  
  
happened? He came up holding his head, which was already forming a lump. His lip  
  
was bloody too. "What the hell?"  
  
Kyou glared down at him, crossing his arms over his chest. "If you don't want  
  
any more of that, then I suggest you leave," he said with a scowl. "If you'd  
  
prefer to stay however, then be my guest. I could use someone to take my  
  
frustrations out on." He smirked, thinking of Yuki. He may not have been able to  
  
beat him this time and seeing as how Haru wasn't around for him to pick a fight  
  
with, he guessed these kids would do just fine. He stared threateningly at the  
  
other students who hung back a little, surprised at seeing their leader so  
  
easily defeated.  
  
Momiji watched in awe and gratitude as the punk wiped his lip and looked at his  
  
companions.  
  
"Let's go." The bully pointed at Momiji. "We'll get you later, you lousy little  
  
freak!"  
  
Once they had left, Momiji doubled over, holding his stomach. The bully's foot  
  
must have caught him right in the bladder since he had this terrible urge to go  
  
to the bathroom, even though he didn't want to. He set a hand down on the ground  
  
and tried to catch his breath. Instead, he started to cry softly.  
  
Kyou stared down at Momiji, uncertain of what to do. Sighing, he knelt down  
  
beside the boy and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Not that I care or anything,  
  
but are you okay?" he asked gruffly. Momiji was rocking back and forth, hugging  
  
himself as he cried. "Momiji?" He gasped in surprise when Momiji threw himself  
  
on him and he went rigid, not exactly sure of what to do. "They're gone now," he  
  
grunted, patting Momiji awkwardly on the shoulder. "Stop crying already."  
  
Momiji clung to him for dear life, but he did stop crying. "They were scary!  
  
Kyou saved me." He whined and squeezed tighter.  
  
"I did not save you!" Kyou growled, trying to pry himself free from Momiji's  
  
grip. It was easier said than done though as Momiji was attached to him like a  
  
barnacle or a very vindictive leech. "They just happened to get in my way. I was  
  
spoiling for a fight. End of story. Now get the Hell off of me so you can get to  
  
class before you get in trouble."  
  
Momiji looked at him gratefully and nodded, letting go, gathering his books.  
  
"All right, Kyou. I'm sorry. I'm okay." He tried to smile, even though he felt  
  
like he was going to throw up. "Thank you." He headed toward the door for  
  
class, wiping a few more errant tears as they leaked out.  
  
Kyou reached out and grabbed Momiji's shoulder before the younger boy could  
  
escape. "Here," he sighed, digging into his pocket and pulling out a relatively  
  
clean handkerchief. "I told you to stop crying already. It's making your face  
  
look all red and blotchy. Tohru won't like it if she knows you've been crying."  
  
He stood next to Momiji, glancing at his watch every few minutes. He was never  
  
any good at comforting people, especially when they were as annoying as Momiji.  
  
Still, the kid seemed pretty shaken up, so Kyou guessed that he had better stay  
  
at least for a little while to make sure he was all right. "Better now?"  
  
The blond brightened up a little and nodded, taking the kerchief and blotting  
  
his eyes. "Yes. I think I'm going to go home though. I feel a little sick," he  
  
admitted. "They kicked me in the stomach really hard. Can you tell Tohru that I  
  
probably won't see her tonight? Please?"  
  
"Oi! Nekozuki!" A young man hurried up, grinning at the two of them, but mostly  
  
at Kyou. "I want to talk to you really quick."  
  
Kyou scowled upon hearing that stupid nickname, but he lowered his head so that  
  
he could speak into Momiji's ear. "Go home then. I'll tell your teacher what  
  
happened, so you go and get Hatori to take a look at you. Now get lost."  
  
"Bye, Kyou! Thank you!" Momiji smiled weakly and waved at them both, making his  
  
way back to the other door to call Hatori.  
  
Kyou crossed his arms over his chest, staring up at the boy who had asked to  
  
speak to him. Kyou had seen him around before, but he never really tended to  
  
socialise much with anybody, let alone someone from the classes above his.  
  
Shuichi something or other, his name was. Kyou couldn't remember and he didn't  
  
care either. He remembered Tohru telling him once that he was one of the  
  
school's top athletes, but other than that, he didn't know a thing about him.  
  
"What do you want?" he asked irritably.  
  
"Heh. Your cousin's a cute kid," the boy said offhand. "I've been looking for  
  
you all over. Uh...I've been meaning to ask you this for a couple of days now,  
  
but I can never find you. Um...are you free on Saturday?"  
  
Kyou stared at him in confusion. This boy had been looking for him? Whatever  
  
for? "Am I free on Saturday?" he echoed, cocking his head to the side slightly.  
  
"For a fight, you mean? If you want a fight, I can give you one now. I have a  
  
free period before my next class, I may as well do something constructive with  
  
that time." He raised his fists in a fighting stance and stared at the boy  
  
expectantly.  
  
"Eh?" The boy sweat dropped and cocked his head. "You sure are weird Kyou," he  
  
laughed. "Not for a fight. I was wondering, like, if I could-" he got closer,  
  
reaching out and straightening the boy's collar, "-take you out to a movie or  
  
something." He shuffled his feet and drew a piece of paper from his notebook and  
  
put it in the redhead's hand. "Y-you don't have to answer right away, but just  
  
give me a call if you want to."  
  
He swayed back and forth, seemingly unsure of what he wanted to do next, but he  
  
decided and leaned forward boldly and placed a gentle hand on one of Kyou's  
  
arms, brushing his lips against the shorter boy's. It was so brief it was gone  
  
before Kyou even realized it. "I think you're cute," the older teen said  
  
sheepishly and turned to run for the door. "Just call me if you want!"  
  
And then he was gone.  
  
Kyou stared after him in shock and disbelief, clutching the scrap of paper in  
  
his hand dumbly. Well, that had been somewhat...odd. This was the kind of thing  
  
that happened to Yuki, not to him. Occasionally, he got stupid little girls  
  
trailing after him and squealing in his ear, but this was the first time a boy  
  
had ever made any moves on him. He uncrumpled the piece of paper and read out  
  
the number on it. This boy wanted him to go out...on a date? He didn't do dates  
  
though...he didn't really do much of anything besides fight Yuki and study.  
  
Maybe he should have been thankful that it had been a boy chasing after him and  
  
not a girl. He shuddered to think of what would have happened had the situation  
  
been somewhat different. Transforming at school was one thing, but transforming  
  
in front of one of the students was another thing entirely. Shrugging to  
  
himself, Kyou stuffed the paper in his pocket and walked on, deciding that maybe  
  
he'd ask Tohru what to do when he got home...or not...Well, if the boy wouldn't  
  
fight him now, then maybe he'd fight him on Saturday? Cheering up slightly, Kyou  
  
made his way into the library, scowling when he found Yuki already there,  
  
probably working diligently on something for the school council.  
  
As he left, he didn't notice the blond tuft of Momiji hair as the child- like  
  
teen watched the whole scene through the glass door.  
  
~~  
  
Kyou cursed as he walked along the road, pulling his jacket tighter around  
  
himself in a vain attempt to keep himself warm. The sky had been a little  
  
overcast earlier that afternoon, but he hadn't thought it had been anything to  
  
worry about. He'd been proven wrong however when toward the end of his study  
  
session in the library, he'd heard a clap of thunder and had looked out the  
  
window to find it pouring with rain outside. Grabbing his books and bag, he'd  
  
decided to make a run for home.  
  
Tohru was safely at her part time job while Yuki was busy with work for the  
  
school council, which just left him to get home on his own. He supposed he could  
  
have stayed behind to try and wait out the storm, but he was hungry and tired  
  
and just wanted to get home. Weather this terrible always sapped his energy and  
  
it was days like this he wished that Shigure could actually drive. Not that he'd  
  
actually trust the lazy dog behind the wheel of a car anyway, but still...  
  
It wasn't much further back anyway; all he had to do was just keep walking. He  
  
jumped, startled when he heard the honk of a horn and he looked up to see a car  
  
drive slowly past him. Glowering in envy at the driver who was obviously a lot  
  
dryer than he was, Kyou quickened his pace.  
  
He was surprised when the car pulled to a stop however and he shielded his hand  
  
over his eyes, trying to get a look at whom it could be. Someone offering him a  
  
lift? No, it couldn't be. The only person who he knew could drive was Hatori and  
  
no way would the doctor be out in weather like this. The car door opened slowly  
  
and Kyou's eyes widened when he saw who stepped outside. "You..." he said  
  
hoarsely, taking a step back unconsciously.  
  
"Mmm." Akito narrowed his eyes in dark glee. He was wearing a tight black ribbed  
  
sweater that hugged to his horribly slender frame like a second skin and black  
  
slacks that hung loosely off his unhealthily narrow hips.  
  
He stepped away from the car, resting one graceful hand on the door, while  
  
holding the other one up to the rain. "We're having dreadful weather this time  
  
of year, don't you think?" His voice rolled out like cold oil on steel, soft and  
  
a little feminine in timbre, but chilling nonetheless. "It's a shame you're out  
  
in such weather. You'll catch your death." His eyes tracked slowly to rest on  
  
the redhead. "I would give you a ride, but I'm afraid I have to get home or  
  
they'll worry. How long has it been, Kyou?"  
  
"Not long enough," Kyou muttered, not taking his eyes off Akito. He had no idea  
  
what the head of the Souma clan would be doing out here, but then he'd never  
  
understood how Akito worked anyway. The only thing he knew for sure was that he  
  
had no desire to be around the sickly man any longer than necessary. "You should  
  
go home, Akito," he said, trying to keep his voice neutral. "Hatori will be  
  
worried about you." He adjusted the straps of his backpack and began walking  
  
again, hoping that Akito would just leave him be for once.  
  
"Won't you stay and talk?" Akito's soft voice called through the rain. Kyou  
  
stopped, warily. No one was really supposed to refuse the head of the clan, even  
  
him. Akito smiled and laughed softly, taking smooth steps toward the younger  
  
boy. "We missed you at the New Years celebration," he cooed softly. "You're  
  
always so fun to have around." He smiled and moved around to face the cat again.  
  
"You're looking taller since we last met. Funny how you're the same size as  
  
Yuki, but he always seems to beat you." He laughed as if he had just told a  
  
little joke. "But then, he is the mouse I suppose."  
  
Kyou bristled instantly at the mention of Yuki and tried valiantly to reign in  
  
his temper. His knee-jerk reaction was to stamp and yell whenever someone said  
  
that Yuki was better than him at anything, but then this was Akito after all. He  
  
treated Yuki as though he was some kind of special pet and Kyou could safely  
  
admit that was one thing he didn't envy about the mouse. Akito was standing  
  
uncomfortably close to him and Kyou fought the urge to fidget in his  
  
nervousness. Not that he supposed it would matter even if he did. Akito seemed  
  
to know everything that went on which unnerved Kyou slightly.  
  
In spite of the frail man's sickly appearance, he knew what he could do in his  
  
fits of rage. He was much stronger than Akito, but this was one fight that Kyou  
  
was more than willing to walk away from. "I really need to be getting home," he  
  
said steadily. "And so should you. You'll get sick if you stay out in the rain  
  
like this." He hoped his disguised concern would work and that Akito would just  
  
go away. He couldn't be that intent on bothering him if it would mean him  
  
getting sick, right?  
  
"Aww." Akito smiled softly, laughter in his eyes. "I think the rain bothers you  
  
much more than it bothers me." He stepped even closer to Kyou, staring down at  
  
him. "I heard you have a boyfriend at school." Kyou's eyes widened and Akito's  
  
flashed. He backhanded the cat hard, sending Kyou sprawling in the mud at the  
  
edge of the embankment of the road.  
  
"I don't know what that bitch maid of yours has you thinking but she has to be  
  
lying." Akito kicked Kyou hard in the ribs and in the head, anywhere he could.  
  
The boy just blocked as best he could, trying to ward off the blows. Finally,  
  
Akito stopped, kneeling down. "You don't honestly think she would ever want to  
  
touch something like you, do you?" He ran a hand through Kyou's hair fondly.  
  
"Don't let yourself be fooled by such things. I worry that you'll get the wrong  
  
idea." He ruffled the soaking red hair. "Is that why you're turning to men?  
  
You think that they'll want to touch you? That you're worth anything?" He bit  
  
the word out.  
  
"That's not true," Kyou choked out, clutching his sides protectively. He'd  
  
rather Akito keep on kicking him instead of stroking his hair like that,  
  
touching him as though he cared. Kyou began shivering violently, both from the  
  
rain and the cold and Akito's cold caresses. "Tohru likes me," he protested  
  
weakly. "She doesn't care about what the cat's true form looks like." His voice  
  
started rising in his panic. "Tohru doesn't lie! She wouldn't lie to me about  
  
something like that! She's honest and she's brave and she cares. That's more  
  
than you'll ever be. Now just leave me alone!"  
  
Akito's eyes narrowed dangerously. "She's not all those things, dear cousin.  
  
She's just an idiot who doesn't know what she's gotten herself into." He grabbed  
  
the cat's neck, pressing him into the wet ground harshly as the rain continued  
  
to beat down on them in waves.  
  
"It's been far too long since your last *lesson*, you disgusting cat." He  
  
grabbed hold of Kyou's wrist. "You're starting to forget just exactly *what* you  
  
are." He pulled off the bracelet harshly and backed away, holding it between his  
  
fingers and waiting for the change. His smile was almost manic and flashed  
  
eerily in the strikes of lightning, which were coming like flickering lights in  
  
the growing maelstrom.  
  
Kyou cried out in rage and agony as he felt the bracelet slip from his wrist.  
  
All he could do was clutch his head and scream as the transformation took place.  
  
He knew that Akito was watching, knew he'd be wearing that same cruel smirk that  
  
he always did. He snarled as he felt himself changing, felt his skin start to  
  
burn as it darkened and toughened into the vengeful cat's thick hide. It always  
  
hurt whenever this happened, but the pouring rain and Akito's prior beating only  
  
made things worse and Kyou screamed again, lifting his head and narrowing his  
  
eyes at the head of the Souma clan.  
  
Akito just stood there calmly which only served to infuriate Kyou even more. He  
  
could easily rip Akito apart in this form and there would be no escape for the  
  
sickly man. A twisted smile appeared on the cat's mutated face and he lunged for  
  
Akito, his claws outstretched. Just then, he felt the ground tremble beneath him  
  
and he looked down just in time to see the road give way before he fell down the  
  
embankment. He gave a roar of pain as something sharp pierced his side and he  
  
scrabbled weakly at the earth, trying to pull free. He was too tired though and  
  
he could feel something warm and wet running over his side, something that he  
  
guessed could only be blood.  
  
Akito looked down the embankment, scared and surprised. That *thing* had almost  
  
attacked him. It roared something that he couldn't quite make out, causing him  
  
to step back in fright, but he could see the demon eyes rest on the bracelet  
  
tightly clutched in his pale hand. The creature was lying on it's front under  
  
quite a lot of dirt, but didn't seem hurt. Akito backed away and got in his car,  
  
hoping it wouldn't soon claw its way out and come after him. He held the  
  
bracelet tightly in his hand and sped away. He noted with pleasure that his  
  
heart was racing madly, but lamented that he would probably get sick over all of  
  
this.  
  
Kyou stared at the spot that Akito had just vacated in disbelief. He could just  
  
make out the sound of footsteps above the noise of the rain and after that, the  
  
sound of the car engine starting. "No!" Kyou cried shakily. "Don't go!" Akito  
  
still had his bracelet...Akito could help him out of here, but...Akito was  
  
leaving. Kyou heard the sound of the car revving the then reversing before  
  
driving away and leaving him behind. Kyou tried to pull himself free one more  
  
time, whimpering with pain before slumping over in defeat. The rain continued to  
  
pour down on him, soaking him to the bone and he couldn't stop his constant  
  
shivering.  
  
"Help!" he croaked. Oh, who was he kidding? Who was going to help him? Tohru  
  
would still be working at the hospital and of course Yuki wouldn't care at all  
  
whether he was missing or not. The chances of anyone being out in this weather  
  
were fairly remote and even if someone did happen to pass by and stop to help  
  
him, they'd probably either run away upon seeing his monstrous form, or just  
  
shoot him. Still, he had to keep trying. He didn't want to die. He *couldn't*  
  
die, he hadn't defeated Yuki or been accepted into the Juniishi circle yet. He  
  
wouldn't give in...But he hurt so much and it was so much effort to even move.  
  
"Somebody...anybody! Please...help..."  
  
~~  
  
"The weather tonight is so terrible!" Tohru said in dismay, peering out from  
  
underneath her umbrella. "I hope that Kyou-kun managed to get back home safely.  
  
You know he hates weather like this, so he must be feeling awful." Tohru smiled  
  
suddenly. "When I get home, I'll make him something nice to eat to cheer him up.  
  
Kyou-kun loves salmon...what do you think, Yuki-kun? Does fish supper sound good  
  
to you?"  
  
Yuki smiled at her from under his own black umbrella sweetly. "Honda-san, you  
  
always think of others don't you? I'll like anything you cook!"  
  
He didn't voice his wish for it to be a leek and fish supper though. He wondered  
  
idly if he could slip some leek into the meal secretly but decided against it.  
  
As much as that stupid cat annoyed him, the weather was bad and Kyou would be in  
  
bad shape tonight. Besides, they seemed to be on better terms lately since Tohru  
  
had faced Akito. Everything was status quo and they still fought like cat and  
  
mouse, but it wasn't as hostile as it used to be. Plus, Kyou really was an  
  
honourable person. Whenever Yuki had gotten sick he had always lent a  
  
hand...even if he had grumbled about it the whole way. So he nixed the idea of  
  
spiking the cat's food...for now anyway.  
  
Tohru smiled again. Yuki-kun was always so kind! Kyou-kun was too, but only in  
  
different ways. Kyou-kun always meant well, but sometimes, he just got a little  
  
too carried away with his temper. At least he and Yuki weren't fighting nearly  
  
as much as they had used to. Shigure-san had noticed this too and Tohru  
  
remembered him praising Kyou for not having wrecked the house in over a week.  
  
Tohru's smile widened.  
  
Maybe her dream of Yuki and Kyou becoming friends and finally understanding each  
  
other wasn't so far off in the future at all! And in the meantime, Tohru would  
  
help them by being both their friends. And by taking care of them. She knew how  
  
Kyou-kun loved to cook however much he tried to deny it, but she couldn't let  
  
him do any work on a night like this. She wouldn't let Yuki-kun do anything to  
  
help either. She hadn't been very happy to find Yuki waiting to pick her up from  
  
work that evening. The cold weather wasn't as tough on him as it was on Kyou,  
  
but Yuki still had his bronchi to worry about. Tohru shook her head resolutely.  
  
"Tonight you and Kyou-kun are just going to rest while I make the supper," she  
  
said firmly. "And then maybe we can have a game of cards! If Kyou-kun is feeling  
  
up to it of course. I'm not very good at card games, I'm afraid, but if it helps  
  
Kyou-kun and Yuki-kun feel better, then yay!" She raised her hand in the air.  
  
"Go, card games, go!" She giggled at the strange look Yuki was giving her and  
  
tightened her hold on her umbrella so that it wouldn't blow away. Her smile  
  
faded suddenly and her nose twitched. "Can you smell that?" she asked. "I can  
  
smell something bad...maybe some poor dead animal got knocked down by the side  
  
of the road and is hurt!"  
  
"Uh..." Yuki sighed and bowed his head. "Honda-san, if it was dead, I don't  
  
think it would be hurt." He wrinkled his nose. "You're right though. I wonder if  
  
the rain has backed someone's sewer up, except..." That wasn't it. The smell was  
  
becoming familiar as it became stronger and he could see that Tohru was  
  
realizing it too. His eyes widened and he looked at the girl sharply.  
  
"It's like...it smells Ky-like the cat's other form," he said in disbelief. Why  
  
on earth would Kyou have taken off his bracelet in weather like this? Unless...  
  
They both dropped their umbrellas and ran toward where the smell seemed to be  
  
coming from.  
  
"Kyou-kun!" Tohru cried, running up to the edge of the road and almost slipping  
  
on the wet mud. She would have fallen over and slid down into the embankment had  
  
Yuki not grabbed her sleeve at the last second. She gave him a brief smile of  
  
thanks and then peered cautiously down into the embankment. She brought her hand  
  
up to shield the rain from lashing at her eyes, but it was still no good! It was  
  
too dark, she could barely see anything! The smell seemed to be coming even  
  
stronger though, so Kyou had to be close. She shouted out again, louder this  
  
time, trying to make her voice heard over the sound of the wind and the rain.  
  
"Kyou-kun!"  
  
Tohru fought the urge to panic. Why hadn't she thought to bring a flashlight  
  
with her? Didn't Uo-chan always say to carry a flashlight around to make you  
  
feel safe when you were walking out at night? Tohru's brow furrowed. No, that  
  
wasn't it...it wasn't a flashlight, but a lead pipe! Of course! Uo-chan always  
  
carried around her trusty lead pipe just in case something happened...but what  
  
good would a lead pipe do for Tohru? She wanted a light to see Kyou-kun, not a  
  
huge pipe to beat him senseless with.  
  
"It's no good, I can't see anything!" she called to Yuki. "It's too dark! He has  
  
to be down there though! KYOU-KU-!" She shrieked as she slipped suddenly,  
  
dragging Yuki down with her into the embankment and crashing into something warm  
  
and solid. She shook her head, dazed momentarily, but when she came to, she  
  
realised that the thing she had crashed into was Kyou himself. "Kyou-kun!" she  
  
gasped, reaching out to touch him. The terrible smell was coming even stronger,  
  
but she ignored it as she pulled on the vengeful cat's arm. "Yuki-kun!" she  
  
cried, panicking when Kyou didn't respond. "He's not speaking to me! What should  
  
we do? What if he's hurt? How did he get here? Kyou-kuuun!"  
  
Yuki stared in shock at the creature and tried to swallow his disgust and the  
  
urge to throw up. The smell was overpowering. He quickly gathered his wits  
  
though. Despite the horrid form before them, this was Kyou and he looked to be  
  
badly hurt. Almost his entire body except for part of his torso and his head and  
  
arms was buried under rock and dirt that had fallen off the edge of the road. He  
  
was unconscious and shivering badly. Yuki grabbed Tohru's shoulder with one hand  
  
rather than two so as not to transform and shook her roughly.  
  
"Honda-san! You have to stay calm!" he almost shrieked, though he didn't quite  
  
feel that way himself. "Run home and call Hatori, tell him what happened. I'll  
  
stay here and try to get him out but we need help! Be careful and don't fall and  
  
hurt yourself...for Kyou's sake, all right?" he added. "We need Hatori to help  
  
get him home."  
  
"But...but..." Tohru's lower lip trembled and her gaze kept darting back from  
  
Yuki to Kyou. Yuki looked pale and frightened which in turn made Tohru's panic  
  
rise even more. If Yuki looked bad, it was nothing compared to poor Kyou- kun. He  
  
was half-trapped under dirt and now that Tohru was close enough, she could see  
  
his body trembling violently. Poor Kyou-kun...he must be in so much pain. She  
  
didn't want to leave him, but she knew that Yuki was right. Yuki was being calm  
  
and she wasn't.  
  
She had to be calm like Yuki-kun in order to help Kyou-kun. And she *would* help  
  
Kyou-kun if it was the last thing she did! Even if she tripped over her own feet  
  
on the way home, or got lost, or fell into a ditch herself, she would get help  
  
for Kyou-kun! Her expression hardened into what she secretly called her 'resolve  
  
face' and she nodded once at Yuki. "Yes!" she said, determinedly. "I'll go and  
  
get help! Hatori-san will know what to do." She leaned down and hugged Kyou's  
  
arm tightly. "I'll be back soon!" she promised, letting go of Kyou and  
  
scrambling back up onto the road before disappearing off into the night.  
  
Yuki watched her go, sighing in relief as she made it up the hill all right. He  
  
turned to the creature in front of him and approached its head, kneeling on the  
  
wet ground, but staying on his feet. He reached out a shaking hand and set it on  
  
the trembling animal.  
  
"Kyou...Kyou, can you hear me?" It sounded so quiet beneath all the rain, though  
  
he was saying it quite loud. The creature's neck rumbled in a growl underneath  
  
him and he jerked his hand away as it opened it's red piercing eyes. As it saw  
  
him, the eyes seemed to recognize Yuki, they shook and the creature turned its  
  
head away in shame, whimpering and shaking even more.  
  
Something about the look in the eyes, or the pain in the creature's wail touched  
  
Yuki's heart deeply and he realized how ashamed Kyou must feel to be in front of  
  
him this way. The mouse reached out a hand and touched the soaking fur of Kyou's  
  
shoulder again. This was Kyou...and he was in pain.  
  
"Don't be scared, Kyou," he said close to one of the long brown ears. He was  
  
almost getting used to the smell now. "Tohru went to get help and I'll get you  
  
out of here. Can you move at all?" But there was no response and the  
  
creature...Kyou went limp again, though he was still shivering uncontrollably  
  
and cold to the touch.  
  
Yuki's gaze hardened and he got up, grabbing armfuls of dirt off the hapless  
  
creature and heaving them to the side, trying to uncover the cat's body, but  
  
every time he took an armful of dirt off, it was replaced by more dirt falling  
  
from the side of the embankment. After five minutes of desperately trying to  
  
uncover the cat, he started to cry angrily. Kyou couldn't die! If he died, Yuki  
  
would kick his ass all over the mountain. Who would he fight with? Who would  
  
cook healthy meals for Tohru when she was sick...and meals for them when she was  
  
away? Who would help keep Haru and Ayame from molesting their sweet Tohru?  
  
As his anger and frustration increased, he could see thousands of eyes staring  
  
at him from the darkness. "Help me!" he sobbed, throwing more dirt to the side.  
  
"I need to get him out!"  
  
The rats complied and the mountain almost looked like it was moving with the  
  
thousands of wet creatures that swarmed the dirt pile, carrying away heaps of  
  
dirt. For such tiny animals, they worked fast and soon Yuki could see Kyou's  
  
legs and torso revealed. The rain was beginning to subside a little as well and  
  
it wasn't so heavy that it was ripping chunks of the hill off to tumble down on  
  
them.  
  
Soon Kyou was completely uncovered and Yuki kneeled down, using what little  
  
first aid training he remembered, to feel all along the monster's body and check  
  
for injuries. One of the creature's legs was bruised quite badly. His ribs  
  
seemed okay, but when Yuki ran his hand over the cat creature's back, he felt  
  
something sharp poking out at his waist. In the dark and the wet, Yuki couldn't  
  
guess how much blood the cat had lost, but he guessed a lot. He could feel that  
  
it was a sharp piece of broken off tree branch and feeling behind and under the  
  
cat, he could feel the rest of the tree, buried under the hill. That meant that  
  
he had fallen on the tree and the branch had pierced his stomach first.  
  
Yuki really felt like he would throw up now, not because of the smell, but  
  
because he was afraid. He was terribly afraid. He didn't want Kyou to die. He  
  
let out a sob even as the rats surrounded him, waiting for more orders. He took  
  
off his raincoat and removed his school jacket underneath, laying it over Kyou's  
  
shivering body. He didn't dare pull Kyou off the branch for fear of making him  
  
bleed to death. He put his raincoat back on and lay over Kyou, shielding the  
  
creature's upper body from the rain and letting the coat drape them both. He  
  
leaned as close to the creature as he could, trying to lend his warmth without  
  
getting wet.  
  
"Please don't die, Kyou," he sobbed, letting the tears fall and mix with the  
  
slowly subsiding rain. "I don't know what to do."  
  
Kyou's face was turned away from Yuki, but he could still hear what the other  
  
boy was saying. He tried to feel concerned when he heard the sound of Yuki's  
  
sobs and whimpers, but everything just felt so foggy. Usually his hearing was  
  
almost as good as Shigure's, but right now, his ears felt as though they had  
  
been submerged underwater. He could still feel himself shaking, but he had long  
  
since stopped feeling the cold. Even the terrible pain in his stomach and side  
  
had decreased somewhat, leaving him aching and numb.  
  
Kyou supposed he should be worried, but he just felt too tired. He tried  
  
desperately to make sense of what was going on. Obviously he was still  
  
stuck...how long must he have been lying here? How long had Yuki been here? Why  
  
wasn't he turning away from him in horror? Why was he helping him, even at the  
  
risk of his own safety? Kyou was too exhausted to figure it all out right now  
  
and he fought the urge to close his eyes. He was so tired...something told him  
  
that if he gave in to the pull of sleep, everything would be better and he  
  
wouldn't hurt anymore.  
  
There was another voice however that was yelling at him to stay awake, no matter  
  
how painful it was. Funny how that voice sounded like Yuki's. No wait...maybe  
  
the voice *was* Yuki's...Kyou couldn't tell for sure. He sounded too far away  
  
and it felt like too much effort to try and speak. No, he had to save his  
  
strength...or what was left of it. Yuki was here, so that must mean that help  
  
was on the way. He had to stay awake. It was so hard though and his eyelids kept  
  
slipping shut more often than he blinked them open and eventually, they just  
  
stayed shut, a single tear of helplessness sliding down his cheek as he lay in  
  
the darkness with Yuki...and waited... 


	2. Eqab2

Title: Equally Cursed and Blessed  
  
Authors: Caer (caerfree@tde.com) and Triste (TragedyandComedy@aol.com)  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Warnings: Yaoi, violence, angst  
  
Pairings: Eventual YukixKyou, ShigurexHatori, HaruxMomiji  
  
Status: Work in progress (part 1)  
  
Disclaimer: Nope, still not ours.  
  
Thanks to waya, Kato-chan, Aisha C, nata_leechan, Little Wing, EJ, mizuko,  
  
Cari, yamatoforever and Jin for reviewing!  
  
~~  
  
"This is it!" Tohru cried anxiously. "It was right at this spot, see, where the  
  
road has fallen down? Hatori-san, we're here!" She waited for the car to come to  
  
a stop before opening the door and leaping outside, grabbing the blanket that  
  
she'd brought with her and holding it close as she led Hatori over to the steep  
  
slope where Kyou and Yuki were waiting.  
  
Once she'd reached the top of the road, she'd run and run until she reached  
  
home, ignoring the pain in her legs and the burning in her lungs. She'd darted  
  
past Shigure, ignoring his queries over what was wrong and had grabbed the  
  
phone, dialling Hatori's number with shaking fingers. Once she'd managed to  
  
babble out what was wrong, he'd told her to stay put and he'd be right over. It  
  
had been an agonising wait, but thankfully, Hatori had been prompt in spite of  
  
the bad weather and following her directions, he'd driven them to the spot where  
  
Kyou had fallen.  
  
Hatori had bombarded her with questions all the way there, ranging from how Kyou  
  
had managed to turn into his alternate form, how long he had been lying there  
  
hurt, what was wrong with him, had he been bleeding, etc. Tohru had just sat  
  
there and shook her head in response, trying not to cry. She didn't know how  
  
long Kyou had been there, or how badly he was hurt. Hatori had told her that it  
  
didn't matter, than they would find out how bad it was when they got there and  
  
they hadn't said a word until they reached their destination. Standing at the  
  
top of the embankment, she peered down to where she had left Kyou.  
  
Hatori had left the headlights of the car on to make it easier to see where Kyou  
  
was. Tohru almost fainted in relief when she saw that Kyou was still there and  
  
with Yuki huddled close to him to keep him warm. "Down here!" she said to  
  
Hatori, tugging at his sleeve. She paused, wide-eyed though when he just stood  
  
there in shock. "Hatori-san!" she said urgently. "Kyou-kun needs our help!" She  
  
raised her voice. "Yuki-kun? Kyou-kun? Hatori-san and I are here and we're going  
  
to help you! Hold on!"  
  
Yuki looked up and stood. Tohru looked okay, but out of breath. Hatori on the  
  
other hand wasn't moving. He stared down at Kyou's disgusting form, holding a  
  
hand to his mouth. Yuki glared at him venomously. "Hatori!"  
  
At that moment the rain subsided though and the moon shone dimly through the  
  
clouds. The creature beside Yuki transformed back into a shivering, half naked  
  
human form, screaming as the transformation aggravated the branch in his side.  
  
Yuki cried out and knelt back at Kyou's side, holding his shoulders to let him  
  
know he was there and whispering. "It's okay, Kyou...hold on."  
  
Now that some light was shining through and Kyou's skin was a pale white again,  
  
Yuki could see the wound more clearly. Blood was pooled in the small of Kyou's  
  
back and Yuki felt sick. He turned away quickly, concentrating on looking at  
  
Kyou's pained face instead.  
  
Tohru gasped in horror at the sound of Kyou's screams and she hurriedly made her  
  
way down the embankment, almost falling over herself in her anxiousness to get  
  
to Kyou. Thankfully, Hatori seemed to have come back to himself long enough to  
  
get a grip and he followed her carefully. Tohru knelt down beside Yuki, longing  
  
to get close to Kyou and comfort him, but she couldn't risk getting too near and  
  
having him accidentally transform into his animal form. She hung back, sobbing  
  
quietly at the sight of all the blood. "Hatori-san!" She pleaded. "Help him!"  
  
Hatori nodded, gently pushing past Tohru and crouching down beside Kyou,  
  
ignoring the dirty looks that Yuki was giving him. He couldn't help but feel  
  
horribly guilty for having frozen like that when Kyou was so obviously in pain  
  
and in need of his help. He'd been shocked, startled and horrified to see Yuki's  
  
small body curled around the hideous form of the vengeful cat and for a long  
  
moment he'd just stood there, unmoving and trying to fight down the disgust and  
  
revulsion he'd felt.  
  
Ignoring Yuki's glares and his own guilty conscience, he peered down at Kyou's  
  
body closely. It looked as though he'd been pierced on one of the tree branches  
  
and even in the dim light, he could see that it was a pretty bad wound.  
  
Thankfully, the branch had been pulled free of Kyou's body once he had  
  
transformed back into his human form, but he was still bleeding freely and  
  
Hatori could tell at a glance that he must have already lost a lot of blood on  
  
top of that. Not to mention the fact that he was probably bleeding internally  
  
too. All in all, it didn't look too good.  
  
Tearing off his jacket, he bunched it up against the wound, trying to staunch  
  
the heavy flow of blood. "Yuki, I need you to hold this for me," he said,  
  
keeping his voice as stern and authoritative as he could. "I need you to keep it  
  
pressed tight against his wound while I carry him up to the car. Can you do that  
  
for me?"  
  
Yuki nodded shakily. Not looking at the blood, he edged around to Kyou's other  
  
side and slipped a hand under, taking the jacket and pressing it against Kyou's  
  
side tightly while Hatori quickly checked for other wounds, in particular any  
  
neck injuries. Then he slipped his arms under the pale boy and looked at Yuki to  
  
make sure he was ready. Yuki nodded and they rolled Kyou over and then rose  
  
together.  
  
Tohru hurried ahead of them, pausing every now and again to wait for Hatori and  
  
Yuki to carry Kyou up. Once they were safely back on the road again, she ran  
  
ahead, yanking open the back door. "Over here!" she called, waving.  
  
Hatori gently laid Kyou on the backseat and Tohru was about to clamber in beside  
  
him when Hatori stopped her. "You can ride up front with me," he told her. Tohru  
  
stared back at him, looking hurt and confused and he sighed. "I can't risk  
  
having you close to him in case he accidentally manages to transform."  
  
He didn't mention the fact that Kyou might possibly transform anyway because he  
  
was so weak, but at least with Tohru at a safe distance, it would keep him from  
  
changing into his cat form should she accidentally get too close to him. "Yuki,  
  
you stay with him. Make sure he doesn't move about and keep pressing down on  
  
that wound. It still hasn't stopped bleeding yet."  
  
He waited until Yuki got in beside Kyou and then closed the door behind him,  
  
making his way up front to the driver's seat and buckling himself in. When he  
  
was sure that Tohru was ready too, he started the engine and began the short  
  
drive back to Shigure's house. The main house was too far away and as well as  
  
Yuki being uncomfortable there, Kyou wasn't even allowed inside, so Shigure's  
  
was the best place to go.  
  
Yuki had to climb under Kyou so that he was practically cradling the cat's upper  
  
body in his arms while he pressed the coat tightly to the wound. He used his  
  
other arm to cradle Kyou's head. In the end he was pretty much embracing the  
  
shaking teen, but he didn't much care. Kyou was pale and though he was  
  
conscious, his eyes were slitted and glazed over. His lips were practically blue  
  
and he felt chilled all the way through. The car was very warm though and his  
  
shaking seemed to subside. Tohru turned also and draped the blanket over them,  
  
for which, Yuki was thankful since Kyou's body was smeared with blood.  
  
Yuki stared down and into Kyou's eyes and willed the boy not to die. "Don't give  
  
up, Kyou. You'll be all right. Just try to be strong and try not to transform."  
  
He said it so softly, he doubted anyone could hear him, even Kyou, but he  
  
couldn't help but say it. He looked up to see Tohru staring back at him, fear in  
  
her eyes, but an understanding too. Just looking into those eyes made him feel  
  
stronger. He took a deep breath and ignored the wetness that seeped onto his  
  
hand, pressing more firmly and holding his cousin just a little closer.  
  
Soon, they reached their destination and Hatori quickly parked the car, getting  
  
out and helping Yuki lift Kyou out of the car, trying not to jar the injured boy  
  
any more than they had to. Tohru ran ahead and opened the front door, ushering  
  
everyone inside. Shigure appeared, his expression full of concern, but he placed  
  
a hand on Tohru's shoulders to try and calm her down.  
  
"Help me get him into the table," Hatori said to Yuki and together, they  
  
carefully laid Kyou down. Hatori glanced over at Yuki who seemed shaken and  
  
pale, but Kyou was more important at the moment. He was just about to run back  
  
to the car to get his bag when he felt a tiny nudge at his shoulder. Tohru was  
  
standing behind him and holding out the bag that she must have thought to bring  
  
in already and he managed a small smile for her in response to her quick  
  
thinking.  
  
He looked over Kyou quickly and once he found that the boy was still valiantly  
  
hanging onto consciousness, he reached for one of the hypodermic needles, giving  
  
Kyou a shot to knock him out so that he could start setting the wound. He heard  
  
a sudden thump and he looked up startled to see that Yuki had passed out and  
  
slumped to the floor. Hatori sighed inwardly. He was probably in shock.  
  
He glanced back and forth between Tohru and Shigure and finally decided that if  
  
he needed anyone to help him with this, it was Tohru. Shigure was notoriously  
  
queasy, so he'd be no good in an environment like this. He could make himself  
  
useful by taking care of Yuki though. "Take Yuki out of here," he told Shigure  
  
gruffly. "Get him out of those wet clothes and into some dry ones and keep him  
  
warm. He's probably gone into shock, so just keep an eye on him for a while,  
  
okay? When he comes to, give him something hot to drink and stay out of here  
  
'till I call for you."  
  
Shigure would have laughed his head off at Yuki being so faint of heart in any  
  
other circumstance, but Hatori's intense gaze kept him grounded and he nodded.  
  
"Whatever you say Ha-san," he said solemnly. Turning, he knelt down and hefted  
  
the unconscious mouse's limp body into his arms.  
  
"Come on, trembly mouse! I'll soon have you undressed and in bed!" He winked at  
  
Tohru, grinned madly at Hatori and carried Yuki upstairs to his room. He knew  
  
the situation was bad, but a look from Hatori had told them that Kyou would  
  
probably be fine and he knew that the air was too heavy. Tohru could probably  
  
use some comfort too and she smiled gratefully at his attempt to lighten the  
  
mood.  
  
He tromped up the stairs with the senseless Yuki. "Rockabye Yuki!" He  
  
disappeared around the corner and a door sliding open and shut indicated they  
  
had reached their destination all right.  
  
~~  
  
Hatori began his work on stitching up Kyou while Tohru helped by carefully  
  
cleaning up the blood on Kyou's body. Hatori talked to her as he worked, partly  
  
to keep her from getting too queasy at the sight of all the blood, but partly  
  
because he wanted to. They had all been through a terrible ordeal tonight and it  
  
often helped to talk about it in order to start healing.  
  
So far, Tohru was holding up admirably, helping out where she could, but making  
  
sure that she never got in his way. Both of them were a mess, but clean-up time  
  
could wait until Kyou had been seen to. "It looks worse than it is," Hatori  
  
assured Tohru as he worked. "He's suffered a lot of blood loss, which is never a  
  
good thing, but Kyou's tough. He'll pull through. There's also been a fair  
  
amount of muscle damage so it'll be quite some time before he's up and about and  
  
getting kicked out of windows by his cousin."  
  
Tohru giggled nervously. "That's true," she said in response. "They won't be  
  
able to fight if Kyou-kun is ill. But Kyou-kun will get better soon, right?" she  
  
added anxiously. Hatori nodded and she smiled in relief. "That's good." Once she  
  
had finished cleaning Kyou up as best she could, she hurried into the kitchen  
  
and returned with a bowl of warm water and a washcloth. She worked on cleaning  
  
Kyou's face, smoothing his messy hair back from his forehead.  
  
Hatori glanced up at her every now and again and smiled to himself. He'd never  
  
met anyone quite like Tohru before. He'd never met anyone who cared this much  
  
about anybody before. "Kyou's very lucky to have you for a friend," he said  
  
suddenly. "Yuki too. You're good for both of them. You must have noticed how  
  
little they fight now that you're around."  
  
"Yes," Tohru said, gliding the damp cloth over Kyou's forehead. Kyou stirred  
  
slightly and his eyelashes fluttered, but thankfully, he didn't wake. "I'd like  
  
to think that they are getting better at understanding each other. I'm not sure  
  
that I have anything to do with that though," she added shyly. "We're lucky to  
  
have somebody like you around though, Hatori-san."  
  
"The Souma family always needed a doctor who was versatile enough to travel back  
  
and forth to treat whatever was necessary," Hatori said quietly. "You know that  
  
Shigure, Ayame and I went to the same schools together? It made sense that out  
  
of the three of us, I should be the one to study medicine. Science was always my  
  
best subject; so I suppose it was only right to do as was expected of  
  
me and go on to learn how to be a doctor. Anyway, can you imagine Ayame doing  
  
this?"  
  
Tohru giggled and made a face. Hatori gave her a half-smile and continued  
  
talking. "As you've probably guessed, there would be a big risk in taking one of  
  
the Juniishi members to a public hospital should they fall ill. Of course we  
  
transform whenever we're hugged by anyone of the opposite sex, but it also  
  
happens whenever we feel severely weakened. So instead of taking that risk, they  
  
have me as the family doctor. This way, there is no need for erasing anyone's  
  
memory and it's easier and convenient for me to treat them if they're already  
  
where I need them to be."  
  
Tohru gazed up at Hatori in wonder. "You have such a big responsibility," she  
  
said softly. "You're the one who takes care of any of the Juniishi members  
  
whenever they get sick. They don't have to go anywhere to be treated by you,  
  
especially if they already live in the main compound. Hatori-san works very hard  
  
and is very dedicated. I think that someday...I might like to be like you. I  
  
want to help the Souma family. I know I already help out at Shigure-san's house  
  
and everything, but I'd also like to be able to help the other Juniishi  
  
members."  
  
"You do more than enough already," Hatori told her gently. "You don't have to  
  
worry about us on top of school and your part-time job."  
  
"But I want to," Tohru said stubbornly. "I want to help out! I was useful  
  
tonight, right? And besides, it's always good to have an extra pair of hands to  
  
do the job, isn't it? Two's always better than one as they say!"  
  
Hatori stared at her for a moment and then his expression softened. "You've  
  
proven yourself to be very helpful," he said finally. "You're already invaluable  
  
to the Souma family, no matter what anybody says." Tohru fairly beamed at him  
  
and he looked away again, embarrassed. "I'm almost done here," he announced  
  
finally. "We'd better keep him downstairs where it's warm. You go and get  
  
cleaned up."  
  
~~  
  
"Mooouuuusiiiieee...mouuuuussssiiiieee?"  
  
Yuki groaned and reached mentally to strangle whoever was making that annoying  
  
noise, but for some reason, his body didn't do what he willed it to do. He felt  
  
tingly all over and his hands were really, really cold. There was a cold cloth  
  
on his forehead and one on each of his wrists. He must have fainted. The last  
  
time this had happened was when he gave blood at school...was he at school?  
  
"Wake up, little mouse."  
  
Nimble fingers were unbuttoning his shirt and he wanted to bat them away, but he  
  
couldn't move. He opened his eyes groggily and waited for the room to come into  
  
focus. He blinked and saw Shigure looking down at him, a little concern and a  
  
little amusement apparent in his eyes.  
  
"Are you all right?"  
  
In a daze, Yuki muttered out, "Of course I'm all right," and tried to get up,  
  
but once again, his body just didn't respond. In a few seconds though, things  
  
were clear and he sat up abruptly. "Kyou!"  
  
Shigure used the opportunity to take his soaked shirt off and drape a robe over  
  
the wet boy. "Hatori is downstairs taking care of him," the dog said seriously.  
  
He grinned. "Tohru's helping him because sooomebody has a little problem with  
  
needles!" He said the last part in a sing-song voice.  
  
"Shut up!" Yuki yelled, the sound of his own voice ringing in his ears, even  
  
though he hadn't really spoken that loud. Shigure chuckled. Yuki put a hand to  
  
his aching head. "Is Kyou all right?" He looked hopefully at the older man, but  
  
Shigure eyed him seriously.  
  
"I'm not sure," he replied. "Ha-san seems to think he'll be all right. Do you  
  
have any idea what happened?"  
  
Yuki shook his head, pulling the robe over his shoulders and taking the pants  
  
that Shigure had pulled out. "No. We just found him that way. He was caught in  
  
a landslide...half the road fell on top of him, and..." Yuki raised his head. He  
  
got up and walked past Shigure.  
  
"Uh...Yuki-kun?"  
  
Yuki pulled the pants on and threw on the first shirt he could find.  
  
"Yuki-kun, what are you doing? You'll just pass out again if you go down there,"  
  
the dog grinned. Yuki glared at him.  
  
"I'm going to find his bracelet. He must have lost it out there."  
  
Shigure grabbed his arm. "Can't you wait until morning?"  
  
Yuki looked pained. "And what if it rains again? If Kyou changes back, his  
  
wounds won't heal very well."  
  
Yuki continued to pull out socks and boots. He only vaguely noticed as Shigure  
  
sidled up to him, his eyes closed and a stupid grin on his face. He opened his  
  
closet and pulled out a better raincoat, pulling it on and...  
  
"What?" He grabbed Shigure by the collar. "What the hell are you looking at me  
  
like that for?"  
  
Shigure continued to grin. "I'm not looking at you like anything Yuki- kun...but  
  
you're showing a lot of concern for our resident kitty." He smiled sweetly.  
  
Yuki let go, startled. "Eh?" He glared at Shigure. "Don't be ridiculous. I just  
  
don't want Hatori to have to waste his effort...and I don't want that stupid cat  
  
stinking up the house with his other form either! Now are you coming or not?"  
  
Shigure grinned and followed, grabbing a pair of jeans from his own room and a  
  
jacket.  
  
"Coming, little mousie!"  
  
"And don't call me that!"  
  
~~  
  
Hatori had waited for Tohru to clean up first before taking his turn. Before  
  
he'd done that though, he'd followed Shigure's order to call Kazuma, Kyou's  
  
mentor and father figure to tell him what had happened. Hatori had just finished  
  
treating Kyou when Shigure and Yuki had barged downstairs. Hatori hadn't liked  
  
the idea of Yuki going back out to search for the bracelet at all, even if  
  
Shigure was with him, but Yuki was even more determined than Ayame when he had a  
  
bee in his bonnet about something.  
  
It wasn't as though he would have been able to stop him from going anyway, so  
  
he'd let Yuki past. Shigure had told him to call Kazuma and then hurried off  
  
after Yuki. Hatori had made the phone call and after reassuring the frantic  
  
martial arts expert that Kyou was going to be fine, Kazuma had announced that he  
  
would be over at Shigure's house by noon the next day.  
  
Once that had been sorted out, Hatori had taken a quick shower to get rid of the  
  
blood and dirt. His pants were okay to put back on, but his shirt had been  
  
ruined from when he'd been carrying Kyou, so he'd taken one of Shigure's,  
  
figuring that the dog wouldn't mind too much. He'd only been downstairs for ten  
  
minutes with Tohru to watch over Kyou when the front door banged open. Yuki  
  
walked in and judging by the expression on his face, things hadn't gone very  
  
well. "I take it you had no luck finding the bracelet then?" Hatori said with a  
  
sigh.  
  
They looked up, despondent. Shigure took Yuki's coat and took off his own,  
  
hanging them in the closet at the front door, shaking his head. Hatori frowned  
  
at that.  
  
"Thirteen dogs and about two hundred rats and we couldn't find anything."  
  
Shigure sighed. He shook his head then, rapidly, spreading droplets of water all  
  
over the hallway.  
  
"I hope you're going to clean that up," Yuki said darkly.  
  
"Nope!" Shigure smiled, walking toward the kitchen. "Water evaporates, Yuki- kun!  
  
Haven't you learned that yet in high school?" He held his finger up, wagging  
  
it. "You know, it seems they teach less and less these days. You should  
  
endeavour to be old and wise like me."  
  
Yuki ignored him and walked toward the kitchen, looking at the pale boy lying on  
  
the cushions by the table, but not passing Hatori. "Hatori-san...is he all  
  
right?"  
  
"He will be," Hatori replied tiredly. "He lost a lot of blood and it's going to  
  
take him a while until he's fully healed, but he's going to pull through. Kyou's  
  
strong and he never gives up without a fight. He'll be fine. Right now, he just  
  
needs time to rest and recuperate. As do you, Tohru-kun," he added, turning his  
  
head to look at the young girl who was still kneeling faithfully by Kyou's side.  
  
"But I'm not sleepy!" she protested. As soon as she'd finished that sentence,  
  
she opened her mouth on a huge yawn and then giggled sheepishly. "Okay, so maybe  
  
I'm a little tired...but I can't leave Kyou-kun alone. Someone has to keep watch  
  
over him."  
  
"I'll keep watch," Hatori told her. Tohru just shook her head.  
  
"Hatori-san has worked hard today to save Kyou-kun's life," she said stubbornly.  
  
"*You* should get some rest. I'll be just fine, I promise."  
  
Hatori glanced over at Shigure helplessly. Just what was it with kids these days  
  
that never did what they were told to do? Not that he didn't admire Tohru's  
  
courage and faithfulness, he did...but he should be the one to watch over Kyou.  
  
After all, should something happen to Kyou during the night, and then he'd have  
  
to be nearby to do all that he could.  
  
"It's okay," Yuki said hastily, drawing all eyes to him. He smiled at Tohru.  
  
"It's okay. Honda-san and I can take turns watching Kyou out here. That way, you  
  
and Shigure can have time to talk." He looked at them both meaningfully. "We can  
  
come and get you if he wakes up, or if he's in pain." He turned to Tohru.  
  
"Honda-san, you should go get your night clothes on and I'll gather some  
  
blankets. We can stay in the main room with Kyou, and watch over him. Hatori..."  
  
He looked at the stoic doctor. "That would work all right, wouldn't it?"  
  
"Yuki-kun is right," Shigure said happily. "Besides, I cut my finger on  
  
something outside. I need special tender care! It's my best writing finger." He  
  
pouted and batted his eyelashes at the serious man, waving the injured digit at  
  
him. "I'm sure Tohru-kun and Yuki-kun can keep watch."  
  
Hatori stared back and forth between Shigure and Tohru, both of who were gazing  
  
at him with large, pleading eyes. After another few seconds of Shigure waving  
  
his 'injured' finger in front of his face, Hatori grabbed the offending hand and  
  
frowned. "All right then," he said finally, turning to Tohru. "Take it in turns  
  
to sleep. That way he'll always have one of you watching over him. If anything  
  
happens, if he starts to get worse, come right up and get me. Understood?"  
  
Tohru nodded eagerly and Hatori allowed Shigure to drag him upstairs and into  
  
the bedroom. He sat down on the edge of the bed and placed his head in his  
  
hands. "Both you and Yuki were out there all that time and you never found the  
  
bracelet?" He sighed. "You should go out again in the morning and have a look  
  
when it's light. I'm worried that he might suddenly transform. He's still very  
  
weak, so we can't risk another transformation on top of everything else that's  
  
happened to him."  
  
"Ahh, Ha-san, my dear Ha-san. People who turn into little sea horsies know  
  
little about the true power of land mammals!" Shigure wagged his finger  
  
playfully before crawling behind the man on his knees and leaning against his  
  
back to rub his shoulders.  
  
"With my sense of smell, my canine friends and Yuki's rats, we could not find a  
  
trace of the bracelet," he said seriously. "We dug and we sniffed, we sniffed  
  
and we dug and still we could not find it. If it was there, we would have found  
  
it, believe me. Unless by some miracle, the bracelet was washed miles away from  
  
where they found Kyou-kun, he must have lost it somewhere else. You should  
  
relax, Ha-san," he added softly. "The good news is, we listened to the weather  
  
report in your car and the skies should be clear...at least for a while."  
  
Hatori closed his eyes, leaning back against Shigure unconsciously as the other  
  
man began kneading the sore muscles of his back. Shigure might talk a whole lot  
  
of nonsense, but he did give good back rubs. "Still...it doesn't make sense," he  
  
said after a while. "How could he have lost it? I know he's hot-headed and  
  
sometimes not too quick on the uptake, but he's not stupid enough to go about  
  
losing something so important." He was quiet for a long moment before speaking  
  
again.  
  
"There was something else about Kyou, something that I noticed while Tohru went  
  
off to clean up. I didn't want to mention it to her or Yuki in case they start  
  
worrying anymore than they are doing already. It looked as though he'd already  
  
received some injuries prior to the accident. Now I know how much Kyou likes to  
  
get into fights, but these marks seemed more than just schoolboy rough- housing.  
  
It looked as though he'd been hit or kicked...the bruises won't come through  
  
properly for another few hours, but you can tell that they're there. That might  
  
have something to do with the fact that his bracelet was missing, but still..."  
  
He sighed in frustration. "No one outside the Souma family other than Tohru  
  
knows what we really are. I can't see him letting someone beat him up and steal  
  
the bracelet. Besides it keeping him from taking his other form, it's pretty  
  
much worthless as a trinket. I just don't get it..."  
  
"Mmm." Shigure closed his eyes. He decided not to mention that Akito had visited  
  
today...not yet anyway. He didn't want to raise undue suspicion yet. He found it  
  
hard to believe that even Akito would be so cold. He would have had a physical  
  
advantage over Kyou in the rain, but he hated even getting near the boy.  
  
Besides, Akito was only violent for specific reasons and Kyou hardly seemed to  
  
be in love. Hell, he barely let Tohru near him and he adored her to pieces. If  
  
he loved anyone, it was her.  
  
"I think we'll have to wait until Kyou wakes up before we know anything. He  
  
might have lost the bracelet earlier today and then transformed coming home. Or  
  
he may have been beaten. There has been talk of robbers about lately. In his  
  
weak state, they might have beaten him up and taken anything of value. True, the  
  
bracelet in pieces isn't worth much, but it is very old, and antiques can be  
  
pawned."  
  
He hugged Hatori, unbuttoning his shirt from the back. "Ha-san, can't we just  
  
get some sleep? I hardly ever get to hold you with you being at the main house,"  
  
he whined.  
  
Hatori stayed silent and let Shigure unfasten the shirt he was wearing. He still  
  
couldn't stop thinking about what had happened to Kyou tonight though, how Tohru  
  
had led him to the edge of that landslide and how he'd just froze, staring at  
  
Kyou's alternate form in horror and disgust. He remembered the look that Yuki  
  
had given him, almost as if he had been scorning Hatori for being so unwilling  
  
to get close to Kyou. Despite his thoughts, he couldn't help but shiver when  
  
Shigure ran his fingers teasingly over his bare chest. "Shigure...do you think  
  
I'm a bad person?" he asked suddenly.  
  
"Eh?" Shigure stopped. "Well, yes. You didn't even look at my finger!" he  
  
lamented. "But otherwise, no." He slid the white shirt Hatori had borrowed off  
  
his back and kissed one warm shoulder, wrapping his arms around his lover. "Is  
  
something bothering you Ha-san?" He turned the man around and looked at him  
  
seriously.  
  
Hatori frowned, letting his body relax against Shigure's and resting his chin on  
  
his shoulder. He'd never admit it, but Shigure's silly banter and idiotic jokes  
  
were usually what kept him going. Shigure was always complaining about how dull  
  
and how serious Hatori could be at times, but when Hatori thought about it, they  
  
tended to balance each other out perfectly. Shigure was what he needed to keep  
  
him from being constantly morbid while he was always there to go Shigure a good  
  
kick up the backside whenever he started drifting too far from earth. They'd  
  
been best friends ever since they were kids, but they had only been lovers for a  
  
few months.  
  
Hatori had been completely astonished when Akito had found out about their  
  
affair and he'd been even more surprised when instead of punishing them, Akito  
  
had actually given them his blessing. Hatori couldn't help but be suspicious  
  
even now after so much time had passed. Shigure was always telling him to stop  
  
being so pessimistic, but Hatori couldn't help it. He was a smart man, he'd gone  
  
through years of education, but Akito still continued to puzzle him. He always  
  
seemed three steps ahead of everyone else and if there was anything Hatori  
  
hated, it was guessing games.  
  
Part of him was sure that Akito was just biding his time; ready to pull some  
  
sort of trap on him...but maybe Shigure was right. Maybe he was just seeing the  
  
glass as half-empty. It was then he realised that Shigure was still staring at  
  
him expectantly and he wondered just how long he'd been off in his own little  
  
world. "It's nothing," he said eventually, pressing his face against the side of  
  
Shigure's neck.  
  
Shigure smiled in exasperation and pulled the cynical man down on top of him,  
  
cradling him on his chest and running his long fingers through Hatori's hair.  
  
Even now, he was loath to express what he was feeling. He had always been that  
  
way and Shigure supposed he shouldn't expect an overnight change, but still, he  
  
wanted to be there for the man.  
  
It seemed that Hatori was always being strong for the rest of them. He was  
  
always strong for Shigure, but he never seemed to let anyone in. Even when Kana  
  
had gotten married, he had said little about it. It was that event that brought  
  
them closer together though. It had surprised the writer when Hatori had broken  
  
down and begged Shigure to just hold him. They had fallen asleep in each other's  
  
arms on the couch and Yuki had found them that way the next morning.  
  
After that, they just sort of fell into the relationship, neither actually  
  
making it official, just gradual touching and talking and holding until it  
  
became a relationship. Hatori had insisted that they tell Akito, but Shigure had  
  
made sure to visit the boy first and assure that they would not be denied.  
  
Whatever the particulars were, they were here now and Shigure just held Hatori  
  
close, stroking his hair out of his face and kissing his weak eye gently.  
  
"Ha-san, you know you can tell me anything right?"  
  
"I know," Hatori murmured, nuzzling closer to Shigure, seeking out more of the  
  
other man's warmth. Shigure was always so warm, whereas he...he was always so  
  
cold. He didn't mean to be. It wasn't like he was completely uncaring or  
  
anything. For the time being, he just concentrated on the feeling of Shigure's  
  
fingers running through his hair, soothing him. He was relieved that he could do  
  
things like this with Shigure.  
  
He never thought much about Kana these days, but he remembered how he used to  
  
mourn the fact that she and he would never be able to simply lie down together  
  
and touch each other for hours on end. He could do that with Shigure and  
  
although his lover had never really been much of a patient man, he was always  
  
willing to just hold him like this, never pushing him for anything else. He  
  
brushed his fingertips over Shigure's shirt and then tightened his fingers in  
  
the soft material. "I don't want to talk..." he said softly. "I just want to  
  
forget. I just want to be with you. Is that so bad?"  
  
Shigure merely smiled and kissed the man's soft forehead and pulled him close.  
  
No, that wasn't so bad at all. 


	3. EQAB3

Title: Equally Cursed and Blessed  
  
Authors: Caer (caerfree@tde.com) and Triste (TragedyandComedy@aol.com)  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Warnings: Yaoi, violence, angst  
  
Pairings: YukixKyou, ShigurexHatori, HaruxMomiji  
  
Status: Work in progress (part 3)  
  
Disclaimer: Nope, still not ours.  
  
Thanks to girlstarfish, Jin, mizuko and aurelie for reviewing!  
  
~~  
  
Yuki placed the pillow at the top of his makeshift bed while Tohru did the same.  
  
They had silently decided to take either side of the table. More than anything,  
  
Yuki wanted to lie beside Tohru, but that would have been too improper. It  
  
wouldn't have worked either, since they needed to take turns watching Kyou and  
  
so one of them would be out of bed anyway. That would be to his advantage  
  
though, because it would give him the chance to sit close to her and watch her  
  
sleep. Tohru had made some strong tea and put out some snacks for them so they  
  
would stay awake.  
  
Yuki watched her happily while she smoothed the hair on Kyou's forehead and  
  
spoke quietly to him. She was so beautiful. He couldn't get enough of her warm  
  
spirit, her boundless energy and her enormous heart. He loved her so much it  
  
made him ache sometimes. Everything she did made him melt, made him feel at  
  
peace inside.  
  
She laid the yellow ribbon he had given her lovingly on the table and shook her  
  
pretty long hair out, getting ready to brush it.  
  
"Honda-san?" he said softly, smiling one of his rare true smiles at her. "Would  
  
you let me brush out your hair tonight? Then you can get some rest and I'll take  
  
the first watch."  
  
"Of course!" Tohru said, smiling at Yuki happily. She handed him the hairbrush  
  
and moved so that he could reach her properly. She closed her eyes and  
  
concentrated on the feeling of the brush running slowly through her hair,  
  
soothing her and making her feel sleepy. She fought hard to keep her eyes open  
  
and fixed on Kyou. She knew that Yuki had volunteered to take the first watch,  
  
but she wanted to keep an eye on poor Kyou for just a little while longer.  
  
Thankfully, he had lost that awful bluish tinge to his lips and he felt a little  
  
warmer at least. Kyou was always a fast healer and Tohru had absolute faith in  
  
Hatori as a doctor, so she knew that Kyou would pull through.  
  
"It feels...odd..." she said quietly. "Not to have you and Kyou-kun arguing all  
  
the time. Not that I'm saying that arguing is a good thing!" she added hastily.  
  
"But without it, everything just seems so...quiet." She gazed at Kyou worriedly.  
  
"I hope Kyou-kun wakes up soon so that we can talk to him and make him feel  
  
better. My mother always used to say that having people who care about you  
  
around when you're sick is always the best and quickest way to get better."  
  
Yuki smiled, savouring the cascade of her silky brown hair as it slipped through  
  
the brush, and every once in a while, through his fingers, unknown to her.  
  
"Honda-san, you're always thinking of others. I'm sure Kyou would like to know  
  
you're with him. I promise that as soon as that stupid cat gets better, we'll  
  
argue for your sake." She giggled a little at that, making Yuki smile again.  
  
"Your mother sounds like she was such a kind person. I think she would be proud  
  
of you."  
  
Tohru fairly beamed upon hearing his praise. "My mother was the best!" she said  
  
enthusiastically. "She was so wise and smart and beautiful. I'd love to be like  
  
her someday," she added with a sigh. She yawned slightly as she concentrated on  
  
the feeling of Yuki running the brush through her hair. It was making her feel  
  
very relaxed, almost *too* relaxed and she struggled to keep her eyes open.  
  
She was feeling exhausted what with a long day at school, her evening spent  
  
working at the hospital and of course, poor Kyou's accident. She yawned again.  
  
"I'm so sleepy," she admitted, glancing at her watch. "But it's only just turned  
  
midnight. It's a long way off until morning comes and we have to make sure that  
  
Kyou-kun doesn't get any worse."  
  
Yuki smiled as he silently asserted to himself that if her mother was indeed as  
  
beautiful and wise as Tohru said, then the lovely girl was already like her  
  
mother. He stopped brushing, content. It had been relaxing to watch the sheen of  
  
brown smooth out and to feel the calming stroke of the brush down his arm.  
  
However, whereas she had become lethargic and sleepy, he felt relaxed and ready  
  
to sit watch. He felt energized, as if he had just meditated for twenty  
  
minutes. Of course, it was a sort of meditation, just not usually the sort he  
  
engaged in.  
  
"Maybe you should get some sleep." He put a hand on her shoulder and put the  
  
brush down. "I'll keep a good eye on Kyou and I'll wake you if anything  
  
happens."  
  
Tohru stared at him for a moment and then nodded. She was feeling much too tired  
  
right now to even stay awake, much less be of assistance should Kyou suddenly  
  
take a turn for the worse. "I'll sleep for now then," she said slowly. "But  
  
don't forget to wake me up when it's my turn to keep watch!" she told him  
  
firmly. Yuki nodded and she smiled. She spread out her blankets and fluffed up  
  
her pillow and then stood up to fetch the photograph of her mother. She placed  
  
it down on the table, leaning closer to Kyou and bowing her head next to his.  
  
"Mother, I want you to watch over Kyou-kun tonight with Yuki-kun," she said  
  
quietly, closing her eyes. "Kyou-kun is very sick, but if you watch over him  
  
like you always watched over me whenever I was sick, then I'm sure he'll start  
  
feeling much better soon." She kissed Kyou's forehead, reached over and squeezed  
  
Yuki's hand tightly and then lay her head down on her pillow. "Good night,  
  
Yuki-kun," she said softly, closing her eyes. "Don't forget...to wake me when  
  
it's time..." And with that, she was out like a light.  
  
Yuki watched the rise and fall of her back as she slept. He reached a hand out  
  
and pulled a strand of hair back from her face.  
  
"Good night, Honda-san," he said delicately. She brought out such emotions in  
  
him. It made him sad to think that he would never be able to hold her close or  
  
even get very near her without changing into his mouse form. He fantasized about  
  
it from time to time, but of course whenever he even got close to something like  
  
that with her, POOF. The transformation was so erratic too. Sometimes, he could  
  
hold her hand and touch her hair and he would change.  
  
Other times, he could be rubbing her shoulders and nothing happened. He spent a  
  
lot of time agonizing about what he could and couldn't do if they were to start  
  
a relationship. Sometimes he wanted it very much...other times he didn't...for  
  
her sake. She was such a loving and physical person. Was it fair to expect her  
  
to stay with someone who could barely touch her, let alone get close like a  
  
lover? He sometimes wondered how Hatori and Kana managed...then again they  
  
hadn't in the end, had they?  
  
Of course, there was another factor that kept him from a relationship with her  
  
and that was Kyou. Tohru seemed to care for them both so much, and as much as  
  
they both tried, she didn't seem to like one or the other better. Stupid cat. He  
  
wasn't even nice to her and she still liked him as much as she liked Yuki! How  
  
could someone attract people so much when he was just a bad tempered,  
  
foul-mouthed idiot?  
  
Yuki looked at the boy's pale face guiltily. He snorted. How could he feel bad  
  
about feeling venomous toward the cat just because he was hurt? But the mouse  
  
continued to stare. Kyou looked so peaceful, so small, so calm. He was actually  
  
very good looking when he didn't have a constant scowl screwing up his face.  
  
Yuki admittedly had caught himself staring at the fiery-tempered boy once in a  
  
while with less than hatred. There was something beautiful about the energy that  
  
Kyou exuded in his ire. There was something drawing about him.  
  
Now, the energy was barely there as Kyou lay silent and pale on the cushioned  
  
floor. He looked better now than he had in the car though and Yuki felt some  
  
relief at that. Even if Kyou was a loud-mouthed, angry fool, he was still a part  
  
of their little group at school and even Yuki would miss him. He hated him, but  
  
he couldn't do without him.  
  
Kyou shifted suddenly, his mouth opening on a pained whimper. His brow furrowed  
  
and he moaned softly, trying to move. He was drifting somewhere between sleep  
  
and wakefulness and he didn't like it. He hadn't been aware of much at all since  
  
he'd fallen down the embankment and had gotten hurt...but at least he didn't  
  
seem to be there anymore. It wasn't raining and he was warm. His body felt  
  
strangely heavy though and he couldn't open his eyes. He didn't *think* he was  
  
awake, but he could hear something...he could hear someone sniffling, someone  
  
crying.  
  
With a start, he realised that it was he who was crying and that only made him  
  
even more confused. He wasn't hurt anymore; he couldn't feel anything...so why  
  
was he crying? "I'm sorry," he murmured, drawing in a shaky breath. "I'm so  
  
sorry...Mama, please..." He tried to move again, but he couldn't. Everything  
  
felt so heavy and he couldn't open his eyes. He knew something bad had happened  
  
though and it made him feel scared and uneasy. His mouth was working, so why  
  
wasn't the rest of him? He uttered a small sound of frustration, but his fear  
  
began growing even more. He must have transformed somehow...he always felt this  
  
way whenever his bracelet came loose and the cat's other form took over. But  
  
he'd never felt this bad before. And where was his mother? He called for her  
  
again, but she didn't answer.  
  
Kyou started feeling worse and he called for her again, a sinking feeling  
  
emerging in his stomach. Why wasn't she answering him? She was always saying how  
  
much she loved him, how she'd always protect him from anything bad...so why  
  
wasn't she here now when he needed her? Didn't she love him anymore? Had she  
  
finally decided to get rid of him because he was so evil? Kyou moaned again and  
  
tried to move, but he couldn't...all he could manage was a slight twitch of his  
  
hand as he called out for his mother and kept calling for her, feeling so afraid  
  
and alone...  
  
Yuki looked up, almost dropping his tea. He had been catching up on some of his  
  
homework when he heard Kyou mumble something. He set the cup down and moved  
  
closer to the boy, his algebra forgotten. Kyou's head rolled on the pillow as he  
  
talked in his sleep. He looked troubled. Yuki guessed he must have been  
  
dreaming. He leaned closer and heard the choked call quietly escape the sleeping  
  
cat's throat.  
  
"Mama, don't go 'way. M'sorry."  
  
Had he been dreaming about his mother? Yuki felt his coldness toward Kyou return  
  
and stared at him dispassionately. Kyou's mother had committed suicide when they  
  
were both nine years old. Of course everyone said it was because of Kyou's  
  
curse, and they were probably right. It hadn't happened very long after the  
  
horrible incident at New Years when Akito had ripped Kyou's bracelet from his  
  
wrist during a storm, causing the monster to appear, attacking the guests,  
  
including his own mother and tearing into the forest. No one had seen Kyou for  
  
years after that. He had just stayed with Kazuma in the mountains.  
  
That incident, though, had somehow ended their young friendship. Yes, Kyou and  
  
Yuki had been friends once. At least, that's what Yuki had thought...but he had  
  
been betrayed. He recalled the cat's screamed curses at everyone at the funeral,  
  
blaming Yuki for everything. Even now, Yuki could remember his screams...  
  
"I'll kill that mouse and then I'll kill myself! Will that make you all happy?"  
  
Yuki's hatred began to rekindle at that memory and he quickly pushed it away. He  
  
thought he had gotten over some of those childish angers, but they still burned  
  
fresh in his mind. He stifled them and brought himself to the present though as  
  
Kyou's murmurs were getting louder and he didn't want Tohru woken. He put a hand  
  
on Kyou's arm and one on his head.  
  
"Kyou, shhhh. It's all right. You're dreaming."  
  
The cat's head seemed warm now and Yuki grabbed from the basin Tohru had set out  
  
and blotted some of the sweat off his damp temple.  
  
Kyou moaned again, frowning when he felt something cool placed on his forehead.  
  
He felt hot...when had that happened? His head hurt and he couldn't bring  
  
himself to open his eyes even though he could hear sounds around him, could hear  
  
someone's voice speaking to him. "Mama?" he said hopefully. "Where are you?  
  
I..." He drew in a shuddery breath and then suddenly, his eyes fluttered open.  
  
It took him a while to notice at first since everything was so dark, but he  
  
could soon make out dark, blurry objects.  
  
He squinted his eyes, trying to make sense of them, trying to figure out where  
  
he was. He felt safe though, so he didn't worry about anything other than where  
  
he was and who was with him for the time being. He still couldn't move though  
  
and he felt like crying in frustration. He could feel someone's soothing voice  
  
speaking to him, but he couldn't see who the speaker was. He could feel soft,  
  
gentle hands stroking his hair and his heart lifted. "Tohru?" he murmured  
  
hopefully.  
  
"Tohru's asleep," Yuki said softly. "She's here though, so don't wake her,  
  
Kyou." He felt some of his coldness slip away at the mention of Tohru's name. He  
  
let the past slip back to where it belonged and remembered how scared he had  
  
been earlier, holding the bleeding boy in his arms, afraid that he would die.  
  
"Shhh." He began to massage his fingers in Kyou's hair gently.  
  
Kyou's brow furrowed. If it wasn't Tohru, then who was it? He tried to make his  
  
brain work, but everything was too dark, too foggy and he couldn't think  
  
straight. His nose twitched and his lips curved in recognition of the scent he  
  
managed to pick up. "Yuki..." he mumbled. He could hear Yuki shushing him and  
  
trying to calm him down, but he just started getting more and more agitated.  
  
Kyou was getting more and more confused. Why was Yuki suddenly being so nice to  
  
him? Why wasn't he kicking his ass all over the house?  
  
He could feel Yuki stroking his hair and murmuring softly and though he couldn't  
  
figure out why he was acting so caring toward him all of a sudden, Kyou couldn't  
  
help but feel more relaxed. His eyes were starting to grow heavy again and he  
  
blinked furiously, trying to stay conscious. He called Yuki's name again,  
  
fighting to keep himself awake.  
  
"Yuki...it's not...my fault," he managed to get out, feeling the pull of sleep  
  
trying to drag him under again. For some reason, it made him feel panicked  
  
rather than comforted and he shook his head, suddenly feeling as though he had  
  
to tell Yuki something, had to keep talking to him before he went out cold  
  
again. "It's not...it's not my fault," he said brokenly, raising his hand  
  
weakly. Everything was growing dark again, but he didn't want to go back to  
  
sleep. "It's not...Yuki..."  
  
"Shhh. I know, Kyou...it's okay. I know."  
  
Even though he didn't know. Yuki had no idea what Kyou could be talking about,  
  
but he didn't want the cat to be sad or in pain, especially in this condition.  
  
Plus, his cries were getting loud and they threatened to wake Tohru. Yuki leaned  
  
down, taking Kyou's hand in a strong grip and holding it while he cradled Kyou's  
  
head in his other hand and tried to use his body to block the frantic murmurs  
  
from getting too loud. He leaned close to Kyou's ear and murmured, "Don't be  
  
sad, Kyou. It's okay."  
  
As the boy calmed and seemed to drop into a relaxed sleep, Yuki sighed in  
  
relief. He wondered if Kyou's dreams had anything to do with what might have  
  
happened today, or if he was just having fevered dreams from the drugs and his  
  
ordeal. He wondered if Kyou dreamt of his mother often. He moved to pull away  
  
from the boy and go sit back down with his homework but Kyou made a pained noise  
  
and clasped his hand tightly.  
  
Kyou felt himself being surrounded by warmth and for a brief moment, he was  
  
content. He couldn't understand why Yuki was being so kind to him and what he  
  
must have done to deserve that kindness, but then there were a lot of things he  
  
couldn't understand just now. This time when he felt the pull of sleep, he  
  
stopped resisting it and he let his eyes slip shut, feeling safe now that Yuki  
  
was nearby. If there were anything out there that would hurt him, Yuki would  
  
take care of it, he was certain.  
  
He still resented the fact that Yuki was still better at martial arts than he  
  
was, but right now, Kyou doubted he'd be much of an opponent in a fight. Yuki  
  
could handle it though. He might try and think of someway to get him back for  
  
having to look out for him, but at least for the time being he was there. Kyou  
  
began growing agitated though when he felt that warmth moving away and he  
  
tightened his grip on Yuki's hand as much as he was able. "No!" he cried. "Yuki,  
  
please don't leave."  
  
Yuki froze. That woke memories in him that he didn't want. He stared at the cat  
  
in shock, wondering if Kyou even knew what he was saying. For a few seconds he  
  
wanted to jerk away, but Kyou's voice had brought back that same feeling as  
  
before, so long ago, when they were children and Kyou had said those same words  
  
to him. He looked over at the distraught figure and settled back down, clasping  
  
both his hands around that of the cat, which held to his like iron and sighed.  
  
"Okay, Kyou. Don't be afraid. I'll stay."  
  
He sat there for the rest of the night, not even bothering to wake Tohru when  
  
her time came. It wasn't like he would have slept anyway.  
  
~~  
  
When Kyou finally came to, it was to hear hushed voices around him. He frowned  
  
in disapproval. They were obviously the kind of voices people used to talk with  
  
when they were trying to be quiet, but often ended up just being as loud as they  
  
had been originally. Kyou wanted to tell them all to shut up and go away, but he  
  
was feeling too tired and his head hurt. He growled under his breath when he  
  
heard yet another voice whispering to someone in too loud a tone. His mood  
  
darkened even more when he recognised the voice as Momiji's. Great, just what he  
  
wanted to hear first thing in a morning, Momiji's whiny voice shrieking out  
  
about how he wanted pancakes for breakfast or something.  
  
Why was Momiji over here anyway? Kyou couldn't remember him coming over the  
  
night before...but then he couldn't remember much at all. Eventually, he was  
  
able to recognise other voices...he could hear Tohru speaking, telling Momiji to  
  
quiet down. He could hear Shigure as well and if he had the energy, Kyou would  
  
have rolled his eyes. Why were they all in his bedroom, anyway? Blinking his  
  
eyes open sleepily, Kyou stared up at the ceiling. "Would you all just keep  
  
quiet?" he said in a sleep-thickened voice. "I'm trying to sleep!"  
  
"Kyou!"  
  
Kazuma had already seen Kyou's eyelids fluttering as he came out of his sleep.  
  
Though he had been there to hear how Tohru and Yuki had found him and how Hatori  
  
had patched him up, he had done nothing but watch the convalescent boy, praying  
  
silently for him to open his eyes and show signs of life again. He was walking  
  
to the boy even as he mumbled at them to be quiet. He knelt next to his adopted  
  
child and took one limp hand in his own while placing the other hand on Kyou's  
  
bony shoulder. He could sense the others gathering around him  
  
"How do you feel?" He smiled at the boy as he watched those red eyes clear and  
  
take note of his surroundings and then fix on him.  
  
Kyou turned his head slowly on the pillow and his eyes widened when he saw who  
  
was kneeling next to him. "Shishou..." he whispered, feeling the man take hold  
  
of his hand and squeeze tightly. "What...what are you doing here?" He smiled  
  
tiredly. The last person he'd expected to see here was his karate master and  
  
adopted father. Not that he was complaining at all. He didn't get to spend  
  
nearly enough time around Kazuma these days. Kyou jumped suddenly though when he  
  
felt a cool hand raise his tee shirt and gently run over his side. Tilting his  
  
head, he saw the familiar face of Hatori sitting opposite Kazuma and gently  
  
dabbing at his stomach and side with something. "Hatori..." he said hoarsely.  
  
"What...why..."  
  
"You need to keep still, Kyou," Hatori told him quietly. "Don't move around too  
  
much, otherwise you'll pull the stitches loose." He took Kyou's chin in his hand  
  
and made him look at him, checking his pupils.  
  
Kyou stared back at him blankly. "Stitches? But..." Hatori ignored him though  
  
and just asked how he was feeling. "I feel fine," Kyou muttered. "Just  
  
tired...and sore..." He squinted down at the place where Hatori had raised his  
  
shirt and his eyes narrowed at the sight that met him. It was then that he began  
  
to remember things in bits and pieces...walking back home in the rain...Akito  
  
taking off his bracelet... "Oh, God!" he gasped, panicked. "My bracelet!" He  
  
fumbled at his left wrist frantically. "Where...my bracelet! I need it!"  
  
Hatori and Kazuma both moved quickly, holding him down. Kazuma grabbed his  
  
wrists and pushed them away from each other.  
  
"Kyou!" he snapped, making the boy stop, looking up at him with wide, almost  
  
frightened eyes. He returned Kyou's gaze calmly, trying to assure him. "Please  
  
try to stay calm and don't move or you'll hurt yourself."  
  
Kyou stared up, not moving, but very close to panic.  
  
"You're with friends, Kyou. Remember. Now we need you to tell us what happened  
  
so we can help you. Yuki and Shigure looked half the night for the bracelet and  
  
couldn't find it. Did someone rob you?" Kazuma smoothed down Kyou's hair in a  
  
comforting gesture. "Did you get in a fight?"  
  
"No," Kyou said shakily. He tried to tug his hand away, wanting desperately to  
  
feel the reassuring beads of the bracelet against his skin. "He took it...I need  
  
it back! Shishou! I need it!" He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to hold back the  
  
tears. When he opened his eyes again, he turned his head and saw other people  
  
hovering nervously around the edge of the room, staring at him in equal parts  
  
fear and concern.  
  
His gaze fastened on Yuki and Tohru and he felt his panic rising again. "Don't  
  
look at me!" he hissed, turning his head back and trying to hide behind Kazuma's  
  
hand. Now that the events of last night were coming back to him, he remembered  
  
Yuki and Tohru finding him, remembered how angry and ashamed he'd felt just to  
  
know that they had been nearby while he was in his monstrous form. He reached  
  
out for Kazuma's hand and squeezed it weakly. "He has it," he whispered, closing  
  
his eyes in exhaustion. "I want it back."  
  
Kazuma didn't see the widening eyes of the children behind him because he didn't  
  
understand the meaning of that particular 'he' that Kyou was talking about...but  
  
Yuki did, Momiji did and Haru did. 'He' was only said in that particular way  
  
when talking about one person. Neither did Kazuma see the pained look flash  
  
through soft brown eyes behind him. He did hear Yuki's breathing speed though,  
  
and Haru's gasp of surprise. Kazuma looked up to see a confused look in Hatori's  
  
eyes, but a rather dark expression in Shigure's. He didn't understand.  
  
"Who, Kyou?" He squeezed the limp hand in his and held Kyou's chin, trying to  
  
keep him focused. "Who took it? Tell us and we'll get it back."  
  
Kyou shook his head, not wanting to mention his name. He knew how it affected  
  
Yuki even to hear Akito's name and though he and Yuki weren't exactly the best  
  
of friends, even Kyou wasn't so cruel as to bring out Yuki's worst fear. Kazuma  
  
kept holding his chin in his hand and wouldn't let him look away. Kyou realised  
  
that he was only trying to help, that he was only being concerned, but right  
  
now, he just wanted to be left alone. He looked up to see Shigure walking over  
  
and gently tapping Hatori's shoulder, whispering something in his ear that Kyou  
  
couldn't catch. After a few moments of tense silence, Kyou finally sighed in  
  
defeat. "The bracelet...I think he's keeping it...at the main house."  
  
Kyou's eyes slid shut in weariness. Kazuma's own widened in realization and he  
  
tried to control his anger, not wanting to present such a dark energy around  
  
Kyou for fear of it interceding in his healing. He didn't need to spring into  
  
action though as Shigure stepped forward, taking that step for him.  
  
"Kazuma, can you stay here with them? Hatori and I are going now." Kazuma  
  
nodded, noting the furious look on Hatori's face.  
  
"Yes," he replied. He knew better than to demand that they get it back, for  
  
Akito did what he pleased and no one defied him. Yet, Shigure seemed to have a  
  
power over the boy that no one else did. If anyone could get it back, he could.  
  
They disappeared into Shigure's room, presumably so Shigure could change, but  
  
there was harsh whispering behind the thin doors. Kazuma just sighed and closed  
  
his eyes, trying to gather his wits about him. He held tight to the hand of the  
  
one who had become so dear to him and took deep soothing breaths.  
  
Momiji stared at the commotion, but paid little attention. He backed silently  
  
away, almost falling off the porch, but stepping down backwards in a clumsy step  
  
before making himself scarce.  
  
Haru didn't notice Momiji's disappearance at first, but when he turned round to  
  
suggest that they leave Kyou alone with Kazuma, Yuki and Tohru for a while, he  
  
was startled to find only an empty space where Momiji had been. Haru nudged  
  
Yuki's arm and murmured that he was just going out for a moment before setting  
  
off in search of the missing boy. He found Momiji easily enough in the garden  
  
and he frowned when he saw that the blond was sitting under a tree, hugging his  
  
knees to his chest protectively.  
  
He knew that Momiji was a sensitive boy and easily upset when he sensed other  
  
people's pain. Kyou's implication that Akito was probably the culprit where the  
  
stolen bracelet was concerned had probably shaken Momiji up too. Haru walked  
  
over quickly and knelt down beside him, tapping his shoulder to get his  
  
attention. "Momiji. Is something the matter?"  
  
"It's my fault," Momiji whispered in a shaky voice. "It's my fault that Kyou's  
  
hurt." He hugged his knees tighter, burying his face and hiding. "When I went  
  
home yesterday, after the fight, I was telling Kisa about that boy who likes  
  
Kyou. I was so loud. I even said he kissed Kyou...and I didn't see...Akito  
  
standing at the door, listening."  
  
He started shaking. Everything seemed to be going wrong lately. Why was he such  
  
a nuisance to everyone? A hand rested on his knee, but he pulled away, hugging  
  
himself even tighter. He didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve to be touched and  
  
held. He was just a whiny troublemaker. He started crying again and he hated  
  
himself for that too. Why couldn't he just act grown up like everyone else? Why  
  
couldn't he do things right?  
  
"Kyou always says I'm too loud. He's going to hate me," Momiji said haltingly.  
  
"I didn't mean to tell. I didn't mean it."  
  
Haru sighed, tugging on Momiji's arms and pulling him close. Momiji resisted at  
  
first, trying to pull away, but Haru was determined and soon, he had Momiji  
  
resting against his chest. Haru ran a hand over Momiji's back soothingly,  
  
feeling it hitch with every shuddery breath he could. He knew that Momiji was a  
  
very tactile person and that he needed human contact for warmth and reassurance,  
  
just like they all did. He also knew how desperately Momiji wanted to be close  
  
to Tohru, how he wanted just for her to hold him close and tell him that  
  
everything would be all right, just the way he'd longed for his mother to do.  
  
Unfortunately, Tohru was a girl and even though she was more than happy to hug  
  
Momiji, there was of course the curse to be reckoned with and being hugged in  
  
animal form just wasn't as good as being close to someone as a normal human  
  
being. He was here though and he may not be as good as Tohru when it came to  
  
discussing feelings or being touchy-feely, he could at least offer Momiji what  
  
little comfort he could. He didn't want to feed Momiji with false words and  
  
promises that everything would be all right because the boy deserved more. He  
  
deserved the truth, but Haru would do his best not to do or say anything to hurt  
  
Momiji.  
  
"You shouldn't blame yourself for something that was out of your hands," he said  
  
quietly. "Yes, Akito overheard you talking to Kisa, but if anyone is at fault  
  
here, it's him. You didn't know that he would be listening and you definitely  
  
couldn't have known that he would do what he did to Kyou. You didn't tell Akito  
  
to do all of those terrible things. He did it himself. You didn't push him into  
  
doing anything and you know how much he dislikes Kyou. Akito doesn't really need  
  
an excuse to make any of our lives a misery; he just goes ahead and does what he  
  
wants. Not even someone like Hatori can hold him back when he decides on  
  
something, so you shouldn't feel so bad. Kyou might look in bad shape now, but  
  
he'll get better, I promise. If it makes you feel better, you can apologise to  
  
him at a later time. Kyou might be a hothead, but he isn't cruel. If he's enough  
  
of a man like I think he is, then he'll accept your apology. Right now though, I  
  
think all of us just wants to get this mess sorted out and put everything behind  
  
us so that we can move on. What do you say?"  
  
Momiji nodded quietly, sniffling. What a depressing week it had been. It was  
  
bad enough that he had gotten into a fight and then gotten Kyou beaten up as  
  
well, but everything seemed to be going wrong. At least it seemed that way. His  
  
emotions had gotten strange lately and he found himself depressed more often  
  
than he used to be.  
  
He finally gave in completely and snuggled up to Haru, burying his nose in the  
  
boy's neck. Haru was always so nice, so calm, when he wasn't black Haru. He was  
  
always trying to make sure that the cousins in the main house stayed close,  
  
initiating hugs with Hiro and Momiji and holding Kisa while he read her stories.  
  
Momiji loved affection, though he didn't get a whole lot of it because of the  
  
curse, but he found himself liking being with Haru more and more. Sometimes, he  
  
even had less than innocent thoughts about him.  
  
He took this chance to just relax his body into Haru's and absorb the quiet  
  
affection and care from the well-meaning boy, breathing in Haru's clean, rugged  
  
scent.  
  
"Thank you," he whispered. He was still worried about Kyou, and he was still  
  
pretty sure Kyou would be very angry, since the cat didn't seem to like him much  
  
anyway. Still, he had been so nice yesterday, protecting the scared rabbit. Deep  
  
down, the blond knew that Kyou had a good heart.  
  
Haru rested his chin on the top of Momiji's head and patted his back gently.  
  
"Things will work out," he said softly. "They always do. Kyou will pull through;  
  
you know how strong he is. Even I can't beat him. The only person who can do  
  
that is Yuki, even though that only seems to make him even more angry." Haru  
  
sighed. "Did you know that Kyou and Yuki actually used to be very good friends?"  
  
Momiji raised his head, his eyes wide in disbelief and Haru smiled. "They  
  
weren't always like this, you know. There was a time when they hardly ever used  
  
to fight at all. The three of us were always playing together, but Yuki and Kyou  
  
were especially close when we were young. That's why it makes me so sad to see  
  
them fighting all the time. Despite their differences, they are actually very  
  
similar. Haven't you noticed that they often say things at the same time and  
  
that they even finish each other's sentences? But human beings will always be  
  
cursed with stupidity, even people like us. Sometimes, we're too stubborn to see  
  
what's in front of our own eyes."  
  
He smiled at Momiji again, squeezing him affectionately. "Don't be so sad. A  
  
smiling face is what suits you best."  
  
Momiji smiled, his sad mood dulling. Haru always said the right things. He was  
  
so caring. Did he know how soothing and wonderful he was? Momiji found himself  
  
staring into those grey eyes. Haru was so beautiful. He had the palest skin.  
  
Gathering his courage, the rabbit moved forward and kissed Haru softly on the  
  
lips.  
  
"Thank you, Haru!" He hugged him again before Haru could say anything, he felt  
  
himself being dragged back toward the house. "We should make sure that Yuki is  
  
okay!"  
  
Haru blinked in surprise at the kiss, but had little time to dwell on it as  
  
Momiji leapt to his feet and pulled him up with him, dragging him back into the  
  
house. He had long ago resigned himself to the fact that Yuki would never be  
  
his, in spite of how much he had hoped and wished. Deep down, he knew that he  
  
was not the one for Yuki. Maybe Tohru? Haru honestly didn't know. She seemed to  
  
love both Yuki and Kyou equally, so to pick one over the other would be unjust  
  
and cruel. He couldn't know for sure though. Life was a funny thing and even the  
  
wisest person couldn't possibly predict everything that was going to happen.  
  
Momiji's kiss confused him a little, but he wasn't upset by it. Momiji was a  
  
very affectionate person and although he'd never kissed Haru before, he supposed  
  
he shouldn't be all that surprised that Momiji had just chosen another way of  
  
showing his affection. Haru didn't mind at all. He was just happy that Momiji  
  
was happy. He was tired of seeing people growing old, bitter and with regrets.  
  
The last thing he wanted was for Momiji to be one of them.  
  
He had been truthful when he'd told the rabbit that a smile suited him best. In  
  
spite of what Momiji might think about himself, his cheeriness was what kept  
  
other people going. His happiness was the infectious kind, the best kind there  
  
was and Haru smiled to himself as he followed Momiji inside the house, squeezing  
  
his hand reassuringly. 


	4. EQAB4

Title: Equally Cursed and Blessed  
  
Authors: Caer (caerfree@tde.com) and Triste (TragedyandComedy@aol.com)  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Warnings: Yaoi, violence, angst  
  
Pairings: YukixKyou, ShigurexHatori, HaruxMomiji  
  
Status: Work in progress (part 4)  
  
Disclaimer: Nope, still not ours.  
  
Thanks to aurelie, mizuko, girlstarfish, yamatoforever, Kato-chan and  
  
Violintide for reviewing!  
  
~~  
  
Yuki sat in the living room, giving Kazuma, Tohru and Kyou some space. They  
  
didn't need him around anyway and Kyou would just get frustrated if he was  
  
there. He sat against some cushions, watching the television quietly, trying to  
  
calm down. Akito. Akito had taken Kyou's bracelet. Obviously, he had not caused  
  
the landslide, but Yuki wondered about that even. People who went against the  
  
head of the Sohma clan tended to have bad things happen to them, things that  
  
defied nature. Could Kyou have said something wrong or refused Akito somehow?  
  
Or maybe he had tried to get the bracelet back? Yuki had heard a story about a  
  
woman who had defied Hatori's father, the former head of the clan...and ended up  
  
falling to her death the next day.  
  
Yuki closed his eyes. Kyou had only said that Akito had taken the bracelet, but  
  
Yuki knew how Akito was. He knew that he had said things to the cat. He had  
  
always been disgusted by Kyou and made it well known. He never ceased delighting  
  
in saying cruel things when Kyou was near during the New Years celebrations. He  
  
had done much worse. Yuki tried to keep the visions of Akito's cruel eyes out of  
  
his head.  
  
"You're my best friend, Yuki. You'll stay with me forever. I won't let anyone  
  
take you away from me."  
  
Yuki closed his eyes. He didn't want to think about this. He just hoped with all  
  
his heart that Shigure could get the bracelet back. Kyou wouldn't be able to  
  
function without it. He wouldn't be able to even go to school for fear the rain  
  
would come suddenly. Yuki suspected the transformation scared Kyou just as much  
  
as it scared anyone else if not more so.  
  
The vengeful cat stank of evil. You could feel it, oozing off of the horrid  
  
form, the same way you could feel the heavy power pressing down whenever Akito  
  
was near. To look upon it was terrible, but to be trapped within it? Yuki used  
  
to think that the evil spirit was a part of Kyou. His mother had told him as  
  
much, saying that the cat's heart was evil inside. But when he had been close to  
  
the creature, he could tell...he had known that Kyou was in there and not a part  
  
of the form he took on. Tohru had made him realize that.  
  
A hand on his shoulder made him look up. Haru was looking down at him with  
  
concern and Momiji was smiling.  
  
"Are you okay, Yuki? We have to go soon so we can get our homework done."  
  
Yuki nodded and got up stiffly.  
  
"Yes, I'm all right. Thank you. Thank you for coming." He put a hand on Haru's  
  
shoulder and met his eyes with sincerity, trying to convey that he really meant  
  
it.  
  
In the kitchen, Kazuma and Tohru sat next to Kyou. Kazuma still held the boy's  
  
hand, not wanting to let go. He felt helpless right now.  
  
Kyou stared at Kazuma and Tohru who were sitting silently next to him, both with  
  
almost identical expressions of sadness on their faces. "Don't look like that,"  
  
he said, rolling his eyes although it only served to aggravate his headache even  
  
more. "You'd think somebody had just died." He fixed his gaze on Tohru. "You  
  
should be walking into walls and wearing that silly smile on your face. You  
  
don't have to look like someone just stole your favourite socks."  
  
Tohru nodded eagerly. "I'm sorry, Kyou-kun!" she said, bowing her head. "I just  
  
want you to get better faster! I'm sorry if my sad face is hampering your  
  
recovery!"  
  
Kyou sighed and squeezed her hand fondly. "Stop apologising. You're starting to  
  
sound like Rit-chan-san."  
  
Tohru just giggled. She looked up suddenly to see Haru and Momiji standing in  
  
the doorway and Momiji waved. "Oh, are you leaving now?" Tohru asked in dismay.  
  
"Yep. Sorry to leave you so soon, Tohru." Momiji smiled and bowed, his hands  
  
out, making him look like a court jester. "We have a lot of homework and Papa  
  
and I are going out tonight since I missed seeing him last night." He smiled  
  
joyfully, and then he looked at Kyou, his smile faltering just a little.  
  
"Eh, Kyou? Get better fast 'kay? It won't be the same without you picking on me  
  
all time! And we can come and see you tomorrow too!"  
  
"I can hardly wait," said Kyou sarcastically, but he smiled at Momiji slightly  
  
to let the younger boy know that he meant no harm. He looked over at Haru who  
  
was standing beside Momiji patiently and his smirk widened. "Watch your back,  
  
cow," he said. "I may be out of commission for now, but it won't be long before  
  
I start kicking your ass again."  
  
Haru just gave a small smile in return. "I look forward to it," he said softly.  
  
"Until that time, just let yourself heal. Come, Momiji," he added, tapping the  
  
smaller boy's shoulder.  
  
"Wait!" cried Tohru, squeezing Kyou's hand tightly before letting it go. "Let me  
  
at least walk you to the front gate," she added, rising to her feet. "Yuki- kun?  
  
Would you like to join us?"  
  
Kyou glanced at Yuki who was standing apart from Haru and Momiji and his eyes  
  
narrowed. "Actually, I'd like to speak with Yuki," he announced, feeling  
  
everyone's gaze turn on him. "But just for a moment."  
  
Yuki looked at the cat in surprise? "What? Me?"  
  
Kazuma looked hard at Kyou, judging what he should do. He stood up. "Perhaps we  
  
should all take a walk you to the end of the road. I for one could use the  
  
exercise." He looked at them all in his soft, commanding way, using his  
  
influence as Haru's instructor and his leverage as the adult in the house to  
  
herd them out of the room. Various goodbyes were heard as they all stepped  
  
outside the house.  
  
Yuki just stood in the doorway, staring at Kyou uncomfortably. "You're looking  
  
better than you did," he said quietly. "How are you feeling?"  
  
"Okay," Kyou said shortly. Yuki was still standing over at the other end of the  
  
room and he frowned. "Damn mouse...come closer," he muttered. "I can't have a  
  
conversation with you standing all the way over there." He was thankful when  
  
Yuki only chose to move closer, not point out the fact that he'd never had a  
  
problem making himself heard before.  
  
Kyou was silent for a while, trying to think of the best way in which to say  
  
what he was trying to get out. Yuki was staring at him expectantly and for some  
  
reason that made him feel uncomfortable. He looked away, reaching over and  
  
rubbing his left wrist unconsciously. "Thanks," he mumbled, still not meeting  
  
Yuki's eyes. "Thank you for...for what you did...last night."  
  
Yuki was surprised. Kyou was...thanking him? He shoved his hands in his pockets.  
  
"Well, Tohru would be sad if anything happened to you," he replied nervously,  
  
leaning against the doorframe. He looked out the open door, watching as Kazuma  
  
and the group disappeared around the bend in the road. He looked back, noticing  
  
that Kyou was still quiet, looking away from him.  
  
"And...it wouldn't be the same," he stuttered, staring at his shoes as he tried  
  
to say what he felt. He was always bad about expressing his feelings. "It  
  
wouldn't be the same without you, Kyou. So...so just get better."  
  
Yuki felt frustrated. He had hated the pathetic cat for so long, for a number of  
  
reasons. He had promised himself never to get close to anyone again, especially  
  
Kyou. He hated that Kyou was being so damn hard to hate lately. Why couldn't he  
  
be a hostile asshole like he usually was? Why couldn't he just keep things  
  
simple?  
  
Kyou raised his eyes to see that Yuki was avoiding looking his way as the mouse  
  
kept his gaze trained on his shoes rather than on him. For some reason, that  
  
just made Kyou feel tired rather than angry with Yuki. It had taken him a lot to  
  
utter out those words of thanks to the person he usually disliked most in the  
  
world, but at least it was over now. He'd said his thanks, now he and Yuki could  
  
go back to hating each other...right?  
  
Kyou sighed in frustration. The effect of the drugs were starting to wear off,  
  
leaving him more alert of his surroundings, but also more aware of his injuries.  
  
He preferred it that way though. He hated the very idea of being drugged even  
  
though he knew it must have been necessary considering the condition he'd gotten  
  
himself into last night. He felt the blood drain from his face at the memory of  
  
Akito and he rubbed at his wrist again, feeling naked and vulnerable without his  
  
bracelet. "Who else saw me last night?" he asked suddenly, his voice sounding  
  
hoarse even to his own ears.  
  
Yuki watched as he agitated his bare wrist almost harshly, turning the skin a  
  
bit pink. Yuki took a deep breath and sat down cross legged next to the boy,  
  
putting a hand down to still the nervous hands.  
  
"Stop," he commanded softly, finally meeting Kyou's red eyes. "No one  
  
else...just Hatori, and only for a few minutes. Then you changed back. Yuki  
  
remembered how angry he had been with the doctor and how he had reacted to Kyou,  
  
even though he himself had reacted that way once. It didn't seem fair. Kyou was  
  
right, it wasn't his fault. Yuki swallowed his pride for a moment.  
  
"I don't care, you know."  
  
Kyou simply stared up at him in shock, letting himself go limp and allowing Yuki  
  
to stop him from rubbing at his wrist. "I know," he said simply. For a while,  
  
they just sat there in silence and Kyou was surprised when Yuki didn't move  
  
away. He clenched his fingers around Yuki's hand without realising it and closed  
  
his eyes. "Do you think they'll get it back?" he asked softly. He didn't really  
  
care if Yuki decided to answer or not. Right now, he just wanted someone to talk  
  
to and anyone would do. It didn't matter if it was Yuki, just as long as someone  
  
else was there to keep him company, Kyou told himself.  
  
Not for the first time in his life, Kyou felt guilty. Why was it that he was  
  
always the one to cause trouble, the one who was always treated like an outcast  
  
just for being what he was? Kyou didn't like it anymore than the rest of them,  
  
but it wasn't his fault. If it was anybody's fault, it was Yuki's. For some  
  
reason though, Kyou couldn't bring himself to summon up his usual hatred of the  
  
mouse. Not now. Not when Yuki had watched over him all night, not when Yuki had  
  
helped him when no one else would.  
  
Yuki stared at the hand on his. He looked at the tightness in Kyou's face. He  
  
was afraid. That bracelet had been on his arm all his life, since birth,  
  
protecting him from changing, and Akito had taken it. That was something he  
  
liked to do to people; take away their sense of security, to constantly remind  
  
them not only who was in control, but what they were. He had taken Hatori's  
  
love, Yuki's friends, Haru's happiness, and little Hiro's confidence. The few  
  
times he had gotten near Kyou had been to amuse himself with Kyou's pain. Yuki  
  
placed his other hand on Kyou's.  
  
"I don't know, Kyou. Akito..." Yuki swallowed. "He usually listens to Shigure.  
  
But, if he doesn't want to, he won't. I wish I could say he would. Even if he  
  
doesn't though, we'll figure out a way. I'm sure there's something we can do to  
  
get the bracelet back. I don't think he'll keep it forever. It wouldn't make  
  
sense."  
  
"Nothing he ever does makes any sense," Kyou muttered darkly. He let out a  
  
shuddery breath and tried to relax his body. He'd gone tense again at the  
  
mention of Akito and he tried to calm himself down again. Hatori had warned him  
  
not to move about too much otherwise he'd pull his stitches free. Kyou fumbled  
  
with the hem of his tee shirt and lifted it slightly, staring at the torn and  
  
bruised area with morbid fascination.  
  
"Maybe he kept the bracelet because...he didn't think I was going to live," Kyou  
  
said softly, more to himself than to Yuki. "After he'd had his fun, he always  
  
threw it back to me later on. But the way he looked when I fell..."  
  
Kyou was brought back to reality when he felt Yuki squeezing his hand and  
  
rubbing it gently. He still couldn't figure out why Yuki was being so kind to  
  
him when they were supposed to hate each other, but he felt far from turning his  
  
nose up at it. He would have felt better if it had been Tohru comforting him  
  
like this...but Yuki wasn't too bad. Kyou never would have guessed the mouse  
  
could be this kind to anyone other than Tohru.  
  
For years, he thought he'd had Yuki all figured out, but now all the mouse  
  
seemed to be doing was to throw him for a loop. Kyou couldn't pinpoint the exact  
  
time when things had been changing slowly from black and white to shades of  
  
grey. It made him feel uneasy that he and Yuki weren't fighting as often as they  
  
used to. They argued constantly, but now that Kyou thought about it, he spent  
  
more time beating up Haru than he did Yuki. Idly, he wondered why that was. "Do  
  
you think...that everything happens for a reason?" he asked quietly.  
  
Yuki felt faint looking at Kyou's wound and quickly covered it, feeling queasy.  
  
He pulled the blanket up higher on Kyou's thin frame, but kept a hold on Kyou's  
  
hand.  
  
"I don't know anymore," Yuki said quietly. "I used to think that there was no  
  
reason. No reason for this curse, no reason for the way Akito treated us. He's  
  
gone mad. He just seems to get worse. Hatori's father was supposedly mad too.  
  
If there's madness, is there reason? But then Tohru came, and things seemed to  
  
get better. I'm afraid though. I'm afraid that our reason is pain. That the  
  
reason she's here is so Akito can take her away from us and make us hurt even  
  
more. But then she beat him...and she's still here. So maybe..."  
  
He looked down at Kyou and realized that he was being stared at. Kyou looked  
  
very beautiful when he wasn't angry. He looked softer somehow. Yuki shook his  
  
head, pulling his hand away in protest. He was not going to go there again.  
  
Besides, he could see Kazuma and Tohru returning through the trees.  
  
"Sorry,I'm just babbling.." He looked away, angry with himself.  
  
Kyou felt somewhat disappointed when Yuki pulled away, but he let him go, his  
  
hand falling limply back to lie on the blanket. "You can babble if you want to,"  
  
he said gruffly, looking away. "I don't mind...if you do that. You talk sense.  
  
You talk the truth. So stop acting like Tohru already by apologising for who you  
  
are." He felt a blush of anger and embarrassment rising in his cheeks and he  
  
tightened his hold on the blanket.  
  
Why couldn't he ever say the things he wanted to say? The words always tended to  
  
get mixed up somewhere before leaving his mouth and it often made him  
  
frustrated. He wished he could be more like Tohru in that respect. She had no  
  
problem at all in speaking about what she was feeling and her emotions were  
  
always so simple and true. "It's okay..."  
  
The words warmed Yuki through. It seemed almost like something Tohru would say,  
  
except short and to the point, not flowery and pretty like she would have put  
  
it. Yuki smiled.  
  
"Thank you," he said. "And...don't worry about your bracelet, Kyou. We'll  
  
figure out a way. The weather is supposed to be mild for the week, so just  
  
concentrate on healing. Tohru is coming back too. If you like, we can sit down  
  
with you and help you do your homework? We got it for you today and if you do  
  
the work, we can write it for you. That way you won't fall behind."  
  
Kyou was taken aback completely by Yuki's sudden smile. The only other person  
  
he'd ever seen him smile like that at before was Tohru and it made his stomach  
  
feel quivery. He was always so used to Yuki's glares and general cold  
  
expressions that he was more than a little surprised to see that smile directed  
  
toward him. He was also more than a little shocked at Yuki's offer to help out  
  
with his schoolwork and for a moment, he couldn't think of anything to say.  
  
"I...I...thanks," he said, cursing himself silently when he felt his cheeks  
  
colouring again. "For being so nice. You didn't have to be, but...thanks."  
  
Yuki messed with the blanket, frowning.  
  
"Well, it's just because you're hurt, but you're welcome." He got up quickly and  
  
went out to tell Tohru what they were going to do. He needed to get away from  
  
Kyou. He was feeling strange about him now. They hadn't talked so sincerely like  
  
that since...but that was the past. But he honestly did want to help Kyou,  
  
because he was family, and because it was Akito who had done this. He scared the  
  
hell out of Yuki, but somehow, he would find a way to get that bracelet back.  
  
Soon.  
  
~~  
  
The air was thick with tension. Hatori and Shigure both sat still, watching  
  
Akito as he gracefully poured a pitcher of fresh water into his birdbath.  
  
Several birds sat at the porch railing, watching him. He walked back slowly,  
  
putting the pitcher on the floor in the corner. He looked outside, watching the  
  
clouds as they moved slowly across the blue of the sky.  
  
"Some people in our family have gotten too bold lately it seems," he said  
  
slickly. "I know what you want. I'm afraid it's impossible though." He slid  
  
gracefully onto his stomach, in a patch of sun on the porch and held his hand  
  
out as a stray bird hopped down to rest there. "Kyou must learn to remember his  
  
place in this family," he said, sadly. "He will be punished for a while. He is  
  
welcome to stay where his predecessor stayed until I decide that he has learned  
  
his lesson."  
  
Shigure moved to protest, but Akito's next words stopped him cold.  
  
"I trust your relationship is going well, Shigure-san, Hatori-san? I'm glad. I  
  
would hate to see it destroyed by something as simple as disobedience." He got  
  
up and moved over to Hatori, sliding cold fingers through the man's hair. "Don't  
  
be sad for the creature, Shigure...after all, it's just the cat. Go home." He  
  
leaned in and whispered in Hatori's ear. "Take care of each other." He stood. "I  
  
will return the bracelet when I feel that things are as they should be."  
  
Hatori watched as Shigure and Akito rose, but he stayed kneeling, bowing his  
  
head respectfully. "Akito-san," he said softly, not looking up. "Is there no way  
  
you would...reconsider this decision?" he asked hesitantly. In no way did he  
  
wish for Akito to suddenly decide that he had changed his mind about his and  
  
Shigure's relationship, but still...this was harsh, even for Akito.  
  
Ever since he had seen the cat's alternate form last night and the way that Yuki  
  
had glared at him, he'd been feeling shaken and if anything, he owed it to Kyou  
  
to try and get his bracelet back. Not only for the way he had reacted that  
  
night, but also for what he'd before that, many years ago. His gift to erase  
  
people's memories had always been more of a curse to him and he had hated  
  
himself for having such ability.  
  
Until recently, he had believed that it was his punishment, but ever since he  
  
and Shigure had been growing closer together, he had been slowly able to come to  
  
terms with it. What he still wasn't able to come to terms with though was the  
  
way he always obeyed Akito's orders, even if it was against what he wanted. Even  
  
if it was at his own cost, he still went ahead and did it.  
  
He guessed that years of conditioned learning from his own father, the former  
  
head of the Souma clan was hard to break. Even though this was Akito standing  
  
before him and not his father, he still acted like the respectful, obedient  
  
person he had been shaped to be and he hated himself for it. "At least you could  
  
tell us the reason why you came to reach such a decision?"  
  
Akito's frail hands fisted in the man's hair and pulled harshly. "Do not  
  
question my reasons, Hatori." He leaned down, pulling harder. "Or I will make  
  
you erase Shigure's memory too. I know that you won't disobey me." The bony hand  
  
became gentle again and slid through his hair softly.  
  
"Hatori."  
  
Shigure looked down at his lover and shook his head imperceptibly. This wasn't  
  
the time. They would just have to wait for now.  
  
"Let's go home."  
  
Hatori got up, bowing and moved to put his shoes on. Shigure saw the pain in the  
  
man's eyes as he turned and felt the helplessness even more as he saw his  
  
partner and friend turn to go. Shigure turned back to Akito, taking his elbow,  
  
the question in his eyes. Akito smiled.  
  
"Of course. You will tell Yuki that I said hello." He slid inkily out of  
  
Shigure's grasp. "Tell him I miss him. I would be very grateful if he would come  
  
and see me. That would please me most."  
  
Shigure stared at Akito, barely suppressing the anger he had inside. Then he  
  
turned and put his shoes on, dragging Hatori out. Akito watched them go.  
  
"Soon, Yuki. You will come back. I told you, you couldn't be happy without me."  
  
Once they got to the car and got in, Shigure let his head hit the steering  
  
wheel, rather hard. "I'm a fool," he said quietly.  
  
Hatori stared over at him and sighed. "We could be here all day arguing over  
  
which of us is the bigger idiot," he said tiredly. "But for now, let's just call  
  
it quits and say we're even." He stared out the window pensively and tugged at  
  
his collar, loosening his tie. "What do you suggest we do now? He wouldn't even  
  
listen to me, but then that's not surprising," he added bitterly. "He could keep  
  
that bracelet forever, or at least until he's finished having his fun and who  
  
knows how long that could take? Kyou needs that bracelet back desperately, but  
  
there's no way we should force Yuki to come back here just to see Akito. Even if  
  
he did, there's no saying that Akito would give the bracelet back. You know how  
  
he is. I don't like the idea of him coming here anyway, but what else can we  
  
do?"  
  
He pulled his tie off completely and crumpled it into his fist. "Tell me I'm not  
  
the only one who's feeling so helpless right now."  
  
"I was always a step ahead of him. I could always tell what he was going to do.  
  
But I fell right into his trap." Shigure looked at Hatori sadly. "Now he has us  
  
as leverage. He literally has me by the...well, you know." Shigure laughed, but  
  
he wanted to cry. He lifted his head enough to let it drop and hit the steering  
  
wheel again.  
  
"He wants Yuki back. That's what he's wanted since I took him away from there.  
  
He'll give the bracelet back, I know that...but first he wants his toy back."  
  
Shigure said, matter of factly. "He's taken all our power away. We'll have to  
  
tell Yuki. It will be hard enough telling Kyou that he has to live without the  
  
bracelet."  
  
Hatori stared at Shigure sadly, catching his head before he could let it drop  
  
back onto the steering wheel. "Don't beat out what little brain cells you have  
  
left," he said, but he rubbed the back of Shigure's neck gently. "Let's get out  
  
of here. We won't be able to get anything done by just sitting here and  
  
complaining about what we can and can't do. I'll be the one to tell Kyou about  
  
the bracelet and try to hold Kazuma off from killing Akito. If he needs someone  
  
to blame, he can blame me." He slipped his hand over Shigure's and squeezed  
  
briefly before letting go.  
  
Shigure raised his head and looked at Hatori helplessly, nodding. He couldn't  
  
help but admire Hatori's ability to deal with everything. He stayed at the main  
  
house, and somehow he endured whereas he and Ayame had run long ago. Shigure  
  
felt like a coward, escaping into his novels and his little house. Hatori was  
  
the one who seemed to stay strong for them, even with everything he had been  
  
through. Even now, he was able to be strong when Shigure just felt like folding  
  
up and disappearing.  
  
"You're amazing, Ha-san," he said, squeezing the stoic man's knee, before  
  
putting the car in reverse and backing out. He didn't back out though, but  
  
rather went forward, almost driving into the garden.  
  
"Um, Ha-san? Maybe you'd better drive." 


	5. EQAB5

Title: Equally Cursed and Blessed  
  
Authors: Caer (caerfree@tde.com) and Triste (TragedyandComedy@aol.com)  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Warnings: Yaoi, violence, angst  
  
Pairings: YukixKyou, ShigurexHatori, HaruxMomiji  
  
Status: Work in progress (part 5)  
  
Disclaimer: Nope, still not ours.  
  
Thanks to everyone who's reviewed and commented on this fic so far!  
  
~~  
  
Hatori pushed the sliding door open quietly and peered inside. Kyou was still  
  
lying on the makeshift bed that they'd made him and his face looked peaceful,  
  
his eyes closed in what Hatori assumed was sleep. He closed the door behind him  
  
carefully and walked slowly over to Kyou, kneeling down beside him and feeling  
  
his forehead for fever. Kyou was always a fast healer and this time was no  
  
exception. Hatori had been concerned that there would be lasting damage, but  
  
thankfully, that wouldn't be an issue.  
  
He was relieved not only for Kyou, but for himself. He didn't think he'd be able  
  
to take much more guilt. He'd spoken to Kazuma already and as he had expected,  
  
the karate master hadn't been very happy to hear the news. After assuring Kazuma  
  
that he and Shigure were doing everything they could to work on getting the  
  
bracelet back, Kazuma had told him quietly that he would be taking a walk in the  
  
garden and to watch over Kyou while he was gone.  
  
Hatori knew that Kazuma must have been feeling as angry and frustrated as he was  
  
right now, but no good would come of rushing into a situation that they weren't  
  
prepared to deal with. As he brushed Kyou's tousled bangs away from his  
  
forehead, Hatori could only hope that Shigure was having an easier time dealing  
  
with Yuki.  
  
Kyou came back to consciousness as he felt something tickle his head. He  
  
wrinkled his nose and pulled away from the touch instinctively before opening  
  
his eyes slowly. He had actually been sleeping very soundly which was  
  
ridiculous. He felt like all he had done forever and a day was sleep. He  
  
remembered that Yuki and Tohru had been helping him to do his homework, but he  
  
didn't remember getting it done. He must have fallen asleep while they were at  
  
it. He supposed it made sense that his body was sleeping more in order to heal,  
  
but it irked him anyway because he was used to being up and about. Usually, he  
  
was pretty energetic, with interspersed frequent catnaps during the day, but not  
  
sleeping all the time like this.  
  
He finally recognized Hatori staring down at him and he wondered how much time  
  
had passed. It seemed quite a bit, since it was now dark outside, the crickets  
  
chirping in the warm weather. "Hatori?" he slurred tiredly, trying to wake up.  
  
"Where is everyone?"  
  
As his eyes adjusted, it seemed to him that Hatori must be here for a reason.  
  
Kyou remembered now that Shigure and Hatori had gone to the main house to talk  
  
to Akito and he suddenly became nervous, reaching for his bare wrist  
  
instinctively under the covers.  
  
"Kazuma is just outside taking a walk in the garden," Hatori said quietly.  
  
"Shigure and Yuki are talking upstairs and Tohru is making a start on dinner. No  
  
one's going to leave you, Kyou. We'll take care of you." He lowered his eyes to  
  
the floor and he didn't speak for a long moment. "As you probably remember,  
  
Shigure and I went to see Akito today." He saw Kyou flinch slightly even at the  
  
mere mention of the head of the Souma clan and he felt his mood darkening even  
  
further. What was it with Akito getting his fun out of scaring the wits out of  
  
these kids? Hatori hated him almost as much as he hated himself.  
  
"We talked to him. Or rather he reaffirmed his position as head of the clan and  
  
what measures he would take to reinforce that should anyone 'disobey' him." He  
  
couldn't stop the way his features schooled themselves into a frown as he  
  
stressed that word. "In short, he refused to give the bracelet back." Kyou's  
  
eyes widened in panic and Hatori placed a hand on his shoulder to prevent him  
  
from trying to get up. "Don't upset yourself too much. Shigure and I are working  
  
on a way to get it back. I personally will not rest until I have that bracelet  
  
safe and back to you. I know you must be getting sick of people telling you  
  
this, but the weather for this week is going to be mild, so all I can ask for  
  
you to do is to stay strong until we figure out a way to get back what you  
  
need."  
  
Kyou heard Hatori telling him to be calm, so he tried, but all of a sudden, it  
  
felt like ice water was running through his veins. He was starting to shake  
  
almost imperceptibly. He clutched his wrist tightly even as his heart threatened  
  
to pop out of his chest. He knew he wouldn't give it back, he knew it! But it  
  
was like the breakdown was put on hold because he had held the slightest hope  
  
that Shigure might be able to get it back.  
  
He wanted to get up and run. He wanted to do anything but lie here. He wanted to  
  
run away, find a desert somewhere and just fade away. He wanted to die. He  
  
wanted to be anywhere but here. He couldn't be without the bracelet. He  
  
couldn't! It kept him from changing. It kept him from being the freakish monster  
  
that everyone hated so much. It kept him from being so afraid. He had only  
  
transformed very few times in his life, but it scared the Hell out of him every  
  
time it happened. It was powerful and oppressive and evil and rotting and vile.  
  
He realized his breathing was becoming erratic and he turned away from Hatori,  
  
digging his nails into his arm where the bracelet usually rested. He wanted to  
  
beat his own head against the table but instead he punched it hard, letting out  
  
a short, anguished cry of anger. Hatori grabbed his hand.  
  
"Why?" Kyou said weakly. "Why? I didn't do anything." A single tear built up in  
  
his eye and he buried his face in the pillow, turning to the table. "Leave me  
  
alone." He just wanted to crawl into nothing and die. If Hatori would go away,  
  
maybe he could. He could just run out the front door and get away. He pulled his  
  
hand away, crossing his arms at his chest and curling up. "Just go away," he  
  
whispered. He wasn't angry with Hatori, but what could he do? He was just like  
  
the rest of them, wasn't he? Did he even care?  
  
"I'm not going anywhere," Hatori said firmly, leaning over Kyou and pulling on  
  
his shoulder gently, trying to make him lie on his back again. Kyou resisted at  
  
first, but eventually, he allowed Hatori to pull him out of the defensive little  
  
ball he had curled himself into. Kyou kept his head turned away though and still  
  
wouldn't look at him. Hatori couldn't really blame him. He couldn't even begin  
  
to imagine the pain and anguish Kyou must be going through right now.  
  
He paused for a moment, uncertain, but once he'd made up his mind, he rested his  
  
hand gingerly over Kyou's, relieved when the boy didn't yank his hand away.  
  
Hatori had never been particularly close to Kyou or Yuki, neither had he really  
  
had the chance to interact with them before. He was used to being guardian to  
  
Momiji and Hatsuharu, but he'd never taken the chance to get to know the other  
  
two very well.  
  
"Kyou, I know that you're angry right now. I also know that you must be feeling  
  
scared. To be honest, I'd be worried if you weren't. It's okay to be scared  
  
though. I'm sure that Tohru would tell you that too if she was here now. I told  
  
you already that we're going to get that bracelet and we will, somehow. All you  
  
have to do is stay patient and just concentrate on healing."  
  
Hatori tightened his grip on Kyou's hand. This wasn't going as well as he'd  
  
hoped. He was used to dealing with Momiji's hyperactivity and Haru was never a  
  
problem except for when he was in Black Mode. Hatori had just never been the  
  
type to hold someone and utter soft reassurances that everything would be okay  
  
and as much as he wanted to be that sort of person, he knew that it would  
  
probably never happen. He just wished that he could be a little better at this  
  
whole comforting thing though.  
  
He had told Kyou that it was okay to be scared sometimes, but Hatori himself  
  
felt like a coward for not admitting his own fears. He was afraid that Kyou  
  
would reject him and hate him for everything he'd done even though he probably  
  
deserved it. He was afraid for Yuki if it meant that he would be going back to  
  
the main house to try and talk to Akito. He was also afraid for Shigure. His  
  
mind cast back to what Akito had said to him that morning for being out of line  
  
and he shuddered. Erasing Kana's memories had been the worst thing he had ever  
  
done, but if he ever had to do that with Shigure, he didn't think he'd be able  
  
to continue living anymore.  
  
Shigure always looked up to him, always called him the strong one, but that was  
  
far from true. Why was it he never felt strong? He was only weak. He never had  
  
been able to stand up to his own father and he wasn't able to stand up to Akito  
  
either. Both Kyou and Yuki were much stronger than he would ever be. "I  
  
know...that this won't mean anything to you...but I'm sorry. It probably won't  
  
change anything...but I truly am sorry."  
  
Kyou looked at the doctor. The man's eyes were still calm and clear, but there  
  
was pain in that look. He looked like he really cared. Someone like Hatori  
  
wouldn't bother to say something like that unless he meant it. It made Kyou feel  
  
weird. No one had ever held his hand or touched him this much in his life, but  
  
after Yuki and Tohru and Shishou doing it too, he didn't feel like pulling away.  
  
He hated to admit it, but he needed the strength that he had gotten so far from  
  
others. He was afraid...more afraid than he had ever been in his life. Without  
  
that bracelet, he'd be trapped, forever in the main house. He couldn't go to  
  
school anymore for fear of changing in a sudden rainstorm.  
  
At least for now, he was hurt and didn't have to worry about missing school, but  
  
what would he be if he had to stop going? What kind of life would he lead? Would  
  
he spend the rest of his days in that cage that Shishou's grandfather had lived  
  
in? Legend had it that before the bracelet, the vengeful cat had been banished  
  
to live in the mountains by itself. Kyou felt fearful tremors pulse through his  
  
spine. He didn't want that. He didn't want to leave Tohru, or Shishou, or  
  
Shigure...or even that stupid mouse.  
  
He had spent so much of his life pushing people away because of the hatred he  
  
received as a child and not wanting people to think he cared. But maybe he  
  
did...he didn't know. But looking into Hatori's eyes, he knew that this would be  
  
a bad time to be selfish. He needed to be strong for Tohru at least...and show  
  
that damn mouse that he wasn't just a baby.  
  
"I don't know why you care," he ranted sullenly. "It's stupid! You're really  
  
smart, and a good doctor, you take care of Momiji and that stupid cow, and my  
  
stomach hardly hurts at all, so don't worry so much." Kyou closed his eyes,  
  
feeling dumb. He never said things the way he wanted to. He tried again. "The  
  
curse isn't your fault either. And...he does what he wants. He likes to pick on  
  
me, so I should be used to it."  
  
He pulled his hand away and crossed his arms, turning away. He hated getting all  
  
gushy and it was making him feel self-conscious. "So, I'll deal with it.  
  
Somehow...even if you don't get the bracelet back."  
  
Hatori felt the corner of his lips quirk up into a tiny smile in response to  
  
Kyou's words. "We'll get it back, Kyou," he said firmly. "One way or another. I  
  
promise you that we will try our best." He patted Kyou on the shoulder and then  
  
pulled away. "I care about you and so does Shigure. Tohru cares and although  
  
Yuki would never admit it, he does too. Why else do you think they were all so  
  
worried about you? Why would Yuki have gone to all that trouble to help you when  
  
you were injured? Even though you're busy trying to push people away, they still  
  
care about you. Don't ever forget that."  
  
In spite of Kyou's kind words though, he still couldn't help but feel guilty  
  
when he remembered how he'd reacted upon seeing the cat's true form for the  
  
first time. Looking down at Kyou now though, he realised just how foolish he'd  
  
been to be frightened and disturbed by it. This was Kyou in front of him, just a  
  
young, confused boy who had probably been even more frightened than he had been.  
  
"People do care about you," he said again softly. "And with good reason. You're  
  
very brave, Kyou. Braver than I'll ever be." He stopped talking suddenly,  
  
feeling more than a little ridiculous. "Shigure should be the one telling you  
  
this," he muttered awkwardly. "He's always been better at this parenting thing  
  
than I have."  
  
Kyou snorted in reply, though sleepily. "That stupid dog would just talk for  
  
three hours about nothing. When you say things, they mean something. You're not  
  
just talking to hear yourself talk." He grimaced and moved back so he was laying  
  
flat on his back. Twisting around so much was getting painful. He was also  
  
getting tired again. The painkillers he was on as well as the stress he was  
  
feeling was probably what was making him so lethargic.  
  
Hatori's words seemed to weigh heavy with so much truth. Kyou remembered bits  
  
and pieces of Yuki comforting him when he was still in his other form, and  
  
holding him close in the car. Haru and Momiji had come to visit too! Kyou had  
  
that feeling again though, like being immersed in warm water. Was Shishou right?  
  
Was it healing? Was he really that jaded and out of touch with reality that he  
  
didn't understand people anymore? Maybe they really did care, but he was afraid  
  
to accept it. What if he did and it was all false?  
  
Still, he soaked in Hatori's kind words and held on to them because they were  
  
like a buoy to cling to in stormy seas right now. He said that he would be okay,  
  
but he had no idea how. Hatori was right, though. The weather was okay right now  
  
and it wouldn't do any good for Yuki or Tohru to see him whining like a scared  
  
baby so he needed to be brave. He remembered that Hatori had had to endure a lot  
  
of pain as well. Kyou couldn't even imagine having that sort of power and being  
  
forced to erase Tohru's memory. He remembered Tohru's story, about the rice  
  
balls and the umeboshi.  
  
"You're brave too," he said sleepily, his eyes drooping. "You just can't see it  
  
because it's on your back." He yawned, fighting to stay awake.  
  
Hatori was startled by Kyou's words and he stared down at the sleepy boy in  
  
shock. Kyou was staring back at him, blinking rapidly and Hatori knew he was  
  
ready for rest right now. Their little talk on top of everything else had  
  
probably succeeded in tiring him out and if there was anything Kyou needed right  
  
now as much as he needed reassurance, it was rest.  
  
"You should get some sleep," he said gruffly, deeply touched by what Kyou had  
  
said. "I'll stay here until Kazuma comes back." He pulled the blanket further up  
  
and tucked it under Kyou's chin, placing his free hand over the boy's eyes and  
  
closing them gently. "Sleep," he commanded softly, removing his hand to see that  
  
Kyou was already relaxing, his breathing slowly evening out.  
  
As he watched Kyou sleep, Hatori promised himself that he would do his best to  
  
protect Kyou. He hadn't been able to protect Kana, but maybe with Kyou, he had  
  
been given a second chance, a chance to redeem himself somehow. He just hoped  
  
that somehow, he would be able to prove himself worthy enough to receive Kyou's  
  
praise.  
  
~~  
  
Shigure closed the door behind him and stared down at Yuki. The young teen  
  
was sitting on the edge of his bed and his posture was relaxed, but Shigure  
  
knew better. Yuki was watching him intently and Shigure decided not to beat  
  
about the bush for once. "Ha-san and I just got back from seeing Akito," he  
  
said quietly. "It seems as though our great leader was not in the best of  
  
moods this morning. We asked for the bracelet back and he refused." He  
  
paused for a moment. "He seems pretty intent on beating up poor Kyou-kun for  
  
as long as he can. It doesn't look as though he'll be giving it back anytime  
  
soon and there's only so long that the weather will stay clear. Ha-san tried  
  
to reason with him, but as usual, he wouldn't listen." Shigure bit his lower  
  
lip, wondering how to tell Yuki the next part. "He also asked about you."  
  
Yuki looked down at the floor. "I see," he said. Poor Kyou. It wasn't fair.  
  
He still couldn't understand quite why Akito had attacked the cat. He never  
  
did something without a reason. It wasn't just about him being crazy. Then  
  
Shigure's last words sank in. Shigure didn't have to say anything else. It  
  
was pretty obvious what that meant. "I suppose he offered to give the  
  
bracelet back if I came back. But why should I? What do I care about the  
  
stupid cat?" The questions were voiced almost in a whisper.  
  
Of course, it seemed obvious that Kyou would not be able to survive this  
  
way. He was strong, but what kind of pain was this, to feel so trapped? Very  
  
few Juniishi survived to be very much older than fifty. The loneliness of  
  
the curse was unhealthily degrading. Most of them had been very sick as  
  
children because of the pain and the loneliness they endured. Yuki himself  
  
had spent a good deal of his time sick. Even Kyou had been very ill after  
  
his mother's death. It was a common effect of children that were not touched  
  
and held by their mothers to get sick and die, just as it was common for  
  
trapped animals to get sick and die. How would this affect Kyou, to feel so  
  
lonely, so completely cut off again, so trapped? How long could he take it?  
  
Then Yuki thought of something else.  
  
"I think that Tohru would be very sad if Akito broke Kyou, wouldn't she? Is  
  
that what he wants?" Yuki stood, enraged. "What did he say, Shigure?"  
  
"Actually, he didn't mention Tohru-kun at all," Shigure replied, surprised.  
  
"He seemed to be rather upset about our 'disobedience' as he put it,  
  
although I can't think of anything that Kyou might have done to upset him  
  
lately. He hasn't even seen Kyou for months anyway, so I still don't  
  
understand why he's so intent on bullying him like this." He sighed and  
  
leaned back against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest and wishing  
  
he could just get out of this stuffy, awful suit eventually.  
  
Yuki laughed painfully. "Oh, he always knows how to cover all his bases  
  
doesn't he?" Shigure said nothing to that.  
  
After he and Hatori had returned from the main house, Hatori had gone  
  
straight to Kazuma and Kyou while he had taken Yuki upstairs, away from  
  
where Tohru might hear. He didn't want her to be any more upset than she  
  
already was. "You know that the last thing I want is for you to go back over  
  
to that house just to see him, but I don't know what else we can do. I think  
  
I lost my last bargaining chip when Akito learned of mine and Ha-san's  
  
relationship. It seems that I no longer have any influence at all over him  
  
now he knows where to hit me and hard." He laughed bitterly.  
  
"Have you told Kyou yet?" Yuki asked quietly.  
  
"Ha-san is telling him now," Shigure replied. "He volunteered to let both  
  
Kyou and Kazuma know how everything went. Which as you know, was not very  
  
good," he added ruefully. "Ha-san did try to stand up to Akito, but you know  
  
how terrified he is of him." His expression darkened. "The thing is, we  
  
don't even know where he could be keeping the bracelet. We can't even snoop  
  
around to try and look for it because he'll already have guessed that we  
  
might try that. I don't know how he does it, but he just *knows* things. At  
  
this moment in time, I really don't have any fantastic ideas. Ha-san is  
  
thinking about going back to the main house tonight and although I don't  
  
really like the idea, at least if he stays close to Akito, that might stop  
  
him from trying to pull anything else."  
  
Yuki nodded. He got up and looked out the window. He was afraid now, deathly  
  
afraid. Kyou must be afraid too, so afraid. Now Akito, for whatever reason  
  
wanted Yuki to come back. It didn't make sense. Why was he using Kyou? Yuki  
  
hated Kyou. Akito knew this. He was there when Kyou had pushed him away.  
  
"It doesn't make sense, Shigure. I don't even like Kyou. I don't want him to  
  
suffer, but I can't go back."  
  
His hands were shaking. He pressed them against the glass to make them stop,  
  
watching as the pressure made the tips of his fingers turn white and leave  
  
traces of evaporation where they were. He thought of Kyou, bleeding and  
  
close to death in his arms in the car. Thought of his pain as he turned away  
  
from them knowing they had seen his true form.  
  
He also remembered the months before he himself had left the main house. He  
  
remembered the whippings, the pain, and the constant fear. He remembered the  
  
way Akito looked at him.  
  
"Don't ever turn away from me again Yuki. You're my best friend remember?"  
  
"I can't go back," he whispered weakly.  
  
Shigure stared at Yuki for a moment without saying anything. Yuki was  
  
standing with his back to him and gazing pensively out the window, but  
  
Shigure didn't miss the way his fingers clenched so hard that his knuckles  
  
turned white. "No one said you had to go back," he said after a while. "No  
  
one's forcing you to do anything that you don't want to do. We'll just find  
  
some other way to get the bracelet back...somehow." He forced himself to  
  
smile again, trying to lighten the mood somewhat. "Well, I'm going to check  
  
on Ha-san and Kyou-kun, see how they're getting along. Feel like coming  
  
along with me?"  
  
Yuki shook his head, still gazing out the window. "You go ahead. I'll come  
  
down later," he replied quietly.  
  
"Suit yourself," Shigure said with a shrug. "Just don't stay up here to  
  
brood all day. After all, you don't want to worry Tohru-kun anymore than you  
  
already are doing," he added slyly. He ruffled Yuki's hair affectionately,  
  
knowing how much the boy hated it when he did that, but even getting one of  
  
Yuki's glares of death was infinitely better than seeing him mope around  
  
like this. He grinned widely and left the room, closing the door none too  
  
quietly behind him. He quickly made his way down the stairs and into the  
  
living room where he found Hatori sitting quietly by Kyou. "How's the  
  
patient?" he chirped, ignoring Hatori's warning frown.  
  
Shigure sat down beside him and Hatori's frown deepened. He leaned over to  
  
place a hand over the writer's mouth in an attempt to keep him quiet. "He's  
  
sleeping," he said sternly, rolling his eyes at Shigure's best impression of  
  
a kicked puppy dog. "The last thing he needs is you disturbing him by  
  
bounding around the house and shrieking your head off."  
  
He looked down at Kyou again and his expression eased into a more relaxed  
  
one. "I told him about the bracelet," he added quietly. "He took the news  
  
surprisingly well. He's scared...I know he is even though he won't admit  
  
it...but he's going to be okay. It looks as though he's going to make a  
  
fairly speedy recovery, so I won't have to stay over here much longer. Just  
  
keep an eye on him, make sure he doesn't do anything to overexcite himself  
  
and I'll probably come over again just to check on him tomorrow evening."  
  
Shigure eyed the sleeping teen warily. He would be okay for now, but would  
  
he be able to hold up if the fall storms started kicking in? They needed to  
  
get the bracelet back somehow and Akito wasn't interested at this point.  
  
Knowing him, he probably felt guilty about Kyou's accident, but Shigure  
  
could tell that Akito was orchestrating something. What exactly, he didn't  
  
know. He sighed and took Hatori's hand.  
  
He kissed Hatori's palm gently. "Get some sleep Ha-san. Tohru-kun will want  
  
to stay with Kyou again tonight, which means Yuki will too. We'll call you  
  
if anything happens."  
  
Hatori nodded, squeezing Shigure's hand and then rising to his feet, pulling  
  
the other man up with him. "Take care of him," he said, nodding to Kyou. He  
  
pulled Shigure into a brief hug and then moved away again, stepping out into  
  
the hallway to gather his things. He let Shigure walk him to the front door  
  
and was about to lean in to kiss him goodbye when he caught sight of Tohru  
  
watching them curiously from where she stood in the kitchen. Hatori sighed  
  
and settled for placing his hand on Shigure's shoulder for a few seconds,  
  
murmuring a soft goodbye before getting into his car and driving back home.  
  
Once he reached the main house, he was greeted by Momiji who was  
  
enthusiastic as ever and he nearly stumbled when the blond boy threw himself  
  
at him, squeezing him around the middle so tightly he thought his air supply  
  
was going to be cut off. "Did you and Hatsuharu manage to make something to  
  
eat last night without wrecking the kitchen?" he asked cautiously.  
  
Momiji smiled brightly, standing with his hands behind his back, eyes  
  
closed. "Nope! But we cleaned up the mess. Hari, Hari! Kyou's all right, isn  
  
't he? Is he okay?" At Hatori's soft nod, Momiji clapped joyfully. "Yay!  
  
Haru and I made Kyou a kite so he won't get bored. We'll take it over  
  
tomorrow...cause Kyou will get lots of get well cards from school and we can  
  
bring those too!" The hyperactive blond made a huge circle in the air,  
  
indicating how many 'lots of presents' there would be as he hopped from one  
  
foot to the other. "Haru's fixing popcorn right now and we're going to watch  
  
a movie. Can he stay over, Hari? Please, can Haru stay?" Momiji tugged on  
  
the tired man's arm lightly, his soft brown eyes pleading.  
  
"Yes, he can stay," sighed Hatori, taking Momiji's arm and guiding him  
  
inside the house. "But you're not staying up too late. You both have school  
  
tomorrow." He allowed Momiji to drag him into the kitchen where he found  
  
Haru emptying out bags of popcorn into two large bowls.  
  
"Ah, Hatori," he greeted quietly. "Momiji and I were just about to watch a  
  
movie. You're welcome to join us if you wish. We have more then enough  
  
popcorn," he added, gesturing to the snacks. Haru was secretly grateful that  
  
he and Momiji had finally managed to get the kitchen cleaned up before  
  
Hatori had returned. At first, Momiji had been upset when he found out that  
  
Hatori would be staying over at Shigure's house, but he had soon cheered up  
  
when Haru suggested that they make cookies together. The only problem was,  
  
neither of them had really known *how* to make the cookies and all they had  
  
ended up making was a lot of mess.  
  
They had finally called it quits and decided to order take-out instead and  
  
had cleaned up the kitchen as best they could. He stared more closely at  
  
Hatori and noticed that the man looked tired. Not that Haru could blame him.  
  
He must have been up all night tending to Kyou. Haru knew though that  
  
however bad a mood Hatori was in, he could always be brought round by a pair  
  
of large, pleading brown eyes coupled by a huge, hopeful smile. He smiled to  
  
himself when, after Momiji's fifth tug on Hatori's arm the doctor finally  
  
relented.  
  
"So what movie are you watching?" he asked finally, taking one of the  
  
popcorn bowls from Haru before Momiji could get into it and spill the  
  
contents all over the floor in his enthusiasm.  
  
Momiji went to take the other bowl of popcorn, but Haru had grabbed that and  
  
the two were moving toward the living room. Momiji stared at his empty hands  
  
and swung them back and forth, following them.  
  
"It's scary! It's called 'Watcher in the Woods' and we can watch it cause it  
  
's Disney, but it's all scary. Bette Davis is in it and she has weird eyes  
  
and lots of circles and...stuff."  
  
He scrambled to the VCR, popping the movie in and letting Haru and Hatori  
  
sit down. Naturally, they sat on either side of the couch and Momiji took  
  
full advantage of it by crawling in between them and snuggling his head into  
  
Hatori's lap, while settling his feet on Haru's. He hugged Hatori, glad to  
  
have the older man back. It was always a little scary being alone in the old  
  
house. That was why he had invited Haru. He was scared of Akito slinking in,  
  
but he was also afraid of ghosts now, though he never used to be.  
  
Hatori placed the bowl of popcorn in front of Momiji and held it steady so  
  
that the boy wouldn't knock it over whenever he reached for a handful.  
  
Hatori didn't much care for popcorn himself, but he knew it didn't matter.  
  
No doubt it would only take Momiji about five minutes to empty the whole  
  
bowl by himself. Once Momiji finally made himself comfortable, Hatori leaned  
  
his head back against the sofa, closing his eyes. He was grateful for the  
  
fact that Haru had turned the lights off before they had got settled, that  
  
way he could close his eyes and doze a little while the other two watched  
  
the movie.  
  
He'd banned Momiji from watching anything higher than a PG-13 rating ever  
  
since he'd started having nightmares when he'd found Haru's borrowed copy of  
  
the Exorcist that time. After that, he'd given Haru strict instructions to  
  
put away all of his videos where Momiji wouldn't find them. The last thing  
  
he needed was Momiji trying to sneak into his bed again after having another  
  
nightmare about make-believe demons from Hell or whatever it was that  
  
frightened him these days.  
  
Momiji snuggled closer to Hatori, smiling as he felt the man falling asleep.  
  
Hari worked so hard for all of them. The small blond boy revelled in the  
  
times when they could actually get him to sit down and take it easy with  
  
them. He acted so cold, but he was a part of their family too. Even though  
  
Momiji's father was very loving, he also had another family to attend to and  
  
couldn't take time to do the little things for Momiji, like pick him up from  
  
band practice and take him to the park.  
  
Momiji could tell by the change in Hatori's breathing that he was already  
  
dozing off, even though the opening credits hadn't even played. He loosened  
  
the arm he had wrapped around Hatori's stomach and began to eat the popcorn,  
  
watching the movie with rapt attention, the popcorn filling his buttery  
  
fingers and then his mouth as if on automatic pilot. He wiggled his feet in  
  
anticipation and Haru put a hand on them to keep them still.  
  
Momiji's attention suddenly strayed from the movie a bit. He and Haru had  
  
always been close, but lately Momiji was developing a definite crush on the  
  
boy so that every little touch was suddenly special, when a year ago, it  
  
wouldn't have meant anything. Momiji smiled, enjoying the moment. This was  
  
wonderful.  
  
Haru kept Momiji's feet still with one hand while reaching for a handful of  
  
popcorn with the other. He glanced over at Hatori and even though the room  
  
was dark and he only had the light of the television screen to see with, he  
  
could tell that the man was either asleep or getting there. Haru smiled to  
  
himself and tapped Momiji on the shoulder, tilting his head toward Hatori  
  
and placing a finger to his lips. Momiji giggled and munched on another  
  
handful of popcorn, trying not to drop any in Hatori's lap.  
  
Haru spoke up while the opening credits were still running, but softly so as  
  
not to wake Hatori. "What do you say we go and visit Kyou tomorrow after  
  
school to give him that kite we made?" he suggested. He remembered  
  
comforting Momiji in Shigure's garden and decided that it would be good for  
  
him to speak to Kyou again. The thing with Akito was still eating him up  
  
pretty badly and Haru knew that he wouldn't feel completely better about it  
  
until he spoke with Kyou.  
  
Momiji felt his mood droop a little. He knew he needed to talk to Kyou. He  
  
felt terrible, but he was afraid of what the temperamental boy would think.  
  
It would be nice to take the kite to him though. They had spent a lot of  
  
time making it and if he could get outside, it might be fun. He sighed and  
  
nodded, turning back to the movie, trying to think of what he was going to  
  
say. He felt a little better when he felt Haru's gentle hand on his  
  
shoulder. He just hoped that Kyou didn't end up hating him. 


	6. EQAB6

Title: Equally Cursed and Blessed  
  
Authors: Caer (caerfree@tde.com) and Triste (TragedyandComedy@aol.com)  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Warnings: Yaoi, violence, angst  
  
Pairings: YukixKyou, ShigurexHatori, HaruxMomiji  
  
Status: Work in progress (part 6)  
  
Disclaimer: Nope, still not ours.  
  
As always, thanks to everyone who's reviewed this fic! ^___^  
  
~~  
  
Kyou looked up when he heard the door open and he frowned slightly at the look  
  
on Yuki's face. "What's the matter?" he asked when Yuki dumped his bag roughly  
  
down onto the table. Yuki merely unzipped his backpack and handed Kyou over a  
  
couple of cards. Kyou took them wordlessly, opening the envelopes and pulling  
  
out the cards they contained. The first one read, 'Hope you get better soon,  
  
Carrot Top. Maybe the convalescence will do that brain of yours some good, but  
  
it's doubtful. Don't let Tohru mother you too much now, you're not worth it.'  
  
Kyou snorted under his breath. "Damn Yankee." Predictably, the other card was  
  
from Hana-chan and Kyou stared at it, feeling somewhat frightened. It was a  
  
plain black card with a padded satin cover and a single black flower stuck to  
  
the front of it. The message was a simple, 'wishing you and your waves a speedy  
  
recovery.' Kyou shuddered and quickly set the card down. It was nice of  
  
Hana-chan to send a card and all, but still, it didn't make it or her any less  
  
creepy.  
  
He looked up and was surprised to see that Yuki was still emptying his bag,  
  
placing various cards, flowers and other assorted gifts onto the table. "There's  
  
more?" he asked, confused. Yuki shook his head silently and Kyou snorted.  
  
"Figures. I fall ill and you're the one who gets all the gifts."  
  
"Don't think I'm enjoying it, baka neko," Yuki hissed angrily as he emptied out  
  
his bag roughly, stuffing his books back in. "You can have them all for all I  
  
care." Yuki eyed the cat carefully though. He looked a little bit better. He  
  
still didn't look too energetic, but the color was coming back to his face. He  
  
couldn't help but feel a little relief. He really had been scared two nights  
  
ago. Kyou was looking better though, still not well enough to cause trouble, but  
  
at least he was alive.  
  
"How are you feeling?" He asked quietly. "Do you need anything?" Suddenly he  
  
realized that no one was around. "Where is everyone?"  
  
"Tohru's gone to work at her part-time job, dummy," Kyou said, rolling his eyes.  
  
Honestly, was the work Yuki did for the student council so enthralling that it  
  
made him lose track of the time and what was going on around him? "Shigure's  
  
busy hiding from his editor. I think he's been trying to use me as an excuse to  
  
delay his newest manuscript." He made a face. "And for your information, I am  
  
fine. Bored...fed up...I'm sick of staring at these four walls and I want to get  
  
out...but I'm fine. Thank you for asking."  
  
Yuki glared. "I know where Tohru is, idiot, I was talking about everyone else."  
  
Yuki said, but not with as much bite as usual. He could imagine the usually  
  
energetic boy was going stir crazy being in this house, for so long. He was  
  
definitely still too weak to move, but maybe with someone else here, they could  
  
carry him outside for a while. "What about Kazuma?"  
  
"He went out to the store," Kyou replied. Yuki raised his eyebrows as if waiting  
  
for a longer response. "He went to buy me some mint tea. Whenever he or I got  
  
sick while we were in the mountains, he always used to make mint tea. I don't  
  
know why, but it makes me feel better. It...It reminds me of being with him, of  
  
when I was happy." He looked away, wondering why he'd chosen to reveal so much  
  
information and to Yuki no less.  
  
"He'll probably be back in a while. He didn't want to leave me on my own, but I  
  
promised him I'd be fine. Really, he's worse than Tohru. I'm not on my deathbed  
  
or anything. It's not like I need people at my beck and call morning, noon and  
  
night." He didn't mention that he kind of liked being looked after though. It  
  
would just make him look stupid and the last thing he needed to do was make  
  
himself look any weaker than he already was.  
  
Yuki looked at the flustered boy, eyebrow raised, shocked that he would say so  
  
much without yelling at him. When he was happy? Yuki wondered if he was happy at  
  
all now. Until he had shown up after training in the woods and fighting bears,  
  
Yuki had not seen him for years, except at the New Year parties when Kyou would  
  
challenge him to fights. They hated each other. Yuki had never cared whether  
  
Kyou was happy or not. For some reason though, if Kyou was unhappy living here,  
  
he felt that he certainly must have some blame in it. Though the stupid cat  
  
brought just as much of it on himself. Still.  
  
"You had all of us scared," he said quietly. He picked up one of his cards,  
  
reading the sugary sweet message on the front: "Dear Yuki-kun, I'm really really  
  
sorry your cousin's sick. Will you go out with me?" It was surrounded by pink  
  
hearts. Same old game. Damn this curse.  
  
"Akito, he...he had no right. I'm sorry that he did this to you."  
  
Kyou looked up, startled both by the tone of Yuki's voice and by what he had  
  
said. Yuki had chosen to look at one of his many cards rather than at him, but  
  
Kyou could tell that he was being sincere. "Don't be sorry," he said stiffly,  
  
lowering his gaze to the cards that Uo-chan and Hana-chan had sent him. He  
  
fingered the corner of the one from Hana-chan, feeling how smooth the satin was  
  
underneath his fingertips.  
  
"It wasn't like he hasn't done anything like this before. It just...never turned  
  
out this bad." He cleared his throat. "And anyway, I'm getting better now! I can  
  
sit up and everything! Although I'm not supposed to," he added sheepishly. "I'm  
  
fine, really. Stop worrying so much. It's making me feel weird," he said, only  
  
half-joking. Yuki glanced up from his card suddenly and stared at him.  
  
Kyou felt his cheeks growing hot with awkwardness and embarrassment, but he  
  
didn't look away, just kept his gaze fixed on Yuki's. He didn't think he'd ever  
  
stared at Yuki for this long before. Usually, he was so focused on when and how  
  
he could hit him somehow in order to start a fight, but now that they were just  
  
sitting quietly here like this, he was starting to notice things that he never  
  
had done before. Things like how long Yuki's eyelashes really were, or how soft  
  
his skin looked.  
  
Kyou often said he looked like a girl...but he'd never mentioned Yuki was pretty  
  
as in girl pretty. Not that he'd ever mention that though. Kyou found himself  
  
puzzled by his own thoughts. Since when had he ever found Yuki pretty? He shook  
  
his head slightly and just put it down to the drugs that Hatori was still making  
  
him take. They were starting to make him think things and say things that he  
  
never would have done before the accident. Feeling relieved, Kyou sighed. He  
  
wasn't going mad after all. He had wondered...  
  
Yuki looked back at the stupid card, feeling a little strange. Kyou had the most  
  
striking red eyes. You could get lost in them. Yuki found himself thinking  
  
crazy thoughts, like how slender Kyou was, and how delicate his collarbone  
  
looked. And just now, Kyou had been trying to make him feel better...him. Maybe  
  
the cat wasn't all bad. Maybe, it was time to make an effort to be, if not  
  
friends, at least civil to each other again. He found his voice.  
  
"So, maybe when Kazuma comes back, we can take you outside, for a little while.  
  
As scrawny as you are, I still don't think I could get you out alone," he said,  
  
trying to sound casual. He didn't mention that he was scared to even handle  
  
Kyou right now. He still looked fragile against the sheets they had used to  
  
cover the pads by the table. He looked pale. Yuki had never noticed before, but  
  
Kyou had very delicate wrists. Suddenly, he was looking at Kyou again, looking  
  
at his red eyes, as they blinked at him confusedly.  
  
"Hello!" An incredibly loud voice called out! "Anyone home?" They both looked  
  
up, the stillness broken.  
  
Kyou cursed silently when Momiji's voice made itself heard and he finally broke  
  
Yuki's gaze, staring down at the floor in embarrassment. What had happened  
  
there? Or rather, what would have happened if Momiji hadn't arrived? Would they  
  
just have kept staring at each other like that? Kyou felt goose bumps rising on  
  
his arms and decided that he didn't want to know.  
  
He didn't have much time to ponder it anyway because at that moment, the door  
  
flung open and Momiji strode inside, carrying a tuba that was almost as big as  
  
he was. Kyou's jaw dropped and he just stared in silence as Momiji beamed at  
  
him. "Uh...what's that?" he asked dumbly as Haru stepped into the room and took  
  
his place behind Momiji, holding something behind his back.  
  
Momiji held the odd thing up brightly. "It's my tuba, Kyou! Don't you know what  
  
a tuba looks like? I brought it to play for you! I wanna play you a song! I  
  
wanna play, I wanna play!"  
  
"I *know* what it is!" Kyou snapped. "I'm not *stupid*!" Momiji just stared back  
  
at him with those huge, pleading eyes and although he didn't really like the  
  
idea, Kyou sighed and gave in. Besides, Momiji had gone to all the effort of  
  
dragging the damn instrument all the way here, so he may as well listen to him.  
  
He suddenly realized that he'd never heard Momiji play the tuba before. Hell, he  
  
hadn't even known the kid could *play* an instrument before today. "Fine, fine,"  
  
he said, rolling his eyes. Momiji whooped with excitement and then blew a few  
  
warm-up notes, almost blasting Kyou through the wall with the sheer volume of  
  
it. "Um...in your own time," Kyou said weakly.  
  
Yuki looked at his younger cousin warmly. "Momiji, the tuba is a loud  
  
instrument. Why don't you play it out on the porch? That way we can watch you  
  
and it won't be too loud?"  
  
Momiji stared at him with wide eyes and nodded. "I get it. Okay, hold on." He  
  
moved out to the porch and waved madly at them. Haru and Yuki waved back, while  
  
Kyou watched with interest. Momiji took a deep breath and began to play. Oddly  
  
enough, it was his own song he sang when they had gone to the hot springs and he  
  
played it quite well, his little red cheeks puffing out and his feet marching  
  
along to the music as he played.  
  
A couple of the higher notes didn't quite make their full way out of the  
  
instrument, but for the most part, it was actually quite good. Yuki couldn't  
  
help but notice that the blond had actually grown a few inches. He was probably  
  
as tall as Tohru now and though he was still small for his age, he seemed to  
  
look a little more like a teenager. An extremely young teenager but a teen none  
  
the less.  
  
Momiji finished with a flourish and bowed, setting his tuba down and running  
  
back in.  
  
"Kyou, did you like it? Was it okay? I'm not very good yet." He was on his hands  
  
and knees as he looked hopefully at his cranky cousin with his annoying huge,  
  
gentle brown bunny eyes.  
  
"It sounded okay to me," said Kyou with a shrug. He could see Yuki giving him a  
  
warning stare out of the corner of his eye and he sighed, knowing what that look  
  
meant. Momiji was still watching him hopefully and Kyou rolled his eyes again,  
  
knowing he wasn't going to get away with simply telling Momiji that it was  
  
'fine'. "It was okay to say that you haven't been playing it long. Everyone gets  
  
better with practice I suppose, even you."  
  
He paused, unsure of what to say. He had never been very good at handing out  
  
praise or compliments, but he guessed he could give it a try for once. Besides,  
  
if they made fun of him for saying something nice, he could always say it had  
  
been the medication that made him say it. "It wasn't the best thing ever," he  
  
said grudgingly. "But then it wasn't bad either. You'll get better." He frowned.  
  
"Anyway, isn't it that song you sang for us at the hot springs? The one with the  
  
dumb words?" He hummed under his breath. "Something, something, a frog and a dog  
  
saying goodbye, was it? Where the Hell did you come up with lyrics like that  
  
anyway?"  
  
Momiji smiled softly, though he felt a little sad. He knew Kyou wasn't too good  
  
at this, but somehow, what he said seemed okay anyway. He actually even  
  
remembered where the song came from. Kyou was being so nice, for him and Momiji  
  
knew it wouldn't be long before he had to tell him the truth. He doubted Kyou  
  
would ever be nice to him again after that.  
  
"Thank you, Kyou," he said softly.  
  
Yuki sighed in relief as Kyou praised the small blond. He did it with about as  
  
much grace as a hippo on acid, but at least he didn't yell at the kid.  
  
"That was good, Momiji," he smiled. "I didn't know you had gotten so good. It  
  
was nice of you both to visit. Eh... Haru, Kazuma wasn't around, but I was  
  
thinking if we're careful, we could move Kyou outside for a while." He looked  
  
down at the pale boy. "I imagine he's going crazy having to stay all day with  
  
Shigure and not being able to get outside."  
  
Kyou snorted. "I have a mouth, you know and I will use it to speak with."  
  
Secretly, he was touched that Yuki could be so considerate, but he wasn't going  
  
to say that. He glanced over at Momiji who smiled back, but for some reason, his  
  
smile seemed a little strained. It wasn't a look Kyou was used to seeing on the  
  
blond and it reminded him of when he'd come across him those few days ago on the  
  
verge of being beaten up.  
  
"Oi," he said, catching Momiji's attention. "When we go outside...you can play  
  
some more if you want to. You're okay now...but you won't get better if you  
  
don't practice some more." He looked away, blushing and he was grateful when  
  
Haru and Yuki chose that moment to step up to him. They knelt down on either  
  
side of him and slowly, carefully, they picked him up and began to carry him  
  
outside and into the garden.  
  
It was only a short distance away, but it felt like miles to Kyou, trying not to  
  
put too much weight on his bruised stomach as he gasped once or twice, but  
  
otherwise kept his mouth shut. He was relieved when the two of them finally set  
  
him down though, Haru adjusting the blanket over him and fussing like the mother  
  
hen Kyou knew he could be. He batted Haru's hands away impatiently and looked  
  
over at Momiji who had picked up his tuba then.  
  
"Go on then. Show me what else you can play," he said awkwardly, hoping that  
  
Momiji would go back to giving him those big, sugary smiles again. It felt weird  
  
to see the kid without them...kind of how it felt to see Yuki being so nice,  
  
Kyou sighed inwardly. Since when had his world decided to choose now to go  
  
off-kilter?  
  
Yuki stared at Kyou, amazed. He must be drugged to be *that* nice to Momiji.  
  
Then again, Kyou was in a lot of pain too. He stared at the grown forlornly,  
  
wondering if it had been wise to move him. Then again, Kyou was so impatient, he  
  
probably would have moved on his own and caused even more damage. As they had  
  
moved him out, every wince or little groan of pain he let out under his breath  
  
had cut into Yuki's conscience like a raw nerve. He felt guilty. More than he  
  
should, but then, his going back to Akito was about the only way of getting  
  
Kyou's bracelet back. He was sure Kyou was scared, but he was too. Kyou didn't  
  
know. None of them did. They didn't know what Akito had done, how cruel and  
  
horrible he had been.  
  
He watched silently as Kyou finally managed to get the overzealous Haru from  
  
messing with his blanket. Momiji had gotten his tuba but put it inside rather  
  
than continue playing. He appeared a few seconds later, dragging something  
  
behind him. Yuki couldn't quite see it.  
  
"Haru, Haru, you forgot this!" Momiji ran up and gave Haru something, but  
  
neither Kyou nor Yuki could tell what it was.  
  
Haru smiled at the curious look on Kyou's face and he knelt down to the redhead,  
  
offering the gift that he and Momiji had made. Kyou took it gingerly and stared  
  
at his, his expression one of confusion. "It's a kite," Haru said helpfully.  
  
"Momiji and I made it for you yesterday. We thought you might like it."  
  
Kyou turned the kite over in his hands, running his fingers over it in awe. It  
  
might not be the best kite that had ever been made, but he could tell that they  
  
must have gone to a lot of effort to make it. He had no idea whether or not it  
  
would actually be able to fly, but at least it looked pretty...kind of.  
  
There were big clumps of multi-colored sparkles stuck in strategic places on the  
  
kite, but the thing that made him smile the most were the little animal shapes  
  
that had been pasted on. Four crude figures of a cat, a mouse, a cow and a  
  
rabbit were stuck on each corner of the kite, the cat on the north point of the  
  
kite, the mouse underneath it and the cow and the rabbit pointing out east and  
  
west.  
  
Kyou ran one fingertip lightly over the little cat figure and bit his lip. He  
  
looked up at Haru and then at Momiji and felt a tiny smile break out on his  
  
face. "God only knows if this thing could actually fly," he said. "But...it  
  
looks really nice." He dropped his head, again feeling touched. He couldn't  
  
remember the last time someone had given him a gift and never one as thoughtful  
  
as this. "Thanks...I...It's nice," he mumbled, not looking up. "Thank you."  
  
The company was comfortably silent. Yuki watched Kyou as his hands lingered upon  
  
the small gift and he suddenly felt guilty for not even bothering with getting a  
  
card or something himself. Before, he wouldn't have given it a second thought,  
  
but that image of Kyou bleeding and weak in his arms still haunted him. No  
  
matter how hard he tried, he couldn't dredge up the usual hatred of the cat.  
  
Because the fact that they had almost lost him somehow made Yuki realize that no  
  
matter how much he still hated the boy, he didn't want him to go away. He had no  
  
idea what that meant.  
  
"Kyou," Momiji said in his gentle voice, breaking the silence before it became  
  
uncomfortable. "If you hold the string, I'll try to get it up in the air. It  
  
should fly, right Haru?"  
  
"We won't know unless we try," Haru said mildly, still smiling. He gently took  
  
the kite from Kyou and wound the string around his wrist. "Hold onto that," he  
  
instructed, handing the kite back to Momiji. At his nod, Momiji began tearing  
  
off through the garden, trying to get the kite to go up in the air. It just  
  
wasn't windy enough though and after a few failed attempts, Haru trotted up to  
  
Momiji and knelt down before him. "Climb up on my back," he said, waiting until  
  
Momiji had a firm hold of his neck with one arm and the kite clasped tightly in  
  
his free hand.  
  
Once he was ready, Haru began jogging around the garden, Momiji with his arm  
  
outstretched as he held the kite in the air, squealing happily. The kite itself  
  
might not actually fly properly, but at least they had managed to get it up in  
  
the air...in a way. Haru glanced at Kyou as he jogged past him and the cat was  
  
staring back at him with an expression that Haru had never seen on him before.  
  
He wore a sad little smile and he looked wistful somehow. Yuki was watching them  
  
both and smiling gently, glancing at Kyou out of the corner of his eye every now  
  
and again.  
  
The cat seemed oblivious to Yuki's scrutiny though to which Haru was grateful  
  
for. It was the first time in what seemed like ages that they could be near each  
  
other without screaming and kicking and punching and Haru liked it. He finally  
  
came to a stop in front of Kyou and crouched down again, waiting for Momiji to  
  
jump off. "Enjoy the ride?" he asked, laughing.  
  
Momiji smiled and nodded, glad that Haru was tall enough that he wouldn't see  
  
little problem that had arisen from riding on Haru's back like that. He blushed  
  
and quickly sat down, so that his fancy German blouse covered it up. He handed  
  
the kite back to Kyou.  
  
"Sorry, it's not windy enough, Kyou. We'll have to try again though right?" he  
  
smiled brightly. Kyou finished winding up the kite string before taking it back,  
  
treating it with the utmost care.  
  
Yuki looked at the two younger boys as they talked with Kyou and decided that he  
  
should make himself scarce. He needed to think. He crept away and wandered down  
  
the path to his garden.  
  
Haru didn't miss the fact that Yuki had disappeared and he frowned to himself.  
  
He tapped Momiji on the shoulder and let him know that he was leaving for a  
  
while and then went off in search of Yuki.  
  
Kyou watched him leave, but said nothing. He wondered if he'd said anything to  
  
upset Yuki at all...and then he caught himself, wondering why the Hell he should  
  
care. As much as he tried to fight it though, he could push away the concern he  
  
felt. Yuki had seemed okay to him...but then he was always good at hiding what  
  
he was really feeling. He was also good at smiling when he didn't mean it, which  
  
Kyou couldn't really understand. He never saw the point in doing anything like  
  
that.  
  
Why should he bother wasting smiles on people who wouldn't appreciate them?  
  
Smiles should be saved for times when you really meant them, should be saved for  
  
people you cared about. Still, even he had been able to recognize the fond smile  
  
Yuki had worn while watching Haru and Momiji running round the garden with the  
  
kite. He had seemed pretty happy then...so why had he disappeared like that?  
  
Kyou sighed. He didn't think he'd ever be able to figure Yuki out. "Oi," he  
  
said, poking Momiji in the shoulder. "You're being unnaturally quiet. What  
  
gives?"  
  
Momiji looked at him apprehensively, realizing that it was time to face the  
  
music. He moved a little closer, looking at the older teen worriedly.  
  
"Kyou, you're going to be okay right? He... Akito didn't, he didn't..." He  
  
trailed off, looking at Kyou, who stared back at him impatiently, waiting for  
  
him to just say what he wanted to say. Momiji looked down and began fiddling  
  
with the hem of Kyou's blanket nervously.  
  
"It's my fault," he closed his eyes. "I told Kisa that you kissed a boy and  
  
Akito heard us," he blurted it out as quickly as he could. "I'm really, really  
  
sorry. I didn't know he was there, but I shouldn't have said anything, huh?" Out  
  
of the corner of his eye, he saw that Kyou had gone back to unconsciously  
  
rubbing his bare left wrist and he felt even worse.  
  
"Maybe... maybe if I asked Akito to give it back, he would." He looked up. "I  
  
could try. Please don't hate me, Kyou. I didn't mean it." He crawled up to the  
  
boy, who still just stared at him, an unreadable expression on his face. Momiji  
  
hugged the boy's neck gently, being careful not to rest too much weight on Kyou  
  
for fear of hurting him. He buried his face in Kyou's chest, expecting to get  
  
thrown off any minute. "Please, Kyou, please don't hate me."  
  
Kyou tensed immediately when Momiji carefully wrapped his arms around him, but  
  
he sighed, relaxing slightly when he heard the sound of Momiji's sniffles. His  
  
shirt was still dry which meant that Momiji wasn't actually crying tears,  
  
thankfully, but his back and shoulders kept hitching every now and again as  
  
though he was crying. He didn't say anything else, which Kyou was glad for. He  
  
needed some time to process the information that Momiji had just given him.  
  
He'd been trying not to think of Akito at all lately, but he had always been  
  
there in the back of his mind along with the question of why his reaction had  
  
been so extreme. He'd overheard Momiji talking about it... So that meant that  
  
Momiji must have seen that boy kissing him. At first Kyou was angry that the  
  
blond had been so nosy and had apparently been informing everyone within hearing  
  
distance of his own private business. But the more he thought about it, the less  
  
angry he became. He remembered telling Yuki that Akito never needed a reason to  
  
act the way he did. He just did whatever the Hell he liked and didn't care what  
  
happened to anybody else. Hadn't he done the same thing to Hatori years ago?  
  
Kyou didn't know much about the story; only that Hatori had fallen in love with  
  
some girl and had asked Akito's permission to marry her. Akito hadn't much liked  
  
the idea and had lashed out at Hatori, blinding him in one eye and destroying  
  
his relationship with the woman forever. That he could understand as Hatori had  
  
wanted to *marry* that girl, but him? He didn't want to marry anybody, all he  
  
had done was to be kissed by some guy he barely knew and who had asked him out  
  
on a date. Why would Akito get so worked up over something as trivial as *that*?  
  
But then Akito had never wanted any members of the Juunishi to be happy, not  
  
even he, who had always been treated as an outsider.  
  
He blinked suddenly when Momiji's grip tightened on him a little and he stared  
  
down at the blond who was still clinging to him as much as he dared, hiding his  
  
face in his shirt. Kyou put a hand gingerly on Momiji's shoulder as though  
  
afraid that the younger boy would bite him.  
  
"Don't you go asking Akito for anything," he said harshly. "You stay away from  
  
him, you hear me? I don't want him doing to you...or to anybody else what he did  
  
to me." 'Not even that damn Yuki,' he thought to himself. Momiji pulled away to  
  
look up at him, his eyes large and watery with unshed tears and Kyou bit his  
  
lip. He knew what Momiji wanted to hear...needed to hear, just like he'd wanted  
  
to hear the exact same words all those years ago. "It's not...it's not your  
  
fault."  
  
Tears finally pooled and spilled as Momiji realized that Kyou wasn't going to  
  
push him away, but was actually vindicating him. He closed his eyes and shook  
  
his head and hugged Kyou again, hiding his face.  
  
"I'm sorry, Kyou," he held onto his older cousin firmly, realizing now how nice  
  
Kyou actually was. He had always been like an older brother to Momiji, teasing  
  
him and picking on him good-naturedly, always acting aloof, but interacting with  
  
him in his own way. Momiji had always felt drawn to him, somehow, no matter how  
  
grouchy he got, or how much he pushed them all away, he was never cruel or  
  
hurtful. He always bounced back, no matter how much the Souma clan pushed him  
  
down. Anyone else would have crumbled under such pressure, but somehow, Kyou was  
  
strong enough to handle it all. Maybe that was why everyone was drawn to him.  
  
He had to be strong to be who he was. Momiji hugged him harder.  
  
"I'm sorry," he pleaded. "But Akito has never been unkind to me. Maybe he'll  
  
let me give it back if I told him that it wasn't that serious. I don't mind."  
  
"Well you should mind," Kyou told him sternly. "Akito isn't somebody to be  
  
messing with. It doesn't matter that he's been okay with you so far...but  
  
there's always a first time. And he doesn't need anything to push him over the  
  
edge. All you'd probably need to do is give him one of those stupid smiles  
  
and..." he trailed off, not wanting to say anything more, not even wanting to  
  
think about it. He saw the way Akito always looked at Yuki and it made his skin  
  
crawl. He couldn't even begin to think what it was like for Yuki himself to  
  
actually feel those eyes on him.  
  
Kyou wondered suddenly if Akito had ever done anything to Yuki like he'd done to  
  
him. No, he liked Yuki too much to ever do anything like beat him...right? Yuki  
  
was too damned perfect to screw up or to be beaten by anybody. But still...as  
  
strong as Yuki was, even he was afraid of Akito. Kyou didn't think he would ever  
  
find out exactly what there was between Yuki and the head of the Souma clan and  
  
he didn't think he wanted to know.  
  
For the first time in his life, he was thankful that Yuki was away from the main  
  
house and that he was under Shigure's protection. And besides, Akito wasn't  
  
after Yuki, he was after him. That he could deal with. He wrinkled his nose as  
  
Momiji wiped his eyes a little on his tee shirt, but at least he wasn't crying  
  
as hard anymore.  
  
"The only one who seems to have any sway over him is Shigure," he said finally.  
  
"Even though he's perverted and dumb, he's still smart when he needs to be and  
  
he has his ways. He'll think of a way to get the bracelet back and if he  
  
doesn't, Hatori will. Hatori has more brains." He was saying this to reassure  
  
Momiji rather than himself. Personally, he didn't think that even Shigure would  
  
be able to get the bracelet back.  
  
After all, he'd been refused once already. What more could he do? He'd probably  
  
just have to wait until Akito got bored with his current game and who knew how  
  
long that could be. Trying not to think about it, he patted Momiji's shoulder.  
  
"It'll be okay," he said softly, looking up at the sky above them, seeing how  
  
clear and bright it looked in comparison to how it had been the last time he'd  
  
seen it. And it helped not to be looking at Momiji anyway while he tried to get  
  
out what he wanted to say. It made things easier somehow.  
  
"I said already that it isn't your fault, so just let it go. You said you're  
  
sorry and you meant it. It's okay to be angry and it's okay to be  
  
scared...because those emotions are genuine and they're honest. You're honest  
  
and you're genuine. So..." He cleared his throat suddenly, his voice gone  
  
hoarse. "So just go back to being the bratty little kid you once were, dammit.  
  
You're too serious. Kids like you aren't supposed to be so serious. You're  
  
supposed to be running around chasing butterflies and eating jam...or...or  
  
whatever happy kids do. Otherwise...you're just not you anymore."  
  
Momiji relaxed into Kyou's chest, listening to what the cat had to say. Kyou was  
  
actually very eloquent when he wanted to be, in a sort of clumsy way. Momiji  
  
felt the weight of his guilt fall away a little and was thankful to have such  
  
wonderful cousins. It had been lonely not having a mother, but somehow his papa  
  
and Hari and Tohru and all of them, even Kyou had given him a very blessed life.  
  
He was a very lucky bunny. He smiled. 


	7. EQAB7

Title: Equally Cursed and Blessed  
  
Authors: Caer (caerfree@tde.com) and Triste (TragedyandComedy@aol.com)  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Warnings: Yaoi, violence, angst  
  
Pairings: YukixKyou, ShigurexHatori, HaruxMomiji  
  
Status: Work in progress (part 7)  
  
Disclaimer: Nope, still not ours.  
  
A/N: As always, thanks to the people who reviewed! S. Wing, na, Danelle,  
  
aurelie, Ru-chan, Sohma Risa, hcbenitez, schmusekatze, girlstarfish,  
  
Black Mirror aka Little Wing and yamatoforever, that means you! ^___^  
  
~~  
  
Yuki had made his way to his garden where he was on his knees now, pulling the  
  
weeds up angrily, as if ending the growth of the tenacious little things would  
  
get some of his pent up emotion out. He felt bad that he was getting his school  
  
uniform so dirty and Tohru would have to wash it. Usually he was meticulous  
  
about using gloves and kneeling on a cloth in order to tend his garden, but  
  
today he didn't care.  
  
He sank his fingers into the dirt, pulling out the tiny little plants even as  
  
they scratched his fingers. He ignored it. He was too preoccupied with thinking  
  
about Kyou. He had smiled today, actually *smiled* just because Haru and Momiji  
  
had given him a stupid little paper kite. And he had looked...good. Yuki  
  
couldn't get it out of his head.  
  
He supposed that the fact that Kyou wasn't jumping down his throat all the time  
  
in anger was part of it. As long as Kyou was attacking Yuki with hatred and  
  
anger, Yuki could push him away and insult him and treat him like dirt and  
  
remember how Kyou had been so mean to him when they were kids, how he had  
  
betrayed him. It wasn't fair that Kyou was being so nice. Of course, Yuki had  
  
been gentle with Kyou ever since the accident. He had been scared that night,  
  
genuinely scared.  
  
He wondered if the feelings he had for the boy when they were both young were  
  
still there, buried underneath. He started to rip the weeds out with abandon.  
  
How could he? After so many years, how could he like Kyou? Kyou had betrayed  
  
him, had blamed him for everything.  
  
Yet, ever since yesterday, he found himself considering it. If he went back to  
  
Akito, Kyou would get his bracelet back. And maybe no matter what he did, it  
  
might be worth it. If it would make Kyou smile like he just had. Maybe it would  
  
be worth it. Yuki wondered if Kyou might even afford him a smile like that if he  
  
did it. Maybe they could become friends again...maybe. Yuki cursed under his  
  
breath. He couldn't get that damned cat out of his head!  
  
~~~  
  
It hadn't taken Haru long to find Yuki, having followed him to the little garden  
  
he knew that he and Tohru both tended to in their spare time. Haru had been more  
  
than a little surprised at the sight that had met him though and it had been the  
  
reason he had stayed hidden behind the trees, just watching Yuki in  
  
astonishment. Yuki had always been the most calm and collected person he'd  
  
known, so to see him on his hands and knees, viciously pulling up weeds with  
  
little regard to himself or his pristine clothing was more than a little  
  
frightening.  
  
At first, Yuki had just been yanking out what few weeds there were that grew  
  
around the immaculate little patch of vegetables, but now he was ripping out  
  
chunks of grass and flowers as if unaware of what he was doing. His eyes held a  
  
glassy, faraway look to them and it was then that Haru decided to make his  
  
presence known. He cleared his throat so as not to startle Yuki, but the boy  
  
either hadn't heard him or didn't care because he didn't look up or stop what he  
  
was doing.  
  
Haru walked over to him quickly and crouched down beside him, placing a hand on  
  
Yuki's shoulder. He shook him gently, calling out his name and eventually, Yuki  
  
turned to look at him, his expression surprised and confused as though he'd only  
  
just noticed the fact that Haru was there even though the boy had been standing  
  
next to him for the past minute or so. Haru glanced down at Yuki's hands, which  
  
were filthy and streaked with mud and tiny flecks of blood. "You're a mess," he  
  
announced simply, wondering what must have gotten Yuki so worked up to make him  
  
lose his cool like that. "What are you doing?"  
  
Yuki looked down, frowning. "I...I was just..." He sighed and wiped his hands on  
  
his pants. "I was just doing some weeding." He smoothed the dirt over a little,  
  
making it uniform and flat again. "I just needed to think. I suppose I got  
  
carried away." Haru raised a calm eyebrow, eyeing the mess he had made. Yuki  
  
began plucking weeds carefully again and laying them at the side of the garden.  
  
He actually felt his calm returning with his mild younger cousin here with him.  
  
As long as he was White, Haru was actually quite pleasant to be with. When he  
  
was black, however, he was a pain in the ass, but Haru was usually a very  
  
sensitive individual.  
  
"I'm sorry, Haru. I got a lot carried away. I have a lot to think about," he  
  
said demurely, trying to get his feelings out, instead of holding them in.  
  
"Kyou...he seems fine, but I'm worried about him." He laughed suddenly. "I never  
  
thought I would ever say that, but I am. We all think that we have it bad  
  
because we're Juniishi, but we don't have to worry about the weather. If we just  
  
stay away from the opposite sex, we can get by and live life, but if Akito  
  
doesn't give the bracelet back, Kyou has no life." He started to thin the  
  
lettuce for want of something different to do. "Or he doesn't have much of one."  
  
He realized that he was beginning to pick at the lettuce violently, ripping the  
  
leaves of harshly and he stopped, putting his head in his hand. "Can we leave  
  
him to that, Haru? How long could he last living a half-life like that?" His  
  
voice was rough and raw in his throat and he closed his eyes, trying to block  
  
the smiling Kyou from his thoughts.  
  
Haru just stared at Yuki in amazement as the older boy heaved a sigh and buried  
  
his head in his hands. To hear him voice such concern about Kyou, who had been  
  
his bitter enemy for so long now...Haru almost dared to hope that maybe the two  
  
of them might be able to start patching up their broken friendship again after  
  
this.  
  
What had happened with Akito and Kyou had been terrible, but maybe it was just  
  
the thing to make Yuki and Kyou finally get over their hatred of each other.  
  
Haru remembered telling Momiji about how the two of them had been friends a long  
  
time ago and how it had hurt him to see them suddenly turn into enemies. He  
  
remembered when the three of them were children and how Kyou was always dragging  
  
Yuki off on an adventure somewhere and how the two of them would come back  
  
before curfew giggling and ruffled from play fighting.  
  
Even when he was small, Yuki had always been excessively neat and composed while  
  
Kyou would often be seen with tears in the knees of his trousers from rolling  
  
around in the mud, or falling out of trees. Kyou had learned the hard way one  
  
time that mice weren't really built for climbing trees the way that cats were  
  
when he'd challenged Yuki to follow him up the big old oak tree at the bottom of  
  
the garden. Yuki had only managed to get so far before falling and breaking his  
  
wrist. Kyou had been beside himself with worry, but Yuki hadn't blamed him, had  
  
only smacked him on the back of the head and told him to keep both him and his  
  
feet on the ground from then on.  
  
The end of their friendship had been so sudden and abrupt and Haru recalled that  
  
it had been that he'd seen Kyou's true form for the first time. At first he'd  
  
been terrified, had had no idea that this was what the cat's true form truly  
  
looked like...but years later, he'd come to the realisation that although Kyou's  
  
alternate form was dark and frightening, it was still Kyou under there, it was  
  
still a young boy who was always shooting his mouth off and challenging anyone  
  
who would listen to a fight. Just as he'd developed a deeper admiration and  
  
respect of Yuki, so he had done for Kyou. Whereas his admiration of Yuki had  
  
deepened into love, he'd never been able to get the chance to do that with Kyou  
  
seeing as how the cat had been distanced from them for so long.  
  
But now though...he was changed. They all were and Haru had a sneaking suspicion  
  
that it was due in part to Tohru and how she had managed to help them all. That  
  
and the fact that Kyou had had a near-death experience had somehow seemed to put  
  
things into perspective for him. It was certainly making him think with a clear  
  
head for once. Haru didn't think he'd ever seen Kyou so quiet for so long, or  
  
seen him be so nice to them before. He knew that Yuki must have been just as  
  
startled by him by the change in Kyou, if not more so. Yuki's shoulders were  
  
shaking slightly and Haru squeezed his arm tighter.  
  
"We won't have to leave him living like this for long," he said quietly. "We'll  
  
get the bracelet back somehow. It's all of us against Akito. I don't know why,  
  
but it seems to make him happy to see any of us suffer. What he's done to Kyou  
  
is harsh, even by his standards. If only there was some way to stand up to  
  
him..." He paused. "Shigure is the only one brave enough to do that though. Even  
  
if I went to Akito myself to ask for the bracelet, he'd never listen to me. He'd  
  
only mock me. It doesn't make sense though for him to keep hold of it for *this*  
  
long. Surely in his eyes, Kyou has suffered enough. He has to give it back  
  
eventually. He has to."  
  
Yuki shook his head, grateful for Haru's comfort even though it sounded hollow  
  
to ears. The rainy season was fast approaching and Yuki couldn't imagine what it  
  
would be like for Kyou. They were now in their senior year and if Kyou had to  
  
miss the rest of the semester, he wouldn't graduate. Whatever had happened to  
  
make Akito take Kyou's bracelet, he had it now and he was using it as leverage  
  
to get Yuki back. He was stubborn enough to keep it for a long time to get Yuki.  
  
Akito was always obsessed when it came to him for some reason and the mouse  
  
couldn't understand why. Ever since he was young, he and Akito had been close,  
  
but soon Akito horded Yuki's time rather than enjoying it. If Yuki stayed away  
  
too long, Akito would punish him. The beatings became more severe, and Akito  
  
finally ordered that Hatori take his friends away. It had started with the  
  
accident, but every time he made new friends, Akito ordered and Hatori always  
  
did as he was bid.  
  
Eventually, he only had his cousins to play with and most of them were dealing  
  
with their own horrors. Plus, they didn't live in the main house like the family  
  
of the mouse got to and everyone stayed away from Akito. It got worse because as  
  
Yuki had become more afraid of Akito and avoided him more, even his own mother  
  
hit him when he refused to go see the head of the clan. He didn't understand at  
  
that age that there were fates and punishments tied to those who refused to do  
  
what Akito said.  
  
Still, he had tried to stay away, and the beatings had gotten even worse. Akito  
  
would lock him in a dark room for hours on end, never to leave unless he called.  
  
One time, he had been locked in there for three days. That was when he had  
  
gotten sick. Hatori would do what he could to keep Yuki well, but Akito  
  
continued with the beatings and the torture. One day though, Akito had tried to  
  
do more than just beat him. That was when Shigure had taken Yuki away from all  
  
of it.  
  
He had been thirteen at that point and dreadfully sick. Shigure had been very  
  
kind to him and Hatori would visit and make sure he was getting better, even if  
  
Yuki didn't want him there. He returned to Kazuma's dojo to continue his  
  
training and that was when the fights had started. Kyou had avoided Yuki for the  
  
most part before since there was enough classes that they could go at different  
  
times. But eventually there had been a tournament and Yuki and Kyou ended up as  
  
the last fighters. The animosity was so thick that Kazuma had to warn them of  
  
harsh punishment if they fought too rough. Yuki won. Even though he had started  
  
two years later than Kyou, he had a natural talent for fighting. Ever since  
  
then, the anger and hatred had just built. They each had their reasons. Kyou  
  
continued to challenge Yuki and Yuki gladly beat him down.  
  
When Tohru came, their fighting lessened. However, their malice had  
  
remained...until three days ago. Yuki shook his head. He didn't understand. Kyou  
  
was acting so strange, so docile. Of course he was still weak. Once he had  
  
recovered, that fire that everyone loved about Kyou would come back. Or would  
  
it? If he didn't get the bracelet soon, not only would his life outside of the  
  
Sohma influence be ruined, but he would spend a good two and a half months as  
  
the horrid creature that lived inside of him. What would that do to him?  
  
Haru squeezed his shoulder, calling his name and Yuki jerked back to the  
  
present. He looked at Haru, confused.  
  
"I think...I have to..."  
  
He made up his mind.  
  
"Akito wants me to come back, Haru. That's why he won't give the bracelet back.  
  
I need to go. I need to try to get it back."  
  
Haru's eyes widened in shock. "Go back to the main house?" he gasped. Yuki  
  
hadn't been back there since Tohru had gone to challenge Akito. That had been  
  
different though, Shigure and Hatori had been in there with him, as well as  
  
Tohru. If Yuki went to Akito to get the bracelet back, then that meant facing  
  
him alone, without help or reassurance from anybody else. It was a brave thing  
  
to do...but also stupid. Akito was always so unpredictable; there was no telling  
  
what he would do, or when he would decide to flip out.  
  
The best thing Shigure had ever done had been to take Yuki away from the main  
  
house and Haru had hoped that after that, everything would be okay. And so it  
  
had been for a while...at least until now anyway. He didn't know everything that  
  
had gone on between Yuki and Akito, but all he needed to know that for some  
  
reason, Yuki was deathly afraid of Akito. No one else had ever brought out such  
  
a strong reaction from Yuki, or such a bad one and Haru didn't like it. Still,  
  
as much as he didn't want to admit it, Yuki was right. Although he trusted  
  
Shigure and believed in what little power he seemed to hold over Akito, he'd  
  
already been refused the bracelet back.  
  
There was no way that Akito would listen to *him*...but he had this strange  
  
obsession with Yuki that Haru didn't like at all. Still, Kyou *needed* his  
  
bracelet back and Yuki might be the only one who would be able to talk Akito  
  
into returning it. But he still didn't like the idea. "Then I'll go with you,"  
  
he said, frowning. "Even if it's just to stand outside the door or something. I  
  
don't want you to be near him while you're on your own. I don't trust him at all  
  
and I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to pull something on you like he did  
  
with Kyou. I want to be there too, just in case something goes wrong."  
  
Yuki shook his head, turning and smiling up at the kind boy. "No, you don't  
  
understand. He wants me there alone, and he won't settle for seeing me once. I'm  
  
a big boy, Haru, I can take care of myself." He smiled and ruffled Haru's hair.  
  
"Besides, I'm the mouse, remember? I'm supposed to be the clever one. I'll  
  
figure something out."  
  
Haru stared at him, refusal in his eyes and Yuki sighed. He was really a sweet  
  
boy and a good friend. They hadn't had many chances to play as kids since Haru  
  
lived at the outer edge of the compound, but Haru had always treated him with a  
  
lot of respect. Even when the tall boy was black and driving Yuki crazy with his  
  
brazen advances, he was still loyal to the people he cared about. Yuki almost  
  
wished he could take Haru with him, but he really had to do this alone,  
  
although...  
  
"Haru, why don't you come with me the first time, eh? You can wait outside, but  
  
I think I'd like to have you there."  
  
Haru nodded and smiled in relief. He didn't like Akito at all, but at least he  
  
hadn't done anything to hurt him. He could only ever remember being alone with  
  
Akito twice; once when he was a young child and again fairly recently when Akito  
  
had been looking for sport and had decided that it was his turn to be picked on  
  
for once. Haru had hated having to sit opposite Akito in that dark room while  
  
Akito had made fun of him in that silky, eerie voice.  
  
The thing that had angered him most though was that he hadn't been able to do  
  
anything about it, hadn't been able to fight back because Akito was the head and  
  
no one was allowed to disobey him, not even Kyou who was treated as an outcast.  
  
Haru thought back to Akito sprawled gracefully in a small patch of sunlight, his  
  
back to him as he set about belittling him and lowering his self-esteem some  
  
more. "The cow has always been something of a comedian...isn't that right?"  
  
It wasn't though, Haru thought to himself grimly. The cow wasn't stupid and  
  
neither was he. Yuki had been the one to assure him of that. It just seemed that  
  
Akito was so intent upon undoing all of the things that Yuki had said to him.  
  
Yuki had been the one to calm him down, to unlock the shackles of his mind.  
  
After that first meeting with the mouse, Haru had been able to bear the teasing  
  
and the taunting because he knew that out of all the people around him, Yuki was  
  
the one to believe him and not treat him as though he was some sort of retard.  
  
Yuki had done so much for him. The least Haru could do in return would be to go  
  
with him while he went to visit Akito. When he himself had gone to speak with  
  
the head of the Souma clan, Hatori had waited outside for him and had warned him  
  
not to lose his temper or do something he might regret. It had been his way of  
  
showing that he cared, that he was concerned for him and it had been just enough  
  
to get him through the meeting with Akito.  
  
He dreaded to think of what might have happened if he'd suddenly gone into Black  
  
Mode before Akito. Thankfully, Hatori's concern had helped him get through it,  
  
just like Yuki's acceptance had helped him get over his hatred. If only he would  
  
be able to do the same thing for Kyou as he had done for him...  
  
"So it's settled then," he said, forcing himself to sound cheerful. "I'll go  
  
with you and wait outside while you talk with him." He rose to his feet and  
  
pulled Yuki up with him. "Let's get you cleaned up," he added, gesturing to  
  
Yuki's hands. "And let me put some band-aids on those cuts while I'm at it."  
  
Yuki smiled, looking at his hands. They probably looked worse than they were,  
  
but it was nice of Haru to be so concerned. He let go of Haru and brushed  
  
himself off and they headed back up to see how the other two were doing.  
  
~~  
  
"Is she gone yet? Can you see her? Is she hiding in wait ready to throw me into  
  
Hell for not delivering my latest manuscript?"  
  
Hatori sighed and continued walking towards the house, ignoring the way Shigure  
  
was grabbing onto his jacket from behind, walking so close behind him that he  
  
kept stepping on his feet and tripping him up from time to time. He'd opened his  
  
door earlier that afternoon to find Shigure huddled there and gazing up at him  
  
pleadingly, looking for a place to hide from his poor, tortured editor.  
  
Hatori had tried his best to get through his daily work, but Shigure had been  
  
more of a hindrance than a help, draping himself over him while he tried his  
  
best to catch up on paperwork and then seating himself in his lap when he  
  
realised the doctor wasn't paying attention to him. Eventually, Hatori had had  
  
enough of his foolishness and had taken Shigure back home. He needed to check up  
  
on Kyou anyway. "She's not here," he said tiredly. "Even she doesn't have enough  
  
patience to wait over five hours for a manuscript that you're not even half- way  
  
through writing yet."  
  
They slowed as they saw Kazuma at the door, a puzzled look on his face as he  
  
looked at the note in his hand. His other arm held a small bag of groceries. He  
  
looked up and smiled, bowing slightly, careful not to dump the contents of his  
  
paper bag. He stepped off the front porch and walked out to meet them.  
  
"Your front door was locked, but I thought I heard a tuba in the back. Does Yuki  
  
play the tuba?" he asked. It seemed a rather bulky, graceless instrument for the  
  
reedy, poised boy. "Anyway, I found this note on the door from your editor. Does  
  
she always write to you in large red text? It was stuck to your door with a  
  
knife."  
  
Hatori smirked at the way Shigure's face paled upon seeing the note and the  
  
knife. "Someday she won't be using that knife just to stick notes to your door,"  
  
he said mildly, taking the keys from Shigure's still-shaking hands and opening  
  
the door. Kazuma stepped in behind him, quickly putting away the few groceries  
  
he'd brought. Hatori carried his bag into the living room and was surprised to  
  
see it empty.  
  
He would have panicked if he hadn't seen the door to the porch wide open and he  
  
peered outside, sighing in relief when he caught sight of Kyou's familiar red  
  
hair. It looked as though he'd been taken outside, but by whom, Hatori didn't  
  
know. The only one who was with Kyou right now was Momiji and there was no way  
  
he could have carried the redhead outside. Yuki and Haru must have been the ones  
  
to do it then. Hatori frowned, annoyed momentarily, but then he let it slip to  
  
one side. It was probably good for Kyou to get some fresh air and as long as he  
  
hadn't been hurt, then he didn't suppose that there would be any problems.  
  
Besides, Kazuma had been talking about getting him outside for a while even if  
  
only for a few minutes. Kyou was sitting with his back to him, but the  
  
surprising thing was the way that Momiji was snuggled up to him. Whenever those  
  
two were around each other, they always acted like siblings, Kyou pushing Momiji  
  
around and Momiji wailing that Kyou was picking on him. It was nice to see them  
  
looking so peaceful and so Hatori just stood there in silence for a while,  
  
watching them.  
  
After putting away the groceries and putting some tea on to boil, Kazuma had  
  
also paled upon seeing Kyou gone from his resting place. He looked up, only to  
  
see Hatori, staring out at the back yard. When he moved forward, though, he  
  
caught sight of his loved one, resting against a tree, Momiji cuddled up with  
  
him. Shock soon became a warm smile as he saw how close the cousins were. Momiji  
  
looked to be asleep and Kyou was staring up at the sky.  
  
Once again, Kazuma felt content that he had left Kyou here to heal, rather than  
  
letting him hide in the dojo for the rest of his life. Every time he talked to  
  
him, Kyou seemed to be a little warmer, a little more open. He still had a long  
  
way to go, but to see him actually tolerating Momiji seemed a big step for now.  
  
If this incident didn't get any worse, maybe it would actually end up  
  
strengthening Kyou's ties to his cousins. Above everything else, he wished so  
  
much happiness upon the boy he loved so much, who had become just as much a son  
  
to him as someone of his own blood. He still worried a little.  
  
"Hatori-san, do you think he's okay out there like that? Should we bring him  
  
in?"  
  
"Not just yet," Hatori said quietly. "Give them a minute more." He placed his  
  
bag down on the porch and sat down next to it. "The weather is still warm. Let  
  
him enjoy it for a little while longer. From the way he's sitting now, it  
  
doesn't look as though he's in any pain, so that's a good sign. I think we'd  
  
better be the ones to carry him back in though, rather than Yuki and Hatsuharu."  
  
He had only just started wondering where the other two might have gotten to when  
  
he caught sight of them making their way out from behind the trees. Haru was  
  
hovering behind Yuki anxiously, taking one of his hands and blotting at it with  
  
a handkerchief. Yuki just shook his head in mild exasperation and pushed Haru  
  
away gently. They stopped abruptly when they saw Kyou and Momiji resting and  
  
they both smiled. Kyou became aware of their presence and he nodded awkwardly at  
  
them, probably embarrassed at how they'd found him. It was then that Hatori  
  
decided that it was time for Kyou to come inside and he called out to let the  
  
boys know that he was here.  
  
Momiji jerked awake, looking up.  
  
"Hari, Hari!" He danced up to Hatori and took his hand. "Come see the kite we  
  
made! We made Kyou a kite! Look, look!" He dragged the man out to meet the other  
  
boys, Kazuma following them out. Shigure also came out. He too had seen the boys  
  
out his bedroom window after he had gotten changed. "Look!" Momiji said loudly,  
  
"We put all our Juniishi forms on it! Um...it doesn't fly too well, but that's  
  
because there wasn't much wind, but Kyou got to see the sky he likes to stare at  
  
all the time anyway!"  
  
Yuki wiped his hands off on his already soiled pants, his mood lightening,  
  
seeing everyone together. "We thought Kyou could do with some sun." He didn't  
  
look directly at Hatori. "It's not any trouble is it? The idiot cat looked like  
  
he was going to come out here on his own if we didn't help him out."  
  
Shigure put his head on Hatori's shoulder, smiling, his eyes closed. "I'm sure  
  
it's fine. Kyou, Kyou, you shouldn't molest young boys like Momiji so!" He knelt  
  
down and hugged the blond. "Such a sweet innocent soul, and to be lured by such  
  
a sex fiend."  
  
"What?!" Kyou screeched, glaring at Shigure in disbelief. "How *dare* you accuse  
  
me of such a thing! If anybody's the pervert around here, it's *you*!" His scowl  
  
deepened even further when he saw that Shigure was laughing at him and Kyou  
  
'hmmph'd' in annoyance, turning his head away from the idiot dog. How Hatori  
  
could stand him, he'd never know. He looked over to see that Yuki was smiling  
  
slightly and for some reason, rather than it making him angrier, it seemed to  
  
calm Kyou somewhat.  
  
He frowned when he saw the state of Yuki's uniform though and he looked up at  
  
Yuki, confused. He didn't have too much time to ponder it though as Hatori and  
  
Kazuma chose that moment to pick him up and carry him back into the house. It  
  
was less painful having the two older men carry him than it had been when Haru  
  
and Yuki had brought him outside, but he was grateful to them anyway. Yuki had  
  
been right, he probably would have crawled out by himself had they not been  
  
there to offer him help.  
  
Once he was settled back in the living room, he let Hatori check his wounds and  
  
was pleasantly surprised when he saw Kazuma reappear with the tea he'd forgotten  
  
all about. Kyou felt like smiling again, but he didn't dare while he was around  
  
so many people, even if he felt comfortable and at ease with them. He just  
  
nodded to Kazuma as he knelt down on one side of his while Momiji sat down on  
  
his other side, chattering on to Hatori and pointing to the kite that Kyou still  
  
held in his hands.  
  
"Shi-chan, isn't Tohru coming tonight? She's making dinner, right?"  
  
Shigure took Momiji's lapels and dramatically sobbed against his shirt. "Alas,  
  
Momiji-kun, Tohru-kun had to take someone else's shift tonight. She left some  
  
stew in the fridge, but I'm afraid there is no one to fix it! Kyou-kun is  
  
injured, and Yuki can barely find the kitchen let alone make anything in it." He  
  
put a hand to his head, shaking Momiji. "We're all going to starve!" Then he  
  
jumped into Hatori's arms. "Unless Ha-san stays. Ah!" He stood up on his own,  
  
walking to the phone. "If we're all here, I might as well call Aya!"  
  
Hatori was quick to pull the phone from Shigure's hands, setting it back down  
  
onto the table it stood on and, grabbing Shigure's ear, he began yanking him in  
  
the direction of the kitchen. "Inviting Ayame to be around a sick person is  
  
about as intelligent as letting loose a bull in a china shop," he said sternly,  
  
ignoring the sound of Shigure's protests, not letting him go until they reached  
  
their destination.  
  
He released Shigure, completely oblivious to the hurt pout on the other man's  
  
face as he sat about turning the stove on to heat up the stew that Tohru had  
  
left for them. There looked to be enough to go around for all of them as long as  
  
he made a little something to go with it. He carried the pot over to the stove  
  
and let it simmer, stirring it from time to time.  
  
Shigure came up to him and hugged him from behind, inhaling the scent of the  
  
stew. Hatori's stomach grumbled suddenly and he frowned, glad that Shigure  
  
wouldn't be able to see his blush of embarrassment. He hadn't eaten all day,  
  
he'd been so busy trying to get his work done while Shigure spent his time  
  
whining about his latest book or trying to get his attention by balancing  
  
pencils on his nose.  
  
Yuki watched them wistfully through the door. He missed Tohru. She had been  
  
working especially hard the last three nights and Yuki wondered why. It wasn't  
  
like her to take extra shifts when someone was sick. He hoped she wasn't trying  
  
to get money to buy Kyou something. It was just like something she'd do, but he  
  
knew Kyou wouldn't be too happy about it if he found out. Well, he was sure she  
  
had her reasons.  
  
Strangely enough, watching Shigure and Hatori gave him a funny feeling in the  
  
pit of his stomach. He couldn't quite figure it out. He decided with a wistful  
  
sigh that he wanted to hold Tohru that way. Such a simple embrace and yet he  
  
would never be able to do that with any woman unless it was a Juniishi. Kagura  
  
was not his type, and she was away at college already, though she still stayed  
  
at the main house. Rin was beautiful, but she kept to herself so much. That and  
  
there was also the same problem; she just wasn't his type. Other than that, the  
  
only ones left were his cousins.  
  
Yuki suddenly blushed. He turned quickly. "I'll uh...go get changed." He headed  
  
up the stairs.  
  
"Yuki-kun," Shigure lilted at him. "Bring down some clothes for Kyou too. He's  
  
getting smelly."  
  
Yuki headed upstairs, ignoring the cat's curses at that comment. He closed the  
  
door and sat down on the bed, pulling off his tie and unbuttoning his blouse. He  
  
looked at himself in the mirror.  
  
"What are you doing?" he whispered. His reflection gave no answer.  
  
~~~  
  
Downstairs, Momiji decided to use his unbearable cuteness to sit on Haru's lap  
  
while he talked to Kyou. Any excuse to get near the boy. Besides, he had  
  
looked like he was planning on following Yuki and the mouse looked like he  
  
needed some time to himself, so Momiji had one arm draped casually on Haru's  
  
shoulder while he was tucked up sideways on the other's lap.  
  
"Kyou, maybe when you're feeling better, we could go to the hot springs again! I  
  
told Papa that you were hurt and he said we could. Then we could take Tohru and  
  
get a bus! And Haru-chan and the two lovebirds in the kitchen could go too!"  
  
Kyou was taken aback a little at Momiji's offer and for a moment, he just  
  
stared. He and Haru had already gone to the trouble of making him that kite and  
  
now they were offering to take him back to the hot springs too? He was starting  
  
to feel guilty. He'd never gotten gifts like this when he was ill before...then  
  
again, he never usually liked to have anyone within a fifty mile radius of him  
  
when he was sick. Had the accident he'd had really been so important that it had  
  
seemed to change everything lately, including the way he was thinking and  
  
acting?  
  
It was all too weird. He was being nice to Momiji...Hell, he was being nice to  
  
Yuki too, but then they were being nice to him. Was that how it worked then?  
  
When you were nice to someone, they'd be nice to you in return? The only person  
  
who had ever treated Kyou with real kindness had been Kazuma and then later on,  
  
Tohru. He'd been overjoyed that those two people alone were so kind to him, but  
  
the thought that Momiji, Yuki, Haru or anyone else could be so nice to him was  
  
just...mind boggling. He suddenly realised that Momiji had taken his silence as  
  
rejection and he reached out and poked his arm.  
  
"No, it sounds good," he said awkwardly. "I guess it'll be a while before I can  
  
go out there...but it was nice of you to ask." He watched as Momiji beamed back  
  
at him and wiggled closer to Haru. Haru was just sitting there and smiling  
  
serenely as he always did whenever he was in White Mode. He wondered what it was  
  
like to be able to express your affection for someone you liked so freely, like  
  
Momiji did with Haru and anybody else that he liked, like Shigure did with  
  
Hatori.  
  
Kyou had been a little overwhelmed by the way people had wanted to touch him,  
  
hug him or even hold his hand lately. He couldn't deny the fact that he liked  
  
it, but he was afraid that he'd get used to it. He'd spent so long without being  
  
touched that if he started getting used to it now, then people might not want to  
  
hug him anymore or hold his hand and he didn't think he could go back to being  
  
the way he was if that happened. So maybe it was just better for him not to grow  
  
used to it, or even to start expecting it.  
  
Still, it would be nice having someone to show him affection on a regular basis.  
  
At least he had Tohru who would always give him whatever affection she could.  
  
Tohru was the one person who always stayed true with her affection and her  
  
loyalty never wavered. Thinking about Tohru in that way always made him  
  
depressed though, so he shook it off and turned his attention back to Momiji,  
  
trying to think of something to say. He'd never had a normal conversation with  
  
the younger boy as they'd always been too busy tormenting each other and he  
  
tried to think of how he could start a decent conversation. "So...how long have  
  
you had that tuba thing anyway? I didn't even know you played."  
  
Momiji smiled. "Papa bought it for me when I started school with you! This is my  
  
third year, but I've been taking private lessons too. Hari takes me every week.  
  
He makes sure I practice, even when he has a headache." Momiji smiled brightly.  
  
"But then he makes me practice in the garden!"  
  
Shigure came out, setting plates on the table. "Loud boys need loud instruments.  
  
Momiji-kun goes well with a tuba, ne?" He grinned at the younger boy, earning a  
  
huge smile in return. He looked at the table. "Eh, Kyou-kun, you take up too  
  
much room lying that way," he pouted. He looked around as if he didn't know  
  
what to do, then he grinned, laughing. "I guess Ha-san and I will have to  
  
squeeze together!"  
  
Yuki came back downstairs, tossing the change of clothes at Kyou, careful to  
  
keep them from landing on his stomach. "Shigure, stop being a pervert. Some of  
  
us want to eat."  
  
Hatori began ladling the stew into the dishes that Shigure had brought out and  
  
once everyone was served, he sat down, Shigure quickly seating himself in his  
  
lap with a giggle. Hatori sighed, but didn't push him off. If he did, he would  
  
have nowhere to go and even idiots like Shigure deserved to eat supper. Even  
  
with Shigure perched in his lap and Momiji in Haru's lap, there was only just  
  
enough space at the table what with Kyou lying down the way he was.  
  
He watched as Kazuma helped him sit up a little, pushing the bowl toward Kyou,  
  
but letting him eat in his own time. Even though he was injured, Kyou was still  
  
fiercely independent and Kazuma was aware of this, instead choosing to wait  
  
until Kyou asked for help. Momiji was digging into his meal enthusiastically,  
  
occasionally spilling some of his stew on Haru who didn't seem to mind all that  
  
much.  
  
Hatori sighed inwardly. It didn't look as though Tohru was going to be back  
  
until it was late, so maybe it was best for him to launder Yuki and Haru's  
  
clothing before she got back. Shigure in the kitchen was always a recipe for  
  
disaster, so it was best that he do it. "How long is Honda-kun working tonight  
  
for?" he asked suddenly. "I might as well pick her up from the hospital seeing  
  
as it'll be dark by the time she gets out." Sometimes being the responsible one  
  
like this bothered him. It was like looking after fifteen little kids, not a  
  
group of teenagers and a couple of grown men, but it wasn't as though anyone  
  
else was about to do it.  
  
"Waah, Ha-san, does this mean you're not staying? I guess that Haru and Momiji  
  
need to go home, but I'll be all lonely and cold by myself!" Shigure nuzzled  
  
into the other man's neck, causing him to blush profusely. Haru smiled and  
  
Momiji started to laugh. Kazuma just stared at Kyou, who was staring at them and  
  
then his master, and then he actually cracked a small smile. It was almost  
  
unnoticeable, but Yuki caught it. Such a small thing, but it strengthened his  
  
resolve. He would get that bracelet back from Akito no matter what. 


	8. To Break a Spirit side story

Equally Cursed and Blessed ARC  
  
One-shot, side story. This story takes place after chapter seven.  
  
It is from Kazuma's POV concerning Kyou's childhood.  
  
Just so you guys know, I love Kazuma. He's one of the neatest  
  
characters in the series and he's so important in Kyou's life.  
  
Though he won't be a huge part of this fic, I think it's important  
  
that he is recognized for the wonderful guy he is.  
  
This can be read separately from EQAB, but if you haven't yet read  
  
it, it is hoped that this side story might pique your interest!  
  
Enjoy!  
  
"To Break a Spirit"  
  
By Caer, and in conglomeration with Triste  
  
Rating - PG-13  
  
How do you break a spirit?  
  
I never knew my grandfather. He was kept in a cage most of his  
  
life. Though I had seen him, hiding in the shadows of his cell,  
  
watching as we played in the garden, I had never ventured close.  
  
Then, one day, I had been skipping across the cobbles and had not  
  
noticed how near I was to the place I feared so much. A hand  
  
reached through the bars, startling me, my young eyes going wide. In  
  
that hand, was a small riceball.  
  
"Kazuma-kun. I have some candy for you. Would you like it?"  
  
He held the candy through the bars in his frail bony hand. For the  
  
first time I saw him clearly. In hindsight, he was a gentle looking  
  
man. There was no malice in those eyes. But there was no fire  
  
either. He was broken. A pathetic, broken, kindly old man who  
  
wanted one last chance to maybe get to know his grandson.  
  
That isn't what I saw that day. I saw the shadows behind him, the  
  
bars in front of him, the symbol of disgust and putridity that  
  
encircled his wrist in the form of a simple beaded bracelet. In that  
  
moment, he was fear itself. I had been told never to take candy from  
  
strangers. He was more and less than a stranger and I could have  
  
simply told him so, but in the naïve tactless act of a child, I  
  
shrank away from him.  
  
"I don't want it. I'll get cursed."  
  
His eyes were sad. "Ah. Is that so?" he asked simply. And that was  
  
it. He drew his hand back and before another cursed word could  
  
escape his lips and reach my ears, I was running. I rejoined my  
  
friends, said nothing, and the moment was forgotten in another game  
  
of hide and go seek, or king of the hill. I don't remember what  
  
game. However, the moment was never lost to me. Especially when  
  
shortly afterward, the news came that my Grandfather had passed away;  
  
though at the time, I felt no guilt. The news was inconsequential  
  
compared to the trials and tribulations of childhood.  
  
It wasn't until I saw the new Cat of the Juunishi curse that things  
  
began to become clear to me, just as I began to grow up.  
  
I was still living in the main house and attending the Juunishi  
  
events. My father was the Tiger of the Juunishi, though he died a  
  
few years later, passing his own curse to little Kisa.  
  
Kyou was a sickly child. He was fraught with colic and cried  
  
constantly. Of course the Sohmas only talked of the child being  
  
troublesome. No one seemed to notice the fact that the parents hated  
  
their own child. His mother, also was constantly sick. The father  
  
was hardly present at the events, refusing to even acknowledge his  
  
own son. Being the parents, they were included, and then rejected as  
  
was custom.  
  
I began to watch as Kyou grew up, and my disgust of the Sohmas grew  
  
with every year. Kyou was an adorable child, even with his  
  
sicknesses. But he was forever alone. He was home-schooled by his  
  
mother. She never let him go outside. The only time he ever played  
  
with other children, it was when the young cousins would gather  
  
together. But they had been fed the same line that I had when I was  
  
young. That the cat was worthless and troublesome. That he didn't  
  
really belong.  
  
Then one day, I realized things were changing. Had I been closer to  
  
the Juunishi circle after my father's death, I might have seen it  
  
sooner.  
  
It happened that one day, I was visiting the main house, when by  
  
chance, I looked outside. It was close to the New Year. All the  
  
young cousins were playing outside while the adults were cooking and  
  
preparing. As usual, Kyou was sitting alone on the steps, reading  
  
a book. Even at seven years old, I could see that Kyou was a bright  
  
child.  
  
I was too far away to hear, but out of the blue, Kyou looked up.  
  
Shigure, who was a little younger than I, was teasing him, a look of  
  
mischief on his face. Ayame was standing close by, laughing. The  
  
teen dog of the Juunishi grabbed the book out of the little boy's  
  
hands. Kyou immediately started yelling, that much, I could hear.  
  
Shigure simply held the book higher and backed away from the  
  
advancing boy, laughing and refusing to give it back. Finally, the  
  
little redhead got angry, and he marched right up to the playful dog  
  
and kicked him in the shin, causing the dog to yelp and drop the book.  
  
Ayame laughed, already showing signs of being loud and unruly. He  
  
dramatically grabbed Shigure, lowering him to the ground. Shigure,  
  
playing along, put a hand to his head and moaned in pain. I almost  
  
laughed aloud.  
  
As I inched closer, I heard Ayame saying that Shigure would need  
  
surgery. Kyou was looking on, with interest, hesitant. afraid to try  
  
to play along, just in case he was being teased. At first I had  
  
thought to put a stop to the teasing. However as I watched the  
  
interest on Kyou's face, I staid my hand and waited. Now, Yuki, Haru  
  
and Momiji were watching the display as well.  
  
Kyou looked at Shigure before his eyes hardened and he decided he  
  
wasn't buying it.  
  
"He doesn't need surgery," I heard him say in a slightly unsure tone  
  
of voice. "I didn't kick him that hard."  
  
The two older boys just started laughing and Shigure sat up. "We  
  
should all go down to the swimming hole! You wanna come along?"  
  
Kyou looked up at him, surprised. He looked hesitantly back toward  
  
the Sohma house, his little red eyes hopeful but unsure. He knew  
  
undoubtedly, that his mother wouldn't allow it. Still he looked up  
  
shyly and nodded.  
  
"Okay."  
  
With that, the young mouse of the Juunishi clan approached Kyou,  
  
looking delicate even as a child, he looked at the cat with curious  
  
eyes. "My name is Yuki." Kyou looked at the mouse, their eyes  
  
meeting.  
  
After a short moment, Kyou quietly said "I know."  
  
Yuki smiled and grabbed Kyou's wrist, tugging him down. "Come on, we  
  
have to run, or that dumb old dog will hog the swing." Kyou  
  
followed, excitedly as they ran ahead of the others down the hill.  
  
Feeling as if I had just witnessed something magical, I gasped, not  
  
realizing how close I had gotten. Shigure looked up to see me  
  
there. The other children had already started down after the two  
  
boys. In his odd fashion, I would grow to like, he smiled at me and  
  
winked.  
  
After that, Yuki and Kyou became very good friends, along with Haru  
  
and Momiji. Though the older boys were beginning to discover life,  
  
and school and things out side the Sohma influence. Shigure had  
  
been the first Sohma ever to insist on attending a coed high school,  
  
taking Hatori and Ayame with him. Kyou and Yuki would often get  
  
together at the Sohma residence to play, Kyou sometimes getting in  
  
trouble for not coming when he was called. His mother would hover  
  
and check the bracelet constantly, afraid that it would come off.  
  
Yet he didn't seem to mind.  
  
Someone did though. Just as I thought Kyou might turn out all right,  
  
disaster struck.  
  
At the New Year's festival, Akito, in a fit of rage and jealousy,  
  
caught Kyou and ripped the bracelet from his wrist. It was raining  
  
heavily. In front of almost one-hundred of the inner Juunishi circle  
  
family members, a lonely little boy turned into the most sickening  
  
monster imaginable.  
  
We were all shocked. Even I had never seen the Evil Cat of the  
  
Juunishi before. Many of the guests threw up from the smell.  
  
Several women screamed. The loudest of them was his own mother. She  
  
fainted. The creature let out a harrowing mix between a roar and a  
  
scream tearing around the room, before bolting for the door. No one  
  
stood in its way. It ran out into the night and the rain.  
  
I watched it with shock and revulsion, even as I felt ashamed of my  
  
fear. I looked back. Akito stood at the head of the room, a sick  
  
grin twisting his childish face. Yuki stood beside him, eyes wide  
  
with horror. Even has he stared ahead with glassy eyes, the head of  
  
the Sohma clan began whispering to the smaller boy, what evil little  
  
things, I could not imagine. Kyou's pretty young mother was finally  
  
coming to, and I felt something snap inside of me.  
  
I strode over to the woman, kneeling down. I tried to speak gently.  
  
I felt a little awkward, since she was older than I, but I put my  
  
hand on her shoulder.  
  
"Go after him."  
  
She was sobbing now, and I bodily helped her up, trying to get her to  
  
stand. She shook like a leaf and shook her had, blubbering all the  
  
while. I felt a dread sense of desperation, knowing that poor lonely  
  
child was out there.  
  
"I'll go with you if you want, but please go after him."  
  
But she only pulled away, collapsing again to the ground and sobbing  
  
even harder. I felt my anger rising, and my still young voice  
  
betrayed it. I grabbed her wrist and tried to pull her up again,  
  
anger flaring.  
  
"Woman, go after your son!"  
  
"I can't." She shook her head, he face streaming tears. "I can't."  
  
I let go, letting her drop to the ground once more.  
  
"You disgust me," I said, my voice icy and strange to my own ears. I  
  
looked around the room, at all those arrogant people who would rather  
  
stay in the warm than bother with the cat at all. To them, he was  
  
just a nuisance who ruined the party. "You all disgust me with your  
  
arrogance and your blind hatred. He's just a child."  
  
No one in the room answered. Even Shigure was silent, not sure what  
  
to do. Why should he be? He was just a teenager. I left the room,  
  
hurrying out into the night to find Kyou.  
  
By the time I found the boy-turned-monster, Kyou was huddled in the  
  
bottom of a hollowed tree in the woods. The smell pervaded the woods  
  
around him, making it easy for me to locate him. He was shivering  
  
and frightened. I felt that same wave of revulsion hit me as I  
  
stared at the creature. But a sense of protectiveness I had grown  
  
ever since I began watching this child took over and, more prominent  
  
to me than the horrid form, was the look of fear and confusion in the  
  
red eyes. I reached out, and the creature moved away as if my hand  
  
was on fire.  
  
"Don't be afraid, I won't hurt you," I said as gently as possible.  
  
The creature didn't seem to hear me though. It cowered in the little  
  
hollow and looked at me with eyes that were soon becoming animal,  
  
losing the light that was human within them. Though I was now soaked  
  
and shivering, I patiently waited by the tree.  
  
When the rain finally stopped, the creature quietly faded and all  
  
that was left, was a small boy, his open eyes dull and lifeless. I  
  
tried to speak to him, but Kyou was hidden deep inside himself. He  
  
was no longer afraid. He no longer was. He was in deep shock. I  
  
dragged him out of the small hole. His body was completely limp in  
  
my arms. Picking him up gently, I carried him back to the main house.  
  
When I got there, his mother grabbed him roughly, quickly slipping  
  
the bracelet back onto his little wrist. She hugged him to her  
  
breast, crying "my baby. my baby." I felt sick as I watched her try  
  
to convince herself she loved her child. In a strange way, I'm sure  
  
she did. She loved him, but she hated him.  
  
"Everything will be fine now baby." She looked into his dead  
  
eyes. "Kyou? Kyou?"  
  
Her fearful eyes wandered up to meet my own gray ones. I said  
  
nothing. I could see the sudden fear and guilt and questioning in  
  
her eyes and he didn't need to tell her what she had just done to her  
  
own child.  
  
Another scream filled the almost empty hall, startling the guests.  
  
Two weeks later, Kyou's mother committed suicide.  
  
So there I was, at the her funeral, standing with this boy who  
  
refused to look at me at first, then raised his pain filled red eyes  
  
to stare at me, defiance still in his voice, but laced with  
  
desperation. His eyes were scared.  
  
"It's not my fault. It's not my fault!"  
  
I knelt down to look at him face to face.  
  
"I know."  
  
He stared at me, unbelieving before his eyes filled with tears until  
  
they were spilling over and he finally released the pain of losing  
  
his mother. I wanted to hug him, but I was afraid to. This life  
  
wasn't going to be easy for him and at this point, the teacher in me  
  
was telling me to leave him at this. Earn his trust, but don't try  
  
to assure him that everything would be all right. Nothing is ever  
  
all right in the Sohma family. Instead, I let him cry it all out  
  
before telling him the good news.  
  
Even though it wouldn't really be all right, from then on, it would  
  
at least be better. With the help of Shigure, who seems always to  
  
get what he wants from the mysterious Akito, I was able to take  
  
custody of the young boy. His father was glad to get rid of him. I  
  
wasn't sure what sort of task I had ahead of me, but I knew it  
  
wouldn't be easy. However, with a light heart and a sense of  
  
vindication from the guilt of never knowing my Grandfather, I took  
  
his little hand and we started for my. no, our Dojo and home.  
  
******  
  
The first couple of weeks, he was like a shadow. He never talked.  
  
He barely ate. He would cringe if I raised my voice, even a little.  
  
I found myself suspecting that his father beat him. He never said  
  
anything and neither did I. He would watch through the door as I  
  
taught my other students and sometimes when I practiced in the  
  
evening. When I actually let him know that I could see his little  
  
face peeking in, he would pull away as if he were in trouble. So  
  
every night, I explained to him that this was his home and that I  
  
would take care of him.  
  
One morning when I woke up a little bit earlier than usual, I found  
  
him in the dojo, hitting the heavy bag, yelling "Kya! Kya!" as he  
  
hit it, so adorably. When he saw me, he looked down. At this point,  
  
he knew I wouldn't punish him, but he still looked ashamed.  
  
Smiling I walked up to him. Once again, I knelt so we were both on  
  
the same level.  
  
"Would you like me to teach you too, Kyou?"  
  
Quietly, but with hope in his eyes, he nodded. One week later, I  
  
became "Shishou" to him. It warmed my heart like I never thought it  
  
could. Even when he's troublesome, he makes me want to be a  
  
father, though he's never given me that honorary. At first I was a  
  
little hurt. However, soon I realized that he hated not only  
  
likening me to his own father, but later on, he severely wanted to  
  
keep his own shame from my name.  
  
****  
  
"But I don't want to."  
  
I smiled and button the cuffs of his new shirt. I don't have a lot  
  
of money, but I had managed to get him some decent school clothes.  
  
Though I refused to show it, I could feel my heart swelling with  
  
pride and regret as I got him ready to send off to school. I had  
  
enjoyed his company so much. I loathed giving it up. It was a silly  
  
feeling, this. He wasn't going anywhere, and yet, like any regular  
  
parent, I felt sadness at seeing him grow up.  
  
"Kyou," I said gently. "You've been here for a year now. It's about  
  
time you got back to school. You don't want to fall behind do you?"  
  
"No," he watched me pack his backpack with new school supplies. "But  
  
I used to learn at home." He would never mention his parents.  
  
"Well, I'm afraid I don't have time to teach you and run the dojo. I  
  
wish I did. But you have to go to school like your cousins do."  
  
A look of fierce anger that I have come to hate, screwed up his  
  
little face. "I don't want to go to school with that mouse!" His  
  
tone was far to full of hate for an eight year old. I was not sure  
  
what happened between the two friends, but it all seemed to coincide  
  
with his first transformation. I ignored it for the moment. I felt  
  
anger inside at Yuki Sohma, but I never knew what happened so it was  
  
not my place to judge. No one could say how they had begun to hate  
  
each other.  
  
"Well, you're not going to. I have a friend with a small school of  
  
boys. He's more like a tutor."  
  
"But Shishou. what if I."  
  
I ruffled his hair. "Don't worry about changing." But my words  
  
failed to assure him.  
  
"I never want to change."  
  
Finally, I took his wrists and held them in my hands, mindless of the  
  
bracelet as the cool beads pressed into my palms.  
  
"Kyou, you can't help what you are. The evil cat that lives inside  
  
of you is not you, but it is part of you. You need to learn to  
  
accept it."  
  
"But nobody else does." Too much anger in such a small voice.  
  
"I do." He looked at me, looking for truth, but I had nothing to  
  
hide. I've never been ashamed of him. "And other people will too.  
  
But you have to learn to accept what you are."  
  
Eight years later, I'm still trying to teach him that lesson. He no  
  
longer fights in school. or if he does, he doesn't tell me about  
  
it. Even though he is still afraid of people, he faces them, if  
  
ever so reluctantly. Now, he must face the biggest fear in his life  
  
and I'm scared to death that he won't survive it. Yet, he's one of  
  
the strongest souls I have ever known. He has endured through  
  
amazing emotional hardships and still manages to keep that wild  
  
spirit.  
  
I have witnessed quite a few miracles as I've seen my son grow into  
  
the young man he is today. The first great miracle, was that day  
  
with Shigure. The second was the day I saw him smile for anyone  
  
besides myself. Honda Tohru has stolen his heart and soothed his  
  
angry, fearful soul. The third was when she brought him home, after  
  
seeing his most horrid form. Watching her smile as she cradled the  
  
sleeping cat in his arms was so magical, I too wanted to fall to my  
  
knees and cry as Shigure had.  
  
And now, something I never thought I would see. The boy he hates  
  
more than anything else in this world besides himself, Yuki Sohma has  
  
finally broken the ties of hatred. I can not be sure, but after my  
  
dearest child was injured so severely, I thought I may lose him,  
  
something has changed about Yuki. No longer does he regard Kyou with  
  
the cold indifference of the past. Though they are still aloof with  
  
one another, I can sometimes see a look of warmth, then confusion in  
  
the mouse's eyes.  
  
Kyou also has changed I think. Though he is still too weak to start  
  
a fight, he seems to have somewhat dropped the guarded guise of hate  
  
toward the mouse. I have even seen them talk a few times, in quiet  
  
tones, with no malice on either side. Words that were once spat in  
  
curses and insults, could now be construed as harsh teasing. There  
  
is still bite to the words, but the hatred has curbed. And now, I  
  
wonder again what happened to make them hate each other in the first  
  
place. Somehow, I have a feeling they hardly know that themselves.  
  
Like all the Sohmas, they are slaves to the curse, to tradition and  
  
conditioning, even as I see Shigure trying to break those traditions.  
  
So it is with a heavy heart that I realize I must return to the  
  
dojo. Kyou lies sleeping on the bed in his room. We finally moved  
  
him there last night. Hatori purchased a small space heater to warm  
  
Kyou's usually cold room. He hates the cold, but he says that  
  
keeping it cold will make him stronger. That's just Kyou's way. But  
  
now, the room is uncomfortably warm. Hatori says Kyou's body is  
  
still too weak to keep itself warm. Very much like an injured cat.  
  
The drugs don't help, but they're necessary to dull the pain. Kyou  
  
didn't want the pain dulled, but Tohru pleaded with him and so he  
  
gave in. I think he would do anything for her. I only hope she  
  
doesn't draw Yuki and Kyou back toward their hatred, since I know  
  
Yuki feels the same for the angelic girl.  
  
Kyou slowly opens his eyes as he hears me enter. He's groggy again  
  
from the recent dose of painkillers, but he recognizes me and slowly  
  
sits up.  
  
"Shishou." He looks at me, looks into my eyes, sighs and nods. "You  
  
have to go back. I understand." His gaze stays steady on me and I  
  
feel the strength of his spirit again. However his fear finds its  
  
way to his right hand which slowly rubs at the bare wrist of his  
  
left. I move toward him and sit on the bed, smoothing back his hair.  
  
"Kyou, I'm sorry I have to leave you." Kyou looks at me, pride in  
  
his eyes.  
  
"You don't have to be sorry, Shishou. I'm glad you came. You can't  
  
always be there for me. I know that."  
  
"You're wrong." I say calmly. He looks confused and his eyes are  
  
questioning. I take his hand and he stares at it as if it were  
  
foreign. I admit, neither of us were very touchy as he was growing  
  
up. But now that I know I could have lost him, I am no longer afraid  
  
to show my feelings to my son. "I am always here for you. I have to  
  
back, but even if you need to come live with me, I will help you in  
  
any way I can."  
  
"Shishou," he says uncomfortably. "I need to handle this on my own.  
  
I don't want to involve you in. this." He looks at his wrist.  
  
"Kyou, we are all involved," I say calmly. "You are not to be the  
  
outcast this time around. Shigure is determined."  
  
"Shigure?" He questioned.  
  
"Kyou," I said firmly. "I seldom talk to you about my grandfather  
  
because I don't want you to think about him. However, he was a true  
  
outcast in the previous generation. Not only did the Juunishi  
  
outcast him, but they avoided each other. They only married if  
  
Hatori's father told them to. They did as they were told and they  
  
lived cold, lonely lives. Shigure has changed that for all of us.  
  
Since he was a child, not only did he try to befriend Akito, but he  
  
made it his mission to bring his cousins together as much as  
  
possible."  
  
Kyou snorted, crossing his arms. "That stupid dog." But I could see  
  
his mind turning my words over and over. "He's the first one, I felt  
  
I could talk to besides you."  
  
He didn't say anything else, but I could tell, he was trying to think  
  
of a way to confront the dog. "If I'm not around," I said, "you  
  
should consider going to him. He's not as dumb as he makes out."  
  
"I know that!" Kyou said defensively, before backing down. I just  
  
smiled.  
  
"I have to get going Kyou." My son nodded, but I could see in his  
  
eyes that he wasn't quite ready. Slowly and carefully, I pulled the  
  
injured boy into a hug; yet another thing he wasn't really used to,  
  
but he sighed on my shoulder and wrapped his arms around me  
  
gratefully, squeezing tight. "You're not alone, my son." I could  
  
feel him nod into my chest.  
  
"I'll be all right," he said determinedly. I got up, ruffled his  
  
hair and walked to the door. "I'll make you proud to call me son."  
  
I almost choked on my words before I walked out the door. "You  
  
already have."  
  
I went downstairs to the bathroom, splashing my face with water. As  
  
I headed out the door, I nearly collided with the young mouse of the  
  
Juunishi. "Sorry!" He said and he set his schoolbag on the floor and  
  
bowed low to me. He looked unnerved. There was a look of exhaustion  
  
and what seemed to be fear in his eyes when I first saw them. Now  
  
though, as he came up from his bow, he seemed calm again.  
  
"You're leaving sensei?"  
  
"Yes," I answered. "I'm afraid I must go back. though I don't want  
  
to leave him." I admitted, silently asking my student for a bit of  
  
help. He did not fail in noticing this.  
  
"Kyou will be all right, Sensei," he assured. "That stupid cat  
  
doesn't know the meaning of the words `give up'."  
  
I bowed low to him, showing him how grateful I truly was. "Thank you  
  
for all you've done, Yuki."  
  
He seemed to want to argue with this, but he merely looked at the  
  
floor. "Sensei," he uttered, unsure of what to say. I put a hand on  
  
his shoulder.  
  
"Please call if I can do anything." I walked out the door, heading  
  
for the bus station. I could feel the mouse's eyes on me as I walked  
  
away. Though I feared for the future of my boy, I felt no regret for  
  
leaving him. He was strong. His spirit would endure and I realized  
  
as I left, that a spirit can never be completely broken. Spirits  
  
don't die. They may fade, but they will always return, and, like a  
  
rose, if they are treated properly, though it may take a long time,  
  
they can be made to bloom again.  
  
I hoped that perhaps my grandfather's spirit might be watching me  
  
now. I hoped that perhaps he would be proud to call me his  
  
grandson. 


	9. EQAB8

Title: Equally Cursed and Blessed Authors: Caer (caerfree@tde.com) and Triste (TragedyandComedy@aol.com) Rating: PG-13 Warnings: Yaoi, yuri, violence, angst Pairings: YukixKyou, ShigurexHatori, HaruxMomiji, HanajimaxTohru Status: Work in progress (part 8) Disclaimer: Nope, still not ours.  
  
Tohru tried to stifle a yawn as she opened her locker, taking out the textbooks that she needed for her afternoon class. She had been working so hard lately, what with trying to save up some extra money and all that she hadn't been getting as much sleep as she should have done. She was thankful that Yuki or Shigure hadn't mentioned how much time she'd been spending at the hospital recently, although she was sure they must have noticed.  
  
She was still worried sick about Kyou, but she knew that he was in good hands, with Yuki and Kazuma taking care of him and also Hatori dropping by every so often to check up on him. Tohru felt a little guilty that she hadn't been able to spend as much time with Kyou as she might have liked, but as she reminded herself, she was working the extra hours for a good reason. If only she could find the energy to stay awake during her classes now. None of her teachers had picked up on it yet, but she had caught Hana-chan watching her with a curious eye. Tohru was surprised that Hana-chan had so far refrained from questioning her. She had skimmed over the details of Kyou's accident to her friends and to the other pupils at school and she knew that both of her best friends were worried.  
  
Tohru glanced up at the clock on the wall and panicked when she realised that she was late. She had promised to meet Uo-chan and Hana-chan before lunch break was over and she hurriedly gathered the rest of her things before slamming her locker door shut and scurrying off down the hallway.  
  
She had been so busy with her notes and her bag however that she hadn't noticed where she was going and she uttered a little 'oof!' of surprise when she accidentally banged into someone. Her heart sank when she saw that it was one of the girls who always liked to swoon over Yuki and she bit her lip, hoping they wouldn't be too angry with her. "I'm so sorry!" she gasped, dusting herself off. "Are you okay?"  
  
"Hmph! Tohru, you're so clumsy!" the girl said, furious, brushing herself off. "I don't know what Yuki sees in you!" Her two cronies nodded, never being seen without the other. Suddenly all three girls sighed in unison, looking upward with shimmering eyes.  
  
"Ah!"  
  
"Yuki is the most delicious piece of chocolate!"  
  
"The most intelligent and sensitive of men!"  
  
"Like a god, cast into our otherwise dull high school."  
  
"AND CERTAINLY NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!" They said in unison, laughing their shrill laugh. For her part, Tohru simply stared, a perplexed smile on her face, still sitting on the floor. A sudden beeping caught the girl's attention and their heads perked up like frightened weasels.  
  
"Oh no!" "It's her!"  
  
"The wave woman!"  
  
They turned to escape, only to find themselves blocked by a metal bar and a very perturbed blonde girl who seemed to tower miles over them.  
  
"Where do you think you're going?"  
  
"Eek!"  
  
They turned and came face to face with their other worst fear...aside from rejection from the prince.  
  
"Ha...Hanajima!"  
  
"Hello," she said softly, staring at them. "Have you talked to Megumi lately? He thinks of you often. He watches you."  
  
They wilted and ran away as fast as they could.  
  
Tohru watched as they ran, unsure of whether to laugh or cry. She was grateful that she had Uo-chan and Hana-chan to look out for her, but now she was sure that they would be concerned about her too. Tohru sighed. It seemed that all she ever did lately was make people worry about her. In spite of her fatigue, she managed a bright smile for her friends. "I'm so sorry you had to come and look for me," she said, the words tumbling out of her mouth in a rush. "I realise now that I must have made you wait and I'm sorry that I'm so late, but I was just on my way and-" She broke off suddenly when she caught sight of Uo-chan cheerfully twirling her most trusted weapon and Tohru's expression turned mournful. "Uo-chan, you know how frightened people get when you carry that pipe around," she said, nodding thankfully at Hanajima as she helped her gather the rest of her scattered papers. "It's not good to solve things with violence. You don't have to be so concerned about me all the time. I'm fine, really, I am!"  
  
Ignoring Hana-chan's sceptical expression, she continued on. "I was just being clumsy is all and they had every right to be angry with me for bumping into them like that. It was so silly of me, but really, I'm okay! Sorry again for making you wait!"  
  
Uo made an annoyed sound. "Really, you need to learn to stand up for yourself, Tohru. Those girls don't deserve to walk the same ground as you. They're just bullies. You shouldn't make excuses for the likes of them." She reached down and helped her best friend up, brushing the girl off affectionately, though the halls were clean and she hadn't dirtied her clothes. The gesture was important.  
  
Hanajima put a hand on Tohru's shoulder and placed her books back into the girl's arms, staring at her with care. "Tohru-chan acts as Tohru-chan is. Otherwise she wouldn't be who she is." "Dummy!" Uo scoffed in a friendly manner. "I'm just saying she should toughen up a little." "I think she has. You've had to, haven't you, Tohru?"  
  
Tohru smiled at them, but her eyes were going glassy and her shoulders were starting to shake. A single sob escaped her. Uo looked at Hanajima with alarm and they quickly propelled the girl into the girl's bathroom. Uo sat her down by the window and Hanajima got a paper towel with some water, walking back and dabbing it at her eyes.  
  
"Tohru, what's wrong?" Uo asked, holding the poor girl. She looked exhausted. "Are they mistreating you at that house?" she asked, a tinge of anger rising.  
  
"No, no, of course not!" Tohru cried, waving her hands. "Yuki-kun and Shigure-san would never be so mean! I'm just...I'm really worried about Kyou-kun," she added, trying to stop sniffling. "And I haven't been sleeping well and..."  
  
Hana-chan just made soft, soothing sounds and patted her back as she cried. Once she had started, it as impossible to stop, but once the tears were over, Tohru did find herself feeling a little better than before.  
  
"I'm sorry," she said, letting Hanajima dab away the rest of the tearstains. "I'm so lucky to have such caring friends like you." She stared up at both Hanajima and Uo-chan with wide eyes and offered them a genuine smile this time. "I'm sorry I'm not tough enough yet, Uo-chan. Kyou-kun promised me to teach me some martial arts moves, but I'm not very good at it, I'm afraid. Then he got hurt of course, so now he won't be able to teach me anything for a long time. It was just scary," she admitted. "Seeing Kyou-kun so hurt and seeing everyone else so worried about him. And then we have exams to study for soon and I didn't want to bother Souma-kun by asking for his help and I've been working so hard at the hospital lately and..."  
  
She breathed in deeply and forced herself to cheer up. "But it'll all be okay. I'll work through it! I just have to stay positive and believe in myself and I'll be just fine." She smiled at the two of them again. "I'm sorry I made you worry."  
  
Uo smiled, summoning up her self-control to let things go. Tohru and all the Soumas had been extremely vague about what had happened to Kyou at first. Then, out of the blue, they all had the same story: that he had gotten ill and fallen on the wet road, injuring himself quite badly. She was worried herself. She missed teasing the easily excitable boy all the time.  
  
As much as they squabbled, they had a sympathetic relationship, each understanding the other in a subtle way. But there was something about him...about the whole Sohma clan that smacked of secrets and not the good kind. The tall blonde had been very reluctant to let her gullible...no, easily impressionable friend go to live with them. But the love in her eyes for those two boys couldn't be resisted. She belonged there.  
  
So rather than cuss out the whole of creation for picking on such a light headed, sweet hearted spirit, she sighed and hugged her friend as tight as she could without breaking her and grabbed her bag.  
  
"If you say so, Tohru. Still, I think you should skip next period and clean yourself up, otherwise Prince Yuki-" She batted her eyelashes when she said it. "Will worry."  
  
"Arisa is right, Tohru. I can stay with you and skip as well. After all, class is just a distraction to me."  
  
Uo blanched. "It's not right that you say that so comfortably." Throwing her friend a 'take care of her' look, she grabbed her metal pipe and left the bathroom. "See ya!"  
  
They were alone now and even though Tohru was smiling and furiously wiping her tears away, Hanajima gathered her in her arms, stroking her hair.  
  
"You've been working so hard lately. Exhaustion results in depression. That's why I sleep through class."  
  
In spite of her tiredness, Tohru couldn't help but laugh. She was so lucky to have such wonderful friends like Hana-chan and Uo-chan who both cared about her so much. Hana-chan just gave her a small smile and hugged her tighter as she continued to stroke her hair. Tohru smiled back as she let Hana-chan comfort her.  
  
It felt so nice actually. Although both of her best friends were very affectionate by nature, Tohru couldn't remember the last time she'd had someone hold her like this, as though just being this close to someone could take away all the worries in the world. Sometimes, she wished she could hold Yuki and Kyou like this, but there was the curse to be reckoned with after all. Thankfully, Uo-chan and Hana-chan especially seemed to be willing to give her all the support and encouragement she needed and even a quick hug to pick her up from time to time. Being held by Hana-chan reminded Tohru of the way her mother used to hug her in the exact same way, making her feel so warm and safe.  
  
Tohru sobered a little at the thought of her mother, but she pushed it away. "Hana-chan shouldn't sleep through class," she said, although she was still smiling. "Not paying attention gets you bad grades and also makes the teachers angry with you."  
  
"I've read that it's healthy to express your anger. In fact, I'm doing the teachers a favour by allowing them to take out their pent up frustration on me," Hana said simply. "If I sleep through class, then I have energy for the rest of the day. Then I can attend to more important things," she continued, running her hands through Tohru's soft hair.  
  
Though she didn't want the strange Souma with the cat attraction to be hurt since he cared for Tohru, she was glad that his injury had karmically driven Tohru into her arms today. It was something Hana always wanted but seldom received. She loved Tohru so dearly, but Tohru seemed so unreachable. She was perfect. She was beautiful and kind. But she seemed quite happy to be the centre of attention to Yuki and Kyou. So to have a chance to hold the wonderful girl in her arms, and just once, to pretend that maybe they were more than friends was it's own little heaven.  
  
Pulling Tohru close, Hana placed a soft kiss on her fine brown hair. "Will you be all right?" she asked.  
  
"I'll be fine," Tohru assured her, snuggling against Hanajima momentarily before pulling away again. "Thank you for cheering me up! Hana-chan is so kind!"  
  
She allowed Hanajima to help her to her feet and then brushed herself off, picking up her book bag. "I managed to get a night off work this evening, so after class I'm going straight home to check on Kyou-kun. Yuki-kun said that he'd be out this evening, but I expect that Shigure-san will need something to eat too. Then I can finish all my homework and get an early night's sleep!"  
  
She smiled sunnily at Hanajima who gave her a small smile of her own in return. She blushed when her stomach grumbled loudly and giggled nervously to try and cover it up. "I guess that means it's time to go to lunch," she said, still laughing. "Uo-chan will get impatient if she has to wait too long for us."  
  
Hanajima nodded and Tohru turned to open the door, but was surprised when the other girl linked their arms together. Tohru blinked, startled and then smiled, hugging Hanajima's arm tightly as the two girls made their way to the cafeteria to meet up with Uo-chan. ~~  
  
"Yuki..."  
  
Akito's voice was soft and silky as he eased himself up into a sitting position, adjusting his kimono and smiling up at his visitor. "What a pleasant surprise. I wasn't expecting to see you quite so soon." The younger boy just stood in the doorway looking as though he was about to bolt at any minute, so Akito decided to give him a little encouragement. "Come now, Yuki, don't just stand there. You're making the place look untidy."  
  
The younger Souma did so, carefully toeing off his shoes and placing them on the floor. "The door, please, if you don't mind."  
  
Akito barely managed to hold back his smile at the stricken expression on Yuki's face, but again, the boy did as he was told, slowly making his way over to the door and pulling it shut. Akito didn't miss the flash of familiar black and white hair before the door slid to completely though and he frowned slightly. So Yuki hadn't come alone this time...but there were still plenty of other opportunities to be had.  
  
Akito still had the bracelet in his possession after all and with that came the extra power he'd needed to wield over Yuki and lure him away from the false protection of Shigure's house. All of this, just for one stupid cat. Then again, all Kyou had ever done was cause trouble for the Souma family.  
  
It was almost too perfect, too cruel to fill the idiot cat with the hope that somehow Yuki might be able to get his precious bracelet back when Akito intended on keeping it away from him for as long as possible. He had been worried initially that Shigure might have proved to be a bit of a problem to him, but it seemed that even his faithful dog had known when to back off.  
  
Allowing him and Hatori their relationship had been one of the cleverest things he'd done. Hatori was always perfectly obedient to him, but Akito had known that even he would hesitate to do anything that might cause harm to Shigure.  
  
Akito had briefly entertained the thought of getting Hatori to erase Shigure's memories, knowing that it would be the one thing that would finally break the man, but in the end, he had dismissed it. He loved Hatori, just like he loved Shigure. He would allow them what little happiness he could give them. For the time being anyway. He loved the two of them like he loved all of the Souma clan. It was his job to protect his family and in return, it was their job to take care of him, to obey his every order. After all, he was only acting in their best interests.  
  
Akito smiled again and beckoned for Yuki to come closer. "Please, sit down. Tell me...did you have a good day at school? I imagine that Kyou must be falling back on his studies by now. He's missed quite a lot of schooling. It would be such a shame if he were to fail his courses. Don't you think so?"  
  
Yuki swallowed, his mouth opening and closing, but it was like his chest was so tight, he could barely breath. He had been doing well until Akito had asked him to close the door, but now that he was here again, his fear was threatening to overwhelm him. He could feel a cold sheen of sweat breaking out over his skin. His words were choked in his throat, his eyes focused on the figure who leaned languidly against the mantle, fingering a rose as his dark eyes raked over him. Akito's expression was that of a patiently sympathetic schoolteacher as Yuki searched for the words that had abandoned him.  
  
The last time he had been here, Tohru, Hatori and Shigure had been with him and he had been able to cope. Akito's attention had been focused on her, not him. Now he was here again, alone, after so many years. He was trembling so hard, he felt as if he could barely keep his hands clasped. He wanted to run, but he was frozen to the spot. When he vaguely heard Akito mention Kyou though, he remembered why he had come and he concentrated on breathing. He was okay for now. Haru was right outside. Akito would be cautious this time.  
  
"Akito..." He glanced up and caught anger in the young man's eyes and he added the honorary. "...sama." Akito smiled once again and Yuki took a deep breath, speaking quietly, trying not to get lost in memory. "School w-was very good. Kyou...Kyou has been doing makeup assignments at home, but he wishes to return if he may." Yuki looked up pleadingly.  
  
"Is that so?" Akito's voice was thoughtful. "Shigure tells me that our dear kitten actually does well when he's at school. Who'd have thought? Still, it's not like he's ever going to beat you though, is it? He'll never beat you at anything he does. I've tried to explain this to him, you know. I've been patient. I've tried my best, but he just doesn't seem to want to accept the fact that you are better than he is in every way that is possible. But come, I didn't bring you here to talk about *him*."  
  
Akito was pleased to see that Yuki's trembling had increased when he'd inched a little closer and he reached a hand out so that he could touch Yuki's cheek. His skin was as soft as peaches, as pale as moonlight and lovely to the touch. "I bet that you're glad that you weren't born in Kyou's place, Yuki. Everybody knows that the mouse is the luckiest of all the animals of the zodiac, the most loved and looked up to, but nobody loves the cat. The cat is nothing but trouble and always has been. Isn't that what I've always told you? What I've always warned you about?"  
  
He brushed away a stray strand of Yuki's hair, smiling at the way his eyes widened considerably. Silly boy. Even after all this time, Yuki was still so afraid of him and that fear made Akito feel even more powerful than usual. It was good to know that Yuki hadn't forgotten about him. That was one of the things he worried most about.  
  
Being the head of the Juunishi circle meant that his life would be over almost as soon as it had begun. He wouldn't have much time left to govern his precious family any longer, but the one thing he wanted to do, needed to do before he left was to make sure that none of them would ever forget him.  
  
Rubbing his thumb slowly back and forth over Yuki's cheek, Akito continued speaking softly. "Do you remember the last time you and I were alone in this room together, Yuki? It has been such a long time after all. I was so worried that you wouldn't remember."  
  
Yuki closed his eyes and fought back a choked sob, but a small whimper escaped his lips anyway and he knew Akito would be pleased. His memories were washing over him like unrelenting ice cold waves and he felt his last four years of freedom disappear like shadow guardians that were never really there. He was back here, in the unlit room, the closet, the pain. It was as if his fear had increased with the absence and the passage of time. Akito's fingers on his cheek and his hair sent violent shocks of terror through his body and he knew he would hyperventilate if he weren't careful.  
  
Remembering what Kazuma had taught him, he focused on the past good times, forcing up images of Tohru and her presence to his mind. He thought of Haru, calm and supportive in the next room. He thought of Shigure and his wild antics that made life a little more bearable. He thought of Momiji, the bright light of the Souma clan. He then thought of Kyou, proud but afraid, lying at home, wondering if he had a future to look forward to.  
  
It was the last image that brought Yuki under control and he felt the tightness around his heart ease a bit. He wasn't a coward. He wouldn't run away. Kyou had a future, just like the rest of them. For the good of the whole family, Kyou mattered just as much of the rest of them. He was human, just like they all were, no matter what Akito said, no matter what the head of the clan had whispered in his ear so many times since childhood. Yuki could not be biased. He had spent his whole life believing that he himself was more than an animal, and yet, he treated the cat like all the rest. Stupid and worthless.  
  
Kyou may have abandoned him...but he had changed, and no matter what, he was still a human. The Kyou now was not the heartless child of the past. Yuki could forgive him. He had to. It was in the past, and the future was what was important. Yuki finally found the courage to speak normally, though the tremor that quaked his vocal chords still betrayed his fear.  
  
"Akito, I..." he cleared his throat. His voice was too quiet. "I know what you want. I don't know why you're using Kyou. You know I don't like him...but...he's important to Tohru, and I don't want to see her hurt."  
  
He slowly met his master's eyes and he felt a little strength. "If you could find the mercy in your heart to forgive the Cat any indiscretions...I will try to do as you ask. But please give the bracelet back." He looked up, not daring to touch the enigmatic prince of the Soumas for fear of angering him, though his hand reached out. "Surely you can see that it's dangerous. If anyone was to see the evil cat..."  
  
He lowered his hand. He didn't know what else to say.  
  
"Yuki, Yuki..." Akito tutted his tongue and shook his head. "You don't have to be so concerned for the cat. Why do you worry about anyone seeing his true form when even he can't stand to see it himself? Still, you can't help but feel sorry for the pathetic creature. I'm not heartless, Yuki. I do pity him and even though I'm glad to see that you do too, I can't help but wonder what brought about this change in attitude."  
  
He stroked Yuki's chin thoughtfully, watching as the younger boy struggled to keep his expression carefully blank. "Don't you think that Kyou needs to be punished? When you think about the pain and the grief that he has caused this family, it makes you realise that he hasn't suffered nearly enough. It's the curse of the cat, Yuki. It's an evil being, surely you must have realised this. You've seen it for yourself, seen what it's capable of doing. Why, it even killed its own mother and yet it continues to parade about insisting that it has done no wrong. Really, does it have no shame?"  
  
Akito leaned forward and kissed Yuki's forehead tenderly, closing his eyes and breathing in the scent of his hair. It smelled fresh and clean, like strawberries and Akito took another sniff before pulling away and getting to his feet.  
  
"As for your precious Honda-san...well, I allowed her into this family, did I not? She should know by now that to enter into the Souma family will only bring her pain and suffering. You know, I still can't believe that she could still care for Kyou even after seeing what he truly looks like. It does make you think, doesn't it? You know what they say...it takes one monster to understand another. The silly girl thinks that she can ease the pain of this family, to somehow make everything better just with that stupid smile of hers. But she doesn't understand. She can never understand. We were born this way, Yuki and it isn't something that is ever going to change. Surely you must have accepted this by now?"  
  
He made his way casually over to the far corner of the room, all too aware of Yuki's gaze on his back as he brought out something that he hadn't had the chance to use in a good long while. Running his fingers over the small switch reverently, he kept it hidden behind his back until he crouched down next to Yuki again. With his free hand, he lifted one of Yuki's delicate feet and stared at it contemplatively.  
  
"It's been so long since I've seen those pretty feet of yours, Yuki. You always do your best to keep them covered up. It makes me feel sad. Are you so ashamed of my love for you? Is it really such a bad thing?"  
  
Yuki felt a sort of panicked calm come over him in the exact same way that it used to happen and he wondered if he was blanking out, like he did as a child, escaping from the pain. His mind however felt clear and he knew what was happening. There was rage inside him at Akito calling Tohru a monster. It was keeping him grounded at the moment, even as Akito's ghosting fingers trailed the tiny scars that covered the tops of his feet. He knew it was coming. He could take it. As a child, it was horror. He was older now. He had been trained to deal with physical pain. He calmed his wildly beating heart and shook his head. His words were childish and stuttered, but unabated.  
  
"I know you love me," he whispered, even as the small whip trailed over his feet. "Is this what you want? Will you give me the bracelet if...if I give you this? I will, if...if you promise, Akito. Because Tohru is not a monster, nor is Kyou. They're humans...and I don't want to see them broken." He faced Akito bravely now, feeling a little of his fire back in his eyes. "If you promise, then I'll do as you ask. I won't run away."  
  
"I am pleased with the obedience that you have shown towards me so far," Akito told him pleasantly, tracing patterns with the end of the whip gently over Yuki's stockinged feet.  
  
"I was very happy that you decided to come and see me today. It must have taken a lot of courage for you to come and visit me on your own and I'm proud of that. However, I would like to see you again. After all, it has been so long since the two of us spent time alone together. Remember what I used to say to you, Yuki?"  
  
'That you were my best friend and you always would be? It would make me even happier to know that you would agree to see me again after this. If you continue to please me with your obedience, then I would be all too happy to return the bracelet. For now though, I think that you should leave today with another memory of me, one that will last longer than I ever will. A memory that will never fade, that will always make you think of me. That's what I want, Yuki. I want you to think of me like I think of you."  
  
He carefully eased Yuki's socks off his feet, nothing that the trembling mouse did nothing to assist him or deter him, which was promising behaviour. He placed Yuki's feet carefully back on the floor; admiring the scars he'd left behind previously. He'd make sure that Yuki would never forget him.  
  
Raising his hand, he brought the whip down over first one foot, then the other, repeating the process over and over again until the blood started rushing in his ears and his breathing starting coming faster and faster in his excitement. At first, Yuki stayed silent, but eventually, he couldn't contain the little sobs and whimpers as Akito lashed out at his bare feet again and again. Suddenly, the whip fell from Akito's hands and he stared down at Yuki in shock. The younger boy had his head bowed and he was sniffling, but other than that, he wasn't making any noise. Akito dropped gracelessly to his knees before him and took his face in his palms.  
  
"Yuki? Yuki, what's the matter? Why are you crying?" His gaze dropped and his eyes widened when he saw the crimson stains on Yuki's bare feet. "Yuki? You're...you're bleeding...you're hurt." He hugged Yuki to his chest, feeling the younger boy's body wracking with shudders. "You've hurt yourself, Yuki...I should go and fetch Hatori. Hatori will know what to do. Hatori will make it better."  
  
Yuki got the usual odd feeling as Akito went from being cruel, to worried, and then loving. He never understood it, but it was just Akito's way. It was as if he didn't want to do the horrible things he did. It was confusing, but it was just there, like his love. He tortured Yuki mercilessly...and yet, Yuki knew he cared about him. They had just all accepted it.  
  
Yuki felt dizzy from the stinging pain that travelled up from his feet through his spine and even into his fingers and he was once again shaking all over, but at the mention of Hatori's name, he clutched onto Akito's robes, shaking his head. He stared up at the head Souma pleadingly. "P-please, Akito. Don't tell him. I'm fine. I don't want to bother him now." Knowing he needed to do something to keep Akito from running to the doctor, he rose to his knees, hugging Akito and burying his face in the folds of the older boy's kimono. "Please. I need to get home to do my homework...and then...and then I can visit again. Please?"  
  
He clutched tightly at Akito's unhealthily thin waist, more for support than any desire to embrace him, but he remembered his place here and he remembered how to plead properly with Akito, so he did. "Please. I'll be fine. Please, Akito-sama."  
  
It hurt. God, it hurt, but it was not as unbearable now that he was older. He could deal with this somehow...at least until he got the bracelet back. He could do this. He had to. But he couldn't bear Hatori or Shigure knowing what went on behind these doors. He couldn't stand their pity. Akito seemed to relent, for he lowered until he was sitting with Yuki. He smiled kindly and placed a hand on the boy's chin, making Yuki shiver again. Drawing close, the older boy brushed a light kiss across Yuki's lips. "I'll see you soon, Yuki." He rose and walked out into the garden.  
  
Yuki took a moment to slow his breathing and gather his courage. He carefully put his socks back on, ignoring the blood that leaked through. He would bandage it when he got home. Fortunately his shoes would cover so Haru wouldn't see. Standing and taking one more deep breath, he walked to the door, donned his shoes and left. 


	10. EQAB9

Well, first chapter written without Triste. I do miss her. She kept my motivation up. I do hope you like it though. Like I said it will be different. One thing I should point out. When we started this fic, at least I did not know the fate of the cat. Now that I do, I feel it's important enough to include in this story. So it may seem strange to you that I didn't mention it before and now I do. Sorry. Sorry. I like to keep to the manga as much as possible in this fandom. but I had only seen the anime when this idea was born. I hope it doesn't confuse anyone.  
  
EQAB 8  
  
By Caer  
  
His book was open. His papers were out, glowing dully in the pale yellow light of the desk lamp. A cool breeze blew in through the window, gently lifting one of the more rumpled study sheets up and down. Yuki's soft gray eyes did not register the figures on his paper but stared out into the night, looking for answers, yet only able to focus on the glinting reflection of his own eyes in the window.  
  
'Why am I doing this?' he wondered, dully staring at the black of the window, his head rested lazily on his hand. It had taken every ounce of his strength and will to walk out of that person's room and into Haru's arms without showing that he had suffered. He refused to limp, to let anyone see his fear or proof of his submission, even if it meant that his socks rubbed painfully into his wounds until he arrived home.  
  
From the first lash of the whip and the return of that fear, he had begun to question himself. Why? For that stupid, worthless cat? But it should be obvious, shouldn't it? Why did he do things that weren't necessary? Why did he fight him every time, when he could simply stand there and allow the inevitable to occur? Because Kyou lived on hope, and without it, he had nothing.  
  
Yuki knew that flash of hope in Kyou's eyes more than he knew his own heart. Kyou was life, hope, spirit, rage, passion. Kyou was everything that Yuki was not, and the mouse knew that. He couldn't live without Kyou.  
  
Yuki laughed bitterly.  
  
"I see. So it was selfishness after all."  
  
A knock at the door brought him from his melancholy. He bleated a soft "come in", standing, wondering who would knock at such a time. Tohru wasn't home yet and Kyou was asleep in his room.  
  
It wasn't Shigure who walked in, but Hatori, tall and dark against the light of the hallway.  
  
Yuki snorted. "I should have known."  
  
Hatori tried not to let the coldness of his younger cousin's voice affect him. He understood it well. Yuki had suffered much at the doctor's hand in his young life. The anger was not misdirected, though the doctor wished it was. He walked in and placed his bag on the desk quietly.  
  
"I figured you would need some medical attention."  
  
Yuki sighed, turning back to the window. "I suppose Haru asked you to come, or was it Akito?"  
  
"No," he replied, "I've spoken to neither of them."  
  
"I don't see a reason for you to be here then. I didn't ask for your help."  
  
Hatori's fingers rested on the handle of his bag, still, trying to draw strength from the quiet solid piece of leather as he faced the moody boy.  
  
"Nevertheless, Akito no doubt injured you. I would like to."  
  
"You mean you're supposed to. Akito strikes and you follow obediently to clean up the mess, because that's your purpose."  
  
Those poised fingers settled on the bag. There would be no use for opening it. Yuki was not ready.  
  
"I do what I'm told Yuki, yes. You know we have no choice. It's what we are. It doesn't mean I'm not concerned."  
  
"Doesn't it?" The boy asked quietly. "Akito once told me that you were as cold as ice. no," he faltered, trying to remember, "As snow. As cold as snow. And that's what I am as well isn't it? Snow. This family has made us cold. We've become too cold to care. You don't care. I don't care. I don't need you. Go away."  
  
Hatori couldn't help but close his eyes. He remembered the first time Akito called him that. It was after he had erased Yuki from his friend's memories.. the first of many times.  
  
Yuki was facing him now, waiting for him to take his leave. He spoke quietly.  
  
"I do care, Yuki. I do, and so do you. If you didn't, you would have left Kyou to his fate. If you didn't, you wouldn't bother to keep fighting him. You care about him."  
  
Yuki bristled, biting his lip.  
  
"I thought I told you to leave. did I not make myself clear?"  
  
Hatori picked up his bag. "No. I understand. I realize when the prince has put me in my place."  
  
Yuki blinked. "Ha-"  
  
But the doctor was gone, and nothing but the firm final sound of a closing door was left.  
  
Yuki put his head in his hand. Was it necessary to be so cruel? And yet, as much as Yuki thought about it and tried to put the past behind him, he could never truly forgive Hatori for all he had done. not mad at Akito for making him do it, but mad at Hatori, for following orders. And he was no better. No better. He would do as he was told. Even Kyou wouldn't disobey their god, no matter how much he was degraded and belittled.  
  
And yet Kyou fought it. He was fighting, kicking and screaming til the end, which was far too near. The rest of them could somehow go on with at least slightly normal lives, but he would be locked away. It would be soon. This semester, and then it was over. But Akito had decided to make even that small amount of time a time of pain. He would not have them live normally and forget them. He would hurt them. and they would remember.  
  
Yuki couldn't help but limp a bit as he exited his room and made his way down the hall. Hatori was just coming out of Kyou's room, quietly shutting the door. He didn't even see Yuki in the dark, so Yuki called to him. He turned, looking tired and resigned.  
  
"Hatori," he started softly, "Please drive safely home."  
  
That was all he could give, but Hatori nodded, a flash of hope flaring through his dark eyes before he went back downstairs. Yuki watched him go, then turned to the room that Hatori had just left.  
  
It was dark save for the light through the window. Yuki found the bedside lamp and switched it on, casting a yellow light on the pale form in the bed. Yuki couldn't tell if the lamp made Kyou look better than his usual pallor, or just sickly. His red hair was clean finally. It was no longer greasy, and feathered against his cheek softly. Kazuma must have helped him clean up a little since this morning. His breath was soft and even, puffing out against his hand which rested close to his mouth in a fist, almost as a baby's unconscious desire to suck a thumb. It was his left hand, the wrist devoid of the bracelet. Yuki could see the white spots where the beads had blocked the sun from browning the pale skin.  
  
He reached out tentatively and brushed a finger along that line.  
  
Kyou's brow furrowed suddenly and he pulled his wrist away, whimpering in his sleep. Yuki felt the boy's forehead. He was warm, but not burning up. He smoothed the red hair back, his cool hand warmed by the slightly feverish boy. Kyou settled, relaxing into his pillow again, before his eyes blinked slowly open. Yuki drew his hand away.  
  
"Nezumi," the word was whispered in a tired, faint voice. "What." he trailed off, struggling to wake up.  
  
Yuki reached out again, smoothing back the hair. "I came to see if you needed anything."  
  
Kyou shook his head, sighing against the exhaustion of the drugs.  
  
"To.."  
  
"Tohru's not back yet."  
  
Kyou nodded, something escaping his lips that seemed like "good," but he swallowed painfully and coughed. Yuki grabbed the half full glass of water off the nightstand and held Kyou's head up, helping him to drink. Kyou finished off the glass and took a deep breath.  
  
"What happened?" His voice was clear, if still very weak. He blinked, struggling against sleep.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I." Kyou tried again, forcing his eyes open. "I smell blood."  
  
Yuki gasped. He had forgotten. forgotten about the cat's powerful sense of smell, and he had neglected to clean his wounds properly.  
  
"It's nothing," he insisted, annoyed at his mistake.  
  
"Don't lie, mouse, you're no good at it." Kyou's red eyes stared up at him. "I know you."  
  
Yuki reached out and stroked the red hair, pleased when Kyou's eyes began to droop shut. "It's none of your business, stupid cat." He whispered. Kyou tried, but he couldn't fight the heavy feeling in his eyelids. He felt himself slipping into a drug induced sleep again, the last thought in his head, a swearing off of any more painkillers.  
  
In the bathroom Yuki sat on the floor and eased off his socks. Though the blood hadn't soaked through, it had stuck and the pain of the cotton tearing at the dried blood was stinging. The wounds were angry and pink, some of them beginning to swell with infection. He gazed at them clinically. Not that bad really. He could deal with a little pain. It was Akito's harsh words and oily voice, and the sheer weight of his presence that terrified the mouse. It was memories of lonely nights and screams, memories of learning things no child should know. memories of being ignored, abandoned.  
  
"Oh, Sohma-kun."  
  
Her sad voice cut through the silence like a gunshot, jerking him from his memories. Yuki looked up, alarmed. Tohru stood in the doorway, still in her scrubs from work, carrying her purse, staring at him with unmasked sadness, her soft brown eyes shimmering with tears.  
  
"Honda-san, I thought you were already in bed."  
  
She shook her head. "I stayed late at work to cover another shift." She said, something unreadable in her eyes. She set her purse on the sink and got alcohol and bandages from the cabinet. Letting the water run hot, she held a rag under the stream, soaking it and wringing it out. She knelt down and ran delicate, thin, cold fingers over the wounds, lightly. Yuki flushed.  
  
"Honda-san, you don't have to."  
  
"Yes, I do," she said gently. "I need to help. Please let me help." A tear escaped her eye as she pressed the warm rag against the harsh wounds. Yuki hissed in pain, although the water was softening the dried blood and skin.  
  
"Did he do this?" She asked and Yuki nodded silently. Her hand shook a little on the cloth.  
  
"I know Akito-sama has a painful life. but why? Why does he need to hurt other people?" Yuki's heart clenched as he looked into her pained eyes. "Why must he inflict so much pain. on such good people?"  
  
Yuki put a hand on her shoulder. "It's the curse." Tohru's eyes opened wide, as she remembered Momiji using those same words. Yuki continued. "It's the way we are. We all have a role to play. So does Akito. He's. not well."  
  
Tohru shook her head sadly, scrubbing gently at the pinked wounds, getting them to open before applying antiseptic. Yuki grit his teeth at the pain of the alcohol doing its work on his infection.  
  
"But it doesn't make sense," she said. "I don't believe that anyone is just evil. no one!" She shook her head desperately. "There must be a reason." She was quiet as she took Yuki's foot and tenderly began to wrap the white bandage around it and the antibacterial cream she had applied to his cuts. "I think. I think he's afraid."  
  
Yuki watched her, taken with the strength she held inside as she tried to understand their god.  
  
"If I had to die, and leave behind such precious people. I would be afraid. And maybe. inside, I would blame them. Maybe I would want to hurt them, to punish them." She looked up, sadly. "Maybe I would hate them, and love them too.. just like you and Kyou-kun."  
  
Yuki stared at her in shock. Did she realize what she was saying? Yuki wanted to protest, to deny with all his heart what she had said. But instead, he stared at the top of her head dumbly. He couldn't say it. He didn't know why, but he couldn't deny that there was some truth to that. Why deny it when they were both staring at its evidence, which raked in jagged red lines along the tops of his feet.  
  
She wrapped his feet tenderly, securing the bandages. "There," she said, eyeing her work critically. "I think I'm getting better. I've been practicing at the hospital."  
  
He blinked out of his reverie, confused. "Hospital? Don't you do janitorial duties there Honda-san?"  
  
She smiled gently. "Until recently. but with Kyou's injuries, I've decided that maybe I can be a nurse. Momiji's father is giving me an opportunity I hardly deserve," she blushed "to work with the nurses in his hospital and learn from them. He says as long as I'm diligent with my studies, I would be welcome." She looked up with that determined look in her eyes and Yuki was lost to her. "So I'm going to work extra hard!"  
  
He laughed softly, a hand brushing her cheek. "That sounds wonderful, Honda-san. you will be perfect at it. Just please don't work yourself sick."  
  
Tohru nodded, entranced by her prince's eyes, and shocked at the soft touch of his hand on her cheek. He leaned forward tentatively and brushed his lips against hers, barely touching and then growing bolder. Melting at his touch, she clutched at his shoulders, needing to hold onto something.  
  
POOF  
  
And ending up with a mouse in her lap. She slammed a palm to her forehead. Stupid stupid stupid.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Sohma-kun. I forgot."  
  
He sighed, resignedly. "It's okay, Honda-san. Um. I'm afraid you'll have to redo these bandages though." He said, holding the folds of white gauze in his small mouse arms.  
  
"I don't know if he'll ever forgive me. or if I even deserve it."  
  
"Nonsense, of course you do." Shigure said lightly, preparing tea for his distressed lover. He pressed the steaming cup into Hatori's hand. Hatori merely stared into the brew forlornly. "He's still so angry."  
  
"And he doesn't know half of it. But he's a teenager, Ha-san, they're always moody. Look at Kyou. He's always pissy. Yuki's always brooding. It's what they do."  
  
Hatori raised an eyebrow. "You and Ayame were never like that."  
  
Shigure looked at him darkly. "You know that's not true. We weren't as quiet as you, but you remember my tantrums?"  
  
Hatori's mind clicked. He had forgotten about that. It seemed so long ago. Though it hadn't happened often, he did remember some of Shigure's more violent outbursts. Usually, it had ended up with broken furniture, and most often a bruise or two. It might have continued, if Shigure hadn't ended up seriously hurting Ayame. After that, he had been told to stay away from sugars and starches. He had also been put on a strong regimen of herbs that he was able to abandon once out of high school. It had worked, fortunately, and more prescriptions weren't needed. Hypoglycemia and hormones didn't make a happy combination.  
  
"Yes, I had forgotten."  
  
Shigure smiled, "You have to admit though, our 'kiss and make up' sessions were worth it don't you think?"  
  
"They were embarrassing." He said sternly, remembering the antics of the other two in school. Lord knows how many times he had to keep them from getting in trouble. Hatori had little doubt that if it hadn't been for his powers, "The Mabudachi Trio" would be a household name. Maybe they would be rich by now.  
  
Shigure saw it, even though it was sternly suppressed. the small twitch of Hatori's mouth as it fought not to smile.  
  
"Don't be shy Ha-san, you know you liked it."  
  
"I didn't. You were both pests. You still are," he said sternly.  
  
"You never said that about the library. Remember the library?"  
  
Hatori frowned. Shigure moved onto his lap, the cloth of his kimono slipping over the slick of the doctor's fine trousers. He groaned and set his tea down. "Shigure, damn it."  
  
"You never said you didn't like the library." Shigure whispered into his ear, making him jerk at the sensation. "Remember, Ha-san? In the study booth?"  
  
How could he forget? He still wondered how Shigure managed to get the security guard to take the night off for that one.  
  
Shigure slipped a hand between his legs and squeezed, making him close his eyes languidly. Lips met his and he gave in, spreading his legs and letting Shigure play. The dog, quietly unzipped the man's pants and slid his hand inside. Hatori slid his own hands up and down the man's hips.  
  
"Stay the night." Shigure commanded, sliding a hot tongue into Hatori's ear.  
  
"Momiji's home alone," he protested, trying to keep the lust out of his voice. Damnit, Shigure knew how sensitive his ears were.  
  
"Momiji's a big boy. and so are you," his lover said, squeezing delightfully. "He won't mind."  
  
Hatori was quickly losing his will to the talented hand between his legs. On squeeze and he grunted his assent.  
  
"Let me call him."  
  
Kyou woke up hot and uncomfortable. It felt like he was sleeping in a damn coffin, and God, his head hurt. He moaned uncomfortably, knowing from the birdsong outside and the light on the back of his eyelids that no one was home to hear. save maybe Shigure. He threw the covers off and sighed, wincing in pain as his wound began to ache. The medication had obviously worn off, at least most of it. He felt so weak, but it was the stuffiness of the room that finally brought him out of his stupor. He eased himself slowly up, even though the movement shot pains through his stomach and sides. Pulling up his shirt, he looked at the wound. There was only a small bandage covering the ugly stitches, but a huge bruise still covered most of his abdomen and side. He could feel his heartbeat throbbing in the wound and he grimaced.  
  
Standing carefully, he hobbled toward the door. He had to get out. and he had to pee.  
  
His head was starting to throb and he felt sick to his stomach, but the bathroom wasn't that far away and he was tired of needing help for everything. It was just a couple of feet for god's sake.  
  
He was distracted by an interesting smell though, coming from the stairs. He thought he could hear muffled voices as well, coming from down there. Shigure's and. Hatori's probably. As he edged closer, trying to hear what they were saying, he could tell they were in the living room. It didn't sound like talking though. It sounded more like.  
  
He took the first couple of stairs carefully, peeking down into the main room.  
  
"Gure-san."  
  
Shigure was mostly hidden by the back of the couch, but Ayame wasn't and even for someone as naïve as Kyou it was pretty obvious what they were doing. The sound of gasps and grunts as Ayame bounced up and down. naked flesh against naked flesh and his hand hidden by the couch, but the action and position obvious. His head was thrown back and Kyou could see the thighs he sat on flexing as the bodies undulated. The cries became louder and Ayame threw his head back, his hair glinting in the light as he clenched, his arm moving faster. His eyes opened in a lust ridden haze and they looked up to meet shocked red ones.  
  
Kyou backed up quickly, catching his foot on the step behind him and he fell hard, his vision going white with pain as he jarred his injury. But those eyes remained, in his vision, in his mind's eye.  
  
The same eyes as Yuki's.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Did that weird you guys out? I hope so. Don't worry, all will be explained.  
  
Thanks for hanging with me. 


	11. EQAB10

Ack. What can I say but "I'm sorry." I'm slow. I will absolutely finish every single story I start, but it'll take a while. I will update. I know I take forever. I'm really sorry. But here's more anyway. It's so hard getting these two together. They won't talk to each other and they won't talk to me. It's very difficult to take two characters that hate each other so strongly... and make them fall in love... especially when they won't cooperate. Still, I'm getting closer.  
  
Still, I have to thank the couple of people who yelled at me. Boy did you yell at me. I know I'm lame for not updating at all. I will honestly try to update much faster now. It's just been crazy you know? Every time I get a minute, there's someone asking me to do something.  
  
So my new year's resolution is to write faster.  
  
~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~  
  
EQAB 10  
  
Two figures moved slowly alongside Sohma Shigure's humble residence. The shameless -- but sufficiently cowed -- dog helped Kyou to walk to his favorite spot outside, under the large tree. Shigure glanced over at the fuming kitty to see if there was any change.  
  
"Kyou, I'm sorry."  
  
No response. Kyou continued to stare with great interest at the ground.  
  
"We were sure you were asleep."  
  
Apparently, the thin patches of grass and the occasional stone were far more compelling than Shigure's proffered apology.  
  
"..."  
  
Shigure looked sympathetically down at his younger cousin as he helped him to walk across the yard. The boy had been terribly quiet since he had seen Ayame and Shigure in a somewhat less than proper position in the living room. The lustful mood had been ruined by Kyou's fall and they had rushed to help him, only to be yelled at to "at least get dressed first!" Shigure had never seen quite a shade of red on the young boy when Ayame had, in all his naked and aroused glory, danced up the stairs and attempted to help him up. It would have been quite amusing if Kyou hadn't been hurt. When they had finally dressed and come back to help him, he had fallen into silence and try as he might, Shigure could not budge him from it. When he had offered to take Kyou outside, he had only been met with a silent nod. They limped slowly along, Kyou stifling the occasional whimper of pain. It was good that he was walking though. Now if only he would speak.  
  
"Kyou?"  
  
"S'fine," he finally offered quietly, angrily, eyes closing as he stopped to take a breath. They had only walked twenty feet, but his legs were already shaking a bit. His mind was still playing that lurid scene over and over, no matter how desperately he tried to pretend it didn't happen.  
  
"It's none of my business whether or not you cheat on Hatori, I guess," he put forward.  
  
"Cheating?" Shigure blinked, then giggled. He giggled some more. "Silly kitty."  
  
Kyou's eyes scrunched up as the older man continued to laugh merrily. "What the hell is so funny you stupid dog?"  
  
Shigure's hand covered his mouth as he shook with giggles. Kyou wanted seriously to swat him, but that would compromise the dog's use as a support. The cat sufficed to imagine doing it while he waited for Shigure to say something.  
  
"I'm sorry Kyou," he said, wiping a tear from his eye. "I just never thought of it that way."  
  
The redhead's eyebrows furrowed. "And how the hell do you consider it?" he yelled. "You were doing... that. with someone else? Isn't that called cheating? Last I checked it was."  
  
Shigure shook his head, grinning. "Ayame has always been welcome in mine or Hatori's bed."  
  
Kyou's pink-tinted cheeks seemed to deepen and his red eyes widened in amazement.  
  
"So what are you guys -- some sort of weird threesome or something?"  
  
"Mmm," Shigure thought. "No. Ayame is more interested in pursuing his business and the occasional fling I suppose. But Hatori decided to go home early last night." He pouted, and then giggled. "I guess I was still a bit horny, so Ayame was a welcome visitor today."  
  
Kyou's disbelief at something so annoyingly blatant had deflated most of his anger. He simply couldn't fathom what he was hearing and the vision of Ayame, sweaty and panting, was too much in the forefront of his mind. He just needed to get away.  
  
"Just help me to the tree," he grumbled, but his next step revealed how weak he still was, when his knee gave out and he had to rely solely on Shigure's support.  
  
"Damnit."  
  
Shigure laughed and scooped Kyou up, carrying him the rest of the way.  
  
"PUT ME DOWN YOU STUPID DOG! What do I look like a bride? Let go! Damnit, put me down!"  
  
Shigure ignored his outburst since it was quite expected. He set Kyou down carefully, helping him to adjust until he was comfortably seated against the tree. He looked terribly affronted, but didn't refuse Shigure's help in getting comfortable. Shigure mused that a year ago, Kyou wouldn't have let anyone near him, let alone do something like this for him... Kazuma being the exception.  
  
"I'll get you a blanket and some tea, Kyou-kun."  
  
"Just leave me alone."  
  
The redhead glared up at him and Shigure could see, in the fiery red eyes, that Kyou was very close to snapping again.  
  
Understanding, he sighed dramatically and turned back toward the house. He remembered this... what it was like to be a teenage boy. It was probably very different for Kyou though.  
  
Ayame was waiting eagerly at the door, wearing a bright gold dress coat and black pants with slits in the side and oriental buttons holding them closed. It was his newest design and allowed quite a lot of skin to show on either side of his legs. As usual, he was breathtaking. Shigure regretted not being able to finish their intimate encounter, but too many thoughts were roiling in his mind now to continue.  
  
"Is he all right, Gure-san?"  
  
Shigure nodded and smiled. "Pissy as usual. He just needs some time."  
  
"Of course! After all, even I would be faint of heart at seeing such a magnificent sight!"  
  
Shigure smiled. "No doubt, no doubt, my lovely..." his eyes darkened. "But perhaps Kyou sees it differently... as something not to have."  
  
"It's because he dresses so plainly! If only he would let me make his clothes for him! Such a beautiful boy, wearing such drab, colorless clothes. He should be in a beautiful silk kimono! I bet even Yuki would want him! Then they could get married and I could see my beautiful little brother in the wedding dress I've designed for him! I keep forgetting to set a date when he can come try it on... with Tohru's consent of course!"  
  
Shigure watched indulgently as Ayame went of on a new tangent of fantasy. Somewhere in that flighty head, Ayame felt bad for abandoning his young brother and wanted desperately to regain his favor. Shigure dared not even mention that Yuki had once again returned to Akito, trying to get the bracelet back. Truthfully, he had not even mentioned the missing bracelet to the flamboyant man. It was a thought too dark for the light of Ayame. He wouldn't understand.  
  
Neither would he want to. Just like he didn't want to understand that Kyou would not have the same future as they would. For him to see this scene, this, carnality. as well as love... he would never be allowed any of it. And just as Ayame didn't want to see the darkness of the Sohmas, Kyou would not want to see that which would never be his. To be held, to be loved, to be pleasured. this was forbidden fruit to the cat, more than anyone else.  
  
"Ayame," he interrupted the man's tirade about wedding dresses, commanding a sudden silence, as he rarely called his cousin by that name. "Let's go to your house... leave Kyou alone for a while."  
  
Ayame looked at him soberly and nodded. "Yes."  
  
..........  
  
When Yuki came home, the house was empty. Concerned, though he shouldn't have been, Yuki found his feet taking him up to Kyou's room. It was cold and empty though. The concern heightened. Had something happened?  
  
"Kyou?" he yelled. "Tohru? Shigure?"  
  
He ran downstairs to see if there was a note, but there was none. He was just about to call Hatori to find out if Kyou had suffered an injury or gone to Kazuma's when he saw a familiar figure out the window.  
  
He walked outside, trying not to run, just in case the cat was awake. It wouldn't do to see him worried.  
  
Kyou was downwind and didn't seem to notice Yuki yet. He was lying in the grass by the tree, hands behind his head, staring at the clouds. Once again, Yuki found himself irritated at the fact that Kyou was very attractive when he didn't have that ever-present scowl on his face. He looked confused, and a little bit... lost. It was beautiful in a way. Yuki frowned.  
  
"What are you doing out here? Where's that stupid dog?"  
  
Kyou jerked as he realized someone was there, his face displaying a gambit of emotions from confusion, to surprise, to anger.  
  
"Damnit! You shouldn't sneak up on people like that!"  
  
"It wasn't my fault you weren't paying attention."  
  
"Kuso Nezumi!"  
  
"Baka Neko."  
  
Kyou glared at Yuki. Yuki glared at Kyou. But the energy wasn't there. It wasn't the same. Kyou looked into Yuki's eyes... the same eyes he saw just hours ago... filled with lust. Different color... same eyes. It hurt. It hurt to think of it... especially that way. The cat sighed and turned away. "Perverted damn dog... went with your brother."  
  
"Where."  
  
Kyou looked up at the clouds. "Who cares... as long as they're gone."  
  
Yuki's eyes narrowed. Something had happened. The cat was being damn moody. With Ayame and Shigure together, he could only imagine. He looked up at the clouds. They were big and fluffy today... floating by so calmly.  
  
"I suppose it's second best to being on the roof," he said. "Still, that was stupid of them to leave you alone."  
  
"I can take care of myself."  
  
"You can't even walk, idiot."  
  
Kyou glared, and Yuki had a bad feeling he was going to try and prove that last statement wrong. Kyou was stupid that way.  
  
Surprisingly enough, Kyou managed to push himself up the tree to a standing position, though he was sweating with the effort.  
  
Yuki watched in fascination. Kyou had always had that determination. Yuki didn't understand it. It tired him. Why fight fate? Yet, when Kyou took a shaky step toward the house, Yuki was there to catch him. He looked at the cat darkly.  
  
"Stupid cat."  
  
"Shut up."  
  
Yuki was surprised when Kyou once again turned his head away. Definitely odd behavior... their glaring contests were a normal part of life. Kyou never looked away. He always fought. Even if he could barely stand, it wasn't like him to back down like this. He had a slight blush on his cheeks, and Yuki wondered if he was delirious with fever.  
  
"Damnit!" Using Yuki's arms, Kyou scrabbled up to at least lean against him.  
  
Yuki felt the small laugh bubble up before he could suppress it, and it rolled out of his mouth lightly, causing his rival to look at him in shock, and a little confusion. But Yuki saw it before it died behind those red, red eyes. a slight hint of amusement as well. Both boys quickly recovered, glaring at each other maliciously before turning away. Yuki pulled Kyou's arm around his shoulder and turned them toward the house.  
  
"You're ridiculous," the perplexed mouse grumbled, taking Kyou's arm over his shoulder.  
  
"Shut up! I didn't ask for your help anyway."  
  
"Well I would leave you to fall on your face, but Honda-san would never forgive me."  
  
"Damnit! I could have done it on my own!"  
  
"Yes, I can see, you were doing sooo well."  
  
Although they easily slipped into the comfortable and known territory of rivalry, the dark, blinding hate was not there. So when, ten feet from the house, Kyou could no longer hold his legs under him, Yuki thought nothing of hefting the stupid cat into his arms and carrying him to the living-room where they could continue their fight and watch some television until Tohru got home.  
  
Haru stared at the television blankly, his fingers curled in Momiji's hair. The younger boy was currently curled up on the couch at his house, head in Haru's lap. It was Friday night. Movie night. and as usual, Momiji had picked, since Haru had a horrible time making a decision, unless he went black and then he headed straight for the horror and porn. Given that he was still underage, meant that he spent a lot of time outside the video store, waiting for Momiji, while he cooled off.  
  
Usually, he rather enjoyed these times. It was peaceful and Momiji actually picked some interesting movies. Today, though, his mind was further away than usual, dwelling on his most precious one. He had spent the better part of the afternoon, picking apart every detail of their visit to Akito. It was eating him up inside. Akito was invariably hard to predict. and Yuki was disturbingly ambiguous about the details of the visit. For all he knew, Akito may have simply sat Yuki down for tea. a torture in itself for the mouse. Or he may have done something worse. Haru lamented. Yuki never shared. he never let Haru share his pain. He always kept it inside.  
  
Haru liked to think that he knew Yuki better than anyone else. After all, he spent most of his time obsessing over the quietly lovely boy. He picked up every fragment of emotion in those distant eyes. Every shred of information, rumor or true, Haru held to his heart as if it were gold, because to him, Yuki was treasure, even if he could never have it.  
  
But Yuki had said nothing. He had been brusque, quick to leave, even shaky, but his eyes held nothing. He had smiled at Haru and thanked him for being there, quickly heading home after calling a taxi and Haru could tell, the smile was forced, for him. But Haru didn't know whether to be elated that Yuki didn't want him to worry... or crushed, that Yuki didn't feel he could open up to the younger boy.  
  
But with Kyou's bracelet, Akito had major leverage. Yuki hadn't looked too bad, but Haru knew. He knew that black bastard had done something to him. Sometimes Haru wanted to just take that self-absorbed bastard and kick the ever loving...  
  
"OW! Haru! Cut it out!"  
  
Startled, Haru looked down to see his hand clutched tightly in Momiji's fine hair. The boy was wincing and trying to pull his wrist off.  
  
Haru loosened his hand immediately. "Gomen, Momiji," he apologized immediately, smoothing the bouncy locks down.  
  
Momiji sighed. "Jeeze, I thought you had gone black for a minute."  
  
"Almost I guess." Haru stared out the window. "I'm sorry Momiji."  
  
Momiji beamed. "It's okay. I wasn't really watching anyway."  
  
Haru frowned. Momiji had been very quiet, not only during the movie, but all day. He stared into those soft brown eyes and set a hand on Momiji's chest.  
  
"Is everything okay, Momiji?"  
  
The bunny relaxed into a content smile, but his eyes were stormy.  
  
"It's funny," he said quietly. "Ever since Kyou got hurt, I've been feeling something. There's something different."  
  
Haru 'mmm'd' in agreement. "They've both been very different. It's like they've lost something. The energy is different."  
  
Momiji shook his head. "No, that's not what I mean. You're right, but there's something different. outside."  
  
"What do you mean outside?"  
  
"I'm not sure." Momiji sat up and straddled Haru's lap, excited to talk about this. "Haru, how does it feel when you go black? Do you remember?"  
  
Haru grabbed the remote and flipped the movie off. "Not really. Why do you ask?"  
  
Momiji bit his lip. "Does he talk to you?"  
  
"I don't know what you mean? Momiji, what."  
  
"I've been hearing voices." Momiji looked up, searching Haru's eyes for understanding.  
  
"Voices?"  
  
Momiji's voice was quiet, secretive, worried. "Whispers."  
  
"What do they say?"  
  
"I can't hear clearly."  
  
"Have you told Hatori?"  
  
Momiji shook his head vehemently. "He's too busy. Whenever he's not with Akito, he's checking up on Kyou. He doesn't sleep well." Momiji looked at Haru desperately. "Besides, I wanted to tell you first."  
  
"Why me?" Haru said, perplexed.  
  
"Haru!" Momiji looked absolutely cutely livid. He conked Haru on the head with his small hand. "It's because I like you, dummy!" He looked surprised he had said it. Haru was certainly surprised. Momiji broke into a grin, partly relieved, partly happy that he had finally said something he had wanted to say for a while. He leaned forward. "I really like you, Haru." He closed his eyes and kissed Haru softly.  
  
Haru pushed him away slowly. "Momiji." Momiji opened his eyes and looked back with a little trepidation. "That's nice of you. but."  
  
Momiji's brows furrowed. "But?"  
  
Haru smiled patiently. "You're just a kid."  
  
Momiji's face fell. He looked down, smiling sadly. "I see." He fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. "You're right, I'm sure."  
  
"Momiji."  
  
Momiji got off Haru's lap, turning and banging his shin on the table, crying in pain and surprise. Haru grabbed his shoulders worriedly. "Momiji, are you okay?"  
  
Momiji nodded, tears shining his soft brown eyes as he rubbed his shin roughly. "Ow! I'm okay. It just stings a lot!" He nodded, moving toward the door.  
  
"Momiji."  
  
"I should be going home. I have a lesson early tomorrow."  
  
"I can walk you home." Haru got up but Momiji grabbed his bag, shaking his head.  
  
"It's okay. I can walk alone in the compound. even if I'm just a kid," he added quietly, slinging his bag over his shoulder and slipping out the door before Haru could say anything more.  
  
Haru sighed, running his hands through his hair and dropping back on the couch. He really didn't need this.  
  
Tohru slipped her shoes off tiredly. There had been an emergency at the hospital. She had gotten some extra responsibilities since the other nurses were taken up with extra work. It was just changing some bedpans and administering some medication to some of the patients, but it had made her feel good that the responsibility was handed to her so readily. However, she was so absent minded, she had been scared to death of getting a prescription wrong. She had a headache from checking and double-checking charts.  
  
When she got to the kitchen, the pleasant smell of miso hit her nose, and her stomach rumbled rather loudly. Shigure was sitting at the kitchen table, typing quietly. Behind him, a steaming pot of soup was boiling. Shigure looked up and smiled, pointing at the living room.  
  
She tiptoed in and looked over the couch and saw perhaps the most adorable thing she'd ever seen. Kyou was lying sprawled on the couch, a hand errantly slung over his forehead as he slept. Yuki was there as well. He had fallen asleep on the floor, hands folded on the couch at Kyou's side, his head resting in his crooked arms. The television droned quietly, casting a greenish blue light on the two.  
  
Tohru turned back to Shigure, eyes shining. Shigure smiled.  
  
"I found them like that when I got home," he whispered, producing a camera from the folds of his robes. "I don't suppose I could send you to develop the film?"  
  
Tohru's hands came to her mouth to stifle a giggle. "Sohma-san, you are so bad!"  
  
Shigure giggled as well, taking her hand.  
  
"Come, my little housewife, and have some soup before bed. Though I'm rather afraid that Yuki made it. Even with Kyou-kun's help, it's very likely to taste bad."  
  
They dished out the soup and ate quietly, whispering quietly about their respective days. Shigure was about to launch into the story of Ayame's visit when Tohru dropped her spoon.  
  
"Tohru-chan?" Shigure followed her as she moved toward the TV. The news was on. The reporter on the screen was using her distraught voice as she announced the weather.  
  
"And we have a rather heavy storm moving our way. A typhoon is suspected. Boats are already moving toward the bay seeking shelter from the storm. This could mean some fairly heavy rains, and harsh storms for our area. Please stay tuned for more weather forecasts."  
  
Shigure's eyes darkened, his previous mood quelled.  
  
"Oh!" Tohru exclaimed, looking down. Shigure followed her gaze to see Kyou watching the screen quietly.  
  
"Oh, Kyou."  
  
TBC ~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~  
  
It's funny. I know exactly where I'm going with this fic. Yet, I already know it won't be a tight story. It's going to meander a bit and that's something I really hate. I hope that I can keep it interesting for you guys.  
  
Thanks for sticking with me. I'll work hard to get the next chapter out soon. 


	12. EQAB11

Hi!  
  
Before we get to it, I have to say a special thanks to AlphaRyoko, who is sweet enough to beta these stories. If she didn't, you would all get loads of unedited garbage to read. So she needs to be recognized. Thank you, AlphaRyoko!  
  
Thanks also to those people who review, including the people who yell at me. I donn't think I've ever been scolded so soundly for more chapters. It really does get me to write. So thank you.  
  
Here goes... hope you enjoy.  
  
EQAB 11  
  
In dark silence, no one can see your pain. No one can make the bad things go away.  
  
When Yuki was young, a very young child, he had a fear of dark places. He didn't know where it came from. Most kids have that at some point, right? But Akito made it worse. The first time that the young clan head had asked to see Yuki, his mother had been so proud. She had dressed him so beautifully. She had combed his hair until it shone. She had always taught him the best manners, and had spent the morning reminding him how to act.  
  
"Don't fidget, Yuki," she said. "Remember to pour his drink first, and don't chew your fingernails!" Yes, her pride knew no bounds. She would spend hours telling him how he was the Rat of the Sohma clan... he was the top. He had responsibilities. He liked to watch her brush her hair at night. She would talk to him about how special he was. When he would stop listening, hypnotized by the sound of the brush bristles, she would smack his leg with her brush. But if he behaved, she would brush his hair. That was maybe the only time that she really seemed to give him any of her time. He treasured it.  
  
Akito had been odd already at that age. He had been overly polite when Yuki arrived, thanking Yuki's mother. She didn't see the glint in his eye at seeing Yuki. Maybe she was too tall. Yuki had been 5 and Akito had been ten. It's funny. Akito had really been a little kid, but to Yuki, he always seemed so much older. They would take tea together. It was quiet, and deadly. Though Akito was young, his rooms and demeanor spoke of something ancient and wilting ... dead pretending to be alive like silk flowers. Yuki had chewed his nails a couple of times, but at Akito's harsh glance, had shoved his hands into his lap, ashamed.  
  
"You're mine, you know," the quite boy had said, smiling. "You belong to me."  
  
"Yes, Akito-sama," he had replied quietly.  
  
"Do you know what that means?"  
  
"No, Akito-sama," he whispered.  
  
Akito had glared, setting his tea down with a harsh clink that echoed in the large dark room.  
  
"Then why did you say 'yes Akito-sama'?" Akito cocked his head. "Are you stupid?" He glared. "I can't stand you if you're stupid. I thought the mouse was supposed to be smart."  
  
"I... I..." Yuki was too busy trying to explain himself and not think about the dark corners of the room to notice that the older boy had moved to stand and stroke his hair. "I said it because my mother told me to always agree! I'm sorry!"  
  
"Then she's stupid too. I thought as much." He sifted his slender pale fingers through Yuki's hair and they were as cold as ice... but there was some amount of comfort to the action because it was similar to the way his mother touched his hair. "You have such soft hair, Yuki... like a mouse's fur. I suppose that's why Haru's hair is coarse like a cow's."  
  
"Haru?"  
  
"Mm. He's the cow." Akito clicked his tongue, disapprovingly. "He's stupid too. I can't be bothered with him. It's a shame. He's supposed to be second in line, but he's useless. Shigure's the only one who's any fun."  
  
Yuki stared. This was really the first time he had heard of any of the other Zodiac cousins that he could remember. He had gone to New Year's and seen them, but they never talked. They were always with their parents. Then he would have to sit in a room with a bunch of other kids until he fell asleep and his parents took him home. One time, he had worn a really pretty costume that his parents made him put in plastic afterwards, but he hardly remembered that.  
  
"Is he the dog?"  
  
"Hmmm? Yes. Never mind, Yuki-kun." He waved the subject off. "You're going to be my friend now, Yuki. You're meant to be at my side." He laughed, covering his mouth with his hand and looking at Yuki in amusement, but Yuki felt chills. "I can tell we're going to be the best of friends." He took Yuki's hand. "Come, let's walk in the garden and I'll show you my birds."  
  
Akito had always been hot and cold. One had never known what to expect. That was part of his fear. One minute, he would be stroking Yuki's hair and telling him how important he was to Akito, and the next minute, he would slap the boy. They had taken more walks. And once, Akito had taken him near that place. It was dark, with bars on the window. You could hardly see in. The door was slightly open and Yuki had shied away from the shadows inside, even though Akito seemed not to mind.  
  
"It's the cat's cage. Someday he'll be locked up here. He's a monster, like you are, but much worse. I haven't seen him as a monster yet, but someday I will." He laughed. "It will be so funny! When I take his bracelet."  
  
Yuki stared into the room in horror. Locked... in there? And there were probably spiders. Yuki shuddered. Akito stood behind his shoulder, so close... making him squirm. "Do you want to go in?" he whispered?  
  
Yuki shook his head and backed up, but he was stopped by Akito's hands on his arms.  
  
"You're a monster too Yuki. You should be in a cage too, but you're not because I take care of you. Go inside. You can see how it is if you were not in my favor."  
  
Yuki shook his head hurriedly. "I understand. I do... Akito-sama. Please don't make me go." Yuki was sure now that he could see into that dark space... spiders and monsters and everything scary.  
  
Hands closed around his thin arms, like claws. "I'll do what I please."  
  
Suddenly he was plunging into that darkness face first. He screamed, and then felt the dirt on his hands and under his fingernails. He hated getting dirty. His mother would yell at him. The door shut behind him with a deafening THUD and there was no light but a tiny sliver coming in through the window way above... but even that light was scary because he could see the glint of a spider web in the space.  
  
"No! Please! Akito! Please!" he yelled and he could hear Akito's laugh outside... and it was so dark, and no one knew. He could be in here forever and no one would know. Yuki yelled and cried. Akito left him in there. He was nearly hysterical when Hatori finally found him later. He had refused to go to Akito's the next time. That's when his mother had started hitting him, calling him a useless son, disrespectful.  
  
After that, Akito had often locked him in dark places for long periods of time, to the point that the mention of Akito's name would send Yuki into a nervous fit. He needed a night-light and his parents' shame knew no bounds.  
  
It had started with the darkness, dark rooms and harsh words. The beatings had come later, when Yuki had started refusing to go see Akito when he called. He would run away and hide. He had tried to tell his parents that Akito was hurting him. But even when they saw the evidence of it themselves, they would simply tell Yuki that it was his own fault for not obeying. They expected so much from him. After all, he was the rat.  
  
He was nothing but a badge for their egos. His older brother was no better. He turned away... didn't even listen. He and Yuki had never gotten along. Ayame was more interested in his friendship with Hatori and Shigure than he was with his little brother. So the beatings continued. All Yuki could do was hide the evidence... from those he knew and from himself. He hid it from his friends. But Akito took them too... and the one time, he had told Kyou... Kyou had betrayed him.  
  
Now years later... when he should be over childish fears, Yuki sat, silent in the darkness of the room he had spent many a tortuous night in, remembering. Right after school, Akito had taken him here and told him to sit down and wait for him. Yuki tried not to imagine the spiders and bugs crawling around in the place. The dust was no good for his lungs either. He was trying very hard to just keep calm. He was curled in on himself.  
  
There were objects in the room. It wasn't empty. Old relics and toys were stored here. He only ever caught a glimpse of them when the door was open. Those alone scared him. Somewhere in the back of the room, he knew there was an oil painting of the previous god, Hatori's father. Yuki always felt that the dark man was watching him. His eyes were dark and sunken in, and. Yuki shuddered. Even in the pitch black, he could see those eyes. For some reason, Yuki always felt that they were watching him... the mouse. He didn't like that painting. When he was a child, he was sure the man was just waiting for the right time to come out of the painting and get him.  
  
Even now, Yuki couldn't stop the horrid visions of that man coming to life. Staring down at him, expecting things of him, threatening punishment. That wasn't all. There was a hobbyhorse with glass eyes. One was broken. There was a bronze statue of a satyr. Now it was smaller than Yuki, but when he was a child, it was huge. These objects, sitting with him silently in the room, watching... waiting.  
  
Yuki jerked as something crawled over his hand. He barely stifled a whimper as he shook his hand and stood up. He was afraid to move though. The room was full of objects. It wouldn't be so bad if he could feel his way around them, but he was loath to touch them... for fear of a hand reaching out in the dark... an icy hand grabbing his wrist. It had been so long. What if Akito slipped in without him knowing it? Waiting for him to cry out.  
  
'This is stupid,' he thought, trying to scold himself for being afraid. He was too damn old for this... but his body didn't stop trembling and breathing was becoming difficult. Kyou would never be afraid. He would yell belligerently, and kick the door in. Yuki dared not. He did smile though, imagining Kyou getting angry and throwing things. He would claw right through that painting, that is, if he dared go against Akito.  
  
Somehow, Yuki believed that Kyou could... if he wanted to. Kyou was always a hair's breadth from losing it any time he encountered Akito. Yuki wasn't sure if it was the power Akito held as their god... or if it was merely Kyou's deep wish to one day be accepted, that kept him from lashing out. Yuki hated that. Kyou never acted. Kyou was completely open and honest. He said what he pleased and he still managed to get attention. It pissed the rat off no end. Every day, he gave everything he had to keep apart from everyone, but to maintain his image. He was, after all, the rat... the prince. As long as he was that, he never had to worry about getting hurt. It was the only power he had over Akito. He would keep Akito from taking hold... keep Akito from finding ways to manipulate him.  
  
But Tohru had changed that. She seemed such a delicate creature, whom a breath might have withered. Akito should be able to shatter her instantly, like fine blown glass... and yet he had bowed down to her. She was so much stronger than any of them had suspected.  
  
Yuki fell back against the wall and slid down, burying head in his hands. Now, he was here for that stupid cat. How on earth had Kyou become a weapon against him?  
  
He had tried to convince himself that it was because of Tohru... that Tohru would be so sad if Kyou was broken. But it didn't work. All he could remember was Kyou's cold, lifeless body in his arms, his blood gushing out of that awful wound. Now, he was injured, quiet and withdrawn. Yuki couldn't live that way. He needed Kyou's energy. He needed that constant belligerent tug for attention... because even if they hated each other, Kyou needed him. Kyou needed to fight him. He needed Yuki to be there.  
  
It felt so good to be needed... not as the prince, but as someone... as a living breathing creature and not a figurehead. Kyou needed him. Tohru needed him. At least, he would like to think so. She was so fragile, yet so strong. Kyou and Yuki both needed to protect her and somehow, that made him more human. As long as there was this struggle, this pull, Yuki felt like he could go on..  
  
And now, his need to protect had extended to Kyou... because they were family. Kyou was closer than any other family member had been. Only Haru came close. But there was Kyou's passion, his need. Yuki knew that somehow Tohru had made the three of them a family. Yuki had felt more at ease with them than any other time in his life. That's why he was here. There was no getting around it.  
  
The door opened and Yuki saw a wispy figure slide in, the silk of his yukata brushing against the door before it shut. Yuki flinched as the light ghosted over the objects in the room, casting terrifying shadows that retreated from the soft evening light, but reached out for him again to blanket him in the darkness when the door closed again.  
  
He could hear the whisper of fabric against itself before he felt cold fingers ghosting over his face and he couldn't help but shudder as those long nails scraped dangerously along his sensitive skin. He only prayed he would not have to explain away any scars. Akito rarely left visible reminders of his cruelty. Hatori was the one exception.  
  
"Yuki..." his voice was soft. Yuki could smell the oils he had bathed in. "Your skin is as cold as ice. You're trembling!" A gasp. "Don't you see how I hate to punish you like this. But you must learn to behave Yuki, you must." So much pity was in that voice. The feel of silk on his hands and Akito's smaller body covered his own, the older boy settling in Yuki's lap, his head resting on Yuki's shoulder. "You ran away for so long." The fingers of the other hand slid around Yuki's shoulder and into the hair at the nape of his neck. "Can't you see I just want you back where you belong?"  
  
Yuki felt a pang of guilt. Akito seemed thinner since he had last visited him. It was hard to tell to look at him. His beautiful kimonos hid his growing malnutrition well. But now, as Yuki's hands automatically slid up to keep his god from falling off his lap, he could feel the sharp, unhealthy jut of Akito's too thin hips, and his ribs as they brushed along his arm. It was also strange that Akito was smaller now. Yuki had noticed it before, but it was especially potent with the older boy so fragile in his arms.  
  
"I'm sorry, Akito-sama," he said honestly, even if he was shaking as he said it. Akito seemed calm and gentle now, but that was why he was so frightening.  
  
"My little mouse." Akito's breath was mixing with his own it was so close. It smelled of Jasmine and a faint trace of medicine. "So beautiful. You've grown. Your beauty has only grown while you've been away."  
  
Then Yuki felt the press of a soft kiss against his lips. His skin crawled as memories came back of last time, but he did not fight back. When a small tongue pushed it's way into his mouth, he only gripped the young god tighter. It wasn't the kiss itself he disliked but rather the person bestowing it. It made him sick to his stomach, this utter dominance that Akito had over him. This man, since before he was a man, had demanded Yuki's love, and every time, Yuki hated it more. He was not a toy. He was not an object.  
  
Yuki shivered and Akito must have mistaken it for excitement, for his lips pressed harder, and his hands grew more aggressive. They gripped Yuki's neck, almost too tightly and the young mouse thought he would faint, from disgust and shame.  
  
Akito moved to take a tender earlobe between his teeth, nibbling, causing Yuki to moan in a mix of frustration, submission and excitement. Akito smiled, and Yuki could hear it in his breath as he whispered.  
  
"You know what I want, Yuki. You know I love you, don't you?" Akito's voice shook with restrained anger when he said this. "You belong by my side. You have stayed away for far too long, and I allowed it because I am not unkind. But what I own, will always come back to me."  
  
Akito's mouth latched onto Yuki's neck and he began to suck. Yuki whimpered. He did not want this man to mark him. When finally, Akito's hand wandered too low, Yuki jerked away, grabbing those thin, bird-like wrists in his own. He had had enough.  
  
"Do you dare defy me?" Akito snarled, pulling his hand away and slapping the taller boy soundly.  
  
Yuki took the blow in silence. He couldn't do this. He knew what Akito wanted and he could not allow it. He was no longer a small child. He was stronger than Akito, if not in spirit, in strength.  
  
"N... no, Akito."  
  
The smaller man stilled from struggling and the silence was so thick, Yuki's lungs strained for air in the blackness.  
  
Then all hell broke loose.  
  
With a horrifying, rage filled scream, Akito clawed at Yuki's face, trying to hit or scratch whatever he could reach.  
  
"You never love me!" He cried, fighting. Yuki let of Akito's other hand and covered his face as the blows reigned down on him. "You love everyone else...even that stupid ugly girl, but you won't love me! You're supposed to be my own! You're supposed to be mine and only mine and you're supposed to love me!"  
  
Akito scrambled off of Yuki and the sound of objects being hit and thrown were clear. Yuki got up and fumbled, trying to find the door so he could let in some light. He was deathly afraid that Akito was going to hurt himself in this rage. His hands found purchase where he was sure the doorknob would be and he threw it open, turning back to find Akito. He just barely ducked as a lamp was hurled at him. It shattered into pieces against the wall.  
  
Akito was lying in a pile of junk he had knocked over. His face was contorted, ugly with rage.  
  
"Akito, please stop!" Yuki pleaded, dodging another object hurled at him. Akito's predecessor stared down at the proceedings from his canvas and Yuki could swear he saw the same anger reflected in his eyes, as in Akito's.  
  
Akito had nothing else to throw, and he feebly attempted to get up, getting caught in his yukata as he did. Yuki caught him and he struggled.  
  
"You traitor," he said, but it lacked the rage from before. "You love that stupid girl, who loves that horrid monster. I know that's why you're here... for those monsters." He pulled away, jerking out of Yuki's grasp. His look was pure venom as he backed away. "I'll make them pay for taking you away from me! I'll make them pay! If you don't give me what I want!"  
  
With that, he shoved Yuki back and he stumbled into the furniture, bringing down racks and sheets as he went. The swiftly disappearing evening light crept into the room, and Yuki tried desperately to breathe. His lungs hurt so much. He hurt. There were scratches all over his face and arms and he was sure he had some bruises that wouldn't be going away anytime soon. He clutched his chest painfully, but he could tell that the small attack was already subsiding.  
  
A figure appeared in the door and for a minute, Yuki was afraid he had come back.  
  
"You really made him angry."  
  
A calm voice cut through the dark and Yuki moved to get up.  
  
"Kureno."  
  
He reached down to take Yuki's hand and help him up. He led the smaller boy to a chair and sat him down, producing a washrag and a first aid kit. He gave the washcloth to Yuki and Yuki used it to wipe the blood off his arms and face. Kureno was withdrawn and unsmiling as he took out band-aids and gauze.  
  
"He keeps the bracelet in a jewelry box on his nightstand. If you want to take it back."  
  
Yuki's eyes widened, but he shook his head. "I can't... I don't want to be anywhere near that man's bedroom."  
  
"I wasn't implying you do that," Kureno said quietly, "but you could sneak in. The box is locked, but the key is in the nightstand drawer."  
  
Yuki thought this over quietly, while Kureno bandaged his wounds. "He would be very angry."  
  
"Yes," Kureno said, hiding nothing. "But Shigure and I could handle him after it was done."  
  
"Why?" Yuki was a bit confused. Kureno had shown nothing but complete obedience and loyalty toward Akito. "Why are you trying to help?"  
  
Kureno's eyes flashed with something raw and painful and he stared into Yuki's eyes intensely, making the younger boy swallow reflexively.  
  
"I am sorry Yuki. You are the mouse, and I know that you are higher than I. But I do not want Akito to love you."  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Kyou sighed, leaning against the cold tile of the bathroom and enjoying its effect on his heated skin. Reaching up, he flushed the toilet and crawled over to the bathtub, drawing a small bath. He felt absolutely disgusting, lying around all day. He hated being dirty... and though he wasn't crazy about water, he knew the bath would do him good. He was just thankful he was able to move around on his own again.  
  
Crawling into the bath, Kyou let out another sigh, sinking into the warm water. He fingered his stitches, rubbing the itch out of them, but trying not to scratch. He had already gotten them bleeding again and was severely scolded. Hatori had made the cat promise not to make it worse, relying on Kyou's sense of honesty not to break it. The scars were still raw and harsh. One was about two inches in diameter and ran up below his right ribs. The other was quite a bit smaller and marred the lower side of his back. Fortunately, he was healing quite quickly. He always had. It was still excruciating to move around if he wasn't careful. He couldn't bend over. He couldn't really use his right arm for too much, because it agitated the scarred muscles in his side.  
  
He had finally given in and taken some Tylenol this morning when he could no longer bear the pain. But at least he was off the hard stuff. He had always hated things like drugs and painkillers. It was just a way of lying to yourself. But with the Tylenol, he could still feel the pain; it just wasn't quite so immobilizing. He needed to be able to move.  
  
Toweling off and slipping on some loose sweats, he hobbled his way down to the kitchen. Opening the fridge, he rested most of his weight on the door while he peered in trying to find something to eat.  
  
"AAAAAuuugggghhh! Kyou kun!" Kyou looked over to see Tohru dropping the basket of laundry and rushing over to him, fluttering around him afraid to touch him. "What are you doing out of bed? You should be resting! I'm sorry! I was out doing laundry. I checked on you earlier but you were asleep! You should have called! Maybe I should get a pager! I'm so sorry."  
  
Watching her movements, he batted a hand out, catlike and caught her shoulder, stilling her movement. She stared up at him with those big, innocent brown eyes and he batted her on the head.  
  
"You shouldn't worry so much. You'll have a stroke. It's obvious I'm fine. You don't need to worry so much," he said, flustered. It was always so hard to speak to her... like she thought the world of him, of everyone. That was hard to bear.  
  
The blush he was sporting was shades lighter than Tohru's blush and something in his heart fluttered at that thought. "Hai.... Demo, Kyou-kun! You should sit down. I can get you something to eat."  
  
"That's okay." He stared into the fridge, again, sighing. "We're out of milk." Then scrunched his face up when he realized his mistake and Tohru went into another bout of apologizing.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Kyou-kun, I was going to go to the store, but Shigure-kun is with his editor still and Sohma-kun is late, and I didn't want to leave you, but I have to go to work soon and..."  
  
"It's not a big deal," Kyou interrupted and Tohru smiled warmly at him, making him feel self-conscious again.  
  
"You look better today, Kyou-kun."  
  
"Yeah well," he rubbed the back of his head with his good arm. "I probably smell better too." He looked up and attempted a sort of smile. Raising his hand and slipping his fingers into the hair by her ear, he warmed when she leaned into the touch. "I do feel better... thanks to you."  
  
"Kyou-kun..."  
  
Kyou turned, his face heated as he grabbed some orange juice instead and moved to the table to sit down gingerly.  
  
"Where is that stupid rat anyway? Student council? Or has he finally been eaten alive by that fan club of his?"  
  
Tohru clenched her little fists, "Um...well he's not doing anything suspicious!"  
  
Kyou looked at her strangely. "The fact that you say not suspicious is suspicious. Is he okay? He's not sick is he?" Not that it really concerned him, however Tohru didn't seem flighty and worried as she often did when the rat had an attack, so he was sure Yuki was okay.  
  
Tohru smiled.  
  
"What?"  
  
...  
  
"What? Spit it out!"  
  
"Kyou-kun, you do care about him don't you?"  
  
Kyou flushed with anger. Yes he was certain it was anger. "Don't be ridiculous. Of course I don't care. I don't give a shit about that shitty mouse."  
  
Tohru didn't look like she was buying it, so he swigged his orange juice angrily, to add to his look of frustration.  
  
She advanced on him like some sort of horror fic character. Put Pollyanna in "The Ring" and there was Tohru. So wholesomely good it was scary. She reached out to put a hand on his shoulder.  
  
"He likes you too, Kyou-kun. You'll see. Soon. He cares very much about you."  
  
Kyou felt a bit trapped.  
  
"Well, I h-hate him anyway," he stammered.  
  
"Oh, Kyou, why?" Tohru looked so sad for a minute. Kyou looked away, unable to meet those honest brown eyes. "Because I have to. Don't you understand Tohru?"  
  
Her hand trailed up to brush his bangs out of his eyes and he looked at her.  
  
"No, Kyou. I don't understand. I don't at all." She didn't look angry with him, rather he felt almost like she was trying to absorb all his pain. She ran a tiny thumb over his cheek before whispering. "I have to go to work. Please be careful."  
  
Kyou swallowed. "It's okay. I don't need a babysitter."  
  
Tohru smiled. "I'll get some milk on my way home."  
  
"Tohru!"  
  
She turned around, as she slipped her shoes on.  
  
"Be careful okay?"  
  
Tohru smiled beautifully again and nodded, squeaking assent. Again, Kyou felt that warm feeling. It fell away though, with her fading presence and he let his hands fall into his head.  
  
"I don't understand anymore either."  
  
He finished his juice, grabbed some onigiri and made his painful, slow way up the stairs again. The bag on his bed was half packed already and he made quick work, putting the rest of what he would need in there. His side was screaming with pain and he took more Tylenol to dull it. He packed that, figuring no one else would need it. But it took him almost fifteen painful minutes to figure out that there was no way he could carry the pack.  
  
Frustrated, he hit the wall with his good hand, sending jarring pain down his side. This was stupid! He had to get away, but he was already feeling the pain, and he was afraid he wouldn't make it to where he wanted to go. He knew he needed help, but being the cat, he had very few people he could turn to. Yuki might, but he wasn't around. Shigure was too lazy. Shishou would refuse, and demand that he come stay at the dojo. But Kyou wouldn't do that. He didn't want to expose the people he loved to this. He couldn't bear it. Already, he could feel the approaching storm. He could sense it coming.  
  
Picking up the phone, he dialed the one number that might work.  
  
"Hello, Kagura? I need your help."  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
There, is that better? For me, that's some pretty fast writing. I know it's pathetic, compared to some of these speed authors out there. But I'm getting better right?  
  
The next chapter will take longer because I'm going to focus on some of my other stories for a while.  
  
Thank you for reading, lovely lovely people. I love you even when you yell at me... maybe especially when you yell at me. 


	13. EQAB12

As long as Kyou can remember, he and Yuki have been enemies, but there's more to it than that. Dark secrets lurk in the past of every Sohma and one horrible act by the accursed head of the clan will set off the beginning of finding all the answers  
  
Title: Equally Cursed and Blessed  
  
Authors: Caer (caerfree@tde.com) and Triste (TragedyandComedy@aol.com)  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Warnings: Yaoi, violence, angst  
  
Pairings: Eventual YukixKyou, ShigurexHatori, HaruxMomiji  
  
Status: Work in progress (part 12)  
  
Disclaimer: Nope, still not ours.  
  
~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ "Kyou, I think we should stop."  
  
"No... it's not far now."  
  
Kagura stopped anyway. She supported Kyou as he stumbled weakly.  
  
"Let's at least rest."  
  
Kyou gave in, nodding wearily, not even having the energy to complain. His brow was sheened with sweat, and he was too pale. Kagura felt that pang of guilt for doing this. She had expected it. But he had called... he had called her and asked her for help. It wasn't like she could refuse. Her guilt wouldn't permit it. She would do anything for him to try to erase the guilt of her fear of his form... and she cursed herself for it.  
  
She was no better than his mother, claiming to love him, yet shrinking inside at the thought of what he was. Even if she did love him now... she could never erase that day, when she had screamed and fled... just like everyone else. She was no different... god, she wanted to be different. She wished to death that she could be like Tohru... that she could have been the one to take his hand, and make him look at her in that way.  
  
She would have given anything to have been the one to carry Kyou home that day in his adorable little kitty form. She would give anything to be in Tohru's place... to see that boy's confused amazed look every time Tohru did something remarkable. Every time, she touched him or said kind words to him without ever wanting anything in return. Kagura had discovered that she couldn't be like Tohru. No one could. She couldn't save Kyou because she was part of the curse that condemned him. All she could do was be there for him, and hope he knew that she cared.  
  
Somehow, she never hated Tohru for any of this. She had been jealous, but you just couldn't hate Tohru for her blissful naivete and her enormous heart. Kagura took her comfort in that, instead; that she could manage not to hate Tohru.  
  
After a little rest, Kyou's color seemed to return, and he took a deep breath and goaded her to help him stand.  
  
"Come on." Kyou lurched forward. "If I keep stopping... I'll never make it."  
  
They moved on toward the house at the edge of the woods. This was all Kagura knew about it. It could be seen from the road on the mountain. It had been abandoned, but Kyou seemed adamant that it was where he had to go.  
  
It had been the house on the property before Shigure's house was built to replace it. It had been in ruin for quite a long time and was not worth rebuilding, but it had never been removed. Still, Kagura could not help but notice that the path was relatively clear, as if it had been used.  
  
There was a bit of a tricky spot where they had to edge along a rock ledge that was far too high for Kagura's liking, but Kyou seemed unbothered. He even made the journey across by himself, telling her not to lose her head, in a cranky, but comforting way. She made it across, and the cabin was not more than 20 feet away. It was charming, in a run down, moss eaten way. The wood was gray from weather. Trees and plant-life threatened to take over the aging cabin.  
  
Still, when they opened the creaky door, it seemed relatively sound inside. It was clean, having just three rooms. What had been the kitchen was completely unusable; although, what was left of the cabinets was stocked with various canned goods.  
  
Kagura came back into the main room, which was set up with a small tatami mat, a wall full of firewood and a small stone fireplace. It was the least dilapidated room in the house and Kyou was slumped, seated, exhausted, against the wall. His hands were folded on his knees and he was in obvious pain.  
  
"Kyou-kun... you've been here before?"  
  
"Yeah well..." His voice was tired and thick with weariness, "You gotta have a contingency plan when your family wants to lock you up. You can go now."  
  
Kagura reeled back. "But Kyou-kun," he was looking at her sideway through his bangs, "I want to stay with you. You can't stay here by yourself! I can't believe no one told me that you were hurt so badly before now! I need to take care of you!"  
  
Kyou sighed. "I think that's what they were afraid of."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Never mind... look, thanks for your help, now get the hell out of here."  
  
"But Kyou, why?" Kagura whined, "I wanna stay!"  
  
"Shut up!" Kyou's voice was filled with venom, not it's usual exasperated intolerance and Kagura stopped her tirade short. Kyou held up a bare wrist and glared at her. "Do you understand what this means? The rain is coming, and I will change. I know that's unpleasant for you, so just get the hell away."  
  
Kagura tried not to let the hurt, the guilt, well up in her. She would be strong. She would not cry. She would not get angry and beat the hell out of her adored kitty. She swallowed hard.  
  
"Kyou... you shouldn't be alone."  
  
Kyou was silent, staring at the floor between his legs. It didn't feel good, inside, to hurt her like this, but he didn't know what else to do. He didn't want to take any chances of hurting anyone. Already, he could feel the swirling dark energy of the evil cat, lapping at the edges of his skin like flames, waiting to get out, to burn through his skin and change him.  
  
"Go the hell home, Kagura," he growled. "It's not like it hasn't happened before. I didn't need you then. I don't need you now."  
  
Thick silence filled the room, and Kagura felt a sting in her heart. She knew why he was being harsh. She knew everything about him. She knew he was afraid. She could tell by the way he rubbed at his wrist and stared at the floor. She could see it in the shimmer of his fiery eyes. Still, she didn't want to leave.  
  
"Kyou-kun. You've barely recovered! What if something happens? What if you get worse? What if you get an infection? No one will be here to..."  
  
"Well, what if I go crazy and can't control..." Kyou started. He glared at her. "Do you want to get hurt? Are you that stupid?"  
  
Kagura bit her lip to stop it from quivering. "Oh Kyou-kun... "  
  
"YOU DO LOVE ME!" She cried, throwing herself at him, assaulting him with hugs and kisses as he tried desperately to push her away.  
  
"No I don't! You psycho! Get off me!"  
  
"But Kyou," she whined, "I have to show you my undying love!"  
  
"That's what I'm afraid of! Get the fuck off! OW! You're not supposed to hit invalids, you freak!"  
  
A low rumble, followed by a resounding CRACK, shook the ground and the two cousins stopped still. With as much force as he could muster, Kyou pushed Kagura away.  
  
"You need to go NOW!"  
  
"Kyou... I,"  
  
"Run, you idiot!" Kyou clutched his stomach and took shaky breaths. There was a faint sound of light rain hitting the ground outside. Kagura watched in horror, as Kyou started to change before her. The memories of that night so long ago came flooding back, as did the feeling of absolute terror. She didn't need to hear Kyou's second gurgled "run" for she was already out the door, and across that ledge, running as if the devil were behind her. As the rain increased, she allowed her tears to fall.  
  
"Oh Kyou. I'm sorry."  
  
An inhuman scream filled the woods.  
  
~~~ ~~~ ~~~  
  
After helping Yuki, Kureno took his time putting the first aid kit away and throwing the bloodied rag in the hamper. No one knew Akito better than Kureno not even Shigure, though the man was better than he at manipulating their young god. Kureno knew that it was best to wait for Akito to calm down. When he threw his fits, he lashed out, and it didn't matter at whom. Yuki had been lucky, the way Hatori hadn't. Akito didn't actually mean to harm, in the long run anyway. He meant it in the passion of the moment, and yet he severely disliked any proof of his transgressions. This was why Hatori was careful to always keep his eye well hidden.  
  
The fact was Akito was paranoid, schizophrenic at best. It wasn't quite that since a chemical imbalance wasn't to blame, but rather, the curse. Kureno could tell... Akito honestly didn't want to hurt any of his family... and yet, honestly, he did. He wanted them docile, wanted them tame. He was as arrogant as a god, but as temperamental as a very small child. But he was beautiful... and tragic... and Kureno wanted very much to be a part of that. He craved Akito's beauty. The God both frightened him and intrigued him. He wanted to be closest to Akito so he could partake in that fragility. Akito was addicting like that.  
  
He made his way to the large bedroom where Akito had most likely escaped. It was dark inside, stifling. The windows were closed, to keep out the chill of the oncoming storm. Kureno spared a quick thought to Kyou, hoping that he would be all right until Yuki could get the bracelet back.  
  
"Akito-sama?"  
  
He walked softly, his movements slow and controlled as he made his way to the figure on the dark four-poster bed. Akito lay on his back, a thin arm flung across his forehead. His clothes were still in a state of disarray, his over-robe completely open. The silk of his Yukata left little to the imagination as it lay over his thin legs and hips. Kureno tore his gaze away and sat on the bed gently, laying a hand on Akito's chest. He took comfort in the steady rise and fall of the ribs as he waited for something, whether it be a curse, and order, or... hopefully something more.  
  
"I don't understand..." he murmured. "I would give him everything. If he asked, I would do anything for him! All I ask for is his love. He's supposed to love me! Why does he not understand?"  
  
Kureno let his hand wonder gently to the dark clean strands of Akito's hair and he smoothed it gently back, deciding not to say anything. Akito shifted, turning, and laying his head in Kureno's lap, playing with the hem of his pants.  
  
"It's that stupid girl's fault. I should get rid of her!" he seethed. Kureno's hand froze for a moment in time, before he collected himself and moved his hand to Akito's back. Tohru was far too powerful for Akito to fight. She had manifested herself in her innocent, raw, youthful way, and Kureno was not only quite enamored with her power, but amazed to watch the clash between her spirit and that of the curse. She was the first... the first in so long. Akito would not be able to.  
  
"But Yuki is so attached to such a stupid girl. She's their maid. Shigure likes that." He sighed. "And she means nothing. In the end, I will win. They always come back to me... always."  
  
They sat in silence, Kureno merely sitting with his god, this young man, soothing him in any way he could. Finally, Akito asked what he had been hoping for, and Kureno undressed, slipping under the thick covers and welcoming the man into his arms. Akito fell asleep playing with his hair, and Kureno merely enjoyed a rare moment in time.  
  
~~~ ~~~ ~~~  
  
"I feel fine."  
  
"Yuki..." Hatori sighed, frustrated. He turned the windshield wipers on and drove a little faster. They would need to get home soon. For all they knew, Kyou was already changing. It had never happened, in their lifetimes at least, that the Sohma cat had been without his bracelet. The change was always sudden and in the rain, and all but one time, at the hands of Akito, except for some small mishaps with Kyou when he was a baby. Once again, Hatori scolded himself. He had never bothered with Kyou's form... his alternate form.  
  
He had made it a point to study the anatomy of all the other Zodiac animals, as well as problems that might occur in their transformations... sicknesses. It was incredibly important to have a good deal of veterinary experience when weakness and sickness made the Sohma clan transform. A mouse can't get the same dose of painkillers as a human and vice versa. It wasn't as hard with Kagura, Shigure and some of the bigger animals, but Yuki and Momiji were extremely delicate in that situation. He had to find the happy balance between both creatures. The nature of the curse accounted for some wiggle room, like him being able to not die when someone tossed him in a glass of fresh water, but he still had to be careful.  
  
But he had failed Kyou in so many ways already. He knew nothing about Kyou's alternate form. He didn't even know enough to be able to sedate the creature. He had avoided it like taboo... like everyone. Probably Kazuma was the only one who had taken time to learn about the evil form of the cat. Not that there was much information to go on, but at least he had tried.  
  
Akito had not demanded, so they had not thought about precautions. Perhaps it would have been best to seclude Kyou away from the rest of the family, or any people he might encounter for that matter. But no one had. Even Hatori had not the heart to tell Kyou that he needed to be locked away like a criminal for being born to that form. He just hoped Shigure could handle things until they got there. Hatori had acquired what he considered a reasonable dose of tranquilizer. Kyou could just sleep through the ordeal. There was still the smell to be dealt with, but at least Kyou would suffer less.  
  
In the meantime, Hatori watched his other cousin with concern. Since his visit with Akito, Yuki had been very silent. He seemed to be deep in thought. Hatori was having a hard time deciphering the cloudy purple eyes. Yuki was far more capable of taking care of himself than he was 3 years ago when Akito had started to demand more of the beautiful young boy. They had known it would happen eventually. The stories were thick through Sohma history, with the God wanting more than just servitude from the mouse. Though most was rumor, he knew that some of it had to be truth. Rape, murder, slavery... much was swept under the rug by Sohma influence. Police were rarely involved and if they were... well, that was the Dragon's job.  
  
Though Yuki was used to the physical abuse, it did not seem that he had endured anything new. Though the young man was hard to read now. He hid very well behind his front of indifference. He was also now an adult. He probably understood the sexual nature of Akito's wants better now, and was therefore probably more able to deal with it. It burned on Hatori's conscience to ask Yuki if Akito had made any indecent proposals. He wouldn't put it past their god, and Yuki had obviously not yet gotten the bracelet.  
  
~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~  
  
"I'm so worried. Where could he be?"  
  
Shigure set the phone down; his demeanor was muted as he was also worried. They had come home from grocery shopping to find the house empty. Kyou was gone, as was his backpack and half of his closet. It made little sense. Even though Kyou was recovering quite well, he was still very weak. Which means he couldn't have left on his own. He looked at the shine in Tohru's bright eyes and shook his head.  
  
"Kazuma hasn't been here."  
  
"Oh." Tohru was quiet, looking outside. The weather had been alternating between hail and heavy rain for over half an hour now. Kyou was out there somewhere in it.  
  
Shigure looked outside as well. There was really only one other thing to do at this point. He looked up, smiling.  
  
"It looks like there's only one thing left to do!" He leered at his young housekeeper. She looked at him and cocked her head, before closing her little fists and looking at him hopefully.  
  
"Anything! Sohma-san, I'll do anything!"  
  
"Ah! Tohru-kun, you make an old man's heart beat so fast!"  
  
He laughed at her blush and pulled her into an embrace, relishing the way her small breasts pushed into his chest. She squeaked and with a loud POOF, he was on the ground, sniffing the floor and wiggling out of his human clothes.  
  
"Ah! Sohma-san! You're so clever! I never thought of that!"  
  
Shigure could easily pick up the scent of all the members of his small household, as well as anyone who had visited his house in the last couple of days. He went this way and that, trying to pick up a recent trace of Kyou inside, but the smells were too intermingled, so he headed for the front door, briefly stopping to run in his office and smell the leather on the chair where he and Hatori had spent some amorous times. He would worry about wiping the doggie drool off later. He ran out and nosed at Tohru's leg, lecherously, making her giggle.  
  
"Come on Tohru. You should put on a rain jacket. We need to go outside."  
  
With that he headed out the door and sniffed the air. There was no trace of the vile stench that the evil cat put off so he couldn't be nearby. Determinedly, he put his nose to the wet ground, and started sorting out the different smells. There were thousands of them, and though he was a dog, his human brain had a hard time distinguishing and making out what was what. He could smell cat urine, mouse droppings, dog urine. He could smell the faint smell of engine oil that had leaked from Ha-san's car the night before. Damn. He just got that fixed.  
  
The sweet smell of wet earth and worms and life made it hard to sift out individual smells, but Shigure detected no recent ode de Kyou in the front. That meant he had most likely not left in a car, or down the main road. As Tohru was coming out, umbrella in hand, Shigure let out a 'woof' and headed for the backyard. Sure enough, he could make out Kyou's scent in the grass and along the porch. Homing in on that scent, he followed it along the back yard toward the trail, enjoying the view of Tohru's bare legs as she ran along beside him. It was going to be nice when he changed back and needed her to hug his naked body. Maybe if he was sly about it, he could sniff her panties when she wasn't looking!  
  
Shaking his doggy head, he pushed his nose back to the ground, slowly following Kyou's scent down the trail where they would often take walks. There was another scent there too. It was a girl's scent... familiar. It must be...  
  
"Kagura-san!" Tohru shrieked and ran off ahead. Shigure brought his head up to see his young cousin, a bit bedraggled in the rain, trudging along the trail. She was limping and Shigure could detect the faint trace of blood in the air. It was soon apparent that her bare legs and arms were scratched up from pushing through the bramble. Shigure could detect the undeniable scent of fear in the girls sweat. She had been running... quite fast. She smelled faintly of Kyou.  
  
Tohru ran and caught her by the shoulders.  
  
"Kagura-san! Are you okay?"  
  
Kagura's shoulders heaved from running. She looked up, shaking her head, as she fell into Tohru's embrace, he shoulders still heaving. Tohru took it in stride as usual, smiling a little as she held the older girl. Kagura looked down at Shigure tiredly.  
  
"I failed him again. I couldn't face it. I couldn't stay."  
  
Tohru held her closer.  
  
"Where is he? Where is Kyou-kun?"  
  
Shigure licked Kagura's hand, whining. She let her fingers wonder over the wet fur of his head.  
  
"He didn't want to hurt anyone. He didn't want anyone to see. He was so scared..."  
  
Tohru looked down. "Shigure... what do we do?"  
  
The dog stood, shaking the rain off his fur, though it was pointless.  
  
"Let's go back inside. I think Kagura needs some tea. Ha-san should be here soon. We'll figure out what to do then. At least we know where he is now."  
  
Together, they straggled back to the house, Shigure running ahead to put some clothes on. He found his doggie form quite useful for many things, and he was accustomed to holding the form by force of will for a little while. Now that he was in his office, the change back was rapid and he threw on some jeans and a long sleeved shirt, anticipating going back out in the rain.  
  
When he stepped back into the living room, Kagura was seated already and Tohru was in the kitchen making tea. She was dressed in a nightgown of Tohru's and he sat down next to her, waiting for her to dry off her hair. Shigure put an arm around her shoulders and she gratefully leaned into him.  
  
"I don't know why. I don't know why I can't see past that... thing that he becomes. I try. I try so hard and the fear just..." She clutched her heart as if she could squeeze the pain out of it. "I want to take his hand. I want to show him how much I... why is it so hard?"  
  
"It's hard." Tohru came in, setting the tea down for them and pouring it, not looking at Kagura. "It was so hard." She handed the cup of tea to Kagura, holding her hand against the cup and looking into her eyes. "Kagura-chan, I almost ran away forever because of it. It was so dark, and horrible. I felt... as if my soul was dying inside of me when I saw. I wanted to run."  
  
Shigure listened soberly. So it was the same with Tohru. And yet she had come back. It was a curious thing, and he wondered if she might yet be the answer.  
  
"There was something inside of me... screaming. I couldn't do it. And then... my friend told me that I needed to go back." Tohru smiled at Kagura. "And she is so beautiful and so wise. I knew she would never send me where I wouldn't be safe."  
  
Both stared at Tohru, in rapt attention. They had never known.  
  
"And I remembered that Kyou-kun was my friend... and that no matter how horrible the evil cat is, Kyou is not. And I realized that he was probably even more scared than I was. So I had to go. Because I didn't want him to be alone."  
  
Kagura nodded her head and a stray tear fell down her cheek. Tohru reached up and wiped it away.  
  
"Here. Drink your tea before it gets cold," she said softly, looking at Shigure before blushing.  
  
"Aaagh! I'm so sorry. We have to figure out what to do, and I was just telling silly stories!"  
  
Shigure smiled and shook his head.  
  
"It's interesting," he said, taking a cup of tea as well. "Only Tohru, Yuki, and Kazuma have been able to face the evil cat for very long. I wonder why. Even I feel the power of the evil spirit. I always thought that our animal spirits protected us against its power. But then Tohru came."  
  
"And Kyou can't run from it. It must be terrible." Kagura shivered.  
  
"But we can't just leave him out there. Surely there..."  
  
The sound of a car outside alerted them and they all quickly rose to go greet Hatori. Yuki stepped out. Tohru scrutinized him. He seemed okay. It was hard to tell with him hunched over in the rain. He was only limping a bit, but seemed otherwise unharmed.  
  
They came inside and Tohru quickly helped them remove their wet jackets. Yuki took a towel gratefully and dried out his hair.  
  
"Thank you, Honda-san," taking in his surroundings, he handed the towel back to Tohru. "Kagura. What are you doing here? Where's Kyou?"  
  
"You look different. Almost presentable," Hatori said, eying his lover critically. Shigure always cut a slim figure in jeans. Hatori took a moment to admire the view before looking around, not seeing their fiery cousin, nor any sign of the evil cat.  
  
"But Ha-san, I thought you liked me in easy to remove clothes!"  
  
"Shigure, please try to stay on track. Where's Kyou?"  
  
Shigure's eyes darkened.  
  
"Kyou is out in the woods. He effectively ran away."  
  
"WHAT!" Both Hatori and Yuki asked, though Yuki's was the more panicked of the two.  
  
"Kagura threw herself into Yuki's arms.  
  
"Yun-kun... I'm sorry. "He asked me to take him. I wanted to help him."  
  
Yuki held her loosely in his arms. "What happened?"  
  
Hatori muffled a quiet curse.  
  
"He didn't want to hurt anyone. He was afraid that he couldn't control what he was doing."  
  
Yuki didn't understand. "He's always been in control before... well, as much as Kyou can be."  
  
"Yes, but he's never been in that form for longer than five and a half hours. Last time was the longest." Hatori grabbed his jacket back from the closet.  
  
"Ha-san, what are you doing?"  
  
"We have to go after him. If I can tranquilize him, we can keep him sedated until the rain..."  
  
"No."  
  
They all looked at Yuki. He gently pushed Kagura away.  
  
"He wouldn't want to be treated like an animal... just like any of us. It's a tsunami. This weather could last for weeks. Wouldn't it be dangerous to keep him under for so long?"  
  
Hatori sighed and nodded. "Yes, you're right."  
  
Yuki looked at Tohru, smiling and running his fingers through her soft brown hair.  
  
"There's only one thing to do."  
  
They all looked at their prince expectantly.  
  
"We're going to get the bracelet back."  
  
Silence. Kagura put a hand to her mouth. Tohru put a hand on Yuki's shoulder.  
  
"Yuki-kun..."  
  
Hatori said it first. "You're not actually planning to go to Akito and..."  
  
"Not at all." Yuki said coldly. "He's made things difficult for long enough."  
  
"Then what do you plan..."  
  
"We're going to steal it." He looked into Tohru's eyes, trying to assure her with his gaze. He would need her help, all of their help maybe. But he was tired of being at Akito's mercy. She smiled back at him. There was that look again... that look that seemed to know more than she let on, and yet nothing at all.  
  
"Well!" Shigure chirped. "You'll need a distraction." 


	14. EQAB13

As long as Kyou can remember, he and Yuki have been enemies, but there's more to it than that. Dark secrets lurk in the past of every Sohma and one horrible act by the accursed head of the clan will set off the beginning of finding all the answers  
  
Title: Equally Cursed and Blessed  
  
Authors: Caer   
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Warnings: Yaoi, violence, angst  
  
Pairings: Eventual YukixKyou, ShigurexHatori, HaruxMomiji  
  
Status: Work in progress (part 13)  
  
Disclaimer:   Yeah whatever…

Hokay.  Now we're getting somewhere.  I'm actually getting this baby done.  Well okay, it's only half way, but we're to the climax of the first half anyway.

Thank you all, you wonderful wonderful people for reviewing and making me so happy.

I have some general commenty things at the end, for various reviewers.

EQAB 14

"Akito!  Is anybody in there?"

Akito lay in the cool silk of his bed sheets.  He had sent Kureno away, but he was too tired to even visit his garden.  He had been in a dark mood all day thanks to that ungrateful rat.  Stupid, unappreciative…   Yuki would need another lesson.  He had dared to refuse his god, again.  Was there no end to his disobedience?

Akito was about to dismiss whoever was yelling for him.  He had a horrible headache, but when the door opened, he could make out a familiar figure.

"Shigure?" he rasped, sounding more pathetic than he really was, but Shigure was always good for sympathy and he needed it.  "Is that you?"

Shigure shut the door behind him and came to sit on the bed. 

"My good dog… where have you been?  I have a terrible headache."

Strong, rough hands brushed his hair back from his face and Shigure's voice was gentle.

"Would you like me to rub your feet?"

Akito whimpered a little as he nodded.  His dog was so good to him.  He was always loyal.  Akito allowed his slender feet to be pulled from under the covers and he could feel the tension in his neck and shoulders relax ever so slightly as strong fingers pressed the appropriate pressure points in his feet.  Gradually, his headache lessened and he obeyed Shigure's soft command to breathe deeply.  Once Shigure was done with his feet, he moved to work on his hands, threading his own large fingers into Akito's slender ones, pressing his hands back to stretch them before kneading his palms, and then the muscles of each digit.  When he was done, Akito 'hmed' and opened his eyes, smiling up at his faithful dog.

Sitting up, he crawled into Shigure's lap, eyeing the dog's unkempt hair distastefully but playing with it anyway.

"You always make me feel better, my Shigure."

Shigure simply smiled, and sliding his larger arms around the slim waist of his god, let Akito nestle into him.

"You never come to visit me anymore," Akito pouted.

Shigure sighed dramatically.  "Well, I have had a sick child to deal with.  My writing suffers terribly.  Mit-chan is terribly overwrought."  Shigure said happily.

"Sick child?"  Akito feigned, cocking his head.  "Ah, you mean that creature…" Akito smiled evilly.  "You had me confused for a moment.  I thought you meant a real child."

Shigure dropped his cheerful façade.

"As you say," he said, "But he came very close to dying, Akito."

"What do I care?  Send him to that other man.  He's the one who adopted the vile thing.  Why doesn't he deal with it?  Why do you need to waste your time on that thing?"

"Because I care about Kyou, even if you disapprove.  He's my family.  He's your family too."

"I didn't hurt him!"  Akito snarled.  "I love my family, even him.  It's not my fault."

"You didn't push him off that ledge, Kyou told me as much."

"It serves him right!  He attacked me, his god!"

"You took his bracelet away."

Akito flung himself from Shigure's arms.  "He has forgotten his place!  Such a creature."  Akito turned to his dresser, opening the middle drawer and pulling out a warmer robe to fight the chills he was having.  "That bitch has been putting ideas into his head.  He's been putting on airs, pretending to be human."  Akito turned.  "I had to stop it."

Shigure stood, walking to Akito and straightening the collar of his robe.  "Well, be that as it may, it's time consuming for all involved.  Kyou is missing school, so he's home with me.  Kazuma has a business to run.  Besides, it couldn't be risked, the evil cat being revealed to anyone outside the family."

Akito sighed.

"Well, I'll soon have an end put to that."

"I don't doubt it, Akito-san."

"I am your god, after all."

"Yes.  Yes you are.  You're also chilled.  Don't you think some tea would be good right now?"

"I don't know," Akito leaned up against Shigure, absorbing the taller man's heat.  "I'm so tired."

"Awww, but that's why I came.  Besides, I have a new story I wanted to tell you about."

"I do like your stories," the smaller man admitted grudgingly.

"Well then?"

"I'm too tired to walk."  Akito said crossly.  He was not disappointed as Shigure easily lifted him, carrying him out to the tea-room.  He didn't notice Kureno watching from down the hall as they passed, nor did he see the look of understanding that passed between the Dog and the Rooster of his Jyuunishi.

Kureno tamped down the familiar wave of jealousy that he felt whenever Shigure came to spend time with his Akito.  The truth was, Shigure would most likely be in Akito's bad graces for a while after this.  If Yuki could do it … they would be helping Kyou.  With Akito furious at Yuki and Shigure, his only way to turn would be into Kureno's arms.  The quiet Rooster of the Jyuunishi let his daydreams wander as he quietly stole into Akito's room, making the bed and turning on the bedside lamp in preparation for Akito's sleep.

He hoped Akito would ask him to bed tonight.  It was one of the only true pleasures Kureno got out of his quiet life.  Of course what he dreamed about was far more illicit than anything that ever happened.  Akito's lust always seemed to be centered around Yuki.  He only used Kureno for comfort, and the Rooster was happy with that.  However it didn't stop him from imagining Akito's thin body looming over his.  Akito would run those cold, slender fingers over his chest, rubbing him … touching him.

Far be it from Kureno, to count his chickens – no pun intended- before they were hatched, but if someday, Akito knew his worship, and his alone, he would not be unhappy.

With this in mind, Kureno walked over to the dresser, easing the top drawer open a tad.  In case Akito came back, it wouldn't seem too suspicious.  The various medications Akito took, left his mind rather cluttered.  This made things a bit easier sometimes.   It would not be difficult to convince him that he had left his own drawer ajar.  

Now it was up to Yuki to finish this.  Kureno felt nervous already.  He had interfered far too much already.  Everyone knew it was bad fortune to meddle negatively in their God's business.  It could only bring bad luck.  To go against him, as Yuki was about to do, would surely bring a great downfall.   Yuki would have to face Akito's wrath when all of this was done.  Better to take his God's punishment with honor than to bring misfortune to himself or the ones he loved.  They had all heard the stories as children.  Sickness, loss of fortune, even death could befall a Sohma that went against the head.  Whether the Jyuunishi were immune to this or not, it was unknown. 

They just might find out.

Taking one last look to make sure the room was clean, Kureno took his leave.

Outside, the rain continued to pour on two quiet figures standing in the trees next to the compound wall.    They hunched silently in the bushes, vigilantly watching the main house, waiting.  When the light went out in the back window, they began to move.

Yuki stared down at Tohru sadly.  Even with layers of clothing, and a rain jacket, the little thing was shivering like a leaf. 

"Miss Honda, I'm sorry that we've had to drag you into this.   It isn't fair to put you through so much."

Of course, Tohru shook her head, vigorously, causing a small rainfall around her as her rain-hat released its built-up water.

"Sohma-kun, please don't."  She smiled, her little teeth chattering.  "I'm so very happy to be helping you.  It's such a wonderful adventure!  I feel like one of those spies in the movie!  Except I don't have all the special listening equipment and weapons and ropes to climb buildings with and stuff!  But it's really exciting!  I only wish I could do more."

Yuki smiled, knowing that she had done more for them than could ever be explained or properly repaid.  He took off his jacket and shivered as the cool air hit his naked skin.  The water began to quickly drench his hair and t-shirt.  He had worn little, leaving his warm clothes in Tohru's bag for later.  He began to shiver as badly as Tohru, but he relaxed his muscles, doing his best not to worry the loving girl.  He only wished they could have accomplished this without dragging her out into the freezing night.  If she got sick tonight, he would never forgive himself.  And he'd kick that damn cat's ass for being so … the cause of everything.

The final signal came into play, as a squeak sounded from the other side of the wall.  The two looked down as a bedraggled, wet rat appeared.  Yuki knelt and allowed the creature to crawl into his hand, bringing it close to his ear. 

Tohru watched with mix of horror and a little fascination.  She had always been afraid of rats as a child, though she was never afraid of Yuki when he changed.  To see one of the little creatures, so close to Yuki's tender ear, brought her an irrational sense of dread that she fought valiantly while she watched it speak to him.  He set it down, and as it did something that she construed as bowing to her before scampering off, she once again felt that she must be going crazy.  This was of course, a common occurrence in the menagerie that was her life and it was easily shrugged away.  She was confident that if she really was crazy, society had done the responsible thing and locked her in a padded room, and she was therefore inside her own mind and no harm to society.  Who could say?

Yuki rose and turned to her, violet eyes serious.

"That's it then.  They found a way in.  It's going to be a bit difficult, but I'm sure I can handle it."

"If anyone can do it, I'm sure you can, Sohma-kun!"

Yuki was silent, grateful that his blush couldn't be seen in the dark night.  He reached out, taking her small hand in his.  He couldn't really feel how cold she was, as his fingers were numb with the cold as it was.  She stared up at him, and even in the dim light cast buy the nearby houses, this close, he could see the adoration in her eyes and only wished he could be half as worthy of it.  Staring into her eyes, he felt as if he was staring over a cliff … a deep precipice that had no bottom.  He was leaving the familiar … taking action and entering the unknown.  What he did tonight would change things … possibly forever.  He felt full of chaos, full of doubt and yet he had never felt more in control.  Akito had meddled with his family; not the Jyuunishi family, but his, Yuki's family, and he was going to fix that.  He was going to get his family back.

He was also not going to waste this opportunity with Tohru.   With a sinful smirk, he leaned forward, capturing her lips with his, reveling in the soft small mouth against his, before she clutched to him and he to her and with a loud POOF, he was suddenly staring at her galoshes, as he tried to untangle himself from his sopping t-shirt.  Little as he was, he felt no small amount of triumph and power when he looked up to see the look of surprise and loss on her face.  There was no time to waste though and he crawled onto her toe.

"Honda-san, I need the bag!"

"Oh!"  Shaking her head, she knelt down, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a small object.  Yuki sighed in humiliation.  If Kyou ever found out, he would never hear the end of this.

"I hear you.  I do … but I don't understand."  Momiji waited for a response, but got nothing but unintelligible whispering as usual.    He wondered idly if he was going crazy, however, as a hopeless romantic, he rather preferred something magical and special happening.   He didn't feel crazy.  He still had control, unlike some of the other members of the 12shi, who would not be named at this moment.  At least he didn't freak out and break things when he couldn't handle life.  At least he didn't just chase after impossible dreams, and flirt with people with absolutely no interest in him.  No, if the answer was "no" he wasn't going to dwell on it.  He would just move on.  No problem.

Just because someone was a jerk and didn't know a good thing when he saw it, Momiji wasn't going to carry some sort of torch.

Just a kid.  Okay, so he was a little bit childish sometimes.  But he lived in fantasy.  That was how he dealt.  He didn't want to wallow in self-pity like Kyou or put up a wall of ice like Yuki or Hari … or say, go crazy, like some unnamed cousins.  He just wanted to believe in the shiny, more beautiful side of life.  It was there.  It was.  Someday it would come.  He wasn't going to give up.

He also kind of wanted to keep his virginity, so maybe, if there were unicorns, he might be able to hold one in his lap too, but that wasn't childish was it?  Though, if Haru would just give him a chance, he would gladly give that little dream up.

But Haru was so dumb sometimes.  He probably didn't even realize what Momiji meant when he said he liked him.

Then again, Haru hadn't said a word to him since yesterday.  Right now he was sitting downstairs "babysitting."  Hari had asked him over as usual, since he was expecting to be away.  For the first time, Momiji had been sensitive to that.  But when he tried to tell Hatori that he wasn't a baby, and that he could take care of myself, Hari had just looked at him with that flat expression and said that he was really more worried about Haru than Momiji, and just like a whoopee cushion, all of Momiji's indignation had deflated … he could have sworn he heard the tooting sound it made as it did.

But the boy hadn't come up to invite Momiji down for a movie.  He hadn't tried to talk to him.  Damnit, it's like he didn't even care. 

For the tenth time tonight, Momiji thought about storming down and yelling at him.  He had thought about different ways of approaching it.

'Haru you clod!' he could say.  Or perhaps, 'you really are a dumb ox, and your head's just as thick too!'

If it wasn't for this insane whispering.  He couldn't concentrate sometimes, with it going through his head … and yet as loud as it seemed, he could never really make out what it was saying.  It wasn't urgent … yet, it was beckoning.  It always seemed to get louder when he was outside.  In fact, the closer he got to the woods outside the compound, the louder it was.  If it wasn't raining cats and dogs outside, he might take a walk and see what it might be.

He shivered a little at that.  Not that he was a baby, but going into those woods alone was a little intimidating.  He had hoped that he could maybe ask Haru to go.  Momiji bit down hard on his lip.  No.  He would just do it himself.  He would prove to Haru that he wasn't just a kid.  Then he would go and get his own boyfriend, and then Haru would be alone, because there wasn't a snowball's chance in hell that Yuki would ever warm to his advances.

Yeah.  As soon as the rain stopped.

Momiji sighed.  He hoped that Kyou would be all right. 

Yuki blanched internally as he pushed his way through the muddy night.   Being a rat sucked the big one right about now.   Admittedly, he embraced his animal form far less than some of his cousins did.  Shigure and Momiji especially, seemed to be quite comfortable in their alternate forms, spending quite a bit of time in them.   Momiji was simply a lecherous little boy who wanted to hug Tohru all the time.  Shigure, however, spent quite a bit of time as a dog, sniffing around and doing dog-type things.  Yuki sniffed.  He would much prefer to be the dog right now.  At least he wouldn't be belly-deep in mud, scrambling his little legs toward the back of the Honke, underneath the near ancient raised wooden building.  He tried very hard to ignore the fact that there were probably spiders as big as his head in this tiny crawlspace.  He tried to ignore the fact that it was dark and pressing. 

The other rats running around him gave him some amount of comfort.  At least he wasn't alone.  The other thing that kept his mind occupied was how ridiculous he felt, among his fellow rats.  He doubted highly that any of his ratty accomplices had ever seen a rat with a backpack on before.  The fact was, Yuki couldn't possibly carry the bracelet in this form.  It would be difficult enough getting inside, barring the fact that he would have to climb the furniture, get onto the dresser, and somehow manage to get into Akito's dresser drawer.  So Kagura had suggested a pack … a backpack to carry the bracelet when he got it. 

The idea was sound … just bloody embarrassing.  It didn't help that she had made a backpack with a small kitty head sewed onto it, with a tail and paws as the straps.  She had put quite a bit of effort into it.  Yuki wished she hadn't.  He felt a fool, both as a rat and as a human being.  Had he sunk so low?  He only prayed that no one would ever know.  Unfortunately that wasn't likely to happen since Shigure had seen the invention, he hadn't been able to stand he was laughing so hard.  If Hatori hadn't been there to shut him up, they never would have gotten back to the main house.

Gathering around a particular part of the house above them, the rats chattered at Yuki, showing him the rather large hole in the wood above.   With their help, he could hoist himself into the hole and find Akito's room from there.  He felt like he was in a dam Disney movie, as the rats climbed on top of one another to allow him to reach his destination.  He could see it now, he thought dryly, as he climbed onto their backs and stood on his hind legs like some sort of trained pet.  Disparate from his human form, his front legs weren't strong enough to hoist his entire rat body into the small space.  He was forced to take a flying leap and scrabble against the wood in order to climb inside.  Shigure would be in fits of merriment by now. 

The hole had ended up leading him to the inside of an oshiire, a closet where one keeps their futon when they aren't using it.  To whom it belonged, Yuki knew not.  All of the rooms had been furnished with western-style beds at Akito's order several years ago.  This left the small closet quite musty smelling.  It might have been stifling to the claustrophobic boy, if in his current size, the small space didn't feel like a warehouse.

Still, there was yet a spider to be encountered.  Yuki carefully kept his ratty gaze away from dark corners and headed for the light leaking under the door.  He valiantly fought back the sneezing fits caused by the vast amounts of dust in this small space.  He only hoped that someone didn't hear.  Squeezing under the door, he was somewhat pleased to discover that this room was abandoned.  Giving in, he sneezed himself silly, wiping his nose with his small paws. 

Looking around, he sighed in relief.  This appeared to be the room Momiji usually stayed in, meaning he couldn't be far from Akito's room and he wasn't likely to run into any of the staff, since these rooms were empty.

Adjusting his mockery of a backpack, he scurried to the door.  It slid open easily and he pushed his way out into the hall.  There wasn't a sound along the dark corridor.  Probably Akito and Kureno were the only people who regularly slept in this wing, so it was no surprise.  Even though the rat in him was inherently nervous at being in such a wide open place, the Yuki in him was relieved.  It was clean and spacious.  Still, he hugged close to the wall in true rat form, heading for Akito's room.  It certainly took a long time in this body.   At each corner, Yuki sniffed for anything close or threatening.  It was probably a good thing at this moment that Akito despised cats … or he might be in trouble.

Finally, he reached the door to Akito's bedroom.  It reeked of him.  Yuki knew that smell more than he liked to think about.  That he knew the stench of Akito in human form was bad enough.  As a rat, it permeated his nose and mind like an acrid fog.  Yuki shivered involuntarily.  Even Kyou in his alternate form could not bring terror like the stifling smell that accompanied Akito.

Still, Yuki pushed on, making his way into the dark room that smelled of medicine and menthol and death.  He scrambled up onto the bed to get a better view of the room.  The dresser was large and ornate, but entirely too slippery to just climb on top of.  Yuki backed up and took a flying leap from the bed, just barely catching the lip of the drawer before scrambling in.

Inside the drawer, the smell of Akito was entirely overpowering and Yuki had to resist the animal urge to flee.  Taking a few deep breaths, he steeled himself and looked around.  It was awkward walking on the clothes but he carefully picked his way to a small velvet box.  Of course, it was only small from a human perspective.  It was still about twice Yuki's size in his current form. 

Unhinging the simple clasp, Yuki lifted up the lid, revealing a velvet black lined inside… and nestled among old jewelry and various Sohma heirlooms, sat a very plain looking black and white bracelet.  To Yuki's eyes, it was the most dazzling piece in the box.

Tohru wasn't worried.  She was merely peering over the wall because Yuki might need some assistance.  Just because he had told her to wait in the car, didn't mean she shouldn't come out and wait to make sure he didn't need some help right?  After all, it was terribly wet and cold out here, and in such a small body.  Plus, he would have to carry the bracelet on his way back.  He might be fairly tired, and she was perfectly fit and able to help him the rest of the way to the car.  It wasn't because she was worried.  Just because she hadn't been able to sit in the car for more than ten minutes at a time, it didn't mean she was worried.

So intent on being unworried as she was, she didn't notice the tiny "Honda-san" that barely succeeded piercing the dark rainy night.  It wasn't until she felt a slight pressure on her foot, screamed, jumped and suddenly felt the pressure not there anymore, that she realized that Yuki was back.  Except now he wasn't quite back.  He was stuck by his little backpack on one of the bushes, about three feet away.

"Honda-san!" he squeaked …  "It's only me."

"Auuuuuuggggggghhhhhhh!" Tohru whispered out her dismay.  "I'm sorry!  I'm so sorry!  I didn't even see you!  You scared … and I'm so stupid!  Please forgive me."

"Please don't worry yourself … but … if you don't mind, I could use some help?" he waved his tiny mouse arms in the air, as he was quite thoroughly suspended by his stupid backpack.

Tohru immediately rushed over, picking up her tiny prince and checking him for any damage.  He seemed to be relatively intact, and as her hands brushed over the tiny kitty backpack, they paused.  She gasped, and felt for it again, her cold little fingers pressing into Yuki's back.

"You… you found it!  Oh!"

Suddenly, Yuki was being squeezed rather unceremoniously between Tohru's welcoming breasts.  If rats could blush, Yuki was sure he would be pink all over.  He was mortified… and if he said anything about it, she would realize, and apologize more.  However, he did allow a small smirk, knowing how jealous Shigure would be if he knew.  Pervert. He waited patiently as she bubbled over how happy she was and how brave Yuki was. 

Yes, definitely pink all over.

I thank everyone, but I have a couple of little comments… let's see.

Demeter1-  I like Akito… as a villain, he's wonderful… but I agree.  I hate it when people merely use a character as some unexplained evil.  Akito, of any of the characters, is multifaceted.  There's more to his cruelty than just cruelty.

BlackMirror-  I know, I'm a predictable sot.  (insert smiley face)

Ryuuza-  You have made me a very happy happy authoress.  That review kicked butt and made me just high as a kite.  I promise… within the next two chapters, they will actually be touching each other.  No worries.

Yamatoforever… Yes it is about time.  And thank you for staying with me.

Rubylove- I have a hard time seeing Tohru with anyone either to be honest… but we must be realistic.  She's too cute not to molest.  Besides it's Hana… they won't be having sex for years.  Also… pantysmelling is a classic anime lechery technique.  Watch Great Teacher Onizuka and you'll see.  .

TBC

I was going to cover more, but I think I need to cut it off here.  I kind of know what I want to write, but I think I need to put it in the next chapter instead.


	15. EQAB14

As long as Kyou can remember, he and Yuki have been enemies, but there's more to it than that. Dark secrets lurk in the past of every Sohma and one horrible act by the accursed head of the clan will set off the beginning of finding all the answers  
  
Title: Equally Cursed and Blessed  
  
Author: Caer  
  
Rating: R-ish  
  
Warnings: Yaoi, violence, angst  
  
Pairings: Eventual YukixKyou, ShigurexHatori, HaruxMomiji  
  
Status: Work in progress (part 14)  
  
Disclaimer: Yeah whatever...

Hey there. Sorry as usual for taking such a long time. But I did write a huge chunk of stuff this time. My Beta sort of took a vacation, so here is the unbeta'd version. Actually I beta'd it, but that's as close to being unbeta'd as one can get. This was long and I hope I didn't miss anything important. Thanks for staying with me guys.

"Absolutely not."

Hatori pinched the bridge of his nose, not liking where this conversation was going. Already, Yuki was glaring at him dangerously. Tohru, ever the peacekeeper, grabbed his hand in her two small ones.

"Hatori-san, please reconsider! Kyou is trapped out there!"

"I'm well aware of that, Tohru-kun, but neither of you are fit to go out in this weather. We'll have to wait until the storm has calmed, and then we'll all go."

He wasn't wrong about the storm. It had now reached their area, and the rain was hard and fast. The wind blew fiercely, beating up against Shigure's small house, causing it to shake to its very foundation.

Kagura, who had refused to return to the main house with them, swearing to wait, just in case Kyou returned, now helped Yuki and Tohru out of their wet things.

"But I know the way! We have to save my darling!" She cried, handing Tohru a towel.

Yuki punched the wall, making everyone start. "This is stupid! I'm going." He turned, only to be blocked by Shigure. "Get out of my way, you dumb dog!" He tried to push his way past, but Shigure held him easily.

"Ne, Yuki-kun, at least you should wait until daylight."

"I'm sure Kyou will be smart enough to stay inside that cabin." Hatori reasoned. "He's stayed in the wilderness before. Yuki," He walked over, putting a hand on the slender boy's shoulder. "You won't do him any good if you get yourself hurt in this storm."

Yuki struggled to get out of Shigure's arms, brushing himself of, and then storming off toward his room, throwing a glare at Hatori on the way. Tohru and Kagura exchanged glances, and followed him up the stairs.

Shigure smiled and slid his arms around Hatori's slim waist, letting the man lean into him.

"Shigure, is he always this temperamental?"

"He has his moments."

"Momiji was never so difficult."

"Oh I'm sure he will be eventually." Shigure took Hatori's coat off and moved them into the living room to sit down.

"Still," Hatori said, "I think Yuki's anger is exacerbated by what Akito made me do all those years ago."

"It's not his past, Ha-san, it's because he's a teenager. Rational thought and hormones don't go together. He's angry with you because you're an easy target right now. The only thing you can do with teenagers is to let them calm down. He'll be okay by morning."

Hatori nodded, thinking as Shigure bustled around the kitchen, making some tea.

"I only hope Kyou will be."

Shigure set two steaming cups of green tea on the table, looking more serious than usual.

"He's a strong boy. It's only been seven hours so far."

"Longer than ever, and we won't be able to get to him until tomorrow. You didn't see him, that first time... when Kazuma brought him to me. He wasn't just in shock. He was like a wild animal."

Yuki rifled through Kyou's clothes, looking for something to wear out into the storm. His own clothes were entirely too formal, and Kyou was his size. He pulled on a pair of jogging shorts and a red hoodie. It felt strange, to wear such casual clothes. They smelled of Kyou... rather, they smelled of the detergent Tohru used, but even then, a light hint of Kyou in the threads tickled Yuki's keen sense of smell. It was warm and comforting somehow. Yuki was also able to find extra raingear in the cat's closet. He threw it on and went to the window.

"Sohma-kun," Yuki turned in surprise at her voice.

Tohru closed the door behind her and went to him, standing next to him, by the window, as the water whipped against it.

"Please be careful," she took his hand, staring at him with scared brown eyes. He smiled gently.

"Do you want to come with me, Honda-san?"

Hope flashed through her eyes, then sadness. She squeezed his hands.

"I do... but I can't."

She looked up. "I don't know why, but something tells me I can't go with you this time. You and Kyou-kun... this is time for both of you. It's time, Sohma-kun."

"I don't understand, time for what?"

She shrugged. "I think it's time for Sohma-kun and Kyou-kun to work things out. I don't think I can be there for that. It's between the two of you."

Yuki balked... was she serious? They would only fight. If she came with them, they might refrain from killing each other, and yet he was reluctant to let her go out in such a strong storm, neither would Kyou forgive him for dragging her out in the cold and rain.

"Maybe you're right." He agreed quietly. She nodded. "Please bring him home safely, Yuki-kun."

Yuki's cheeks flushed hot at the sound of his name and she kissed his hand.

"You had better go, before Hatori or Shi-kun check up on us," a new voice softly said.

They looked up to see Kagura closing the door behind her.

"If we can convince them you're too angry to come down, they may not notice until morning." She went to Kyou's drawers and pulled out a scarf and leather gloves, taking them to Yuki. "Yun-kun..." she looked down. "If you cause him more pain, I'll rip your eyeballs out."

The gray-haired boy cringed. She was always so violent. He replied dryly, "I promise I'll only cause him as much pain as he deserves."

They helped him out the window and he edged along the steep roof until he got to the gutter in the corner. The gloves helped immensely and soon he was squelching through the mud toward the path they had found Kagura on.

The storm raged outside and Momiji tapped impatiently to his headset. He had hoped that Hari might get home tonight, but he doubted it, which meant he was stuck with Haru. The boy was still downstairs, watching TV. He hadn't said a word to Momiji and the blond teen was growing increasingly annoyed. He hated not taking care of fights and misunderstandings as soon as possible, but he was damned if he was going to make the first move. So instead, he meditated, listening with everything in him to the voice that kept calling. He thought he could make out some words, like "soon" and "happened" but he wasn't sure. It was like a bunch of kids whispering, but saying nothing. After a while he had given up and decided to ignore it instead. He put on his headphones and did homework instead. That helped a bit.

He was close to falling asleep, when the door crashed open and he sat up. A very obviously Black Haru was standing in the doorway, breathing heavily. He stalked toward the smaller blond.

"Not even a call, and I have to sit down there by myself waiting for that stupid dragon to finish fucking Shigure and coming home! Not to mention what might have happened to Yuki! Fuck!"

Momiji pulled off his headphones. "I'm sure they're okay, um... Haru."

"And you! You've been up here all this time, ignoring me! Do you know how boring it is?"

Momiji gulped. Not good. And there was no one else around. If it were white Haru, he would give him what for, but Black was different, and entirely uncontrollable.

"Er... I'm sorry, Haru, I was just doing homework...so I..."

"Fuck homework!" Haru knocked Momiji's papers off the bed, grabbing his CD player and throwing it on the carpet before draping his body over Momiji's and trapping the small boy. Momiji tried not to react to the body pressed against his... or the harder body part pressed in his thigh. Haru smiled down at him evilly, before licking the blond boy's neck, drawing a squeak from the small blond.

"Haru?"

"I think you owe me some entertainment." The boy said before stealing a kiss from the surprised blond. He gave a muffled cry of indignation, beating ineffectually on the other boy's back, before a slick tongue slipped between his lips.

Momiji stopped fighting. The smell of Haru was so close and intoxicating. He could feel his own excitement as Black Haru explored his mouth and ran rough hands through Momiji's blond hair. For his own part, he slipped his hands up under Haru's tight shirt, feeling the muscles tensed under his shoulders. He could feel Haru's hard on rubbing against his thigh. Just as Haru was slipping a hand between the smaller boy's legs...

The phone rang.

Haru sat up, startled and looked around. Momiji groaned as he realized, White Haru had come back and was blinking at the phone stupidly. With a growl, Momiji pushed the boy off him and went for the phone.

"Hello? Yes. We're okay, Hari. No, we ate already. I know. I understand. See you tomorrow. Huh? No, we weren't wrestling. No. We didn't break anything... yet. Bye Hari!"

Momiji put the phone down, still trying to catch his breath.

Haru looked at him in confusion. "What happened?"

And was promptly beaned with a pillow.

Three miles had never seemed so long. Yuki placed a sleeve over his hood trying to keep the rain from running into his eyes. He was in good shape, but three miles had seemed to take forever in the wind and the dark and the mud. Fortunately, he was not in danger of losing the trail. There was really nowhere else to go. Not to mention, even in the rain, he could smell hints of Kyou and Kagura. He had traveled for nearly two hours now.

Up ahead, he could see the shadow of the cabin. He sighed in relief, since he had practically slid down an embankment getting here. Desperate to get out of the rain, he tried moving faster. He was freezing, even though he had stayed relatively dry and Kyou's hoodie was warm under his rain-jacket.

However, running only stuck his boots deeper in the mud, making them suck to the ground and difficult to pull up. He could only quicken his slow walk, trying to avoid branches and trees in his way. Even the mice had abandoned him now, for fear of drowning in the downpour. He was alone. He only hoped that Kyou was somewhere close.

Clearing the last tree in his path, he hurried toward the house, noting that the strong, sickening smell of the evil cat was not about. Either Kyou was not close, or the rain was dampening the smell. Yuki wasn't sure which he preferred. He wasn't stupid. He was afraid of the evil cat. If Kyou hated the mouse so strongly, Yuki could only imagine what the evil cat thought. Meeting up with the monster could only mean danger... and though Yuki had no fear of the human Kyou, he feared terribly, his alternate form. On the other hand, Yuki didn't want Kyou to be out there and hurt somewhere. Memories of Kyou, lying in the rain, bleeding under loose earth came unbidden. It strengthened Yuki's resolve.

As he neared the cabin, he couldn't make out a light inside, or any other sign that someone was inside. He was just stepping onto the wooden porch when he heard it... that distinct low growl. He froze, trying to make out where the noise was coming from before turning slowly. Pacing on all fours, not ten feet from him, was the creature. It couldn't be described any other way, for there was no trace of what used to be Kyou in those yellow eyes. It moved like a cat, on all fours, looking at him with absolutely no recognition.

"Kyou?" He whispered, walking toward the cat, but there was only a low growl that heightened, as he got closer. Yuki froze. Bad idea. This was not Kyou. This was something else. He backed up and headed for the cabin, only to be blocked. The creature moved with amazing speed. It was in front of him, backing him up, away from the cabin. Yuki felt his lungs tighten as he fought off panic. This creature... he could feel it permeating his very soul. It was as if the bottom had dropped out from beneath him and he was staring into the depths of hell. This creature...

Even though he knew it would be hopeless, Yuki turned and ran, his fear taking over. However, a blur of brown and a growl had him facing the creature again. It stopped him in his tracks, backing him up, step by step. Yuki was too terrified to even turn and try to run. Idly, he realized the creature was playing with him. His foot caught on a rock and he fell backward, jarring his hand as he put it out to catch himself.

The creature leapt, straddling the shaking boy, before razor sharp teeth slashed. Yuki hardly even noticed the wound that was laid open on his shoulder, scraps of his jacket hanging. Fear made him numb. He turned his head to the side. His lungs felt like they had steel bands tightening around them, and he was too scared to even try to control his breathing.

"K...Kyou... s... stop! Please."

Even in the growing darkness of his own consciousness, Yuki thought he could still see a little bit of Kyou in those alien eyes. The creature had stopped attacking, though Yuki could vaguely feel claws digging into his shoulders, even as warm liquid dripped down his chest, mixing with the cold rain.

"Please," he mewled weakly, before the dark closed around him.


	16. EQAB15

As long as Kyou can remember, he and Yuki have been enemies, but there's more to it than that. Dark secrets lurk in the past of every Sohma and one horrible act by the accursed head of the clan will set off the beginning of finding all the answers  
  
Title: Equally Cursed and Blessed  
  
Author: Caer  
  
Rating: R-ish  
  
Warnings: Yaoi, violence, angst  
  
Pairings: Eventual YukixKyou, ShigurexHatori, HaruxMomiji  
  
Status: Work in progress (part 15)  
  
Disclaimer: Would someone ever really sue me over this? I think not.

Yuki felt himself coming to from a distance. He could hear the thunder outside, crashing so loud, that it felt like it was happening inside his skull instead of outside, but the buzz of broken whispering and the feel of a hand... a human hand, shaking his sleeve. As he cracked an eye open, he could see the gray wood of a very old ceiling staring down at him... dripping in places, but thankfully not on him. Though he was wet to the core anyway. It was obvious that his attack had deprived him of enough air to make him faint. He could tell by the telltale tingling of his face and eyes that denoted a lack of oxygen. Gathering his strength, he took deep breaths and tried to force air into his reluctant lungs.

"... My fault."

Yuki concentrated hard on hearing what that voice was saying. It was broken and scared, and quite obviously Kyou's, thoughYuki felt uncomfortable at his cousin's vulnerability. It was something he was not used to. Like Tohru crying, he didn't know quite how to handle it.

"You can't... you... you'll die, and they'll say it was my fault, just like mama."

The voice was barely a choked whisper and Yuki forced his eyes to open, reaching out for Kyou, to assure him that he was quite alive, when a curdled scream made him jerk away in surprise. His eyes shot open fast, even as a wave of dizziness threatened to overtake him again. He forced himself to look at his cousin.

Kyou was doubled over in pain, clutching his stomach as his pupils began to slit and his skin seemed to crawl with something underneath. Yuki caught that vile smell again and he realized in horror that because of the sporadic rain, Kyou was changing back and forth constantly.

Kyou rose and stumbled toward the door, clutching his stomach. Yuki summoned all of his energy and rolled over, getting to his feet. A wave of dizziness threatened to knock him out, but he fought it for all he was worth.

"Kyou! Come back!"

Slipping the bracelet off his wrist and onto his hand, he ran after the boy, who had thrown the door open and stumbled out into the night. Increasing his pace, he launched himself into Kyou's lower half, tackling him to the ground, at the bottom of the redhead's ankles, before reaching for his arm. Kyou's scream was already that of a monster, his skin convulsing as the change tried to take place and he jerked away, trying to run from Yuki. It was wet and he was slippery as he scrambled to get away. Yuki grabbed a leg and held tight.

"Is running away all we do?" He yelled, over the rumble of thunder, wincing as Kyou screamed and pushed at his arm.

"Is that all we do?"

"I've had enough!"

Then softly, with so much sadness cracking his voice, even though he tried to sound strong. "I've had enough of doing that."

Yuki looked up at the half-monster lying in the mud, and clutched the barely human hand to his chest, ignoring the sting as it bothered his open wound.

Kyou lay, limp, his form heaving for breath, but he was pliant now and Yuki held his wrist tight, slipping the beads over a limp hand, and watching in fascination as the skin smoothed, calming and slowly becoming the usual slightly tan hue. The effect traveled from that wrist and up, where Yuki could see Kyou's spine, receding and curving back in to that of a human, until all that was left, was a naked, broken boy, lying in the mud. Yuki clasped the limp hand to him, his whole body shaking with cold and adrenaline.

Kyou looked up at him with exhausted, wondering eyes, his mouth opening and closing a few times before his scratchy throat gave him sound. In a shaky, awed voice, the Sohma mouse heard:

"Yuki..."

The stumbled back into the cabin, barely supporting each other and Yuki dropped Kyou unceremoniously onto the tatami mat. The cat was half senseless and lay in a naked heap. Yuki shucked off his own wet clothing and rifled through Kyou's duffle for a pair of underwear at least. He was too wet for anything else. He did find a small bath-towel and took advantage of it, wiping most of the water off. He was shivering uncontrollably, but he managed to quickly run the towel over Kyou's inert form, before grabbing the quilt that was folded beside, he pulled it over both of them. He pulled Kyou's body until it was lying properly on the bed and gathered the boy in his arms.

Yuki shivered violently in the cold air. He had never done well with cold and this was no exception. He felt as if he would rattle apart and he pulled Kyou closer to him, soaking in the heat of another body. At this point he was so cold it could have been anyone. It could have been his moron brother even, and he would not have cared. However, it did not escape him, how something inside him burned with relief at having his cousin safe and sound in his arms. He was not simply clutching at Kyou because he was cold. He was done running away as well. It helped that the cat radiated heat. He didn't seem feverish, but perhaps because of the transformation, or perhaps because Kyou was that kind of person, Yuki found that his shivering was slowly subsiding in the wake of his cousin's warmth.

It wasn't until he had stopped shaking, that he felt the hot damp of Kyou's tears against his arm. His cousin made no sound, but his breathing was ragged and soggy. His hand was weakly touching at the gash in Yuki's shoulder. Yuki pulled him closer.

"It's okay, Kyou," he said, trying to keep his teeth from chattering. "It's over now. You can let go. It's just us."

Kyou clenched his teeth and fought valiantly with his emotions, but when Yuki began to rub his back soothingly, he lost all control. Burying his head in Yuki's chest, he let a jagged sob escape him, shaking his whole body with its force. He clutched Yuki's arms, disturbing bruises Yuki hadn't noticed yet.

"I..."

Yuki gave him some time to take a breath and calm down.

"I'm sorry Yuki," he said, shaking his head back and forth as his whole body convulsed with sorrow.

"I'm so sorry."

Yuki continued to rub his back, tears erupting unbidden from his own eyes. He felt like a taught piano wire was unwinding from around his heart, and the awful release of so much pressure made him feel a little sick inside. Even if the apology did not refer to his betrayal so long ago, Yuki felt somehow, that this small act of contrition could absolute everything because he had been in the wrong as well.

He curled protectively around his cousin and cried with him silently. He was sorry. He was sorry he had been so cold... that he had been unsympathetic to Kyou's pain. He was sorry that he wasn't a good enough person to forgive him before, and he wondered if Tohru hadn't come along, and showed him the way, if he ever would have. He was so sorry. He could have been a better person. But he hadn't seen. He didn't realize it until now. He clutched tighter, for his own comfort as much as Kyou's. Suddenly, it was perfectly clear to him... how precious this all was.

"It's okay, Kyou. It's over," he said, whispering it in Kyou's ear as he shook. It was over... not just the influence of the evil cat, but much more. Whatever weight had pressed them to hate each other Yuki could feel slipping away like so much liquid in his hands, and they were family... not just in word, but also in spirit. Things would change. It would be hard, but it would change.

Of that, Yuki was sure.

Eventually, Kyou could no longer fight his exhaustion and he passed out, gradually loosening in Yuki's arms, still jerking occasionally to a reflexive sob. Yuki pulled him as close as he dared, needing the cat's heat to keep warm. He was still chilled to the bone and the feel of Kyou's warm skin against the cool of his was too tempting to pass up. It had been quite a while since he had held someone so close. Akito used to hold him like this and before it became demanding and something Yuki didn't want, he had enjoyed it. It was more contact than he was ever afforded at home. Since Akito's aggression, he had really had no desire to touch or be touched, generally shying away from even slight contact. He hated anyone putting his or her hands on him without his permission. Haru was about the only person who was allowed to touch him freely.

It wasn't until Tohru had come that he had started touching someone in small gestures of affection. He had even kissed her a few times... light, fleeting things. He had fancied being her boyfriend for a while... but with the curse it was near impossible. And Tohru was somehow untouchable in her innocence. He felt that she didn't deserve to be teased like that, when a real relationship was near impossible.

Now, the feel of warm skin against his was comfortable and needed. Not only was he slowly warming up, lying with this human radiator in his arms... but Kyou's need, his vulnerability... made Yuki feel strong in a way he had never felt. He felt he had finally found himself. He was strong enough to go against Akito. He was worth something, besides just being the rat of the Sohma clan. For the first time, he had faced his own challenge and succeeded.

Even though he worked hard, everyone always passed his success off as it being because he was the rat. They expected things to be easy for him. The horrible truth to it was that it was. It was always easy. He never felt like he could do anything himself. It was easy to beat Kyou. It was easy to get amazing grades, and be class president, and be idolized. And yet nothing like it had ever made him feel so empty and worthless inside.

But he had defied Akito... Akito, who was their god. That had not been easy. Not only was it bad fortune to go against the head of the clan, but also for Yuki, it was a personal challenge. He was the Mouse. He of all people, served the god first and foremost... was supposed to be his right hand.

And Yuki was desperately afraid of the man. He hated himself for always being weak, for never being able to overcome this fear. So it was no surprise, that as tired as he was, his heart thrummed with a powerful feeling. For once, he had not run away. He had taken a step he never would have thought possible.

Kyou, his rival and his reason, was resting safely in his arms. The bracelet was back where it belonged and though the storm raged outside, banging at the windows and dripping all around them, throwing everything into chaos, Yuki felt in control.

When Kyou woke, he felt dead and heavy. His body was telling him that it was still raining. In fact, if the feeling of lethargy within him was any indication, it was raining hard. He couldn't tell what time of day it was, it was so dark. At first, he had felt that heavy misery and he was sure he was trapped again, halfway between human and monster, slowly losing himself... but as he drifted to consciousness, he felt strangely grounded. He felt human. With that thought, came the thought that his bracelet was once again pressed firmly against the flesh of his wrist. That didn't fit and with that realization, he began to remember, half nightmarish memories of the night before.

Oh god. Ye had tried to kill Yuki. He had...

A choking, half-asleep moan escaped him as he realized what he had done. The moan must have been a signal though, for there was a shift behind him and he was pulled more tightly into a hold that could only be described as an embrace. He slowly opened his eyes to find himself tucked quite securely in the crook of his cousin's wiry pale arms. His legs were entwined with Yuki's and his arm rested on Yuki's softly undulating chest. Kyou stifled an urge to run his fingers down that soft skin; half asleep that he was, and he realized that Yuki's hold on him was equally as intimate and not just a little possessive.

Panicking momentarily, he tried to pull out of the embrace, intent on getting as far away from it as he could since he couldn't properly ever remember one, but it seemed the embracer had other ideas. They tightened around him and pulled him closer, an sleepy voice moaning:

"Cold."

Kyou stopped, forcing himself to relax. Yuki had obviously not even woken up yet. But he was shivering a bit in the morning air. He had always been a little sensitive to the cold, with all his health problems. After all he had done, the least Kyou could do, would be to lend some body heat until he woke up. Reigning in his panic, he forced himself to relax, almost balking as Yuki made a sweet sound of contentment and nuzzled his hair.

He stared at his cousin. Yuki was beautiful, by any standard. But Kyou had always acknowledged his beauty. Hell, the whole school was in love with his feminine looking cousin. He wasn't about to deny it. Instead, he spent most of his time, making fun of it, knowing that it irked the boy no end. It was one of Kyou's fonder hobbies.

But now, Kyou saw something less black and white, and he hated that. He couldn't help but to realize that whatever had happened, Yuki had made a sacrifice. He had gotten the bracelet from Akito, the person he was most afraid of. He had run into the woods in the middle of the night, to face a monster. He had saved Kyou, again, and though it rather pissed the cat off that he was so weak, he needed Yuki's help, and he suddenly realized how Haru must have felt when Yuki acknowledged him as something more than the stupid cow. Yuki was better. He deserved it all. Kyou couldn't possibly ever measure up.

Kyou felt the pressure building in his chest again as emotions threatened to consume him. He had almost killed his cousin. Yuki had come to help him and he had almost killed him. He didn't deserve to be helped. He knew now why Akito wanted to cage him. He was a monster. He couldn't be allowed to continue... to endanger people. He never wanted... slowly, and quite reluctantly, Kyou slid carefully out of his cousin's grasp. As good as it felt, this couldn't be.

"I'm very disappointed in you two," Hatori said sternly, to the two girls one who stared quietly at her lap, the other who wrung her hands nervously. "You should have told me the minute you knew he was trying to go by himself. Yuki's health is delicate. Now Shigure is out there, trying to find him. Do you realize what could happen if he didn't make it to that cabin?"

Both girls were silent. There was no arguing in this. There was nothing to argue with. They merely sat under Hatori's hard gaze, waiting for their punishment.

The silence was broken by a scratching at the door. Hatori went quickly to open it, letting a very wet dog inside, who proceeded to shake water all over him and the floor. Tohru and Kagura soon followed, Tohru bringing a towel to rub Shigure dry.

"Did you?" Kagura asked tentatively. "Did you hear anything?"

Shigure nosed Tohru's neck, making her giggle. "Not to worry, my little ones. Yuki is not dead on the path, therefore he made it safely. So I'm told."

"Thank goodness."

Hatori also breathed a sigh of relief. He cleared his throat loudly though, when Shigure started nosing lower, clearly heading for Tohru's breasts. Taking the dog by the scruff and ignoring the yelp of pain, he dragged the dog into the kitchen.

"You two go to bed," he shot at the two girls, immediately bringing guilty looks to their faces again. "Consider yourselves lucky that nothing bad happened."

They nodded and disappeared. Shigure chuckled.

"Hatori, you're so stern."

"As for you, you should be ashamed of yourself."

Shigure jumped up, putting his paws on Hatori's chest and licking his neck. "Why, Ha-san, you're jealous."

"Please, Shigure... you smell like wet dog." He pushed the dog down, grabbing his cup of tea and heading out. "I'm going upstairs. If you want to do that, do it when you change back." With that he left.

Shigure licked his chops and waited, whining a little. Hatori seemed all serious, but he could be such a tease.

Yuki surveyed his work critically. Tuna fish salad wasn't a problem for anyone else, but he had trouble making toast. Cooking. It was the one thing Kyou could do so much better than he, and yet it never seemed to come up as something to compete in. Kyou always simply passed it off as survival, since Shihan was about as proficient as Yuki at food.

However Kyou had barely spoken since the morning. Yuki had woken up cold, and realized the body that had been there keeping him warm all night was gone. On the positive side, his wounds had been dressed. He wrinkled his nose in self-disgust. He had slept through it. Someday, sleeping like the dead was going to get him in trouble.

He had found Kyou sitting by the window, watching the torrents of rain pour against it, twisting his bracelet. Yuki had called his name, but the boy hadn't said a word. He decided to leave it for a while and let Kyou think. Apparently, the cat had a lot of thinking to do, for he said nothing. The only sound was the thunder and the constant rain against the windows.

Annoyingly, there was nothing to do. The storm would last for days. It was dangerous to go out now, and even when the wind had lessened, neither of them had the gear to handle going the few miles back to Shigure's house. The path outside was treacherous at the moment and the speed at which various objects hit the windows, blown there by the wind, it would be suicide to leave the little house.

So Yuki had started cleaning. He had started with their wet clothes and ended up in the kitchen, finding the food, and realizing that he was quite hungry. Even he couldn't screw up tuna, mayonnaise and onion... he hoped.

He knew then, that Kyou would be equally as hungry, if not more so, and Yuki was going mad from the silence. If they were going to spend the next day or two together, it was time to get some things sorted out.

So he ventured into the only other room there was and walked up behind his cousin, wondering what was so damn interesting out that window. Kyou was balled up on the small table against it, leaning on the wall, arms crossed over his legs, simply staring.

"If you're hungry, I made some food. It's probably not the best, but it's food anyhow."

Kyou simply shook his head, not even bothering to raise it from his legs. Yuki's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"This fatalistic attitude of yours isn't doing anyone any good..."

"Shut up! Stupid mouse!" Kyou raised his head, turning to face the mouse and his eyes flared with anger for the first time, though it was muted, and Yuki felt some hope. "I know that!" Kyou glared at him, before setting his head back down.

"But..."

His voice was small and lost and Yuki could see reflections of himself in that small, unsure voice. Kyou had never let Yuki see this side of him before. Carefully, Yuki crawled on the small table beside his cousin and slid an arm carefully around those bony, hunched shoulders. Kyou stiffened in his arms for a moment before relaxing, sighing softly.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Kyou was silent for a moment before unwinding and resting his head in Yuki's lap, plucking at the sweatpants he had put on. Yuki felt himself stiffen at first as well. This was territory, far too new for both of them. He tentatively slipped his fingers into the soft orange hair. He had always wondered. Sure enough, it was soft and thick and velvety, like a cat's fur. Kyou's head warmed his fingers, and the cat relaxed even more and Yuki felt that what he was doing couldn't be any more right.

"Yuki?"

"What is it?"

"I...I really am a monster, aren't I?"

Yuki sighed. How many times had he asked himself that question? How many times had Akito called him that, saying he could never have someone, never have friends. Had he told Kyou just as much, maybe more?

"No, Kyou. No more than any one of us."

"Why are you here? Why did you come? And don't give me the cock and bull "Tohru would be sad" excuse. We've used it too much already."

Yuki smiled. "Even if it's true?"

"I did smell blood that night. I remember now. I've seen your chest... and your feet. You had already gone to Akito, before we knew about the storm."

In a normal, cat versus rat situation, Yuki would tell his cousin how surprised that the fur-ball was smart enough to figure that out. Now though...

"You're right," he admitted. "Akito told me he would give the bracelet back if I started seeing him again."

"You make him sound like an abusive husband."

Yuki didn't reply, staring at the rain instead.

"You shouldn't have done it," Kyou said softly. "It wasn't worth it."

"Stop it!" Yuki bit back. "Isn't that my decision to make?"

"Yuki..."

"No! Baka-neko!" Yuki cried out. "Do you know what it's like? To hold someone in your arms, and watch their life's blood gushing out onto your hands, and pray with each breath he takes, that it won't be the last?" Yuki's voice shook with emotion and he just didn't care. "To realize that the person you're most connected to almost wasn't there anymore, and all both of you have ever done, is fight and belittle each other? That if he were gone, the last thing you told him, was what a waste of space he was?"

The silence was thick, but not uncomfortable. Yuki carefully brought himself under control, taking deep breaths, not realizing that his hand was still buried in Kyou's soft hair, stroking it almost frantically. Kyou sought Yuki's other hand and rested his hand on the top of it, not quite holding it, but connected anyway.

"Maybe. Maybe I do." Kyou stared at that hand, curling his fingers around the slim thing and squeezing. "I thought I killed you last night." Kyou trembled at the thought. "I just... I just wanted to beat you in a fight, damn it! I never wanted..."

Yuki turned his hand over and lent Kyou some support through that touch.

"And it was like I woke from this horrible, horrible dream, only it hadn't really ended. And you were so pale, and I swore that you weren't breathing, and I thought 'my god, I've killed my family.' Not the Sohmas, or the rat, but you and Tohru and me, and that stupid dog."

"We need each other." Yuki stated simply. Kyou's head nodded ascent in his lap.

"I'm sorry Yuki. I almost ruined everything. No wonder Akito wants to lock me up."

Yuki smacked Kyou's head good and proper.

"Ow! Fuck, Yuki!"

"Stupid cat," Yuki said, but he was smiling. "You think you could actually beat me? Please. Give me more credit than that. Evil cat or not, I can still kick your ass."

Kyou rubbed his head, looking up at his cousin, his savior.

"For once, Yuki, I hope you're right."


	17. EQAB16

Title: Equally Cursed and Blessed

Author: Caer

Rating: R-ish

Warnings: Yaoi, violence, angst

Pairings: Eventual YukixKyou, ShigurexHatori, HaruxMomiji

Status: Work in progress (part 16)

Disclaimer: I hereby disclaim these characters.

Note: Replies to various comments are at the bottom. Thank you all again, for being so kind and so patient. I'm not crazy about this chapter. It's a bit slow, but I don't want to suddenly rush this relationship. They're coming together gradually, and I think you'll be happy with the result. I'm not sure how long this fic will be, but I'm guessing that it won't go past 25 chapters. We still have quite a bit to cover, besides Yuki and Kyou's burgeoning relationship.

Onward ho!

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I can't believe you put salt in the tuna fish salad."

"Well how was I supposed to know you stupid cat?"

"Have you ever actually tasted salt in tuna-fish salad before you damn rat?"

"You're the one who eats fish all the damn time! There was nothing else."

"I like fish!"

Yuki and Kyou glared at each other from across the table. Kyou was the first to buckle, dropping his head to the table.

"You… You make me tired."

That wasn't exactly true. Usually Kyou would have plenty of energy to continue the argument. But the pouring rain was sapping all his strength. He stared at his salty tuna fish listlessly, poking at it with his chopsticks.

Yuki watched him, eating his own tuna fish defiantly. It wasn't that salty… at least he wasn't going to admit it. He kept his voice cool and indifferent.

"If you're that picky, then you can make dinner."

Kyou shook his head, still hidden in his arms on the table.

"I don't get it. How on earth did you and Shigure survive before Tohru got there?"

Yuki shrugged. "We ate a lot of burnt food."

Yuki was surprised when Kyou's shoulders began to shake. It only lasted a moment, but when Kyou raised his head, there was obvious amusement in those red eyes. He snorted, trying to hide his laughter as he picked up his chopsticks and took a bite of the salty fish. "You're worse than Shish… Kazuma." Kyou amended, completely surprised at the slip up. He never called Kazuma by that title except when they were alone or with Tohru. Kyou silently berated himself. Yuki was now staring at him, his gray eyes unreadable.

"He could never make anything right." Kyou said quietly, ducking his head when Yuki continued to stare at him. Kyou hated that gaze. It made him feel so picked apart. He always felt like Yuki was looking at him in disdain before, which would spark his anger and make him start a fight usually. Yuki's gaze was uncomfortable in the quiet. Now though, it didn't feel quite so hostile. Or maybe Kyou had just always taken it as such.

He felt bare to that gaze. He didn't like it. It scared him that Yuki seemed to be able to see the very inside of him. Because he knew what was inside of him. Inside of him was horrible and rotting and putrid.

Needing to break the quiet somehow, Kyou got up, sighing as the fatigue from the dreary weather tried to drag him down. "I'm going to start a fire."

He walked out, leaving a very contemplative Mouse in his wake.

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Tohru stared out the window. Though Shigure and Hatori had tried to assuage her fears, she couldn't help but wonder how Kyou and Yuki were faring. Half of her problem was her overactive imagination. Once she had convinced herself that they weren't freezing to death, she would see them drowning. If she was assured they weren't going to drown, she could see them tearing each other to pieces. If they weren't going to kill each other, they might be buried alive in a horrible mudslide, like her poor tent so many years ago.

She could hear Kagura in the bathroom, brushing her teeth. A few minutes later, the girl came to stand beside her.

"Did we do the right thing Tohru?"

Tohru just smiled and led Kagura to the bed, crawling in and pulling Kagura with her. They lay in bed face to face and Tohru stroked Kagura's hair. Kagura sighed and looked dejected. She felt so lost. Tohru didn't feel much different, but she stroked the soft brown hair comfortingly.

"My mother used to tell me that the heart spoke in funny ways. There was a little boy at my elementary school. He was in my class. I was probably five. He would pick on me every day. He would pull my hair. He would hide my lunchbox. He would call me names and pick on my clothes. I told my mother that he was awful. He made me cry." She would smile and say… "Tohru-kun. That's just how little boys are. He does that because he likes you." I would tell her that he couldn't, he was so terrible. Then she said "if he's so terrible, why don't you tell a teacher?""

Tohru looked at Kagura seriously. "I didn't know why. If I had told on him, he would have gotten in trouble. He probably would have left me alone. Even after that, I didn't tell on him. He continued to pick on me. Then one day, he had to move. I never saw him again. But his memory will always bee deep with me. Sometimes I wonder if he remembers me." Tohru smiled. "Sometimes, I wonder how he looks now, or where he might be. Does he look out the window and ever remember that little girl in pink that he used to make fun of?"

Kagura smiled and took Tohru's hand.

"I used to try to tell myself that I loved Kyou. Deep inside, I knew that I was feeling guilt for what I did to him. But I convinced myself that I loved him. But until you came along… Kazuma and Yuki were the only ones he ever paid attention to. That's why I think Yuki is the only one who can help Kyou."

Tohru nodded. "I think… that Yuki needs help too. That's why they have to do this together.

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Yuki sat next to the fireplace, soaking in as much warmth as the fire would provide. His back was blistering hot, but his front was still cold. He couldn't quite find a happy medium, but he found that lying on the floor a few feet in front of the fireplace and turning periodically was okay… even if he felt like one of those rotisserie ducks on the roast. Fortunately Kyou had a full shelf of books, most of which Yuki had not read. So he had grabbed one and started. Besides a small oil lamp, the fire was the only light. It was completely dark outside now and Yuki's eyes were beginning to bother him.

He was brought from his reading by the door opening. A very wet Kyou entered the small cabin. He was wearing Yuki's raincoat from last night. Yuki watched as he removed the coat and boots he wore, leaving them at the door. His hair was wet in the front. It hung in dark clumps over his pale forehead. He was shivering. Yuki moved, gesturing for Kyou to sit by the fire as well. Observing the cat's grimace as he lowered himself to the floor in front of the fire.

"The valley is a river." Kyou said tiredly. "The whole path is covered in water. We're not going anywhere. At least tonight."

"Better to try in the daylight." Yuki said, watching as Kyou's shivering slowly subsided in the warmth of the fire. "I'm surprised you got here in the first place, with that wound. Two days ago, you could barely walk."

Kyou shrugged, lifting up his shirt, fingering at his wound. The scar was ugly, but to Yuki's relief seemed to look a sight better than it had the last time. He watched in fascination as Kyou's fingers trailed over his well defined abs indifferently. The skin looked so warm there. Yuki shivered a bit.

"The cat seems to heal pretty fast, I guess." Kyou looked at Yuki's shoulder, a hint of guilt in his eyes. "What about you? Your shoulder isn't infected is it?"

Yuki shook his head. "It hurts like hell, but that's just because I have to use my arm."

Kyou rose and walked to the small kitchen, grabbing the first aid kit and returning with it. He sat down in front of Yuki and opened it up.

"Take off your shirt. I'll change the bandages and make sure."

Yuki almost refused, but he realized that Kyou was doing this to help assuage his own guilt, as much as help. Besides, he wasn't going to want to undress later when the fire went out. At least he was relatively warm right now, if only on one side. He pulled Kyou's red hoodie off, grimacing in pain as he moved his injured shoulder to do it. Kyou helped him take it the rest of the way off his head, when he couldn't raise his arm further. Kyou removed the bandages deftly. His fingers were warm against Yuki's still chilled skin and he wondered incredulously how the boy could have just come out of the rain and still be warm. Kyou's hands were rough yet gentle. Though he abused the bandages, his touch on Yuki's skin was light and careful.

Yuki winced as Kyou began to clean the wound and put peroxide on the jagged teeth marks in his shoulder. Kyou was exceedingly careful, but it didn't stop the painful wound from hurting. Much to Yuki's dismay it began to bleed again as well and Kyou was forced to put pressure on it, having no choice but to hold his arm around Yuki's back while he held a cloth to the front of Yuki's shoulder. They were inches apart, and once the pain began to subside, Yuki noticed this. Again, he noticed Kyou's intense warmth. He also noted the haunted look in Kyou's eyes as he put all of his focus into stopping the wound from bleeding. Once it had, Kyou wrapped the wound tightly.

"You're pretty prepared here." Yuki said, grateful as Kyou helped him slip the sweatshirt back on. Once his head came through the neckhole, he found himself eye to eye with Kyou again. They stared at each other. Kyou swallowed visibly.

"Yeah well," Kyou said quietly. "Just in case I lost. You didn't actually expect me to stick around and live in a cage the rest of my life did you?"

Yuki hadn't really. Even if Kyou hadn't done anything, Yuki knew that Kazuma would. It was one of the reasons, Yuki hated Kyou. He hated that Kyou was the monster, and yet he got a father that loved him anyway… while Yuki was stuck with true parents who only used him because he was the mouse.

"It was where I was going to hide after graduation, until I could get away. Now though, I suppose you'll tell Akito. If you don't, Shigure will."

"No." Yuki said flatly. "I wouldn't. But Akito would know anyway."

Kyou looked down, sighing.

"Yeah. I know. My only chance is to beat you."

"Huh. Like that could ever happen."

Kyou's eyes flared with anger, but there was hope in them.

"Shut the hell up Kuso nezumi! I'll kick your ass!"

Yuki smiled gently, startling his cousin.

"You don't know how glad I am to hear that."

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Shigure gasped, straining one last time as he reached his climax, before relaxing and sinking between Hatori's legs. The doctor was already panting, finished beneath him. His head was turned to the side, eyes closed as he tried to find breath. Shigure winced.

"Ow. I think I pulled a hip muscle." He slowly released Hatori's legs, which were hooked in the crook of his arms and Hatori relaxed, wrapping his arms around his lover.

"You shouldn't try to last so long." He said quietly. "We're not as young as we used to be. I don't mind if you come sooner."

"Mou… but Aya-chan complains when I come too soon."

"You two were always exchanging bragging rights about that. Frankly, it's a chore waiting sometimes."

"So who's better in bed Ha-kun?"

Hatori sighed. "That's not fair."

Shigure chuckled. He played with the hair on Hatori's forehead. He enjoyed seeing Hatori raw and relaxed like this. It was a rare sight.

"You should come see me more often. You need the stress relief."

"I wouldn't exactly label my recent visits as stress-free.." Hatori replied dryly. "Though there are some benefits."

Shigure chuckled. "It's been exciting since Tohru came ne? She's started something quite extraordinary."

Hatori's brow furrowed as he agreed with a grunt. "But will we survive the side effects? We're meddling in dangerous waters by keeping her here."

Shigure nodded and rolled to Hatori's side, staring up at the ceiling.

"She's our only hope, Ha-san. I just hope that she's strong enough."

This is a Page Break

"Hit me."

Yuki sighed and dealt two more cards. Kyou looked at them, his eyebrow twitching. Predictably, he was not skilled at a poker face. Yuki eyed him, bored. He yawned for extra effect and delighted when Kyou's eyebrow twitched yet again. There was just something so satisfying about teasing the redhead. Kyou swore and slapped his cards down.

"Damnit, I fold!"

Yuki turned his cards over, displaying not much of a hand at all. Kyou's eyes widened and he slumped, putting his head on the table.

"I can't believe I had a better hand and I still lost."

Yuki smiled and ruffled the red hair, causing Kyou to stiffen, his eyes widening at the gentle and unexpected gesture.

"Stupid cat. You need to learn to hide your emotions more."

"Easy for you to say." Kyou watched Yuki get up and go to put the cards away, his head still tingling from Yuki's touch. He raised his head in concern when Yuki stopped and began to cough.

"Yuki?" Yuki dropped to one knee as he held his chest. "Oi, Yuki." Kyou dragged his tired body up and went to Yuki's side. Yuki held his chest.

"It's okay. It's just a little attack."

Kyou watched him warily. "It's too cold here. You're going to get sick."

"I'll be fine." Yuki focused on his breathing, but he was unable to hide his shivers in the cold air of the cabin. Kyou snorted.

"Stupid rat. You don't have to hide everything."

Kyou helped Yuki to lay on the futon, pulling the blanket over them both and grimacing as he disturbed his wounds. They were both a mess.

"As soon as it stops raining, you're going home." He stated.

Yuki's eyes were half closed as he tried to control his breathing and wait out the attack. "You… have to come with… me."

Kyou's eyes dropped, his hand going automatically to the beads around his wrist. Cold, strong fingers closed around his hand and the bracelet. Startled, he looked up and into determined gray eyes. Yuki's gaze was hard and Kyou found that he was unable to look away.

"I'm not going back without you." His breathing was still eratic and Kyou wondered if he imagined the slight desperation in the weak voice, or if it was just due to the attack. Kyou swallowed and nodded, wondering why he felt a deep-seated contentment bubbling within his chest, almost as potent as when Tohru had come for him when he transformed. He wanted to go back. He wanted to see her again. He wanted them all to be together again. And if he was going to beat Yuki, he needed him healthy. Yes. That was the reason he was worried.

"When the rain stops, we'll go," he agreed. "Both of us."

Yuki nodded and returned his focus to concentrating on getting enough air into his lungs. His grip stayed around Kyou's hand though and he seemed to practically shiver his way closer to Kyou, who wasn't sure whether he should move away or stay put. He chose the latter, unable to resist the feeling of Yuki's cool skin as it countered the slight fever still within him. The rain still raged outside, and the drowsiness overtook Kyou easily. Though his nerves were taut with hoping that Yuki didn't have a full-out attack. He was focused on the rat's breathing, only succumbing to sleep when Yuki's breathing calmed.

Yuki felt his shivering subside, with Kyou so close. He finally opened his eyes and settled them on his sleeping cousin. Kyou's face was so relaxed this way. There was no anger. His face was still pale and gaunt from his past convalescence. The monster had healed his wounds, but Yuki wondered what it had done to Kyou's mind. These two nights of sleep were most likely the first nights of peace the boy had gotten, with the torrential rains continuing outside.

Then again, Kyou had always been strong. Even with all the hatred and oppression from his own family, Kyou fought valiantly. Though, to Yuki, it often seemed like swimming desperately against the current… useless. That had always angered him so much… how his cousin could fight a losing battle so defiantly, no matter how painful. Yuki knew that he knew Kyou better than anyone except perhaps Kazuma.

Yuki reached out and touched the soft red hair. He buried his fingers in it and almost pulled away when Kyou's chest rumbled and he inclined his head into the touch unconsciously. Yuki stared in fascination as his fingers sifted through his cousin's soft hair. He felt detached, because this couldn't be reality. This kind of thing didn't happen between the rat and the cat. And yet, Yuki couldn't stop touching his warm, tangible cousin. Yuki gently touched Kyou's cheek and trailed his fingers down his neck. Kyou didn't open his eyes, but continued to sleep, mouth half open. Yuki found his mind wandering into territory where it didn't belong. He moved his hands to Kyou's lips, before stopping them, hand poised. His mind was screaming 'too far too far', but he stayed on that precipice far longer than he should, before turning away in mild horror.

Suddenly, things were becoming complicated and simple all at once, and Yuki didn't like it because it changed everything, and the mouse suddenly felt with every fiber of his being what he wanted now. He realized what he had been doing all along, was running away from something himself. Though he doubted Kyou would understand. However, when he tried to pull his other hand from Kyou's, the sleeping boy grunted in displeasure and threw an arm clumsily over Yuki's waist, moving closer.

And Yuki despaired, for things were even more complicated than ever, yet so simple.

He spent the rest of the night in disbelieving wakefulness.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Whooooooooo! Yay another chapter, if a slightly boring one. Anyway, in reply to reviews:

Lithey: You're so awsome! That you're still reading this, just cranks my clock, since you're such a kick ass writer yourself. If only I had more access to give you snuggles. Thank you so much! I will continue to worship you in the GTO fandom.

kashuneko: You are absolutely right about what you said. But you're not quite right about what I'm trying to do and not do. First of all, Triste and I started this story for fun. We didn't go into it, wanting to write a totally realistic and serious story. We're not trying to promote "Yaoi-ism" as you say. We just both had pairings we wanted to explore, and it was all Yaoi. There is some underlying hetero in the story here and there. However, the argument you can put to real life doesn't quite apply here. We're talking about generations and generations of family members who can barely touch the opposite sex. That's bound to encourage more homosexuality between family members. So it's not that unbelievable that they'd turn to same sex pairings for comfort. Hana doesn't want sex with Tohru. She want's love. On Hana and Tohru's part, I want a pure loving relationship. I have a very hard time even thinking of Tohru having sex ever. She's soooo pure. As for Kureno? You know what? Sex is a huge part of life, and these are guys... and I myself am a huge pervert. If you notice, most of this story hasn't been about sex, it's been about finding love. But sex is a part of it. You'll just have to deal with that if you want to read this fic. Momiji is a teenage boy. And if you notice, in the manga, he isn't exactly innocent. Teenage boys want sex. Of course he wan't sex. But he wants love too. I understand your complaints, and you're mostly right, however like I said, I'm writing this story for fun, and this is how it happened. I will therefore rely on your "willing suspension of disbelief" to carry you through. Thanks for the in depth critique though!

Lucca: These long reviews make me particularly happy. Believe me, I am not unhappy at all. For you to put so much thought and heart into a review for my little fic makes me just melt inside. Thank you so much. You know, at first, I was going to just give Tohru some other romance to pull her a bit out of the picture, and then I decided that I really like the complexity of keeping her love for them and their love for her. She's one of the few girl anime characters that I like. I love her silliness and her wisdom and I like keeping her as a love interest for everyone, but in a pure and chaste way. And um... kidnapping is fine. Just keep me fed and bring me sex slaves occasionally and I will be yours! hugs

Additional thanks to Koko-chan1, Black Mirror, Wolfkun, Larania Drake,xxkurenaixx, Pyro Dragon 117, Shado Cat17, Yuen-chan, yamatoforever(always so kind to review!), Yueh Kitsune, Denisse, Ikari Shinji-kun, V-chan, Katy North, XuXa the stoic, babymar-mar, Hi-chan (your English is so good!), InsaneBlackHeart(death threats do help. Thanks. ), SlySilverWolf, xiaoj, and yaoifangirl hugs

You guys all make my little heart pound with joy. I'm so glad that you're hanging with me. You all rock.


	18. EQUAB17

Title: Equally Cursed and Blessed

Author: Caer

Rating: R-ish

Warnings: Yaoi, violence, angst

Pairings: Eventual YukixKyou, ShigurexHatori, and HaruxMomiji

Status: Work in progress (part 16)

Disclaimer: I hereby disclaim these characters.

Note: This is not betad. I apologize for taking so long as usual. I forced this chapter from my lazy fingers. If it seems bad, or if any of you notice discrepancies or plot-holes, let me know and I'll try to rewrite. For now, enjoy my half-assed attempt at a chapter. I love you all!

The rain washed against the house in fluctuating torrents. It was as if someone was throwing huge buckets of water from the sky. Momiji stared worriedly into the night. His cousins were out there somewhere. He hoped that they were all right. Also, Tohru would be worried about them. At least Hatori was there to make sure they were all right when they came back. Momiji wondered if they would be able to stand each other so closely for such a long period of time. It had been almost two days now… and Kyou and Yuki had never been able to tolerate each other for more than ten minutes before now.

It made Momiji smile. Maybe this was just what they needed. Maybe they would get along better now. Yuki had certainly been worried about Kyou since he had been hurt. He had noticed the distant look in Yuki's eyes whenever their classmates asked about Kyou at school. He pretended that he couldn't care less about Kyou, but those who knew Yuki well knew better. Haru especially, had commented upon how careful Yuki had been around the redhead. When generally, he would tease the cat and goad him into fights, he had been taciturn and cautious with his words.

Momiji sighed. Three cheers for weird relationships. Of course, in the Sohma family, that was the rule, rather than the exception. Any other time, Momiji would have thrilled to be stuck alone in a house with his favorite cousin. However, since Haru's little brush-off, and then the incident with Black Haru, the thrill factor had been quelled. He was trapped between spending time with a lust-crazed psychotic who only wanted to get into his pants, or with Haru, who had basically told him that he was too much of a baby to have a boyfriend yet. On the one hand, letting Haru become black would assure some fun, but if he were to go white in the middle of it all, what then? If Momiji took advantage of Black Haru's lust, wouldn't he be unfairly taking advantage of Haru?

It was a mystery, as Haru would put it. Momiji frowned. Maybe it was just better for him to forget the notion of being more than friends with Haru. But the only other person he was really attracted to was Tohru. And there were logistics problems with that. Plus, Kyou and Yuki would never stand for it.

He sighed. He was lucky, he supposed, that people thought of him as cute and young and naïve. It had his advantages. He could get close to Tohru that way, without too much suspicion. Plus, he tended to hear more gossip, than others since it was assumed that he wouldn't understand.

He grinned. He would just have to continue to be crafty and deploy the stealth cuteness on his unsuspecting public. Maybe he would be the one to figure out the curse! Who would suspect it?

At the same time, he had troubles of his own. Ever since Kyou's accident, he had heard whispering. It would intensify the closer he was to the main house. But he could never make out what it was saying. It was creepy, and yet he couldn't really tell anyone. Who would believe him? He wondered if it was a part of his animal powers, but if that were the case, wouldn't others talk about it too?

Even now, he could hear the whispering. He strained to hear it, but when he did, it would become unintelligible and vague. It was easier to hear if he sort of zoned out and didn't try to focus on it… sort of like seeing something out of the corner of your eye. He relaxed trying to absorb without actually listening. It was like trying to hear a book on tape when you were on a plane. You couldn't always hear clearly and could only pick out certain things.

He closed his eyes.

…

… "Listen"

"I'm trying to." The blond replied. "Who are you?"

He could barely make out what was being said. He could pick up bits like "long ago" and "here."

He shivered. This was creepy. What if it was ghosts? Haru was just downstairs, and that made him feel better. But he was starting not to like the icy feeling creeping along his shoulders and back. It tickled his hair and suddenly he felt like there was something there with him.

He gasped and opened his eyes, turning to see what was behind him.

There was no one. He sighed in relief and turned back around.

…

Haru jerked awake, his popcorn spilling on the couch as a blood-curdling scream rang through the house. There was a thump and clattering upstairs and the athletic boy took the stairs three at a time trying to get to Momiji's bedroom from where the scream had come. Already, he had drawn the small knife from its sheath in his boot, ready for anything. The door was rattling and he could hear Momiji whimpering on the other side. He quickly turned the knob and pushed the door in, winding up with an armful of trembling blond. He quickly scanned the bedroom, looking for predators or something. He couldn't see a thing. He pulled Momiji close, sighing in relief.

"Momiji, are you all right? What happened?"

Momiji shook his head and mumbled something about the window. Again, Haru stiffened. He looked up. The window was closed. Had someone been trying to get in? He was torn. He didn't want to let go of the boy in his current state. But he had to make sure.

"Stay here for a minute. I'll go check."

Momiji shook his head and clutched so tightly to Haru's chest that his nails were digging in. Haru gently moved him to the side.

"It's okay. I just have to look."

He got up and went to the window, testing it. It was still locked and shut. He looked outside, finally opening the window and looking out. There was no sign of a ladder or a ledge or anything. Haru closed the window again and locked it. He went back to Momiji, who was staring at the window, fear and disbelief very clear in his eyes. Haru pulled him up and held him close. He was still shaking hard. Haru held tighter, trying to make the shakes stop physically.

"Just take some deep breaths Momiji. Calm down."

Momiji complied and in a few seconds, he had stilled. Haru didn't even know how to approach the subject. Not only was there no one there, but there was no way anyone could have been there. At the moment though, that probably didn't matter to the scared rabbit of the Juunishi.

"Did you see something Momiji?"

Momiji sniffed and nodded.

"A… a face."

"But there's nothing there. Nothing could have been there. Do you understand?" But he held Momiji tighter as he began to shake again. "Maybe you were dreaming."

Momiji stilled. He took some deep breaths and sighed.

"Maybe." He said in a small voice.

Haru laughed softly, turning the boy toward the stairs.

"You scared the hell out of me you know?"

"S… sorry."

He supported Momiji as he tripped on a stair and half collapsed. They made it the rest of the way down and Haru pulled him onto the couch, turning the movie back on.

"You don't have to apologize. Just stay down here with me for a while. I think that all the stress you've been going through is finally catching up."

Momiji sighed and curled against Haru's chest, already half-watching the movie, eager to get his mind off of what he had just seen. He knew what he had just seen and it didn't seem like a dream. At the same time, Haru was right. He had been bothered by recent events and maybe he did fall asleep. He had been so scared, he wasn't really sure right now. When he had turned back around, he had seen a bloodied face, and a boy, about his age. It had been a reflection in the window, yet it had looked as if the boy was inside the room with him. The form had been a bloodied mess and his eyes… Momiji shuddered, causing his cousin to tighten his grip. It had to have been a dream. It couldn't have been real. And when he had flung himself backwards at the door, trying to see what was there, he saw nothing. Yet when he looked at the reflection in the window, he could see the bloodied figure advancing on him. That was when he had tried to get out.

It couldn't have been.

But the whispering was still there.

* * *

Yuki only reluctantly accepted consciousness. He had been warm and content. Kyou put of an incredible amount of heat in his sleep. Even though they had not been touching, the warmth had been wonderful. Even in an old, leaky dilapidated cabin, Yuki had been comfortable… disturbingly comfortable. That warmth leaving the bed had brought on his waking state. He had been too incoherent at the time to do anything but acknowledge that Kyou was getting up. Kyou was an early riser. But as the heat dissipated, Yuki found it increasingly hard to stay warm, or asleep. 

He opened his eyes blearily. He was already grumpy. His own body heat wasn't enough to keep the chill from seeping through the blankets. He looked around; spotting the sweatshirt he had worn last night and his hand sluggishly made a grab for it, pulling the garment beneath the blankets. It was cold against his skin, but he wanted it to be slightly warm before pulling it on.

It smelled like Kyou, even though Yuki had worn it for a day now. Of course, most Juunishi's sense of smell was superior to a normal person's. Even though the shirt had been clean, Kyou's distinctive scent was embedded in the fibers of the cloth. Yuki pulled it on painfully, but found that it was far easier on his injured arm to pull the shirt on lying down.

After a few more minutes of huddling under the blankets, trying to put off facing the cold air outside of them, Yuki finally slid out from under the covers. He folded the blankets and the mat and dragged them to the corner. Shivering, he wished that it were warmer. At about this time at home, the kitchen would be warm and inviting. Tohru would be cooking breakfast and humming.

The gray-haired boy eyed the fireplace hesitantly. Making a fire would probably warm the place a little. But Yuki had never done it before. Frankly, he wasn't crazy about camping and had viewed it with high disdain any time Kyou disappeared to camp with Shihan. He reluctantly admitted that he was jealous of the relationship Kyou had with Kazuma. So there was probably some bitterness and bias there.

Another shiver got him moving though. He snorted. If the stupid cat could do it, there was no reason he couldn't. There was already some wood on the grate and some paper and matches by the hearth. How hard could it be?

Kyou shook the rain off of his jacket, trying to shed most of it before opening the door and going back in. He hung his jacket on the hook by the wall and pulled his muddy boots off. He looked up to see Yuki at the fireplace, building a fire.

"The path is washed out, but the water is gone and the rain is slower. We can probably go in a few hours."

Yuki smiled softly. "Tohru is probably worried sick about us."

Kyou looked down guiltily.

"Yeah," he replied quietly. "And that perverted dog is probably trying to take advantage of..."

Kyou had gotten closer to the fire now.

"You're doing it wrong," he said.

Yuki shook his head. "It's too cold. It won't start."

"It'll never start like that. You have to build it right or you'll use up the paper."

Yuki growled, hating feeling inept. "How?" he asked irritably.

"You have to set it up right," Kyou said slowly, thinking about how his master had taught him when he was young. "The small kindling goes on the bottom and the bigger wood goes on top. You use the big wood to protect the smaller flame from drafts and the medium-sized wood to catch fire first. But you have to make sure air can get to the flame or you'll just put it out."

Yuki listened, poking the wood around and dropping in smaller kindling between the two larger logs. Kyou watched over his shoulder.

"Good. Now pull that log up so that the white side faces the flame. That side catches fire faster than the bark. Now put a good bit of paper under the grate."

Yuki listened intently and did as he was told, and soon he had a small fire crackling merrily in the fireplace. It was still cold in the cabin, but it was warm next to the fire and this time, it didn't look like it was going out. Yuki smiled, excited. He had never built a fire. Kyou looked at the amazed expression on the boy's face and tried to recall if he had been this excited as a kid when Shishou had first taught him how to build a fire. Yuki's eyes were shining. The fire crackled merrily in his eyes and Kyou had a hard time believing that his usually emotionless cousin could get so excited over a fire. Uncomfortable with what he was feeling, Kyou snorted.

"Stupid mouse. I can't believe you don't know how to build a fire."

"Didn't know, stupid cat. I didn't know." Yuki had schooled his expression back to its usual calmness, but he turned, his eyes glinting mischievously. "It's burning just fine now. How long did it take you to learn?"

Kyou's jaw dropped for a minute as the question hit. Yuki smirked

"I was ten years old, you damn rat! Of course it took me longer." Kyou towered over Yuki, seated as he was on the hearth. He shook his fist defiantly. Yuki seemed unintimidated however.

"Oh I see," he replied calm as can be. "So the same age you are now mentally."

"Hmph!" Kyou crossed his arms and stared at him defiantly. "At least I can do it without getting ash all over my princey little face. You look stupid."

Yuki's eyes widened. He looked at his hands. Sure enough, they were black with soot and who knows how many times he had rubbed his face. Whispering a curse, he used his sleeve to wipe at his face.

"What the hell? That's my sleeve you're wiping it on!"

"So have Tohru wash it when we get back. You always get your clothes filthy anyway."

"Oh, like you don't garden boy."

"Garden boy?" Yuki raised an eyebrow at his cousin, who sat down and poked at the fire a bit with a stick.

"I don't understand why you're getting so worked up about your pretty face anyway. It's not like your fan club is here."

If Yuki noticed the almost-compliment, he didn't say anything. He was more interested in watching how Kyou adjusted the logs so they were a little farther apart, making the blaze burn stronger. But he wasn't finished yet.

"Oh really? I thought you were their number one member." He met Kyou's eyes challengingly.

"What! Whatever you deranged rat! If that were the case, then I'd never do this!"

Yuki didn't even have time to flinch or react in any way, when Kyou swiped his hand across Yuki's cheek. Both boys froze for a minute. Neither seemed to have expected it. Even Kyou's eyes were frozen in shock.

Three new stripes of black shone on Yuki's pale skin, stretching from his ear and across his nose. Kyou sniggered a little, though he knew he was inviting disaster. He jumped up in alarm though as a deadly look settled in the pale boy's purple eyes. Yuki rose slowly, backing Kyou toward the opposite wall, his blackened hands rising to stretch toward him.

"Oy, stay away you damn rat! Stay…"

Yuki lunged for him. Kyou barely ducked and lunged to the side, Yuki turned, swiping his arm. Kyou had reached the fireplace and now his hands were covered with ash. He turned, hands out and swiped at the mouse, barely missing. Yuki caught one of his hands and managed to plant a black hand on the cat's neck before he pulled away but not before Kyou twisted his hand and blackened Yuki's wrist with ash. They parted and circled each other, swiping and occasionally planting a black hand on the other.

There was no one here. No one was watching. They didn't have to pretend to hate each other. They didn't have to put on any sort of act. Maybe that's why the battle continued with no harsh words spoken or feelings trampled on. Both boys were intent on beating each other, but the hate was absent. Both boys were smirking, trying to get one up on the other.

Finally Kyou lunged, reaching for Yuki's cheeks, but the gray-haired boy caught his wrists, holding them above his head, before capturing Kyou's fingers above his head with one hand and using the other to cover Kyou's face and some of his hair with black. Kyou pulled at his arms, trying to free himself. Suddenly, he gasped, grimacing and hunched over. Yuki, alarmed, quickly caught him.

"Are you all right?"

Kyou used the chance to draw a blackened palm down Yuki's hair and face, leaving an ash smear.

"Ha…" he said weakly, holding an arm to his stomach.

Yuki blinked. "You cheated," he stated.

"You didn't call a time-out," Kyou shot out through gritted teeth. Yuki tried to take some more of his weight.

"Are you okay?"

Kyou drew some pained breaths through his teeth before gingerly standing upright again.

"Yeah. I didn't expect that. Guess I'm not as healed as I thought."

Yuki let go of Kyou carefully. He looked Kyou over critically. He seemed okay, but…

"You're filthy."

"Hmph. Looked in a mirror lately rat? You look like you rolled in a fireplace or something. Don't rats live in chimneys sometimes?"

"Actually, between the two of us, shouldn't you be more concerned about being clean? Aren't cats very clean animals?"

Kyou shrugged. "So are rats."

Yuki eyed him questioningly, his expression carefully neutral. Kyou became instantly flustered.

"I've heard that anyway."

Yuki let it go. He was more concerned with getting cleaned off now.

"It would be rude to go back to Honda-san looking like this."

Kyou didn't argue. He had some clean clothes for both of them. They went outside to rinse off a bit in the rain. It was cold but Kyou didn't seem to mind. Even though the rain very obviously sapped his strength, he seemed to have no problem stripping in the cold downpour and wiping off with a towel. Yuki was already shivering uncontrollably and he washed off as fast as was humanly possible before running inside and drying off by the fire-his fire- which still crackled merrily in the fireplace. He stole glances out the window at his younger cousin, admiring the boy's wiry angular body. He had seen Kyou naked perhaps hundreds of times... especially since Tohru's arrival, since she seemed hardly able to exist without bumbling into one or both of them at any given time, though never at school. Yuki wondered if subconsciously she wanted to be closer to them.

He knew he had often wondered how it would be to hold her as a human, or to comfort her. He wondered if Kyou had imagined the same thing. He generally didn't like touch, thanks to Akito. He rarely let anyone touch him. Of course the curse was a big part of that. It's not like he couldn't have any girl he wanted at school, and probably a few of the boys if he wanted. But they all doted over him so much, when they hardly even knew him. It disgusted him to even think of touching them.

He had often been hugged and touched by family though. He wondered if perhaps Kyou had received less touch than he had. The cat was skittish, even around Shihan. Even when Yuki had happened to catch them in one of their more intimate moments, it usually involved a hesitant clap on the back or a mock fight. Kyou seemed very jumpy when it came to touch. Yuki wondered if it was for the exact same reason. Maybe he was afraid of any sign of affection because he was afraid of it not being genuine.

Maybe they had more in common than Yuki had ever realized.

Kyou reentered, looking tired, but somewhat clean. He dried off quickly, wiping the water from his chest and neck. Yuki watched, thankful that Kyou didn't look up. He was still favoring his side and Yuki felt a tinge of guilt for letting the cat overexert himself like that. It was important that they returned home where Hatori could check on him.

He moved over as Kyou sat down by the fire, still shirtless as he dried his hair. Yuki fought the urge to reach out and touch the warm skin proffered so naively. This new sort of discomfort around the cat had nothing to do with revulsion now and Yuki wondered how such a feeling could have been so keenly misinterpreted before. Everything up to this point made a sort of twisted kind of sense now.

Yuki tried to hide the elation he felt. It was like a door was slowly being opened. Instead of reaching for the cat, he held his hands out to the fire he had built, that Kyou had helped him build. He contented himself with warming his fingers and breathing a small sigh of relief when Kyou was fully clothed.

"Are you ready to go?" The redhead asked.

Yuki shook his head. "Let's just stay here a while longer."

Kyou's red eyes gazed at him confusedly, but he didn't argue. He just turned toward the fire, bringing his knees to his chest and leaning against the wall.

"All right."

* * *

"Haaaaa saaaan! Why must you always leave me?" Shigure whined, clutching the doctor's jacket and mock crying. Kagura and Tohru watched the scene with a mix of amusement and discomfort. 

"I've been here for two days. Momiji and Haru have probably torn the house apart by now," he replied logically, removing Shigure's hands from his lapel. "Besides, I need to check on Akito."

Shigure sobered a bit and sighed putting an arm around Tohru's shoulders. "I suppose it's just you and me again, my little flower."

Tohru stepped forward handing a bag full of treats to Hatori. "Hatori-san. Please take care. Say hello to Momiji and Haru for me."

Hatori nodded. Tohru turned to Kagura and hugged her. "Thank you," she said in Kagura's ear. "Thank you for everything. I promise I'll call you."

Kagura looked down sadly, embracing Tohru and thankful for the comfort.

"Tell him… tell him I'm happy for him." She pulled away and put her kitty backpack on. Out loud, she said "Tell my darling I'll be back for him soon! She turned toward Hatori's car and walked away, trying to hide the tears that welled in her eyes. Kyou was out of her hands now. It was up to Yuki. She would kill him if he screwed up.

Hatori nodded and turned as well.

Tohru and Shigure turned back into the house.

"I suppose I should make some lunch. Shigure-san must be hungry."

"Mou… I suppose with the house so quiet, I'll have to get some work done. Yuki and Kyou are wonderful distractions! They always…"

"Oh!" Tohru rushed forward, throwing the door open and running outside.

"Tohru-kun?"

He followed behind and smiled as he watched Tohru run toward two limping boys. They looked worse for wear, Yuki supporting a pale but whole-looking Kyou and looking rather ashen himself. He let go and Kyou straightened up as they caught sight of her. With a large POOF, both boys were promptly embraced and cuddled.

Shigure smiled.

Tohru held the cat and the rat in her arms, crying.

"You idiot!" Kyou yelled. "What are you doing out here without shoes?"

"Sohma-kun, Kyou… you're home. I'm so glad."

Yuki wriggled out of her hold and up onto her shoulder, burrowing under her hair and meeting Kyou's eyes. "We're glad to be home. Aren't we, you stupid cat?"

Kyou glared at Yuki, but relaxed a bit in Tohru's embrace, his eyes softening as she buried her face in his fur and sobbed happily.

"Yeah whatever," he grumped. "Just go inside already."


	19. EQAB18

Title: Equally Cursed and Blessed

Author: Caer

Rating: R-ish

Warnings: Yaoi, violence, angst

Pairings: Eventual YukixKyou, ShigurexHatori, and HaruxMomiji

Status: Work in progress (part 19)

Disclaimer: I hereby disclaim these characters.

Hey all. Sorry for the long wait. I had a horrible time with this chapter. Even now it seems rushed. Plus I was planning a big set to where Haru loses his temper and goes black, but it didn't come out of my fingers. Instead you get this. Still I hope you enjoy it. Thanks especially to those of you who reviewed and asked for more.

* * *

"_She never let me get dirty," he said, picking the ash out of his nails. _

"_Who?" Kyou had asked, staring into the fire._

"_My mother," Yuki replied, and the bitterness in his voice was unmistakable. "I always had to be clean and properly dressed, just in case 'he' wanted me to visit."_

_Kyou hadn't asked. He knew what "he" Yuki was talking about._

"_If I got dirty, they would get so angry. If I hid... she would hit me."_

_It had taken a lot for Kyou to muster up his courage and speak._

"_My mother never hit me," he said. "She barely ever touched me, except to check that my bracelet was still there. Even the day she..." he couldn't finish. He wanted to. Part of him wanted to talk about it so badly it hurt his chest. But he couldn't bring himself to show any more to Yuki._

_A hand rested on his shoulder. Yuki didn't look at him, but for a moment, they sat there, communing with their pain together, silently._

Kyou started out of his reverie, realizing that he had zoned out again. How many times had his mind wondered back into the woods where he and Yuki had done something the Cat and the Rat would never do. They understood each other. However, he hadn't been able to stop thinking about things since he and Yuki had returned. Something had changed between himself and the rat. Kyou didn't know whether it was good or bad. All he knew was that every time he thought about their time together, he felt strange. Yuki had held him. Yuki had talked with him. Yuki had risked... too much.

Yuki was stupid.

But it didn't keep Kyou from thinking about it.

Things were changing. Mainly things were changing between Yuki and himself. There had been no fights, of course, because both of them were still injured. But there hadn't even been insults... or rather there had, but they hadn't been as wholly venomous as they used to be. Yuki had been almost... tender with him. He had been more open too. It made Kyou uncomfortable. He itched to react, but didn't know exactly how he felt about all of this. There was a tingle... that warm feeling that used to make him feel sick. Now he welcomed it, even if he was letting his guard down. However it was originally only around Tohru that he got this feeling. Somehow, Yuki had become a part of it.

He sat in his room, attempting to catch up on weeks worth of schoolwork. It wasn't too difficult, but it was immensely tedious. Yuki had helped him. Tohru had needed the help as well so it had worked out. The three of them had spent their afternoons studying. It was as close to happiness as Kyou had ever been since he came here. Kyou wasn't cleared to go to school yet, but Hatori had told him he could return next week. He was still weak enough that too much activity might make him transform So Kyou had been working like a madman, trying to get at least somewhat caught up. Even as the thought of graduation being the end teetered somewhere dangerously far from his conscious thought, he still had the drive of wanting to prove that he was not the "stupid cat" he was made out to be.

He had just finished 3 easy math assignments and decided to take a break and go to the bathroom. As he was returning to his room, the phone rang. Kyou ignored, it but a voice downstairs shouted up.

"Kyou! Can you answer that! It's my editor."

"Answer it yourself!" Kyou shouted down. Cripes, couldn't the man handle his own phone calls?

"But she'll yell at me! Please Kyou-kun?"

Kyou ignored it, but he had a harder time ignoring the phone. Shigure was obviously not going to answer.

Picking it up angrily, Kyou shouted into the receiver "He hasn't finished the damn book. Call back la.."

"My my." An oily voice came over the line and Kyou froze. He hadn't seen Akito since... he stilled, swallowing. "You certainly sound healthy, little kitten."

"No thanks to you," Kyou growled. "Don't call me that."

"I can call you whatever I please. You belong to me, remember? I suppose you feel you've won something." The voice spat. "I don't know how you got the beads back. Somehow I suspect that stupid girl had something to do with it."

"Leave her out of this, Akito." Kyou growled back.

"They didn't do it for you, you know."

Kyou tried not to listen, but that voice crept into his heart as usual.

"They just didn't want to live with your disgusting form. Really, you're so repulsive. I was cruel to force such a fate on them. That's why I'll forgive them. After all, who would want to live with something so disgusting."

Kyou tried to keep the shaking out of his voice. Really, he should be used to this by now. Why did it hurt so much?

"What do you want, Akito?"

A slight chuckle was the only sound that relayed how much the leader of the Sohmas was enjoying himself.

"I just called you to remind you about our deal. I hope you haven't forgotten... or has my little mouse managed to trick you into not fighting?"

"What? I haven't forgotten," Kyou swallowed. "But..."

"You're running out of time, cat. I've already planned the party. Yuki-kun will graduate and you'll be locked away forever. If you don't beat the mouse by then, I'll take the beads again and remind everyone what an evil creature you are. You will be locked up, and then everyone can stop pretending that you matter!"

The phone went dead and Kyou dropped the phone to his side.

The sound of a door closing below made him jump. Wiping his eyes, replacing the phone and looking at the clock, he saw that it was time for Tohru and Yuki to be home. He could hear them in the entryway, removing their shoes. Tohru said something and Yuki laughed quietly. They were coming up the stairs already.

"Kyou-kun! We brought the last of your homework!"

"Kyou!" Yuki said quietly. He sensed something... a darkness he had not felt for a while.

"Kyou-kun... is everything all right?" Tohru stepped forward hesitantly.

"Did something happen?" Yuki tried.

"No." Kyou said darkly. Yuki's eyes narrowed. The cat sucked at lying. However he didn't want to press it. They had been getting along so well. He felt he shouldn't scold Kyou in front of Tohru anymore.

"Kyou... would you like to finish up your homework?"

Kyou held out his hand and Tohru gave him the notes and assignments.

"I'll do it on my own," he turned and disappeared into his room.

Tohru squeaked at the sound of the door closing.

"Do... do you think he's mad at us?"

The door slammed shut and Yuki glared. Something had happened and he was going to get to the bottom of it.

"No way? Kyou is coming back to school?"

"Yup. He'll be back tomorrow! Yuki too."

"No way!"

"Yuki's such a hero! Kyou must be so grateful!"

"Um."

Momiji looked at Haru, who shrugged. These girls were all the same. Momiji smiled.

"So, you have to be careful okay? Don't tease Kyou too much!"

"Ha! Not likely." Uo threw her bag over her shoulder and turned to Hana. "That warning will last about ten minutes after he gets here."

The four of them left, walking to stand outside the gate.

"I'm a bit worried though. If Kyou can't keep his temper…"

"Tohru can keep him calm." Hana replied quietly as she walked beside them. "Tohru and Yuki will protect him."

The other three looked at her, surprised.

"That's an odd thing to say Hana."

"Is it?"

"Hm. Maybe not." Uo shrugged, "Anyway, we'll see you guys tomorrow."

"Bye bye!" Momiji waved.

"Should we wait for Yuki?"

Momiji's eyebrows furrowed. Always, Haru was after Yuki.

"Do what you want. I'm going home," he sighed.

Momiji slung his bag over his shoulder and started forlornly toward home. Haru watched him, perplexed. He was truly worried about the blond. Ever since the night at the window, Momiji had been on edge. For Momiji that wasn't usual. Of all the cousins, Momiji was the sunniest and most even mannered. That night he had seemed terrified. Haru had written it off as a bad dream but he wasn't sure now.

Haru resigned himself to not being able to see Yuki and hurried after the blond.

Momiji frowned as he heard footsteps and walked faster. Haru easily caught up with his longer stride. He looked at Momiji with concern. Momiji tried to ignore it.

"Are you all right, Momiji?"

Momiji sighed and kept walking.

Haru thought for a minute.

"Are you mad that I wanted to wait for Yuki?"

"Oh brilliant, Haru. How did you guess that?"

"Why are you so mad?"

Momiji stopped dropping his bag.

"Why shouldn't I be, Haru! You always pay attention to Yuki and when I tell you I like you you tell me I'm just a kid? I'm older than you! What part of that shouldn't I be mad at?"

Haru blinked, taken aback. Momiji never got this mad. Momiji was apparently surprised as well. His eyes began to water and he looked at the ground, hiding his eyes while he tried to collect himself.

"Never mind. I'm just tired."

Haru was silent for a while longer.

"I'm sorry."

Momiji sniffed and looked up. Haru's face was sincere and serious.

"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings."

Momiji nodded and picked his backpack back up and nodded.

"I'm sorry I got angry."

Momiji was surprised when he was pulled into a strong embrace. Haru's gentle hands slid through his hair and he relaxed into the feeling of Haru holding him. He just held the smaller boy quietly for a while.

"I'm worried about you, Momiji. You've been strange lately. Will you tell me about it?"

Momiji pulled away and slung his bag back over his shoulder.

"I'm okay, Haru." he replied. He squeaked though as he was stopped again by Haru's wiry arms. Haru planted a light kiss on his forehead.

"I really am sorry." He looked hopeful and a little scared. Momiji did his best to smile sunnily at the boy.

"It's okay, really!" He grabbed Haru's hand. "Come on, if we get our homework done early, maybe we can watch a movie! Nothing scary though."

Haru followed along agreeably. Momiji shivered though as the wind laughed through his hair and he heard that voice again, whispering to him.

* * *

Tohru was in the kitchen, making salt fish and walnut salad when Kyou came down. She was quiet as she watched him get into the fridge and pull out the milk, drinking it from the carton. She approached him timidly. Since Yesterday, he had ignored them, hiding in his room as they left for school and hadn't made a sound since they had arrived home. For the first time in days, Yuki was showing his frustration and anger. Something had happened and now the boys seemed to be on edge the way they were before Kyou's accident.

"Kyou-kun... is there anything special you'd like for dinner tonight?"

"No." He put the milk back in the fridge and closed it a little too roughly, making Tohru jump.

"Oh... well, are you mad at something?"

"Don't worry about it!" Kyou snapped, making Tohru wring her hands together nervously. Kyou sighed, immediately feeling bad. "I mean... anything is fine. I don't care!"

He turned red. Damnit, that's not what he meant to do either.

"Tohru, I..."

"Kyou!"

Kyou's head snapped up and he was faced with Yuki, standing in the doorway, glaring at him. 

"What do you want?" he screeched. Now he was really on edge. They were both bothering him and he didn't want to talk about it. Yuki wasn't going to let him go though. The mouse caught his eyes and he froze. Yuki was serious.

Yuki held the door open.

"Outside now."

Kyou looked at Tohru and back at Yuki before growling and walking out the door while Yuki followed. As soon as the door was shut, Yuki took the lead and led them down to the garden area.

"Where are we going?"

"Out of site. I don't want Honda-san to hear."

"Hmph. Good. I could use the fight." Though he didn't believe his own words.

When they arrived, Kyou looked at the ground and kicking at an errant rock. "What do you want? I have a lot of homework."

"Liar. You didn't have that much. Why are you treating Tohru so shamefully?"

"What? I'm not. I don't have to act fucking friendly when I don't feel like it!"

"Then why don't you feel like it? You've been acting like a perfect ass ever since yesterday."

"Shut up! What do you know."

"Just that you're being stupid again."

Kyou attacked angrily, punching twice and then spinning around to throw a high hook kick. Yuki dodged them quickly and blocked the next punch. Yuki grew alarmed. Kyou was really angry.

"What's wrong with you? You shouldn't even be trying to fight!"

"Fuck that! You're trying to trick me."

"What?"

Yuki was barely able to evade the next punch, but this time instead of just dodging, he slid sideways and took Kyou's feet out from under him, pressing his face to the ground.

"What are you talking about?"

"You're trying to keep me from fighting."

Yuki glared. "Did he? Do you honestly believe something that stupid?"

Kyou just growled and struggled under Yuki's grasp. "Let me the hell go then! Let me fight."

Yuki forced him further into the ground, pressing his face into the dirt.

"No! You're just going to get hurt."

Kyou made a noise like a hurt animal and struggled even more. "Let me go! I have no time!"

But Yuki wouldn't let up. Deftly, he flipped Kyou over onto his back and pinned the boy's wrists above his head roughly. he was now sitting securely on the boy, though Kyou bucked several times trying to throw Yuki off. Yuki let him struggle some of his anger out and Kyou finally gave in and went limp, looking to the side.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because…?" hesitation. "Because!" An answer? Kyou snarled and shook his head, as if he was trying to clear it. "I don't know all right?"

Yuki's intense gaze, made Kyou falter and he banged his own head against the ground, looking at the sky. "Fuck!"

He didn't know. He didn't know what he was supposed to do anymore. He didn't want to be a monster. He didn't want to be locked up, but he didn't want to fight Yuki either. Or maybe he did. He wanted to figure out why the hell this was driving him insane. He could feel tears welling in his eyes and he looked upward, desperately trying to dry them.

Yuki's let go of Kyou's hands and put his hands on Kyou's shoulders instead. His gaze softened, sadness tingeing the edges.

"Did I do something to make you angry?" Yuki's voice softened and his voice sounded hurt. Kyou looked at anything but Yuki.

"No." Kyou's answer was soft and low. He half heartedly tried to push Yuki off him, but it wasn't enough.

"Then why are you striking out? Why are you fighting me? Do you hate me that much?"

Kyou said nothing.

"Do you hate me?" Yuki hated the tremble of his voice. He thought he knew the answer, but he couldn't be confident. Not yet.

"Yes," Kyou grated out with difficulty, but he was obviously trying too hard.

"I don't believe you." Yuki shook his cousin. "If you hate me, look me in the eyes and tell me so."

Defiantly, Kyou gazed into his cousin's eyes. "I…"

"I…"

Those purple eyes were a mix of hope and fear, and they were beautiful. Kyou beat the ground underneath him with a fist, letting his eyes slide down and away. He couldn't say it. He couldn't lie to himself anymore, let alone Yuki.

"Damnit Yuki."

Kyou seemed to sense what was going to happen as Yuki leaned closer. "No…" he whispered desperately. Trying to wiggle out from under his cousin.

"Shhhhh," Yuki cooed before leaning down and pressing his lips against his cousin's. He was prepared for Kyou's surprise as well as the muffled yelp and when Kyou tried to push him away, he only held tighter. He pressed his weight down on Kyou, trapping the redhead's slim angular body underneath his own, fitting them together entirely too well. Kyou clutched at Yuki's arms, "hmm"ing in protest as he tried vainly to push Yuki away, but Kyou was still dazed and the mouse had gravity on his side.

Yuki took one hand from Kyou's shirt and slid his hand up Kyou's sensitive neck, making the boy shudder, his arms relaxing now, clutching rather than pushing at the Mouse. Yuki slid a slender thumb over Kyou's chin, pulling it down to open the boy's mouth and slipping his tongue inside. Kyou whimpered, his body betraying him and going limp.

A fierce rush of desire, shook the gray-haired boy as Kyou gave in. The sense of power over Kyou was heady. Yuki pressed in tighter, tasting his cousin thoroughly. He felt the cat go still, and suddenly the surrounding wind and birds were the only sounds to grace the clearing as Yuki gently took what he wanted. When he pulled away, Kyou was breathless, his chest heaving in surprise. His eyes were glazed, maybe even frightened as he stared up at the sky, panting. Before his eyes began to track and eventually, meet Yuki's. Yuki let his forehead rest against that of the cat.

"Stupid cat," Yuki said, eyes closed, voice filled with sadness, confusion and resignation, even though a small sad smile touched his lips. Letting Kyou go, he traced a slender hand along the stunned cat's jaw. "I don't hate you either."

Getting up, stepped over Kyou and walked back to the house, leaving a very shocked Kyou lying on the ground in the grass. Yuki was gone, and Kyou was left, breathless and shocked. Yuki's lips had been soft, pliant, but demanding. The warmth from his touch lingered on Kyou's jaw as did his flavor.

Tohru let the curtain fall shut and hurried away from the window. She ran to the kitchen and began to chop vegetables for the night's dinner. When the door slid open, she peeked out to see a very forlorn Sohma trudge his way up the stairs slowly.

"Oh Sohma-kun," she whispered.

Dinner that night left Shigure and Tohru with two very lost looking boys. Yuki barely ate, a very cold and withdrawn look on his face. Kyou ate, but silently. There was a very lost look in his red eyes and of course, neither of them looked at the other. Shigure cheerfully tried to keep Tohru from dwelling on their sadness. Even she knew it wasn't the right time to talk to them. When they were done, Kyou climbed to the roof, while Yuki went directly to his room, shutting the door behind him.

Kyou lay looking up at the stars. They were bright tonight, clear and crisp against the sky. He only wished his emotions were as clear. The fact was, he wasn't very good with dealing with his emotions except through anger. What Yuki had done, had been exactly what he had been afraid of, though he hadn't realized it up until that point. He was never good with his feelings and this was no different. He was just terribly angry, and who else was there to blame it on than the mouse as he had always done? It had gone wrong though. Yuki was supposed to hate him again, and back off. He wasn't supposed to do that. Not the rat… never to the cat.

"God damn, shitty rat." But the words were so empty. How could he fight Yuki if he didn't hate him?

He would have pounded against the roof with his hands, but Tohru was probably already in bed, so he opted for hitting his one hand with the other fist repeatedly until his hands began to ring numbly. He gladly reveled in the stinging pain in his hands as it took away his turbulent thoughts for a bit. Dwelling on that a bit, he decided there was only one thing he could do.

Silently he climbed down and made his way down the hall to the phone. Dialing in the dark, a number he knew by heart he waited for someone to pick up. He heard a click and a tired voice answered. Kyou almost hung up. He hated asking things from his master.

"Shishou," he said hesitantly.

"Kyou… are you all right?" Kazuma's voice was thick with sleep and Kyou felt guilt tugging at him. But he needed help, and there was only one who would...

"I'm okay..." his voice was shaky. "I know it's late but…"

"That's fine. What's wrong Kyou?"

"Can I come and stay for a few days?"

"Of course. I'll come pick you up."

Lying in his room, Yuki could only make out one side of the cat's conversation on the phone. It was quiet and raw. Yuki could hear the uncertainty in Kyou's voice, and as the sound of the phone clicking home filled the hall, Yuki sighed and turned on his side, away from the sound, and Kyou's receding steps in the hallway. Yuki did not regret what he did. He was through with regret.


	20. EQAB20

Title: Equally Cursed and Blessed Author: Caer Rating: R-ish Warnings: Yaoi, violence, angst Pairings: Eventual YukixKyou, ShigurexHatori, and HaruxMomiji Status: Work in progress (part 20) Disclaimer: I hereby disclaim these characters. Holy cow, this fic is getting long. Hope I do it justice. It's been a while since I wrote, though I have the story pretty much mapped out. Please let me know if I make any glaring mistakes with the flow of the story. It has become painfully and joyfully obvious to me that a lot of people want more of this fic, for which I am honored. I'm sorry for being so slow, but please stay with me. I think you'll like where the story is going. It's been a while, so please tell me if I have a huge plot hole or if I forgot something. I need to go reread the whole thing. Oi. Enjoy anyway!

* * *

Kazuma walked quietly toward his small gym, where he could hear the SMACK of a bag taking an undeserved beating. He could see the timbers of the dojo tremble at the strength of the blows assailing it. He had very few students who could actually cause that. He didn't know whether to be proud of his erstwhile son, or worried for his endangered building. Still, he knew how satisfying it was to take your aggression out on something inanimate. He had done it himself many times, especially at Kyou's age. He looked down at the sandwiches he had made and smiled, indulging in a little bit of errant nostalgia. How many times had he performed this same ritual for his angry son? Kyou had come home so often, angry and depressed. He had been picked on by kids at school, or Yuki had teased him, or Kagura had smothered him... or in the worst case, Akito had had his fun with the boy. Kazuma frowned. Akito had put him through so much this time. If it hadn't been for Yuki and Tohru, things could have ended up badly. He hoped that Kyou didn't blame him or think that the man had abandoned him. However, Kyou was always trying to separate himself from anyone he cared about. Too afraid to have to say goodbye he supposed, or afraid that the secret of the cat would come out and he would be despised again. Of course, if Kyou were mad at him, he wouldn't have asked to come here. So it must be something that had happened at home. Had Akito hurt him or threatened him? Akito could easily find him here. He entered the dojo, and found that Kyou had stopped his full frontal assault on the bag and was sitting dejectedly against the wall, out of breath, a bottle of water in his hand. "I thought you might be hungry," Kazuma said gently and sat down beside his son. Kyou looked at the sandwiches and contemplated on whether to be emotional and refuse or to be hungry. The latter won out and he took one. He knew Kazuma wouldn't approve of him acting like a moody teenager. Besides he liked these. They were his favorite. It made him feel better just knowing that Kazuma wanted him to feel better.

It seemed no matter how hard he trained or how hard he exhausted himself, when he was alone with his own thoughts, he just kept going back to the feel of Yuki's lips as they moved across his own. If being around Tohru and Shigure and his… the people he was around was like warm water, Yuki's kiss burned and it hurt. He could still feel it on his lips, no matter how many times he washed his face. It tingled there like a pernicious bug bite. He couldn't wipe it away.

"Kyou," Kazuma started, "please… I can't help if I don't know what's wrong."

"I don't think I want to go back."

"That's a little harsh, don't you think? Did you fight with Yuki again?"

"Hah. Hardly...." Kyou's lips shut tight as he realized that he was saying too much.

"I see." Kazuma said quietly and wondered whether he should let Kyou organize his thoughts and conclusions or if he needed a push. Kyou, however was ahead of him.

"I think..." he choked. "Remember when I told you that being with Tohru... well, with them all, that it hurt, that it felt like swimming in warm water?"

"Of course," He could hardly forget. It was the first sign of Kyou being comfortable with anything close to affection. Of course you could hardly call it comfortable. He fought it like a cat in the shower. It scared him. With the recent happenings, he had wondered if Kyou would grow closer to the three.

"I think I know what it is."

Kazuma stayed still. Kyou was figuring it all out by himself. Kazuma nodded knowingly. It had taken so long, but Kyou had come around a bit. The thing with Kyou is that you had to gently guide him to come to the right answer by himself. If you explained anything to him directly, he would simply balk and refuse to listen. It appeared his Kyou was finally growing up.

"Kyou," whatever it is, you're strong enough to face it.

"No... not this. I'm not. I'm... I'm too weak. I don't think... I don't think I'll be able to beat Yuki, Shishou. I can't."

Kazuma felt a pang as he could hear the despair in the boy's voice.

"You don't have to hate him to fight him, Kyou."

Kyou hit the wall with his fist.

"You don't understand! I don't want to leave! This is all I know. I don't want to be locked up, but I don't want to fight that stupid rat. But I don't want to... to..."

Kyou dropped his hand, emotionally spent for the moment.

"Kyou. When you first moved in with Shigure, you thought you couldn't deal with it. Look how far you've come. I've seen you smile more with Tohru and Yuki than I've seen your whole life."

"It's all gonna end. I... didn't want to have to care."

"Kyou," Kazuma commanded. "You're going somewhere you mustn't. You don't know what will happen. No matter what happens come graduation, I will not let you be caged. I promise you."

Kyou thought maybe it was better being locked up. At least it was a certainty if he allowed it. Everything else was new ground. He was elated when it came to learning a new pattern or a new kick. But when it came to learning a new feeling, or a new circumstance. He was terrified, as much as he tried to mask it with anger, belligerence, hatred.

Then again, he had been doing that now for 4 years now hadn't he? He hadn't been rejected. The family used to doggedly ignore him. Now, he could almost say that he fit in.

Had it been worth it though?

Suddenly, he laughed softly. Kazuma smiled questioningly.

"Shishou, would you teach me my next pattern? You said you would."

Kazuma nodded quietly. "Of course." Whatever malaise had cloaked Kyou's demeanor had lifted a bit.

Kyou grabbed a staff and did a few spins and counters for practice. He gritted his teeth. He was scared out of his mind, but he would face it. Shishou was right. No matter how it turned out, these feelings, however strange, were worth it. He would stay here the weekend. He would return to school, and then he would go home.

* * *

Yuki picked at his food and Tohru fretted.

"Is everything alright, Sohma-kun? Is the food bad?"

Yuki looked up and smiled beautifully, making the girl's heart stop. However her prince's face was pinched with inner pain.

"The food is wonderful as usual, Honda-san. Thank you."

"You miss him, don't you?"

Yuki looked up, alarmed. "What?"

"Well... that is, I mean I..." She fretted and twiddled her fingers until Yuki got up and put his hands on her small warm ones. She immediately stopped.

"I saw you in the garden, with Kyou."

He looked down at her and contemplated kissing her. That would end it wouldn't it? He would win yet again, leaving Kyou behind as usual. A year ago, that's what he would have wanted. He had wanted Tohru to be his at first. But that wasn't what he wanted anymore. His childish crush was long gone. What was left was an aching need to be with the one he used to hate so much. But was he ready to make the next step? Was he ready to share that, even with their beloved friend. Their little sister.

"That was..." he stammered.

"It's all right, Sohma-kun. I know what it was. I'm so happy for you."

Yuki scrutinized her lovely brown eyes, and saw nothing but shining happiness. Tohru wasn't exactly good at hiding her emotions. If she was hurt, he would see it. Yet, she seemed for all the world like this was what she wanted. It seemed that she had grown up as well.

"Tohru, I'm not sure Kyou will come back. What I did... he..."

"He's afraid."

Yuki looked at her. She was having one of her deep moments, as she looked directly at him, but seemed not to see him. She looked down at her hands and wrung them.

"He's afraid to be hurt. He has spent his whole life fighting you and hating you. It must have caused you so much pain."

Yuki swallowed the lump in his throat. She smiled at him then, with tears in her eyes.

"But he'll be back. I know it." She said, placing her hands on his now. He searched her eyes. She seemed so sure. "So you need to eat, so that you can keep your strength up. Kyou will be annoyed if he can't fight you because you're sick."

Yuki smiled. He hoped she was right.

"You're right. I can't let that stupid cat actually think he can beat me ne?"

She nodded, squeaking a happy affirmative "Hm," before going back to her cooking. Shigure would be down soon enough to search for food.

* * *

Momiji stood outside Hatori's house, the wind was strong, waving his hair back and forth, almost swirling around him and upward, turning dry leaves and debris in a circle around him. He seemed to be listening intently, but all he could catch was unintelligible whispering. It seemed to travel on the wind, just out of reach. Momiji knew what it was trying to do. It was beckoning him toward the old property, past the cat's house and even further into the older buildings of the sohma property. He hesitated for just a minute, before moving forward. Hatori had gone to the main house and Haru was in detention for going black. No one would miss him for a while.

He watched as the leaves danced in front of him, almost laughing as he walked further into the ancient buildings. He looked at the Cat's home, more a jail cell than a home. It consisted of one room with a few old furnishings stored inside, a sink and a toilet. He shivered briefly, thinking of poor Kyou locked in there, growing old, lonely. Still he moved deeper. They weren't allowed to go here. The houses and buildings were boarded up, gray with rot and neglect. A few shutters slammed in the wind. He came to a place where the brush grew thick and towered above the small blond. The terrain turned hilly and he saw that he would have to climb over a small ridge. He stopped for a moment, wondering if it would be better to wait for Haru. But it would be dark by the time the younger boy arrived home, and the voice seemed to come and go. He felt sure that it might go silent if he didn't follow it now.

Gritting his teeth, he pulled his jacket tighter around himself and began to climb the small hill. It was just enough of a hill to get the boy's heart pounding and his legs struggling to find purchase. The ground was thick with leaves and forest debris.

As he crested the hill, he saw a small brook, running down the small valley below. The rocks along were enticing and he made his way down, climbing onto the large boulders that lined the stream. Almost not thinking about the voice, and yet knowing where to go, he followed the stream, hopping from stone to stone lightly, preferring that to mushing along on the soft ground. He didn't notice as the leaves kicked up around him and followed him, lying still everywhere else.

Soon he heard the whispering again, though it still sounded like loud sighing now. He looked down to see a small pond where the water collected. It was quite large for the area. It was certainly deep enough to swim in, but there wouldn't be very far to go. He gasped, grinning as he saw the old tire swing that hung by the side.

The water was dark and he approached it, his heart pounding a little more now, though he was no longer tired from the climb. He looked at the smooth mirror-like surface, half afraid he would see the face he had seen in the window again, instead of his own reflection. However, only his own image stared at him from the water. A couple of leaves landed in the water, disturbing the surface. Suddenly the ominous presence had lifted and he looked around, a little surprised at where he was, as if coming out of a dream. For an instant, he thought he could hear the babble of children's laughter on the wind. He looked toward the tire swing, which now swung lightly in the wind. Momiji moved toward it. He gave the thick rope a yank and found that the swing was still quite sturdy, though old. The bottom of the tire was filled with water and leaves and dirt. He tipped it sideways, scraping some of the wet muck out with his fingers before climbing into the hole and pushing back till his toes barely touched the ground. The tire swung out over the water and he laughed, leaning back and looking at the sky and the tree above him. The clouds were pink in the setting sun and the swing creaked happily, as if it had been waiting for the bustle of playing children again.

He leaned back, holding the rope as he swung, until the tips of his hair touched the water, startling him. Looking down, he looked down into the water again. He could not see much in the dark dirty water. He could see spiders skipping along the surface, and a few feet below, he could see some plant covered rocks as he passed the edge.

His smile became a frown though as the surrounding forest became silent. He still stared at the water, waiting. For a minute, he thought he saw the face again, staring back at him, bloody and pale in the moving water. He gasped, but it was gone before he could even be afraid. He tried to calm himself. After all, this is why he was here right?

"Please..." he almost whispered. "I hear you. I know you want something from me. Who are you?"

The air was silent and heavy, but even the whispering had stopped now. Momiji couldn't see anything in the water. He still swung back and forth, but his eyes were fixed on the water. He waited for that face to reappear but it didn't.

"Please. I don't know what you want."

Suddenly the rope that seemed so strong snapped and sent the tire swing and the blond plunging into the dark water in the middle of the pond. He panicked, trapped in the middle of the tire upside down and desperately struggled to swim back to the surface, but the rope rapped around his limbs as he struggled. Terrified, he still struck for the surface, kicking the tire away, a bit though it hung doggedly on to his left leg as he tried to kick to the surface. He was very near to panicking now because he could only take gulps of air as the rope pulled him down. It tangled around him and kept him from taking a proper breath above the water. He tried to collect his senses and took a deep breath, letting himself sink as he tried to untangle himself. The rope clung around him and only seemed to recoil around him as he pushed bits away. However it did seem to loosen a bit. Momiji felt something like fingers creep up his legs and he finally cried out and tried to swim, rope and all toward the shore.

The rope suddenly seemed to untangle itself and pull away from him by itself as he made his way toward the bank. He was crying now and almost too tired to swim. Again, he felt something around his waist. His eyes widened, but the sensation was almost instantly gone, though he found that his feet touched the muddy bottom now. His shoes sunk into the mud as he crawled out. He cried as he crawled onto the hard ground. Taking deep gasps of air and trying to stop shaking. He got to his feet and collapsed a little as he realized his ankle had been twisted when he fell.

The whispering grew louder and the feeling of cold wet fingers that weren't quite there ghosted over his ankle from the lake.

He didn't look back. He pushed off and ran, limping, hurting and climbed straight up the hill to the top, then making a beeline back toward the main house, and Hatori's place. He was soaking wet, still shaking and his ankle screamed in pain. But the adrenaline and fright kept him running until he was almost to the Cat's house. He ran toward it gratefully, still crying. As he rounded the corner, he stopped dead.

In front of him stood a boy. The boy he had now seen several times in reflections, but now he stood here, looking solid and quiet and... dead. The boy's eyes were the black of the pond water and he moved toward Momiji slowly. Momiji stood frozen. He had nowhere to go, unless he went back. He stood frozen to the spot. But the boy didn't seem dangerous. The soft trickle of soft laughter danced on the wind, though the boy's face was devoid of emotion. He stepped forward slowly, reaching out a hand. His cold fingers traced Momiji's jawline before his body seemed to dissipated into formless gray and streamed around the blond like snakes of cold water. It seemed to go through him and caress him.

_Bring him to me... bring me god_

The voice lingered in and around Momiji, almost seeming to whisper through his hair. Momiji was shivering from cold now and his ankle threatened to collapse on him right there. His heart was pounding so hard, it seemed to roar in his ears. But the presence and the voice and the feeling were now gone. Birds began to sing, the quiet calls of the evening.

Then hands like talons grabbed him from behind.

He blacked out.

* * *

"Momiji."

"Momiji."

The voice sounded like it was coming through a pillow. However it slowly clarified and Momiji realized that he was being called.

Momiji's eyes opened slowly and he saw Haru lying on the bed beside him. He was running a hand through the blond's locks soothingly. The hand stopped, though Momiji wished it wouldn't.

"Hatori, he's awake."

Hatori entered the room, a thermometer in his hand. Momiji could see lines of worry around the corners of his eyes, but otherwise, he wore his same stern expression. Any other time, Momiji would tease him about it. However right now he felt drained.

"What happened?" he asked weakly.

"You fainted," Haru replied, the worry clear in his eyes. "Hatori picked me up after detention. After we couldn't find you at the house, we went looking. I saw you standing by the cat's house. When I saw that you were covered in dirt and soaked, I ran to find out what happened. But when I grabbed you, you passed out. You were so pale. We brought you back here.

"Momiji, were you exploring the old property?" Hatori asked sternly.

Momiji nodded ashamedly. Nothing said they couldn't go back there. It's just that no one did.

Hatori let it go though, simply holding the thermometer at Momiji's mouth until he opened up. In the meantime, Hatori pulled the blankets up and began gently removing Momiji's wet socks. Momiji winced as the man examined his ankle, moving it slightly and feeling up and down the abused leg. He poked and prodded a little more.

"It's not broken, but you'll probably need crutches for a couple of days. You twisted it hard."

"The thermometer beeped and Haru took it out, handing it to Hatori."

"You have fever too. We need to get you out of the rest of those wet clothes and into a bath. Haru, help him. I have to go get some supplies to wrap that ankle. You need some painkillers as well. You're obviously not going to school tomorrow."

Momiji wasn't in a mood to fight. His body felt like ice. He sat up and let Haru pull his shorts off, wincing a little as the pants came down over his ankle. His shirt had already been removed. Haru helped him limp to the bathroom and set him on the toilet while he filled the tub.

"Make it really hot." Momiji half requested, half begged. Haru nodded. He let the water run as he looked into Momiji's eyes with concern. "What happened to you?"

Momiji teared up a little. "I saw him again. In the water.. and after that..."

"The face you saw in the window that night?"

Momiji nodded.

"He... he wanted me there, Haru. I've been hearing voices."

Haru nodded, but put a hand on Momiji's leg, not even balking at the fact that the blond was sitting completely naked in front of him. He was far too concerned to even go black.

"Let's get you warmed up and then we'll talk about it, all right?"

Momiji nodded and let the boy help him into the tub. Haru let him wash his own hair and body, but he washed the boy's back for him. Momiji was already feeling warmer and the gentle steady feel of Haru's hands as it moved the rag in circles over his back was threatening to put him to sleep. Once he had been rinsed off, Haru let him stand, wrapping him in the fluffiest towel he could find. This time, he simply lifted the boy out of the tub and carried him back to bed. He rubbed at Momiji's arms and legs roughly with the towel, taking care to avoid the boy's ankle, which was now swelling purple.

Haru helped the silent blond into his flannel pajamas and got him back under the covers before crawling in himself. He pulled the smaller boy to him and held him tightly.

"Now... tell me what happened."

* * *

That Monday evening, Yuki was in his garden. After school, he and Tohru had walked home alone. Haru and Momiji had been strangely absent. Kyou had stayed after class for some tutoring from one of his teachers. He had not said much to them, but he had been swarmed by classmates most of the day. He had not ignored them though. At Tohru's prodding, he had smiled softly and replied to her in his gruff whisper not to get in trouble during class. At lunch, he was invited to a basketball game so he had gone. He seemed eager to move again after his convalescence. He had not said anything to Yuki, nor looked at him either, but he hadn't shied away from him. When the cousins had finally cornered him, he had answered their questions as best he could.

That was bothering Yuki. On Kyou's mellowest day, he was lashing out in annoyance or anger. Today, he was quiet. Most of his classmates put it down to being tired from recovering, but Yuki watched him closely. Kyou had caught him staring a couple of times, but simply tried to avoid his gaze.

So here Yuki was, trying to weed the poor neglected garden as best he could Summer was coming soon and he wanted to make sure that the strawberry plants at least had room to grow. When a shadow fell across his furrows, he stared for a minute, afraid to look up, just in case it wasn't the person he wanted to see.

However, the figure knelt down and Yuki was relieved to see his red headed cousin's calloused hands as they picked up the dirt, and rolled between strong fingers.

Yuki let the silence settle on them and he continued to pull weeds, before taking his gloves off and placed his own slender fingers on his lap, waiting for Kyou to speak.

"It… it isn't a trick is it?"

Yuki stared at Kyou, stunned. But why wouldn't the cat think that. They were close to graduation and Kyou still hadn't beaten him.

"A trick? You actually think that?"

"Because... if it's a trick, Yuki, I'd rather you kick the..."

Yuki stopped his words with a gentle hand on his chest.

"It's not a trick," Yuki stated simply.

Kyou made a sound deep in his throat and ran his fingers through the dirt for a minute.

"I'm still going to fight you."

Yuki rolled his eyes.

"Kyou, you can fight me every day if you wish. I don't want you to be caged either. I won't hold back. Believe me, it would be a lot easier for me if I still hated you. But I almost lost you. I can't pretend anymore. I… I still think that what you're doing is pointless. But you wouldn't be you if you didn't try. And unfortunately, I've found that I'm rather fond of you, even if you are an idiot. I want… things, from you Kyou that I haven't wanted from anyone else… not even Tohru. Whatever it is, whatever you want to call it, it is not a trick."

Yuki looked up. Kyou was shaking. His hands were balled into tight fists. Yuki could feel the frustration and power radiating off of him.

"It doesn't matter what I do does it? I lose to you no matter what."

Yuki contemplated what Kyou was saying. It sounded like him. He was acquiescing. Yuki had no idea if it meant Kyou felt the same. But he wanted what he wanted. He put a hand on Kyou's shoulder.

"Do you really consider it losing?"

Kyou took a deep breath and looked up.

"I... I don't hate you, Yuki."

Yuki nodded. That would be enough for him for now. As pathetic as he was at expressing his feelings, Kyou was even worse.

"I'm glad."

"Fuck it." He cracked his knuckles. "I'm going to beat you anyway."

Yuki smiled. "I thought you would say that, you stupid cat."

Kyou looked up, a small smile painting the corners of his mouth, though there was a pain and sadness in his eyes. The cat had lost again, in a way. He was submitting to Yuki in the most intimate way possible. Yuki took care with that information. He would claim his prize cautiously, as if it might vanish right under his eyes. Yuki hesitantly inched forward, running his fingers through Kyou's mussed hair, pulling his head up so he could access that shaky smile with his lips. Their kiss was quiet and tentative. Kyou's parted slightly as he allowed it. Yuki pulled away, smiling.

"Was that so bad?"

Kyou blushed and glared at him. "Shut up, rat!"

* * *

Not quite done here. The lemon in this story can be found at my site. thanks for your understanding.

* * *


	21. Chapter 21

Okay guys, for some reason, is not accepting my formatting. Sorry for the garbled mess you got first time round.

Title: Equally Cursed and Blessed

Author: Caer

Rating: R-ish

Warnings: Yaoi, violence, angst

Pairings: Eventual YukixKyou, ShigurexHatori, and HaruxMomiji

Status: Work in progress (part 20)

Disclaimer: I hereby disclaim these characters.

Okay just so you guys know, this story is going to be relatively lemon-intense going forward. I will only post the lemon on my site though. I've been wanting to couple these two forever, and now that I'm finally through the story it took to get them there, I'm gonna take full advantage of their togetherness. That doesn't mean it will be bereft of story. Still a lot of plot to get through. So I hope you all do enjoy the next chapter

* * *

A feeling of pain in his ankle was the first thing that stirred Momiji to wakefulness the next morning. Apparently the painkillers were starting to wear off. As Momiji could see a sliver of light filtering through the curtains. It seemed too late and he realized that the alarm hadn't gone off. They must have left it off on purpose. There was a soft pressure on his chest and he was quite warm. He slowly processed the fact that he was spooned against his cousin. Soft puffs of breath tickled his neck. Haru's arm was resting protectively against his chest. Momiji sighed happily and settled into the embrace, wiggling a bit and pulling Haru's arm tighter to him. Haru responded, by shifting his arm and rubbing his nose on Momiji's neck before settling in sleep again.

Momiji recounted the events of the night before and shivered a bit. What had he seen in the woods? Who was the boy? Why had he appeared. What was the significance of the lake? Was that where he had died? What did he want with Akito? That was what he had meant right?

Momiji looked up and gasped as he saw the image of the boy again in the window. The boy stared at him with pools of black in his eyes. He seemed to be floating in the very glass. Momiji froze, taking a few breaths, before forcing himself to relax. He could do this.

"I'm sorry I ran away." Momiji whispered softly. The boy blinked his ink black eyes and Momiji could hear his own voice echoed in a whisper, with "sorry" echoing in his mind. The presence didn't seem threatening and he could hear the tinkle of laughter almost seeming to resonate through the glass of the window itself. Suddenly the ghost of a boy moved forward slowly. Momiji's breath quickened, but he tried not to jerk back. The ghost seemed to dissipate and dance around him, tickling his skin all over, before sliding down his body to his ankle, lingering there. Momiji could feel something in him and around him, sighing in his ear, feeling almost sorry as it seemed to move through his leg. Then it seemed to travel up his body and slide off the top of his head and shoulder. Before it disappeared completely, he heard a name.

_Yukiya_

The feeling was broken as Haru stirred behind him and a gruff voice spoke.

"Hey," Haru said sleepily. "You okay?"

Momiji nodded and turned, settling into Haru's arms, breathing in the taller boy's scent.

"He wants something, Haru. I have to find out what."

* * *

Hatori watched the two boys in the back of his car. Momiji seemed to be a fair bit happier now, which was strange since they were headed to the main house. Hatori needed to check on Akito and Momiji had begged him to take them along. Though Momiji would come to see him occasionally, he usually only did so to keep Akito from coming to see him. If he made an occasional visit, Akito seemed to be satisfied and would leave him be. Haru would visit with a bit more desire to see Akito and spend time with him. However, it was something else for them to beg to come along. Lately especially, Akito had been especially moody and quick to anger. He was still seething from losing Kyou's bracelet. Eventually, he would punish someone for the discretion. The storm hadn't reached it's climax yet though.

"Hari, was there a Yukiya in the family before?"

Hatori's eyebrows raised. That was a name he hadn't heard for a long time.

"Yes. Why do you ask?"

"I heard about him somewhere," Momiji said I've just been wondering lately. Who was he?"

"As far as I know, he was one of Rin's relatives. Great great uncle or something. He was the Junishi mouse. He died young as I recall. He was your age, Momiji."

"Was he sick like Yuki?"

"I'm not sure. There were differing stories about him. Is that why you wanted to come with me? To look at the family history?"

Momiji nodded.

"I just heard about him and kind of wanted to know."

"Oh?" Hatori looked at Haru, but the boy looked out the window, seemingly bored at the conversation. However, Hatori knew he was coming along to protect Momiji. Hatori gripped the wheel and sighed. He had hoped for an uneventful day.

* * *

"Breakfast time!!!"

"Oh Tohru, my little flower! What delectable treat did you make for us today???" Shigure was literally crying with joy. Tohru had been so busy lately, breakfast had consisted of serial and instant soups. Tohru must have had the energy to get up early.

"Ta-da!!!"

Tohru grinned as she gestured to the spread on the table.

"I thought I would try trout katsu today."

"Fish..." Shigure's excitement quickly died.

"Hai! I thought Kyou would need a big meal before school to keep his energy up."

"Aha, my little flower is looking out for her two boyfriends ne???"

"Hai!" She beamed. "But I got Sohma san some pumpkin bread to eat."

"Aaaaahhhh. You truly are my lovely little flower."

"Hai!" She hugged Shigure enthusiastically. She knew Shigure preferred a sweet breakfast. She had felt especially energetic since Kyou had come home and her two boys had seemed so peaceful since figuring out they liked each other.

"Kyou-kun, Sohma-kun! Breakfast is ready!" She yelled up the stairs.

"Coming!" Kyou yelled as he pulled on his jacket. He was feeling better and better every day now, although a nightmare had woken him this morning. He still would dream fitfully of his time in the woods. The dream had started with Yuki underneath him, whispering his name. However it had quickly morphed into Yuki under him and bleeding, his shoulder laid open and the metallic taste of blood in his mouth. Kyou had jerked awake so hard, his neck still hurt from the whiplash. He was still hard from the erotic part of the dream, but it was fading quickly.

Instead of going back to sleep, he had decided to get up and do some exercises. Crunches and push ups still hurt a little, but he pretty much able to follow his usual regimen, albeit with a bit more pain than usual. Still he was feeling good, and the smells coming from downstairs were making him feeling even more energetic. He loved it when Tohru made fish.

He grinned as he walked toward Yuki's room. He banged on the door.

"Hey Rat! Wake the hell up. Tohru made breakfast."

The door opened and a sleepwalking Yuki plowed right into his chest, resting his head on Kyou's shoulder and groaning.

"Too early..." He slid his arms around Kyou's waist startling the cat. He froze. When Yuki was in this state, there was a good chance he was going to get his ass kicked for no reason. He tried to extricate himself from the boy's arms. Pulling back, he was able to catch a glimpse of the scar on Yuki's shoulder. He twinged in guilt and relaxed into Yuki's hold, guiding him gently back into his room.

"You need to get dressed, stupid rat."

Yuki mumbled something into his shoulder before surprisingly turning and letting Kyou push him back into his room.

A few minutes later, the cat was watching Yuki grumpily straighten his tie in front of the mirror. He grabbed his jacket off the towel rack and attempted to pull it on, but winced when he jarred his shoulder. Kyou got up and helped him finish getting his jacket on. Yuki's gaze locked on him and the redhead blushed, looking at his hands as he buttoned the Rat's jacket up. Finally he looked up. Yuki's eyes were so warm now, and there was a slight smile on his face. For him. Kyou blushed even harder, but bravely pulled him by his jacket and kissed him clumsily. When he pulled away, Yuki was smiling even more. His amazing violet eyes were shining. Kyou just stared. The rat was so beautiful, but to have him smiling, at Kyou no less, was worth every bit of sacrifice of his pride.

"Um. We have to go. Tohru's waiting."

"Yeah."

However neither of them moved for a moment. It was new, but somehow it was comfortable. It seemed like this was the way it was always supposed to be.

Yuki let a hand trail up Kyou's thigh, before finally breaking from their propinquity. He made his way downstairs and Kyou took a few breaths before following him.

* * *

While Hatori was in seeing Akito, Momiji hobbled into the main family library with Haru. All the journals and history of the Junishi family was here. It was collected carefully, especially if any mention of the Junishi was involved, since they couldn't risk their secret bleeding into the general population. So this library had been around for hundreds of years. There had been two Every time a family member died, the books and papers were collected and anything of value was stored here. Of course, even members of the family were kept from the secret if they weren't directly involved with one of the 12 shii.

Beside letters and journals and financial and medical records, there were even quite a few books, written by various Sohma family members over the ages. Everything from information about the curse itself, to biographies of some of the more prominent family members.

Momiji was leaning on his crutches and scanning through the tomes busily. Unfortunately, the library was sadly in disuse. So many of the books were in the wrong place, and nothing was in any sort of logical order.

"Someone really needs to reorganize this place," Haru said, pulling a book out. "I don't think that 'Iterations of the Junishi Curse' belongs in the..." he squinted. "Financial records of Manami Sohma." He walked toward the end of the shelf, scanning the books. "Looks like she lived to be about 80. That's pretty good if she was one of the Junishi. She had a sake refinery. I wonder if it's that stuff they serve at the New Year's party."

Momiji huffed in frustration.

"Yukiya was certainly a popular name. Which one is it supposed to be?" He pulled out another book. "This one was definitely too old." He looked for a better place to put it back, but opted on putting it back where he found it. "These are so out of order, I can't even tell where I should look." He sighed and pulled out another book, before he heard a squeak. Looking up quickly, he focused on where the sound came from.

"The medical records seem to be in decent order at least," Haru remarked.

"Did you hear that?"

Haru looked up. "Hear what?"

"There was something..." He stood up and hopped toward the shelf where he heard the noise. Stabilizing himself on the shelf, he took a look. These all looked to be journals of various family members, but he focused on the one that was sticking out. It was hidden in a stack on top of the other shelved books. It was dark blue, with a silver tassel bookmark sticking out. Momiji pulled it down and opened it carefully as it was practically falling apart. A strong smell of must and old paper wafted out of it as he opened it.

"This is it," he breathed.

"How do you know?"

Momiji didn't say anything, as it sounded a little weird to say that he believed Yukiya helped him find it, though he was sure that was the case. He looked around. He felt nothing different, but he wondered how close Yukiya was right now. However he didn't see anything strange, or even feel the heaviness that he had felt the other times he had seen the ghost.

"Is there a date?"

Momiji carefully flipped to the last page. It was blank so he flipped back until he found some writing.

"The last entry was June 7th, 1958."

Haru scanned through the medical files and pulled out the one that looked right. Momiji in the meantime tried to make out the last entry. It was hard to read, since the writing was a bit faded and some of the characters were hard to make out.

_June 7__th__, 1958_

_I haven't written in a while. I haven't felt well. My 17 birthday wasn't very good and after that, I got sick. I had another fever. It didn't turn into pneumonia this time, thank goodness. Sora was really angry with me. He scared Kazue, when he tried to kiss her. She's older than I am, but I still feel like I need to protect her. She ran away from him. I went and challenged him. I told him to leave her alone. For one thing, he's ten years older than she is. She doesn't want anything to do with him. I know she really has a crush on that stupid horse (horse's ass more like it) instead, even though I think he's kind of a jerk. But Sora has no right to force her like that. He hit me. Hard. The cat was surprised that I did it though. No one is supposed to challenge Sora. But I don't care. I hate seeing my sister sad. Anyway, Sora said I can't have any friends over anymore. He's crazy. He doesn't want any of us to be happy. I don't know why. He acts so strange sometimes. He really scares me. But it felt really good challenging him. Oh well. I can still play with family, so a bunch of us are going to the lake tomorrow. Kei said he's definitely going to be there. I love him so much. He's always helped me and spent time with me, even when I get so sick. I like my school friends, but he's always been my best friend._

Momiji closed the book. Haru looked at him with concern.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know," Momiji sighed. "It's really weird reading about us. I mean it's not us, but these were previous incarnations of us kind of. It feels strange.

"Yeah. It is weird. It says here that the ox was a girl. She even got married."

Momiji giggled. "Haru was a housewife!" he teased in a singsong voice.

"No I wasn't. The ox was."

"Maybe that's why you make such pretty jewelry, Haru chaaaaan!"

Haru snapped quickly and pulled a startled Momiji to him by the collar, making him wince as he jarred his ankle a bit. There was evil in Haru's eyes and Momiji realized he had gone black.

"Maybe I need to show you how much of a man I am."

He kissed Momiji hard and Momiji kissed back excitedly. Though he was a bit annoyed that Haru only got this way when he was black, Momiji did enjoy the attention he got. As Haru's tongue found his, he sighed and wondered if he shouldn't goad Haru to going black more often.

Haru was just about to unbutton the blond boy's shirt when the door opened. Haru turned angrily.

"Would you mind, I'm a little busy here!"

Akito looked at the cow distastefully and walked in.

"I heard you were injured. I was worried. You must be more careful, though I'm pleased you came to visit me."

Momiji twiddled his thumbs. "Yes. We were waiting for Hari to finish first. We didn't want to bother you!"

"Hm.." Akito said, advancing on the two. "And what is it you're reading?" Momiji

"J...just some history. I have a school project. We have to report on our family lineage. I thought maybe I could get some information here."

This seemed to satisfy Akito. "I hope you're careful. You know how carefully we must guard our secret."

"Momiji, this guy is interrupting us," He turned to Akito and loomed over him. "Should I get rid of him?"

Akito glared. "Careful, idiot. I'm not in a patient mood."

Momiji teetered forward, pulling Haru away clumsily. "He went black, Akito-san. I'm sorry. Maybe we should just go home."

Akito snatched the book out of Momiji's hand, opening it and reading. His eyes narrowed, and Momiji thought he saw a flash of rage pass through the dark eyes, before he shut the book.

"Why are you reading this?"

Momiji squeaked. He couldn't back up without falling over at this point. "It was just something I picked up. I thought I might do a report on him... since he was about my age when he wrote this!" Momiji said, thinking quickly.

"He was nothing!" Akito spat acidly. "He was a traitor and a deceiver." He advanced on the blond menacingly. Haru stepped in front of Momiji.

"Hey! He's mine! Hands off!"

"Haru, control yourself!"

Hatori's sharp voice cut through the air like a knife, and suddenly Haru was white again. "What's wrong?" He said, confused. "Why is everyone so tense? Akito, are you okay?"

Akito sighed in frustration, but relaxed a bit. The danger was gone from his eyes and suddenly he seemed like a different person. "I hate it when he's like this. Take him and leave. I'm tired."

Hatori stood to the side and let Haru help Momiji past before following them toward the car.

"Momiji," Akito called. Momiji turned around apprehensively, the book clutched tightly in his hand.

"Yes, Akito?"

"I don't want you taking that book off Sohma property. We must guard our secret."

"I promise!" Momiji nodded. Akito seemed satisfied enough with this and Haru and Momiji made their way to the driveway.

They sat inside the car, waiting. Hatori was still talking to Akito at the threshold.

"Haru had gone white again, but he was now looking at the book he had in his hands when they had been caught."

"Momiji, this is crazy. The boy, Yukiya? He was the Junishi mouse. Guess how he died?"

Momiji gulped. "How?"

"He drown."

* There be lemon ahead, mateys. Most of the time, I will separate these into little oneshots that are part of the main story, but not necessary to it most of the time. As usual, you can find the lemony bits on my site. Thanks for reading!!! *


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